Catholic Meeting/Singles websites

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Godfollower said:
And who wouldn’t want to read more about you, I ask?

I see what you mean about Catholic Match; I just went onto that site, and poof! I had very specific information – including pictures and logon activity – immediately available, without even signing up for the service. (But what do you mean by it being too casual? As in “not looking for marriage” or as in “not serious about being Catholic”?).

I’ve taken a look at Ave Maria Singles, and my initial reaction is that I’m not sure I agree with their don’t-worry-about-geography requirement. They seem to be pretty serious about it, even directing men not to ask women in whom they’re interested about where they’re from. I would have a serious problem relocating for someone I was dating; my licenses are geographic, and it would mean starting over in my career at the least. Even in the real world I’ve bumped into “geographically undesirable” women, where the commute to meet them would mean hours spent in rush hour traffic. So there are issues with the site. On the other hand, AMS is clearly not a hook-up site, and it should result in religiously compatible matches, unlike some other sites I could name. Plus, with SacredCello as a member, it can’t be all bad!🙂

Catholic Singles seems promising, in that the searches allow selectivity based on some useful common issues: smoking, pets, use of money, etc. – beyond merely can-you-marry-in-the-church questions. On the other hand (and it may be just my interpretation here), it seems like there are a lot of less-orthodox members, though at least that’s one category you can use when searching (“as a Catholic I am … conservative / liberal / moderate / etc.”).

With both Ave Maria Singles and Catholic Singles, I ran into a pet peeve of mine: I had to search for a while before finding the price (not that price is really that much of an issue; it’s just that the cynic in me gets riled when that sort of thing isn’t easily found). Catholic Match appears to be free, though that may just be more poor price communication.

As you might have guessed, I’ve never used an online dating service, and I’m still interested in people’s opinions about the various sites. Clearly they all have success stories, so I guess it’s just a matter of getting into my comfort zone.
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You are funny AND smart, Godfollower.

What you say is true about there being success stories to all the various online dating services. In fact, if geography is a big issue, you might find more success with Catholic Match. However, you never know which lady might be willing to relocate. If you’ve already narrowed down the dating pool to your area, you might be missing out! 🙂

I like the privacy of Ave Maria Singles, like I said. And, also, I like the depth of the profile questions. It’s not just a one-pager for nominal Catholics looking to hook up. Hmm, perhaps that isn’t a fair assessment of Catholic Match. I don’t know, because I haven’t tried that one, nor any others, for that matter. I also don’t know anything about the business practices or the owner of Catholic Match. But the guy who started Ave Maria Singles is clearly being led by the Holy Spirit, in my opinion.

The price for AMS membership is $184, as of June 1, 07, but it is a one-time fee, so you can take all the time that is needed. In my case, it looks like it’s going to be a long and windy road. Once I signed on and was able to do searches, I realized, to my dismay, that there was no one, even in my state, whom I was interested in. Anyway, I’m not sure what the fee is for other sites, but pretty sure that it is a monthly renewal with deals for longer membership. Is it free? I guess I don’t know.

I will be interested to know what you decide, Godfollower. 🙂
 
Godfollower said:
And who wouldn’t want to read more about you, I ask?

I see what you mean about Catholic Match; I just went onto that site, and poof! I had very specific information – including pictures and logon activity – immediately available, without even signing up for the service. (But what do you mean by it being too casual? As in “not looking for marriage” or as in “not serious about being Catholic”?).

