Catholic-Protestant Marriages

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Hi kamz,

In an earlier message in this forum I mentioned that my Baptist wife entered the Church after we had been married about 25 years. Through those years there wasn’t anything ‘**I’ **could do to pursuade her to consider the Catholic faith. Actually I was quite luke-warm myself during those years. And then my wife found Mother Angelica on EWTN and was led my Mother’s simple but ardent faith into the Church. To this day my wife claims that she is a Mother Angelica convert! Of course I’m sure that the Holy Spirit had something to do with my wife’s conversion.

Anyway, keep praying and you may see your husband come home too:)

TonyG
 
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amills:
I have been married 21 years to a Protestant. We agreed before we were married that I would raise the children Catholic. I look at all the blessings God has given me in this marriage. I concentrate soley on the good and try hard not to dwell on how nice other couples of the same faith seem to have it. I think they have their own difficulties.

I have seen my brothers and sisters married to Catholics and do not know their faith as well because they are not challenged and do not have to. I might not be constantly looking to learn my faith and teach it so well to my children were it not for my Protestant husband.

It is not my job to convert my husband. That is God’s job. I only can pray for him and live my faith to the fullest. Who would be praying for him if I were not married to him? Who would be a Catholic example to him? St. Monica prayed 30 years for her son to convert. I think how much longer I may have to pray for I am not a great saint. He is such a wonderful person - but where would he be without my faith as a guidance in how he lives his life?

What a wonderful blessing it is to be married to a Protestant. What a great challenge God gives to me on a day to day basis. I am thankful that God walks with me and he is the third person in my marriage.
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Deffinitely a cross to bear. Prayers do wonders, look what happened to me. 😃 Good lucj and God bless you. And just think maybe you marrying a protestant was Gods way for you to help ,by prayers, to bring someone else home.
 
I’ve been married to a non-practicing baptist for almost 8 years. Our religious differences were certainly a struggle for us in the beginning of our relationship, but that’s what forced me to seek understanding of the Catholic faith. I wouldn’t marry him unless he agreed to be married in my church and allow me to raise our kids Catholic. It was a hard thing for him to agree to, but he did and he’s been wonderful about it ever since. He has never tried to interfere in the kids Catholic upbringing (although his mom has :mad: ), in fact, I’d say he’s very supportive since he’s cooperating in sending them to Catholic schools even though it’s a huge financial sacrifice for us. There’s a million things he’d rather do with that money!

The thing that I think is amusing is that his father’s side of the family is pretty much non-religous people living sinful lives. But I believe almost every single one of his Dads brother’s married a lapsed Catholic. DH’s brother married a lapsed Catholic, and DH married me, the only strong practicing Catholic. I see a divine plan here, I don’t know how it’s going to work out, but I don’t think this was a coincidence. I have been praying for his conversion, along with his whole family since I’ve met him and I believe that he’s slowly softening to the Faith. Who knows, maybe my son will be called to the priesthood and he’ll convert them all! That’s my hope and prayer.
but as far as interfaith marriage, I do see this as God’s plan. I believe God wanted me with DH for a reason and I’m more than willing to play along in his plan. But that’s not to say it’s not hard. It’s very lonely going to Mass without my husband. It makes me sad very often, and this has been my main struggle in our marriage. But the only comfort that I have is praying before the Blessed Sacrament that one day he will be joining us in that communion line!
 
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amills:
I have been married 21 years to a Protestant. We agreed before we were married that I would raise the children Catholic. I look at all the blessings God has given me in this marriage. I concentrate soley on the good and try hard not to dwell on how nice other couples of the same faith seem to have it. I think they have their own difficulties.

I have seen my brothers and sisters married to Catholics and do not know their faith as well because they are not challenged and do not have to. I might not be constantly looking to learn my faith and teach it so well to my children were it not for my Protestant husband.

It is not my job to convert my husband. That is God’s job. I only can pray for him and live my faith to the fullest. Who would be praying for him if I were not married to him? Who would be a Catholic example to him? St. Monica prayed 30 years for her son to convert. I think how much longer I may have to pray for I am not a great saint. He is such a wonderful person - but where would he be without my faith as a guidance in how he lives his life?

