Catholics, what if you don't want children during marriage?

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This is basically me. I got married as a Protestant in a Protestant church. I was open to the possibility of kids as a theoretical thing, without any desire whatsoever to have a baby. Still don’t have this. I am now a catholic and am changing to NFP once we are moved into our new home which will be early in the new year. I have never had any maternal instincts but have always liked the idea of a grown up child who has become my friend over the years so I guess deep down on some level I must like the idea. Not broody whatsoever and will be totally unfazed (and if I’m honest right now, partly relieved ) if I can’t have any. God’s will be done and I have talked to a priest about it
 
Sometimes when we are far away from a given life situation we think about it very differently than when some years go by and that time is upon us. I remember dreading going away to college at the beginning of my senior year, and then I couldn’t wait to go by the end of my senior year. Seriously, it’s probably good that you feel this way right now at the age & life situation you are in right NOW. But be open to God possibly changing your heart and your desires as the years go by. Your happiest and most fulfilling life is to simply follow his plan for your life, and you can choose that freely.

And then there is this. I have seen couples choose not to have children, and that is an easy decision to make when you are in your childbearing years and the option is open to you. But then the day comes where the door closes biologically and you can’t go back and change your mind. Consider carefully what you choose. To choose to be childless is to choose to be alone in your elderly years without the traditional children and grandchildren entourage. It may seem a long way off, but it would be wise to think about how you would feel about that. God bless you.
 
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kainosktisis said:
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Titivillus:
In any case, if you truly do not want children but do want to be married, there is no obligation that a married couple ever engage in sexual intercourse.
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But…in the Church, I was asked if I was open to life - which to me means children - or at least the possibility of them should they come…

From the USCCB Website on " Married Love and the Gift of Life":

http://www.usccb.org/beliefs-and-te...xuality/married-love-and-the-gift-of-life.cfm
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What I wrote has no contradiction with that question, nor with that document of the USCCB (nor any other Church document).
 
me and my wife got married last December and found out in January we were having a baby. Both of us did not feel prepared for parenthood BUT during our vows when the priest asked us if we are willing to be open to life according to the teachings of holy mother church we both shouted “Yes!” Because we knew that by getting married, our vocation was parenthood.

Sure we don’t make love all the time, because we also want to be responsible. But that means we must have to fast from sexual relations for a time here and there. Yet somehow at the end of the day we are still kind to each other and love each other without fear. Kind of trashes our secular cultures idea that in order to have a healthy marriage a couple needs constant sex. 😉

Me and my wife are 26. It is realistic. Also it’s not about whether you want kids or not. When you are Catholic and married you are to be open to children regardless, otherwise you are not practicing your Catholic faith or fulfilling your vocation by the simple act of not having an attitude of openness.
 
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We also rent a small apartment and do not have all our ducks in a row.

Please take the time to read the Catechism or apologetics. One cannot call themselves Catholic and follow their own rules as to what they feel is right and wrong. It depends on whether you want to be a true Catholic or a Relativist. I do mean that in love. But sometimes love requires us to be blunt sometimes.
 
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Beautiful testimony.
Natural family planning (no use of artificial contraception like chemicals and devices) is actually more effective to help with concerns of the number of children that need care.
And this, what your post seems to allude, NPF, is open to children.
And where artificial contraception is accepted and wide spread; killing children in the womb also goes up.
here is a very interesting article.

www.hli.org

Humanae Vitae's 1st Prophecy: The Beauty of Marriage | HLI

And the prophecy has come true. After all, marriage "is a love which is total...in which husband and wife generously share everything," but contraception...
www.hli.org www.hli.org
 
I can understand being ambivalent about wanting children. But I don’t think fearing pregnancy or fearing having children is a good thing.

It’s better to find the man of your dreams. You will then want to create a life that flourishes with him. You may like to see a smaller reflection of yourselves, somebody who is dependent on you, somebody who unifies you as a couple, and makes you a family. Perhaps you will have more confidence to trust that your husband will help you in all things.

Don’t worry too much about pregnancy. It takes nine months, so a woman can get used to the idea of giving birth over time. It’s a process. If you are afraid of pain during childbirth, you can take the epidural. Some women go straight for the C-section. There are ways to cope.

If all of this scares the heck out of you, I advise staying single.
 
Explain, please. How can one be open to life yet not have sex during marriage?