I’ve taken a look at Ave Maria Singles, and my initial reaction is that I’m not sure I agree with their don’t-worry-about-geography requirement. They seem to be pretty serious about it, even directing men not to ask women in whom they’re interested about where they’re from. I would have a serious problem relocating for someone I was dating; my licenses are geographic, and it would mean starting over in my career at the least. Even in the real world I’ve bumped into “geographically undesirable” women, where the commute to meet them would mean hours spent in rush hour traffic. So there are issues with the site. On the other hand, AMS is clearly not a hook-up site, and it should result in religiously compatible matches, unlike some other sites I could name. Plus, with SacredCello as a member, it can’t be all bad!🙂

Catholic Singles seems promising, in that the searches allow selectivity based on some useful common issues: smoking, pets, use of money, etc. – beyond merely can-you-marry-in-the-church questions. On the other hand (and it may be just my interpretation here), it seems like there are a lot of less-orthodox members, though at least that’s one category you can use when searching (“as a Catholic I am … conservative / liberal / moderate / etc.”).

With both Ave Maria Singles and Catholic Singles, I ran into a pet peeve of mine: I had to search for a while before finding the price (not that price is really that much of an issue; it’s just that the cynic in me gets riled when that sort of thing isn’t easily found). Catholic Match appears to be free, though that may just be more poor price communication.

As you might have guessed, I’ve never used an online dating service, and I’m still interested in people’s opinions about the various sites. Clearly they all have success stories, so I guess it’s just a matter of getting into my comfort zone.
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You end up paying to communicate with Catholic Match. Winks are free, but one of the two of you needs to be a paying member to IM. They have their own Instant Message service if you choose to use it. To email both of you need to be paying members.

There is also a form section similar to this which you can meet people there, but there are many who are not interested in dating and only are there for the pay-to-chat option on their boards.
 
I have had some experience with these Catholic singles sites, Catholic Match and Catholic Singles.

Catholic Singles is not bad. I think the searching is okay and I like the criteria.

Catholic Match (owned by 4marks) is a commercial enterprise that pretends to be Catholic but appears to be, in reality, schismatic favoring traditionalism. Sadly, the management there exemplifies the worst in the Traditionalist movement, not the best.

They have a forum there that is completely unmoderated and out of control. They have some rules, but enforcement, when it happens at all, is uneven and there is clear and obvious favoritism. For example, some married couples who met via Catholic Match and are self-proclaimed “friends” of the administration, still have logins, post to the forums, search other members profiles and participate fully in the web site. (Ask yourself why does a web site to help Catholics meet other Catholics for romance permit married people to participate?")

I actually know people who have been banned from the site for **reporting **(not making but reporting!) posts that clearly broke forum rules made by these and other “friends” of Catholic Match administration. Another person I know was banned for reporting too many posts in their out-of-control forum. And he reported fewer than 10 in a 3 month period! But he was not a friend of the Administrators because he made posts criticizing the use pornography and encouraging chastity while dating. (This is not hear-say, I know this first hand.) In short, I would discourage patronizing Catholic Match.
 
Godfollower said:
So, hypothetically speaking, what if, say, the guy were, oh, let’s just pick a random number here, I guess, shucks, around maybe 42 years old?
:blushing:
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Online flirting is kind of fun… but, you could send me a private message, if you are interested. 😉
 
rpp said:
I have had some experience with these Catholic singles sites, Catholic Match and Catholic Singles.

Catholic Singles is not bad. I think the searching is okay and I like the criteria.

Catholic Match (owned by 4marks) is a commercial enterprise that pretends to be Catholic but appears to be, in reality, schismatic favoring traditionalism. Sadly, the management there exemplifies the worst in the Traditionalist movement, not the best.

They have a forum there that is completely unmoderated and out of control. They have some rules, but enforcement, when it happens at all, is uneven and there is clear and obvious favoritism. For example, some married couples who met via Catholic Match and are self-proclaimed “friends” of the administration, still have logins, post to the forums, search other members profiles and participate fully in the web site. (Ask yourself why does a web site to help Catholics meet other Catholics for romance permit married people to participate?")

I actually know people who have been banned from the site for **reporting **(not making but reporting!) posts that clearly broke forum rules made by these and other “friends” of Catholic Match administration. Another person I know was banned for reporting too many posts in their out-of-control forum. And he reported fewer than 10 in a 3 month period! But he was not a friend of the Administrators because he made posts criticizing the use pornography and encouraging chastity while dating. (This is not hear-say, I know this first hand.) In short, I would discourage patronizing Catholic Match.
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I do find their forums a bit lame at times. However, I am dating someone I met on there.
 