What a wonderful blessing it is to be married to a Protestant. What a great challenge God gives to me on a day to day basis. I am thankful that God walks with me and he is the third person in my marriage.
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Quote) It is not my job to convert my husband. That is God’s job. I only can pray for him and live my faith to the fullest. Who would be praying for him if I were not married to him? Who would be a Catholic example to him? St. Monica prayed 30 years for her son to convert. I think how much longer I may have to pray for I am not a great saint. He is such a wonderful person - but where would he be without my faith as a guidance in how he lives his life?

What a wonderful blessing it is to be married to a Protestant. What a great challenge God gives to me on a day to day basis. I am thankful that God walks with me and he is the third person in my marriage.
This is beautiful AMills!!! I feel the same way. My husband was not Catholic, he was raised Lutheran. He was the most moral and upright man I have ever met and strong in his Christianity. He promised to raise our children Catholic and attend Mass with me and later our family. I never pushed him, but by living my faith and setting the example he converted after 13 years of marriage. Three years later he is now very involved in the parish and impresses me with his thirst for knowledge about the Church.

I think it’s foolish to say that one shouldn’t marry outside the Church, I think it’s much more important to marry someone with the same moral values and integrity in which you want to live your life.
 
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DaveBj:
I wish I could bang it into young people’s heads (and old people’s, too): If you really believe your faith, don’t marry outside it; you’re only asking for trouble!!!

When I married my Catholic wife (1970), I was a practicing sinner (and very good at it, too). I had undergone a childhood “conversion” experience and had been baptized in a manner recognized by the Catholic Church, so there was nothing to impede the marriage, and we were married by the Syracuse University Catholic chaplain with a full nuptial mass (an experience for my old-time Pentecostal mother).

Subsequently, I had a genuine conversion experience 28 years ago and am currently a Southern Baptist; however, I am seriously looking into conversion to the Catholic Church by next Easter. My wife, on the other hand, came out of the Catholic Church about 15 years after we were married, and now she is hostile to all things Catholic.
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UPDATE:

My wife has been reading my books, and she has come to the conclusion that she needs to come back to Rome!!! So she has an appt with the pastor towards the end of the month for a first-time-in-a-long-time confession and then a complete reconciliation. She’s already started going back to Mass.

My plan is to make the break from our SoBap church at the end of the month (I’m committed to a major choir program). I’ll be meeting with the pastor myself, and if I can fast-track the process, fine; otherwise, I’ll be going thru RCIA and coming in next Easter.

One year ago, who’d a-thunk it? Thank You, :bowdown: Lord!

DaveBj
 
I have been married over thirty-six years to a cradle catholic. The first eighteen years of our marriage we worshpped in Protestant churches…Episcopal, Presbyterian and Lutheran. I was raised in the Methodist Church with lots of Baptist influences.
**Eighteen years into our marriage, my husband decided to return to the Church…The kids and I went with him…I became the classic convert, full of zeal for my new faith…I even earned a Master of Arts in Relicion at a Catholic institution, and have taught in the RCIA program for years. **
**Three years ago my husband left the Church again…Hurt and angry, as most who leave are. He has no real understanding of the faiht, and is thrilled and happy in his new Evangelical church. **
**I attend some services and a Sunday School class with my husband, but also attend Mass at my parish. I do not receive communion in his church. **
This is working for us, but it does have its moments! I, and my friends, are praying that E. will “come home”. I do not ever push him, but try to live a Catholic life…
**The funny thing is that when we attend our Sunday School class, E. is always very interested in hearing my Catholic point of view on things, which I gently express whenever the opportunity arises. This suggests to me that he is not as closed to the Catholic faith as he thinks he is. **
While we are doing OK, I realize that we would be doing much better if we were both solid in the same faith…The Catholic faith…Please pray, with me, that this will happen someday.
 
