Catholic marrying a non believer

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Hi. One who does not believe here. My unbelieving wife and I are very happy but were we not and I was to consider a Catholic for a life partner issues I would see would be: 1) contraception (although we did use NFP to get pregnant!) 2) Likely disagreement over some policy issues; 3) My interest in religious belief which could lead to fairly constant questioning. In my experience many Catholics are not much interested in their faith and practice it more than they think about it). 4) I’d be upset if she could not get on with my gay friends & relatives and their families. 5) We might fight over who gets to read the English translation of the 1917 Code of Canon Law (yes I have one!) 6) My existing wife can be quite fierce as can my children. On the plus side there would be no problem about getting married in the Church since my wife and I do not have a valid Catholic marriage. I would have no problem with a partner practising a religion - Church-going, praying (quietly, not when I’m watching TV etc) or having religious discussions in my presence. However as noted before, I might take part! I don’t mind religious symbolism around the house except crucifixes because to me they show the tortured death of a man. I like Maddona and child images.
 
This is all fine for you, but the thread is about the daughter of the OP and her own feelings.
Not about how you personally could or could not marry a Catholic or anybody else.

Based on the OP’s post, it sounds like the daughter is really bothered by the idea of having a non-believing husband. I note that it’s not just a case of his being non-Catholic; he is non-believing, which to me is a significant difference. I myself was okay with marrying a man who strongly believed in Jesus and had been baptized, but was not Catholic. It would have been much harder for me to marry a non-Christian, and probably impossible for me to make myself marry a non-believer.

However, this thread is not about me either, but again, about the OP’s daughter.

Like I said, if you are troubled by your possible marriage partner to the point where it is upsetting you - and not just because your parent is bothered by it, but really upsetting YOU, the person who’s going to get married, personally - then you need to end it.

You’re going to have enough stuff to deal with over the course of a long marriage without starting out under the handicap of the person’s beliefs or habits really troubling you from the get-go.

There may be some Catholic girl out there who could successfully and happily marry an agnostic and just keep praying that he “came around” and keep practicing her faith and raising the kids in her faith despite the husband’s agnosticism. If Daughter is not that girl, then she needs to walk away.
 
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I do actually, and the link you posted is not a study but of the Cardinal Patriarch of Lisbon, José Policarpo saying (and I am quoting from the article) “Take care of your sweethearts, think twice about marrying a Muslim, think very seriously, and get into a lot of trouble that Allah does not know where they end up.”

Where is the study?
 
Seagull said:
I don’t mind religious symbolism around the house

except crucifixes

because to me they show the tortured death of a man.

A little bit off topic - and oddball !
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Why so? I was assuming a Catholic would want one on the wall. I don’t because of what it shows (not what it represents to Catholics).
 
smos said:
My 27 year old daughter has been dating a non believer for over a year. She is a practicing Catholic, went to Catholic grade school, College, and Law School and considers her faith important to her, yet she has allowed this relationship to continue. I know she is very conflicted with how she is living, as she has broke down several times over the past year when discussing their relationship and his agnostic beliefs. Her BF is a very smart, nice person but he was not raised with Christian faith and does not see any point in it, as long as he’s a “good person”. He’s talking future with her and she seems to want that to, however she is tormented by his lack of faith and unwillingness to explore Christianity. Yet, their relationship continues…I have been praying for God to change his heart, and if that isn’t in God’s plan, that God would grant her the courage to walk away from him. I want to do more, but am not sure what I can say to get her to see the truth. Any advice?
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You said she is conflicted, tormented and broke down several times agonizing about this relationship. Regardless of what religion the boyfriend is, those are reasons enough to take a serious assessment on the relationship. If those issues cannot be resolved, then she should be brave to consider that it just does not work. Marriage is for the long term, the feeling good when one is in love is fine but feeling does not last if there are huge obstacles that can arise during the marriage.

Mixed marriages is not necessarily bad and therefore that should not be the criteria not to get married. However, there are important considerations that need to be agreed first. If she feels strongly about religious belief, that is an important factor for her.

I suggest she should have a frank discussion with the boyfriend regarding her religious belief and practice after marriage. How far is she allowed to follow them in the family? The boyfriend preferably needs to address this issue and what is his stand on it.