Well I can’t say anything meaningful about who owns and runs CatholicMatch, but having been a member of both them and CatholicSingles, I would say they both have their good points and bad points. I would say the 7 questions of Catholic Match (i.e. they list 7 essential teachings of the church and you indicate whether you agree or not) gives a better feel the how orthodox a person is than the liberal-moderate-conservative listing of Catholic Singles. I also like the winks of Catholic Match… its how I met my current girlfriend (whom I am very serious about and she seems very serious about me too).

I think the thing to keep in mind is that any dating site, Catholic or not, is merely a tool to facilitate meeting people. Obviously some sites are right out by their very nature for Catholics (i.e. a site for Jewish Singles) but the Holy Spirit can work through any site. Ultimately a dating site is not a replacement for proper discernment. Once a couple meet and decide they have that certain something that makes them want to see more of each other, they need to really take time to explore their strengths and weaknesses as a couple. My GF and I are currently trying to do that right now. It is our great hope that we will have addressed any and all of the questions that often arise in precanna should we get to the point where we are engaged. Its not easy sometimes, but I think it is good for us as a whole. Also, praying together is a good thing as well :).

–
Bill
 
I met my husband on Ave Maria Singles and highly recommend the site. 👍 Sure I was on there a couple of years…but my husband was DEFINITELY worth the wait. :love:

Oh, and about the geography thing…we were on opposite sides of the US…literally. But he moved down…and…well here we are! 🙂 If marriage is your vocation, don’t let geography stop you in finding that perfect soul He’s chosen for you… I mean after you’ve corresponded with someone for awhile you’ll have a feeling if they are the right one. And if they are, distance is not going to be a big hurdle in God’s plan for the two of you.🙂

So my big advice to people worried about distance is to be honest with themselves first–are they truly open to who God’s chosen for them–even if it means some uprooting? How a person answers that question demonstrates their priorities in pursuing that vocation… Now I know some people have family ties that can’t be ignored, etc. But about the other concerns of changing careers and locations, I’d say if marriage is your vocation those things are NOT the deciding factors in who you marry. And I think that is what Ave Maria Singles is getting at…
 
Sierrah said:
Then there’s also the old saying that God helps those who help themselves…I still think it’s a numbers game. 😦
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That saying “God helps those who helps themselves” isn’t in the Bible, and I think it’s contrary to the nature of God as revealed to us. God didn’t wait for humanity to start helping itself out of sin before sending His Son. God helped us before we could help ourselves.
 
I haven’t ruled out joining a website, but I haven’t done so yet. I have a few reservations about Ave Maria singles, after checking out the website.
1 The comment that NFP can only be used for brief periods of time and in grave situations seemed to be a little bit more than what the Church teaches about NFP, as though it was implying that NFP was a last resort. It made me feel as though, by joining the site, I was committing to having 8 kids. I don’t want 8 kids. I want 3 or 4, maybe 5. But more than that, I’d prefer to pray every month about what God wanted us to do with regards to our fertility, and I would have preferred for AMS to say something in regards to that.
2 I’m not sure how willing I am to date someone outside the US. As much as I’d like to believe that “love conquers all,” I know that an international relationship has a lot of extra problems and needs a lot of extra work. And I’m lazy.
3 There’s always the possibility that I might not be Catholic enough for the people on that site. For example:
a I have never been to the Tridentine Mass
b I wear pants, and sleeveless shirts on occasion in the summer.
c I have never been to a pro-life march, and I really don’t have any intention ever to go to one. I’d feel very uncomfortable at one.
d Becoming Catholic sadly hasn’t prevented me from laughing at South Park, on occasion.
e I still swear, though I try not to do so very often.