UPDATE: I have a copy of the 3rd Ed. of Catholicism for Dummies , & in Ch. 9 under “Committing to a lifetime and avoiding annulments” (p. 137), it states as follows:

"An annulment is not a Catholic version of divorce. Divorce is a civil decree from the state (civil government) that a legal marriage is no longer in force. An annulment, on the other hand, is an ecclesiastical decree that a marriage, even if entered in good faith, was determined to be an invalid sacrament from the first moment ( when vows were exchanged at the wedding ceremony).

How could this sacrament be invalid? When a baptized man and a baptized woman marry for the first time, the Church presumes the marriage to be valid unless proven otherwise in a Church court. That same assumption applies for all baptized persons: Catholic, Protestant, or Eastern Orthodox. If, however, one or both of the participants did not intend on their wedding day to enter a permanent , faithful , and fruitful union, then no sacrament took place, and the Church can declare the marriage null and void. If that happens, both parties are free to marry someone else – the Church hopes validly this time.

Likewise, if one or both parties had a lack of due competence or a grave lack of due discretion, the marriage is invalid…"
 
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My wife and I, both Protestant at the time, were married a quarter-century ago. Neither of us wanted children. Do you have some opinion you’d like to share with the room?
 
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Well, The replies were interesting. Let me ask, if I may, What was your childhood like? Did you ever have dolls, with which to play?? Were you a middle child? There is fear behind your “I’s“ You realize children will make you lose control in life. Well, you still have some control when kids are healthy!

Marriage comes w children. Infertility is a gamble.
You could look for a infertile male. He probably wants kids. Life is funny that way.
Children don’t complete us. Jesus does! Maybe you are called to a chaste missionary work in a needy place.
Men & marriage don’t complete us. Jesus does.
Jeremiah 29/11.
Ephesians 3: 14-21
In Christ’s love
Tweedlealice
 
I shared my “opinion” multiple times by now. I refuse to comment on your or anyone else’s marriage in particular. Permanent intention against children is grounds for annullment. What do you take that to mean? I take it to mean they didn’t have a valid marriage.
 
Gentle child, Litany,
Do not be frightened for tomorrow or the life before you. Your life is to be full of what God wants for you. That is greater than anything, we can think or imagine. SEEK YE FIRST, THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND EVERYTHING ELSE WILL BE ADDED UNTO YOU!
Limit not your horizons but open the door for all possibilities.
In Christ’s love
Tweedlealice
 
I’m not surprised you’d refuse in such a case. What some folks might lack in courage, insight, and epistemic modesty, they apparently make up for in reluctance to beclown themselves entirely in public. (Jeez: I haven’t been a Catholic for long, and even I’m aware that the Church assumes a marriage’s validity unless it’s investigated and formally proved otherwise.)
 
tweedlealice said:
Well, The replies were interesting. Let me ask, if I may, What was your childhood like? Did you ever have dolls, with which to play?? Were you a middle child? There is fear behind your “I’s“ You realize children will make you lose control in life. Well, you still have some control when kids are healthy!

Marriage comes w children. Infertility is a gamble.
You could look for a infertile male. He probably wants kids. Life is funny that way.
Children don’t complete us. Jesus does! Maybe you are called to a chaste missionary work in a needy place.
Men & marriage don’t complete us. Jesus does.
Jeremiah 29/11.
Ephesians 3: 14-21
In Christ’s love
Tweedlealice
Click to expand...
Um my childhood was pretty good and normal…I was the hopeless romantic, but it was my younger sister who always wanted to pursue a relationship (I’m the eldest).
 
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The reason the church assumes validity is that it doesn’t know the inside of someone’s mind. But again. It is not up for debate that if at the time of making wedding vows there is a permenent resolution against children by either partner, then there is no marriage. The existence of marriage is dependent on the underlying reality. NOT upon the church’s assumptions.

The church assumes that if someone says “in sickness and in health” then they mean they won’t leave their spouse due to illness. If they didn’t, then there’s also a potential validity issue. But the church doesn’t read minds. She assumes people aren’t liers. I’m well aware of the church assuming validity.

If you feel convicted by my standing up for this teaching, that is no concern of mine. I’m not getting baited into inserting myself where I don’t belong. If you took a general statement I made and made it about you then that’s your problem. I have not and will continue not saying anything about your marriage.
 
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