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fgh_123
Guest
Yet another example of Catholic guilt hahaha.
Dude, she’s your WIFE.
You’re meant to find her sexually attractive!
Dude, she’s your WIFE.
You’re meant to find her sexually attractive!
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John21652
Guest
Wow.
So, the Catechism didn’t fly right into your head when you saw your wife behind the shower screen?
I think you just have to keep trying.
Make sure you keep the glass doors clean.
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garn9173
Guest
No kidding, this thread is about to overtake this thread forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=634787 with the most dumbest questions.
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agapewolf
Guest
There are a lot of sarcastic comments here that I don’t think really belong.
JPII says explicitly that it is possible to lust after one’s own wife, which is sinful.
Again, sexual attraction is not sinful, it is good and healthy. But without temperance it can be become less virtuous and more of a vice.
If someone is lusting, the sinfulness of it doesn’t change whether its the person’s wife or not.
As I said earlier, the op has to determine himself to what degree and how his own attitude was, and what needs to be worked on, because none of us can determine that for him.
JPII says explicitly that it is possible to lust after one’s own wife, which is sinful.
Again, sexual attraction is not sinful, it is good and healthy. But without temperance it can be become less virtuous and more of a vice.
If someone is lusting, the sinfulness of it doesn’t change whether its the person’s wife or not.
As I said earlier, the op has to determine himself to what degree and how his own attitude was, and what needs to be worked on, because none of us can determine that for him.
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timotheos
Guest
No kidding. The OP is asking a serious question, and judging by the comments here, many have decided for themselves what constitutes “acceptable” attraction, which, not coincidentally, tends to line up pretty well with what they prefer.
The Church teaches that sex must be both unitive and open to procreation. I gotta be honest with you folks, every time the urge hits me I’m really not thinking about some holy unity, I’m thinking about what I want, and it’s not the prospect of getting up in the middle of the night to change diapers. Instead of trying to introduce a self-interpreted laxity into the meaning of this teaching, I spend time trying to understand and live it, and not without a bit of struggle.
Of course, I’m a ways from “normal”, unlike a lot of you out there. No, it’s not balanced or “healthy”. But Christ never looked too balanced or healthy on the cross either.
And there are real consequences to trying to live this teaching, in that my wife wants to leave me for a 5’4", overweight, vulgar, partially toothless and practical atheist farmer who has no problems acting on his lustful thoughts.
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John21652
Guest
He said he was instantly feelin amorous.
I think that gets him off the hook.
Amor is latin for love.
L’amour and all that.
As Celine Dion sang, L’amour existe encore
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VeritasLuxMea
Guest
The marital act certainly requires one to think about their sexual desires. Not to be crass, but a man for example does not get an erection by thinking of his future children (or if he does, he needs to get help!).
I think you are trying to separate sexual desire from the unitive and pro-creative aspects of sex and that’s the problem.
There is absolutely no shame in genuine sexual desire for one’s spouse! Without it, the unitive and pro-creative goals of the marital act could not be fulfilled.
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Serap
Guest
I think it’s best not to look too much into this. Over-analyzing things can lead to other issues.
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kelvinf
Guest
Isn’t this exactly what the OP is doing?
Very strange how most people here overlooked such a statement.
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smh1978
Guest
I don’t think people are overlooking that statement, I think many are of the opinion that the OP himself is separating healthy sexual desire from the unitive and procreative aspects of married sex. We are not required to keep our minds exclusively on unity and procreation in order for married sex to be unitive and procreative. Married sex by its very nature is unitive and procreative. What is sinful is actively trying to divorce unity and procreation from married sex by means of contraception. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a married couple being aroused by each other and engaging in what is the natural outcome of that arousal. The unitive and procreative aspects of that outcome are not dependent on the couple’s mental state.
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VeritasLuxMea
Guest
I did see that and I understood it… this is nuanced indeed.
So you’re saying that the prospect of having a baby and of emotionally “growing closer” should be the basis for arousal? Because where I stand, the basis for arousal is… heck, arousal itself.
To be open to life describes a long-term attitude one has about accepting the blessing of life and not doing anything to thwart the pro-creative process. The unitive purpose is fulfilled by a long-term attitude of love for spouse and by the manner in which the marital act is conducted.
Arousal, by contrast, is a temporary, fleeting feeling… and if accompanied by the attitudes described above, part of a complete marital act. It is not only shameless, but necessary.
I’m asking you to consider that while arousal may lead to sin (just as hunger may do so), that there is a reason this is part of God’s design. And I propose that reason is to fulfill the pro-creative and unitive purposes of the marital act.