I would not be completely against joining AMS, but those were three concerns that popped into my head when I checked out the site. Haven’t joined any other site, but would not be opposed to do so.
 
Valient Lucy,

The profile which you create on AMS can address all of the things you mentioned. It just depends on how much you want to write and divulge about yourself and your beliefs. Your sense of humor is delightful, and would probably make you stand out as someone interesting to meet.

You are definitely not committing to having 8 kids if you sign up. 😃 There are a few people on the site who openly state that they think contraception is ok, even though that is not the norm. Most people answer the question about children by saying that they want as many as God intends for them.

You could write to or receive communication from someone in another country, but it doesn’t mean that you or they are obliged to pursue it. The other person might be lazy, too! 🙂

For the record, I have never been to a pro-life march, nor a Tridentine Mass and I wear pants and sleeveless shirts and occasionally swear. Welcome to the club! 👍

I just happen to like the privacy of AMS…only members can view your profile.
valient_Lucy said:
I haven’t ruled out joining a website, but I haven’t done so yet. I have a few reservations about Ave Maria singles, after checking out the website.
1 The comment that NFP can only be used for brief periods of time and in grave situations seemed to be a little bit more than what the Church teaches about NFP, as though it was implying that NFP was a last resort. It made me feel as though, by joining the site, I was committing to having 8 kids. I don’t want 8 kids. I want 3 or 4, maybe 5. But more than that, I’d prefer to pray every month about what God wanted us to do with regards to our fertility, and I would have preferred for AMS to say something in regards to that.
2 I’m not sure how willing I am to date someone outside the US. As much as I’d like to believe that “love conquers all,” I know that an international relationship has a lot of extra problems and needs a lot of extra work. And I’m lazy.
3 There’s always the possibility that I might not be Catholic enough for the people on that site. For example:
a I have never been to the Tridentine Mass
b I wear pants, and sleeveless shirts on occasion in the summer.
c I have never been to a pro-life march, and I really don’t have any intention ever to go to one. I’d feel very uncomfortable at one.
d Becoming Catholic sadly hasn’t prevented me from laughing at South Park, on occasion.
e I still swear, though I try not to do so very often.

I would not be completely against joining AMS, but those were three concerns that popped into my head when I checked out the site. Haven’t joined any other site, but would not be opposed to do so.
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I met my husband online at Ave Maria Singles.com but I belonged to pretty much all the catholic dating websites. Out of them all, I think I liked AMS the best…but maybe that’s just because it’s the one I met my DH on 😃

I think the catholic dating websites are a good idea, especially for people like me who live in an area that seems overrun with liberals who wanted to meet someone a little more conservative like myself.
 
valient_Lucy said:
That saying “God helps those who helps themselves” isn’t in the Bible, and I think it’s contrary to the nature of God as revealed to us. God didn’t wait for humanity to start helping itself out of sin before sending His Son. God helped us before we could help ourselves.
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I think we need to be careful about distinguishing against the grace of Salvation which is a gift that only can come from God and can in no way be earned by Man, and other sorts of grace such as a partner in life. The New Testament is filled with people who made an effort to come to Jesus to receive healing. In that sense God was helping those who took an effort to help themselves. I don’t think it is unCatholic to believe that is wrong to just sit around and wait for God to make our lives better, rather we should go out there and do our best to put ourselves in a position where God can make our lives better.

Remember the man on the roof of his house when the river was flooding.

First a boat came along and the guy driving the boat said the river is flooding come on and get out of here. The man replied I believe in God, God will save me.

Then a second boat came along and again they begged the man to get in the boat. Again the man replied that he believed in God and God would save him.

Finally a helicopter came and the pilot begged the man that it was the last chance, he had to get in. The man refused saying that he believed in God, God loved him and God would save him.

Ultimately the river rose over the roof of the house and the man drowned. When he got to heaven he went and saw God. He God, its not that I am ungrateful about being in heaven but how come you didn’t save me when I was on my roof? God replied, what are you talking about, I sent two boats and a helicopter?