This certainly is a thread I feel I can respond to! Sit back…this may get lengthy!
Eleven years ago my husband and I were planning our wedding. He was raised Catholic…I, Missouri Synod Lutheran. Neither of us were practicing our faith. My parents would only pay for the wedding if it was held in a Lutheran church. No problem! We went to see a priest, per my husband’s stipulation, to get a dispensation. I signed some piece of paper saying that I would try my best to raise our children in the Catholic faith. No problem! I didn’t really care because as I said, we weren’t practicing our faith. { We did have a daughter at that time…out of wedlock…and she had been baptized Catholic…In my eyes, she was baptized Christian…I didn’t mind.}
About 2 years later, we had a son, who was baptized Catholic…still not practicing our faith. Then something happened. I had an allergic reaction to some raw nuts (which I had eaten all my life) and my throat swolled shut. The only thing I remember about the ambulance ride is when I looked out the back window as we passed the Lutheran church I had rarely attended. It was a sign. I started going to the church regularly and then started taking the children with me…why not? My husband wasn’t taking them. I had them in Sunday School. They loved it. My husband complained about it but didn’t have any ground to stand on as he wasn’t attending church himself.
Then something happened to my husband…actually two things. He was in an accident and went head on into a tree…got out with just a few scratches. A couple months later, his grandmother passed away…one he was not close with for a long time. There had been a family spat that never was completely resolved. He was asked to do the readings at her funeral. Afterward, someone told him he did an excellent job and asked if he was a lector at his parish. He said No. I chuckled thinking…He doesn’t even go to church! Well things changed and they changed quickly…and our marriage became rocky. He started going to mass every week. We constantly fought about what church the kids should go to. We talked to the priest at his parish and the pastor at my church.

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The priest said we should definitely try and get the kids into the Catholic Church but understood where I was coming from. My pastor said something that will stay with me forever. He told me that the piece of paper I signed to get married Lutheran was not a promise to my husband or to the priest or to the Catholic Church…It was a promise to God. He told me to let the children go to church with my husband!!! I conceded. I started attending mass with them when I could…in addition to Sunday worship at my church. My husband started reading all these Catholic books and researching his faith. He did become a lector and I must say, a better husband. As his faith grew, mine diminished. I became mad at Catholicism. I said many things I shouldn’t have in front of the children…against the Catholic faith. I remember one time in particular. We were eating supper and my son said something about Mary being his mother. I was SO angry. I said, “I am your mother. I am your ONLY mother. Don’t ever say that again!” These “digs” really made my husband angry at me. Occassionally we would talk about the differences in the religion and there were a few things that made sense with the Catholic religion…but not many…nor was I willing to admit it to him. I was stubborn! So for 5 years, my husband has been involved in his parish…dove in head first. He is constantly reading and practicing his faith.
Then God worked a miracle again.
My pastor retired and his son took over our church. During the first communion service I attended, he announced before communion that “anyone who believed that Jesus Christ died to save our sins” was welcome at the communion feast! What??? I was raised that you had to be Lutheran and you had to believe what that church believed in order to take communion at that church…so why was this a Lutheran church? Why wouldn’t it be a non denominational? The Holy Spirit tapped me on the shoulder. I knew at that very moment I was going to be Catholic. I wasn’t ready to admit that but that’s exactly what went through my head. I stopped going to the Lutheran church and started going with my family.

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I contacted our friend, Fr Joe, who is actually the priest we had contacted earlier regarding the children. He got me some books and talked to me about the real presence. Come to find out, I didn’t know much about my own religion. I thought we believed in the real presence…We did…but only during communion. The body and blood “turn back into” the bread and wine after communion.

Anyway to make a longer story shorter, I enrolled in an RCIA class just to learn more. And learn more I did! I was confirmed into the Catholic faith this Easter! It was the most beautiful Easter I’ve experienced.

I still have alot to learn. I often wish I raised Catholic. It would’ve been much easier.

The other wonderful part about this story is that we now have a 22 month old boy (10 years between oldest and youngest) raised Catholic from the get go…and my husband is going to be starting the diaconate program hopefully this fall!!!

Thanks for your time.
I pray for all of you in similar situations.
Weezir
 
Weezir, if you were married only 11 years ago you did not sign a promise to raise the kids Catholic. You may have signed a statement that your husband had promised to raise the kids Catholic to the best of his ability. The canons changed on that and I find it hard to believe that a priest would have gotten that wrong in 1992 or 1993. My wife did not sign anything when we married in 1993 in a Catholic ceremony. I know I did.
 