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Serap
Guest
There’s a huge billboard outside my place of work of David Bekham in his new underwear…
this is just so so cruel!!!
this is just so so cruel!!!
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jwashu
Guest
Sounds normal to me… didn’t Paul say those who can control their passions could be celebate and those who can’t should get married? Look it up in the NT but being sexually attracted to your spouse is normal and healthy especially the way it’s worded. Some of the Church get way too hung up on sexuality… open to life is only part of the equation.
I know some will disagree but if you can’t lust after your wife who can you lust after? It’s natural to be attracted and for those in a loving sacramental marraige the bonding will come through no matter what the inital reason was…
Joe
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agapewolf
Guest
You are saying the exact thing that the media misunderstood after John Paul delivered his TOB.
You can’t lust after ANYONE! It is a disordered sin to lust.
Lust does not equal sexual attraction.
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Debora123
Guest
I often feel guilty too when I catch myself looking at a picture of an attractive man. I then have to remind myself that there’s nothing wrong in admiring the beauty in God’s creation… just so long as I don’t take it to the next level and start lusting. Which I am not prone to do anyway.
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Debora123
Guest
Lust =/= sexual attraction.
Like the OP, you need to gain a better understanding of what lust actually is.
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kelvinf
Guest
I perfectly understand what you have said. I agree and understand that the unitive and procreative elements are intrinsically part of the marital act. However, these aspects could be breached, resulting in something other than the marital act as established by God.
It’s not just a matter of the exterior act. We cannot dismiss the mental state of couples. Jesus made is very clear that anyone who looks at another lustful has already committed adultery in his/her heart. (Mt. 5: 27-28). So yes, what we look at and think matters; whether we are married or not. For a person who is not married, thinking of sleeping with another person is lustful. That constitutes committing adultery in the heart. For a married person, thinking of engaging in a non-marital act is equally lustful.
Lo, I know what it means to look at someone and appreciate God’s design. I also know what it means to look at someone and start having certain thoughts. Even within marriage, we could still have certain thoughts that violate the marriage convenant.
What I see in this case is someone admiring his wife but having thoughts of laying with her only to satisfy his sexual needs. Honestly, it’s really only up to the OP to determine for himself whether he committed adultery in his heart or not. We all know that it is possible to engage in acts that violate the unitive and procreative aspects of marriage exteriorly. Likely, these violations are also possible interiorly. And it’s really up to each person to exam his/her intentions. Our looks, thoughts, intentions and actions always reflect what we hold in our hearts. According to Jesus, if an expressed act is sinful, it is likewise sinful interiorly.
Bl. John Paul II said our hearts have become the battlefield of love and lust. He went further to say that:
That is it. It’s not always plain and obvious as we may think. So it’s really up to each of us to look deeply into our hearts to know whether something is lovely or lustful.
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thomasf
Guest
There’s plenty of times I’ve been sexually attracted to my wife and had no desire to have sex with her. I love my wife and think that she’s beautiful, etc. If I didn’t find her sexually attractive I wouldn’t have married her. That doesn’t mean every time I see her and feel that attraction I’m automatically ready for loving.
Yes there is a difference between sexual attraction and lust, but I don’t think it’s wrong to be aroused by your spouse and desire to have relations with her.
I think some of you think lust == perverted desire. I don’t believe that’s true.
Yes there is a difference between sexual attraction and lust, but I don’t think it’s wrong to be aroused by your spouse and desire to have relations with her.
I think some of you think lust == perverted desire. I don’t believe that’s true.
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Serap
Guest
David Bekham has always been my “weakness” and the billboard keeps flipping to different poses in his underwear. All I have to do is look out the window and there’s David
I often feel guilty too when I catch myself looking at a picture of an attractive man. I then have to remind myself that there’s nothing wrong in admiring the beauty in God’s creation… just so long as I don’t take it to the next level and start lusting. Which I am not prone to do anyway.
I have to admit though that looking at attractive people inspires me to be healthy. It motivates me to work-out and eat healthy.
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Debora123
Guest
Tee hee!David Bekham has always been my “weakness” and the billboard keeps flipping to different poses in his underwear. All I have to do is look out the window and there’s David
I have to admit though that looking at attractive people inspires me to be healthy. It motivates me to work-out and eat healthy.
This is going to sound really cliche, but I think the 2 guys from Twilight are very attractive. I tend to like the younger/innocent look… which is perfect because it fits my husband’s appearance to a tea!
And yes, it’s always good to be motivated by seeing healthy, fit people. Seeing Megan Fox makes me want to take VERY good care of my self… speaking of which, I still need to hit the gym tonight!
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