God bless.
 
What does he think about NFP?

Not that we need to know. But she does!
 
I am so grateful to God for you all for your great insight and for this forum. You have confirmed many of the concerns that I have that, and frankly that I’m sure my daughter is having, based on how conflicted she is. Lots of good stuff for discussion with her and issues for her to discuss with her BF. One other issue that has made this tricky, is that she lives 4 hours away in another state and doesn’t have a lot of friends there as she works so much. Her BF has provided steady companionship that she was missing since graduating law school. I think that’s part of the reason why she has chosen to continue with a relationship that she knows in her heart, is not consistent with her values.
 
Don’t feel bad.It is too late.If she is 27 old and going steady with this BF since one year,you can’t now change her.Her faith was clearly not strong enough otherwise she wouldn’t have dared to go so far.Tell her plainly and calmly that you will never reconcile with it but will continue to love her as a daughter and will pray to God for change of her mind . Don’t object her if she wants to marry this BF because it will be impossible to change her mind now.He may come to the Catholic faith seeing your devotion to Jesus and to the Church which means you should start living an ideal Catholic life to the extent possible ,not only for your you own salvation but to bear witness before others.May God help you.
 
LittleFlower said:
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adgloriam:
Official statistic was 90% of interfaith marriages for Catholics end up in divorce
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Please provide a reference for that claim.
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One random example:
inter-ethnic marriages are found to last less than co-ethnic ones: about 6.5 years.
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adgloriam said:
US statistic pertain to the US.

[A Catholic marries only once, can’t put Elizabeth Taylor into that category.]
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I’m no statistician, but it would take some outrageous numbers to change the rate from about 25-30% to over 90%. I can’t find anything on the web that holds up a 90% rate anywhere. It all hovers in the above range.

I’d love to know what study this is and how old it is.
 
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She’s 27 so little you can do.

Make your justified feeling known because it’ll be an even bigger issue once kids show up. But also let her know you’ll back any decision she’s made 100% and will try to love him as a son if she picks him anyway.
 
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The biggest problem here is that she is so unhappy. She really needs to sit down and talk about this with her partner - and then maybe she will have to make some difficult decisions.
 
adgloriam said:
The UK is no longer a EU member - and they always did things very differently.
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They are still an EU member, they have not left the EU yet.
adgloriam said:
So advocating “inter-faith” marriage by way of US statistics hides the nuance and challenges such a life (long?) decision implies and entails.
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I wasn’t advocating interfaith marriages. Unsure who or what you are referring to.

I’m clinking out now, as the OP has said the thread has helped her. 🌷
 
adgloriam said:
The UK is no longer a EU member - and they always did things very differently.
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Please check your news.

Brexit hasn’t officially occurred yet. It’s a process.

The UK isn’t scheduled to officially leave the EU until midnight on 30 March 2019 British local time (so 11 pm European time on the 29th). They’re still an EU member until then, and they will still be counted in any EU-level stats from any time before then.

And what do you mean by “they always did things very differently”? A stat is a stat. The one thing that may make US stats dramatically different (as in, higher, maybe? Just speculation) is that we have no-fault divorce. That’s not the rule everywhere else.
 
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If he’s talking future with her, then she needs to talk to him seriously about how that future will play out, will he agree to marrying in the church and raising the children catholic. That would be a deal breaker for me. And if he agrees to that, it has to be full-on agreement, no arguing later about how she takes them to church all the time, how she teaches them about the faith. She will need to be very strong about this.
 
Pup7 said:
The UK isn’t scheduled to officially leave the EU until midnight on 30 March 2019 British local time (so 11 pm European time on the 29th). They’re still an EU member until then, and they will still be counted in any EU-level stats from any time before then.
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And even after that there’s a transition period. We won’t be out until 2021, according to the current timetable [offtopic, sorry].
 
I feel this needs to be considered. There IS the possibility the interfaith thing doesn’t bother the daughter as much as her strongly Catholic parent is lead to believe. I don’t know what the relationship is like but it’s possible when the daughter visits home she’s confronted with all this and is, in the moment, upset, but that it doesn’t bother her as much outside of that.
 
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