I am married to a Christian wife for 11 years now and truly, the first few years was a definite struggle (i still am struggling). I’t made me become a devout Catholic from having been a Catholic since birth who were just going through the motions. My 3 kids, were all baptized in the Catholic church and am trying to raise them with a strong Catholic foundation and yes, it is not always easy. My wife did sign a statement prior to our marriage that our kids will be raised Catholic but she later said that she regreted having done so. Though she accompanies me to Sunday mass at times, she still stands firm with her faith. I am trying to pray the Rosary everyday and also try to attend Mass daily. With the Blessed Mothers’ constant intercession and Gods’ blessing, carrying this cross daily will be much more tolerable and meaningful than it is the day before. My prayers will be with all of you who are in the same predicament.

FC
 
Kevin Cassidy:
Weezir, if you were married only 11 years ago you did not sign a promise to raise the kids Catholic. You may have signed a statement that your husband had promised to raise the kids Catholic to the best of his ability. The canons changed on that and I find it hard to believe that a priest would have gotten that wrong in 1992 or 1993. My wife did not sign anything when we married in 1993 in a Catholic ceremony. I know I did.
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Kevin

I stand corrected…sort of. My husband read my posts and then yours and said that HE was the one who had to sign. Although, it is as you say…I also had to sign saying that my husband would try and raise them Catholic to the best of his ability.

God Bless
Weezir
 
The Catholic spouse in a mixed marriage is not making a special promise. He is expected to raise his children Catholic just as are couples where both spouses are Catholic. It is a firm reminder from the Church to the Catholic spouse and a heads up to the non-Catholic spouse that this is what we are thinking on our side of the equation, if for whatever reason the subject has not come up before between the mixed couple. The non-Catholic is signing a statement that they are aware of the Catholic’s obligation to baptize and raise all children Catholic. This way she can not come back later and claim she did not know or was unaware of the obligation. She is not promising to make it so, just that she is aware that he is planning on this.

There are writings in the ecumenical documents that remind the Catholic spouse of the conscience of the non-Catholic but I would think this must go both ways. It seems unfair for a non-Catholic spouse’s conscience to come into play 3 years into the marriage that she just can’t raise the kids Catholic. What about the Catholic spouse and his conscience that would not have entered into the marriage if he had known that?

Some may call him narrow minded and his love conditional but if his conscience tells him that would be wrong why should his count for less?

The couple must agree before hand what they plan to do so they can end the relationship without a wedding and kids before the conflict arises. Any changes to the plan must be a mutual agreement and not unilaterally.

The documents make clear that the Catholic in a mixed marriage will not come under the censure of canon 1366 if his kids are not raised Catholic after doing all he can to make it happen and not threaten the marriage. My understanding is that if he is served with divorce papers that either the kids are not Catholic or the marriage is over then he can capitulate but woe to the woman that put her husband in such a position, sounds like the marriage is pretty poor anyway but for the sake of the kids they need to make it work somehow.
 
When my husband and I were married (in the Catholic Church), I was a lukewarm Catholic and he was an agnostic Jew. I wanted our kids raised Catholic and he respectfully agreed. As soon as our babies started coming, I stopped going to church regularly.

Finally, I was ready to join an evangelical church (for many reasons). My mother told me to “find out what it is you’re leaving before you leave it” and gave me a Karl Keating apologetics book. Well, that led me to a radical “reversion” and I’ve been on fire for the Faith for ten years. I was blessed that my Jewish husband also “caught the fire” and is a devout Catholic today. Currently, we are expecting our sixth child.

Here’s my take: We are the exception. Normally, a mixed marriage does NOT work out so happily. It could have been a disaster when I came into full faith. I taught RCIA for years after my reversion, and the amount of heartache caused by differing beliefs is overwhelming. It is not the first choice of the Church to have her sons and daughters in mixed marriages, and there are good reasons for that.

My husband and I are training our children young: Marry a devout Catholic! One who has the same vision of life and marriage and Church as you do. Life is hard enough without adding this VERY difficult hurdle.