So the question is, are these dating sites really two boats and a helicopter for Catholics with a vocation to marriage?

–
Bill
 
mchale said:
I think we need to be careful about distinguishing against the grace of Salvation which is a gift that only can come from God and can in no way be earned by Man, and other sorts of grace such as a partner in life. The New Testament is filled with people who made an effort to come to Jesus to receive healing. In that sense God was helping those who took an effort to help themselves. I don’t think it is unCatholic to believe that is wrong to just sit around and wait for God to make our lives better, rather we should go out there and do our best to put ourselves in a position where God can make our lives better.

Remember the man on the roof of his house when the river was flooding.

First a boat came along and the guy driving the boat said the river is flooding come on and get out of here. The man replied I believe in God, God will save me.

Then a second boat came along and again they begged the man to get in the boat. Again the man replied that he believed in God and God would save him.

Finally a helicopter came and the pilot begged the man that it was the last chance, he had to get in. The man refused saying that he believed in God, God loved him and God would save him.

Ultimately the river rose over the roof of the house and the man drowned. When he got to heaven he went and saw God. He God, its not that I am ungrateful about being in heaven but how come you didn’t save me when I was on my roof? God replied, what are you talking about, I sent two boats and a helicopter?

So the question is, are these dating sites really two boats and a helicopter for Catholics with a vocation to marriage?

–
Bill
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The purpose of my post wasn’t really to say that I think that the online sites are bad. While I haven’t used one (yet) I am in no way opposed to them, and I have (and still think) about joining them. In fact, I sometimes get a little annoyed at people who feel that they should just sit around and wait around for God to drop someone in their lap.

My comment was more about the response to the quote “God helps those who helps themselves” and why I’ve never really liked that quote. I’m sorry if it came out that I felt that I think that the websites are bad. The comment really had nothing to do with online dating at all. I guess I should have clarified that.
 
valient_Lucy said:
That saying “God helps those who helps themselves” isn’t in the Bible, and I think it’s contrary to the nature of God as revealed to us. God didn’t wait for humanity to start helping itself out of sin before sending His Son. God helped us before we could help ourselves.
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So, what you are saying is that I should have stayed in bed this morning because God will provide me money without me doing anything?
 
gam3rchic said:
I think the catholic dating websites are a good idea, especially for people like me who live in an area that seems overrun with liberals who wanted to meet someone a little more conservative like myself.
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Yes, precisely. And, also someone who is genuine about practicing their faith.
 
valient_Lucy said:
That saying “God helps those who helps themselves” isn’t in the Bible, and I think it’s contrary to the nature of God as revealed to us. God didn’t wait for humanity to start helping itself out of sin before sending His Son. God helped us before we could help ourselves.
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It doesn’t have to be in the Bible…

There’s an old saying: “Work as if everything depended on you, pray as if everything depended on God”. You need to cover both bases, otherwise it could just be a cover for our own laziness.

As the Quigley motto goes: “Ora et labora”.
valient_Lucy said:
In fact, I sometimes get a little annoyed at people who feel that they should just sit around and wait around for God to drop someone in their lap.
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Agreed.
 
Norseman82 said:
It doesn’t have to be in the Bible…

There’s an old saying: “Work as if everything depended on you, pray as if everything depended on God”. You need to cover both bases, otherwise it could just be a cover for our own laziness.

As the Quigley motto goes: “Ora et labora”.

Agreed.
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If I remember correctly, the quote comes from Benjamin Franklin. That’s why I don’t like the quote very much, because to me, it stems from Deism, and I have a strong tendency towards Deism myself, always have.

I should probably explain what I mean by a tendency of Deism. I have a tendency to believe that Deism is right about God, that He created the world and then left us on our own. It’s my bitter, cynical side. It’s a battle to convince myself that this is not true.
 
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