Catholic marrying a non believer

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My 27 year old daughter has been dating a non believer for over a year. She is a practicing Catholic, went to Catholic grade school, College, and Law School and considers her faith important to her, yet she has allowed this relationship to continue. I know she is very conflicted with how she is living, as she has broke down several times over the past year when discussing their relationship and his agnostic beliefs. Her BF is a very smart, nice person but he was not raised with Christian faith and does not see any point in it, as long as he’s a “good person”. He’s talking future with her and she seems to want that to, however she is tormented by his lack of faith and unwillingness to explore Christianity. Yet, their relationship continues…I have been praying for God to change his heart, and if that isn’t in God’s plan, that God would grant her the courage to walk away from him. I want to do more, but am not sure what I can say to get her to see the truth. Any advice?
 
Official statistic was 90% of interfaith marriages for Catholics end up in divorce…But I have met couples that made it work.
 
Hi @smos,

I married a non-Catholic, and he is a great husband.

Is he willing to raise the children Catholic? Does he hinder her practising her faith?
smos said:
She is tormented by his lack of faith and unwillingness to explore Christianity.
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This is something they need to talk about.

And if they were to marry, they would have to do a pre-marriage course anyway where these topics are usually explored.
 
Right now I think she’s seeing him through rose colored glasses. Love is blind! Good questions for her to ponder. It would be one thing if he was at least a Christian, but he was not raised with faith in Christ and doesn’t seem real open to exploring it. That is what is most troubling. She told me she always envisioned sharing her life with another Christian, and then she broke down. It breaks my heart to see her settling on an issue that should be a non negotiable.
 
I’m a 27 yo single Catholic woman, and I know how bleak the Catholic dating scene can seem, so I can sympathise with your daughter’s dilemma. She’s found someone who she finds attractive and who likes her and wants a future with her…but he’s not Catholic. And she probably really wishes that he were Catholic.

My biggest worry is that you’ve described her as being ‘conflicted’ and ‘tormented’. You say she’s ‘broken down several times’. She herself clearly does not have a great deal of peace about her relationship. Is that lack of peace something you can explore with her? Should she really be feeling like this if this guy is The One?
 
Is your husband a Christian? My main concern is that the BF is not a believer at all.
 
People really need to start understanding what marriage is about.
 
I think she’s been conflicted since the beginning. The do have a lot in common, but the one thing that should be at the top of the list, they are worlds apart. Your right that her lack of peace speaks volumes. That isn’t how true love should feel. Thank you for your insight. Praying that you find that special someone that God has chosen for you!
 
smos said:
Is your husband a Christian? My main concern is that the BF is not a believer at all.
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Nope, complete un-believer. 🌷

And he is very supported of me in my faith, my faith journey, and bringing our future children up in the faith.
 
Blessings
Continue praying!Embrace Him into the family. His good points could be seen by the family and the bad points can be seen by your daughter.
Love him w God’s Love. The Word of God does not return void. I have scriptures in my heart that bubble out in normal conversation. Look up some good ones.
The sinker in this is: CAN HE BE A GOOD CHRISTIAN FATHER TO YOUR CHILDREN?!
He can’t! They’ll watch DAD NOT GO to church! Why should they.
Lust is the first thing felt in all relationships. Saying NO, makes the shallow guy leave & the loving one stay.
Has she made a mistake of loving too much, thinking it would change his feelings??
This will be a hard lesson for her. SHE CANT CHANGE HIM! ONLY GOD CAN!
After having him come over a few times, ask him if he’d go to church w you. Prompt him first. Answer questions after mass. HE OWES YOU ONE OR TWO CHURCH VISITS, if he plans to have a life w your daughter. WHY IS HE AGNOSTIC? Get answers. Where does this age think the parents don’t have a right to third degree an intended??!!Remind your daughter, you are not an embarrassment to her. This is your job. You can’t advise, not knowing him.
God could be using her and you to save his soul introducing him to Christianity.? If he says .NO! She can’t expose her kids lives w/o God. To love kids. You must keep God around them. It is heaven or HELL! That world is sucking them in…
I married a Catholic! We didn’t get kids to CCD. We went to church. We were working.
4 kids! 1 believes & prays. No church. 2 believes, converted to Orthodoxy in REP. Of GEORGIA. Prays. Church attendance is weird? It’s a 3 hr stand up service! 3. Believes & maybe prays. No church. 4. Her husband was killed in Iraq. She turned Atheist…, Tell her think about the kids and heaven and hell.
By the way, if she has to leave, that may be the thing to change his heart. No going back unlessit is Real for him.
Hope that gives you some perspective
In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice

Lord Jesus Christ, most merciful Saviour of the world, we humbly beseech You, by Your most Sacred Heart, that all the sheep who stray out of Your fold may in one days be converted to You, the Shepherd and Bishop of their souls, who lives and reigns with God the Father in the unity of the Holy Spirit, world without end.
Amen.
Code: 
    The Original Full Version
God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.
 
Hi
A humorous answer is ASK SIRI. She knows all!!
God bless
Tweedlealice
 
I would suggest encouraging her to focus on their value systems. Do they mesh? Are they similar? Are there any values that they disagree on that are dealbreakers?

Shared religion can be a wonderful thing, but it isn’t a requirement necessarily for a wonderful marriage. Share value systems, in my experience, are.
 
Simple: Half a dozen priests told me, always the same number - citing a study. I took their word for it, but I can search or inquire at a latter time.
 
if a relationship is “tormenting” you then you need to not marry that person and end the relationship.

Doesn’t matter if the “torment” is over religion, or over the person watching 8 hours of sports every weekend.

A person who upsets you even before you are married to them is a real bad risk. He might be a great husband for the next girl in line who isn’t all upset by whatever it is he is doing.

Hope your daughter makes the right decisions. I’ll pray for her.
 
I married a non-believer and it ended in divorce. Religion was a big, big part in the divorce. When rough patches hit in the marriage he had no desire to go the church, or God for help. Not only that, at the end he ridiculed my faith and God (that’s when I found out he wasn’t just agnostic, he was an atheist the whole time).

Your daughter may make it work or maybe not. Depends on the person I suppose. Now my father was not Catholic, but he went to church with us every week and not once do I remember him ridiculing the Catholic faith. In the end, on his deathbed he was baptized Catholic. But I think he was a rarity.

If she is really serious about this man have her ask him if he would ever go to spiritual (Catholic) counseling with her if they were married and the marriage was falling apart. The answer would tell her everything she needs to know. It’s easy for a nonbeliever to go to a marriage ceremony at the Church where everyone is happy. But going to the Church for help where everyone is sad is a completely different story.
 
adgloriam said:
Simple: Half a dozen priests told me, always the same number - citing a study. I took their word for it, but I can search or inquire at a latter time.
Click to expand...
I’d appreciate it if you would, because sometimes it’s only through the grapevine. However, sometimes it’s not—either way, I like reading studies so please do! 🙂
 
smos said:
however she is tormented
by his lack of faith
and unwillingness to explore Christianity.
Click to expand...
I think she instinctively knows - trouble could be looming -
A foreboding feeling - from her very own inner Holy Spirit.
I know it must be a super sensitive issue …and this is just my take…

"yet she has allowed this relationship to continue. …( she’s too passive )
I know she is very conflicted ( her Holy Spirit could be warning her )
with how she is living, ( sin )
as she has broke down several times ( sad facade for her to play )
over the past year ( issues seem to be seriously coming to a head )
when discussing their relationship ( wants you to back her up )
and his - ( sounds dominant and macho )
agnostic beliefs. ( not Catholic )

Just my take. But it doesn’t sound like a very loving situation.
 
What a perfect way for fake news to spread: posting unsubstantiated info on a forum because “half a dozen priests told me”. Here is something I found with just a few seconds research:

When two Catholics marry, the divorce rate is 29% – happily, lower than one might have expected. Two Evanglical Protestants, 32%. Two Mainline Protestants, 42%.
But stay with the 29% rate for a Catholic-Catholic marriage. When a Catholic marries a None, the divorce rate goes down to 26%. But when a Catholic marries a Mainline Protestant, the divorce rate drops further, to 24%.

Source: Mixed Religious Traditions and Divorce Rates - PrayTellBlog
 
It sounds like she is having doubts already so I would try and guide her through them. I do get that there aren’t always a lot of Christian men available and this can be a real dilemma.
 
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