Like one gentleman mentioned, sometimes mixed marriages are inevitable (like when one converts AFTER a marriage). But while you still have a choice, choose a devout Catholic. It makes all the difference in the world. I cannot imagine what my life would be like today if my husband had not become a devout Catholic with me.

God bless you all!
 
I have been married nearly 13 years to my husband who was raised Lutheran, but joined the local PC-USA when we moved from big city Seattle to a more rural community.

When we married, I was a lukewarm Catholic, and he was a non-practicing Lutheran, so we “compromised” and attended a congregational church for a few years, during which time I continued to feel the pull of the Church. I “reverted” in 1994 and we had our marriage convalidated in 1997 after the birth of our third child. We agreed all our kids would be baptised and raised in the Catholic church.

For several years, I would take the children to weekly Mass with me, and dh would join us occasionally, but mainly attended his PC-USA church. He has, however, been coming to Mass with us weekly for over a year. He still maintains his PC-USA membership, but has not been there since we went on a Family Life Today Marriage Conference in 4/2003, where he was convicted that he needed to support the religious practice of his wife and children.

Our children DO NOT/WILL NOT attend his church services if ever he returns…I do not consider that ecumenical, I consider it confusing.

It is my job to raise our children in the Holy Catholic Faith, to help them be strong in and knowledgeable about it. Taking them to non-Catholic services does not help them grow in their Catholic faith. The time to expose them to other faith practices is when they are OLDER and more firmly grounded in the RC faith, IMHO.

:yup:
 
In their dialogue with the Reformed churches in the US(PCUSA,UCC and RCA) the Catholic bishops diagreed.

In their book Interchurch Families they wrote, "It is usually best for the child to be identified as belonging in one tradition while knowing and valuing both. Christian formation, religious education, and sacramental preparation and reception should take place in only one of the respective churches. Exposure and active participation in the other parent’s tradition, however, are expected and encouraged for ecumenical families. It may be possible, for example, that a child being raised as a Catholic may nevertheless attend Sunday school, vacation Bible school, or other activities in the Reformed congregation. Similarly, a child being raised in the Reformed tradition may attend worship and a variety of activities in the Catholic parish to which a parent belongs. (Interchurch Families, page 8)

This is the whole point of my first post. Spatulate seems to think it is still 1950. If that were the case the Church should stick to her gunbs. Howevere Dr. Whitehead said on Catholic Answers live a few months ago that Vatican II said for 4oo years we have told them come back and they haven’t. The ecumenical view is to see the glass as half full instead of half empty.

Remember Scott Hahn was a good Christian before 1986.
 
In their book Interchurch Families they wrote, "It is usually best for the child to be identified as belonging in one tradition while knowing and valuing both. Christian formation, religious education, and sacramental preparation and reception should take place in only one of the respective churches.<<
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Absolutely ! The children are being raised in the RCC while seeing their father attend elsewhere. They are fully aware that he is a good and decent Christian man who has chosen to worship in a manner best for himself.

>>Exposure and active participation in the other parent’s tradition, however, are expected and encouraged for ecumenical families. <<

Why? :confused:
Why would I want my kids to (potentially) be exposed to anti-Catholic teachings at young ages? Why would I want them attending a church that says abortion and homosexuality are acceptable behaviors? (That is part of the PC-USA church teaching.) Why would I want them to get a part of the truth when they have access to the Full Truth? :hmmm:

It can be hard enough these days to keep kids Catholic without confusing/diluting their faith.

The main thing I have tried to do WRT our mixed marriage is not to condemn or criticize my spouse’s beliefs. If I have a concern or question about the beliefs of dh or his PC-USA church, I talk to him about it privately to gain understanding. We try to focus more on what unites us and our family rather than what divides us.

:blessyou:
PS: >In their dialogue with the Reformed churches in the US, the Catholic bishops diagreed.<
That doesn’t surprise me, but it doesn’t mean I have to agree with them.
 
Spatulate!, While the dialogue is not infallible I would think that you would give a little more respect to the documents it publishes. I guess that is the beauty of homeschooling; anything I don’t like I dismiss and since I am the parent and principal of the school there is no one to challenge me. May God reach you in the cloister you live in.
 
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