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Teabag
Guest
Good post
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The problem, at least with me, is that Jesus never responds. He’s like that person who used to be a really good friend but now never answers the phone when you call or responds to any messages you leave. Eventually, you just stop calling.
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BChartowski
Guest
Sometimes God lets us flounder and hit the bottom to see how much we need Him. Mary magnifies the Lord; devotion and prayers to Mary are invaluable. I’d also recommend fasting; depriving yourself of something you want, whether it be skipping a meal once a day or even signing up for Eucharistic Adoration at a local parish that offers it. Denying ourselves something we want brings us much closer to Christ. I’d also recommend having your home blessed and Enthroned so that these demons that haunt you will have a hard time. It does require action on your behalf, but this is the best I can offer. God bless you.
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Teabag
Guest
Life can be very hard indeed. One of the hardest things to fight is our minds! Having strong urges and wants. The mind can be very strong and fight against oneself!
I find it extremely hard but i am trying myself to place an image of Jesus in my mind when i am in the process of beginning a sin, whatever it may be in life.
I find it extremely hard but i am trying myself to place an image of Jesus in my mind when i am in the process of beginning a sin, whatever it may be in life.
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bardegaulois
Guest
Just as an FYI, Fr Zuhlsdorf, who has always given good advice, answered a question very similar to the OP’s today. Mark, you might want to take a look: wdtprs.com/blog/2015/12/ask-father-frequent-confession-to-overcome-pornography/
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Kurisu35712
Guest
I’ve talked to you before Mark, and I know exactly what you’re going through. It’s my hardest personal cross to bear, and it’s never easy. You have it even harder than I do. But I’m going to tell you from my experience, the worst thing you can do is give into the despair and the temptation to self-hatred. As bad as you may think it gets, and as bad as it might get sometimes, the worst thing you can do is lose trust in God’s Love and Mercy. You are called to be perfect. You are expected to try for that goal. But God knows what you’re capable of, and knows that you won’t achieve that on your own. If you falter or fail, even if it’s every week of the year, you haven’t lost until you stop trying, and even if you were to stop trying, God won’t. His love for you is so immense our words can’t grant it adequate meaning. God loves you more than anyone else in this world, even when you don’t feel you can love yourself. Never give in to the thought that God can’t love you, no matter how difficult it can be at times. He always does and always will, regardless of what you do. You will never be able to sin so severely that you turn Him away. Never forget that. Mortal sin is our own turning away. God will never forsake you. If you believe He can, banish the thought. God’s desire is for you to be with Him for eternity. Do any of us deserve that by our own merit, no. I certainly don’t. But God wants nothing more than our love. He desires our hearts and our love, as fully as we are able to give.
If you have to go to Confession every week (I’ve been twice since last Friday), then do so, but never lose sight of the fact that God loves you, regardless of what you do or don’t do. God is not some ideal one holds. God is a person, an individual whose love is reflected and revealed in the love of everyone who cares about us. At our weakest points, God is waiting so eagerly to be our strength. He wants nothing more than to enter our lives at our most vulnerable, and provide us with the most wonderful blessings. Never lose faith in that. It can be hard to see at times, but God is always present, challenging us to find His love in the most unlikely and uncomfortable places. I can PM you with a recent example from my own life if you want.
What I’ve gotten from your posts in this thread so far is that, while you’re praying very hard intellectually and formulaically, I’m not sure you heart is truly there in the effort. Truly, I can’t judge that, but I would advise you not to get so caught up in the formulaic and disciplinary aspects of prayer that you lose sight of the spiritual and interpersonal. For example, if you’re saying a Chaplet of Divine Mercy, don’t get caught up in saying the chaplet so much as get caught up in the opportunity to use that formula to focus your mind on God. The value of the Rosary isn’t in the repetition of Hail Marys and Our Fathers so much as it is in the meditation on the mysteries and the abandoning of oneself to God.
Our priest during the homily last Sunday brought this up. Prayer ultimately follows this formula. “I can’t. You can. You promised. So do it.” And speaking from personal experience, I can’t overcome these temptations and struggles and crosses and worries. And truly, none of us can overcome these things on our own. We simply were not made to be able to. We were not made to be independent. We were made to be entirely dependent on God, for everything, even those things we consider ourselves capable of without Him. We love to think that we can do things without God’s help. But we can’t, and part of being Catholic is the understanding that we shouldn’t want to do anything without God. He wants to be with us in everything, through thick and thin. Our pride is what prevents us from letting that happen. We can’t, but He can. All things are possible with God. Frankly, you might well never reach the point that you no longer experience the desires and temptations you face, at least in this life. You and I are called to love God with all our strength, our hearts, minds, and souls. *That *is our task, and He has promised to provide the rest. So let Him. Don’t get so caught up in your own sin that you forget who it is that is forgiving you. You will never be so evil that you turn God against you.
“He can.” God will not likely just remove the desires you struggle with. If it’s any consolation, He hasn’t turned me “normal” despite my asking for it every mass when I was younger. He can and will do everything necessary to make us the best we can possibly be. You struggle with these temptations and addictions, and they hurt, I know from personal experience. But it’s easy to think of ourselves as miserable failures. To God, you, individually, are worth more than anything you can ascribe value to. Even at your worst, you are God’s most precious treasure. At your best, you are still God’s beloved. If you feel you’ve failed, get up and try again. Even if you have to do that for your entire life. Don’t beat yourself up over failure. Get up and try again. If you fall back down, whether it’s an hour later or twenty years later, get back up. You will never sin so much that God no longer loves you. The hard part of Catholic life is knowing God loves us when we can’t even love ourselves.
(continued)
If you have to go to Confession every week (I’ve been twice since last Friday), then do so, but never lose sight of the fact that God loves you, regardless of what you do or don’t do. God is not some ideal one holds. God is a person, an individual whose love is reflected and revealed in the love of everyone who cares about us. At our weakest points, God is waiting so eagerly to be our strength. He wants nothing more than to enter our lives at our most vulnerable, and provide us with the most wonderful blessings. Never lose faith in that. It can be hard to see at times, but God is always present, challenging us to find His love in the most unlikely and uncomfortable places. I can PM you with a recent example from my own life if you want.
What I’ve gotten from your posts in this thread so far is that, while you’re praying very hard intellectually and formulaically, I’m not sure you heart is truly there in the effort. Truly, I can’t judge that, but I would advise you not to get so caught up in the formulaic and disciplinary aspects of prayer that you lose sight of the spiritual and interpersonal. For example, if you’re saying a Chaplet of Divine Mercy, don’t get caught up in saying the chaplet so much as get caught up in the opportunity to use that formula to focus your mind on God. The value of the Rosary isn’t in the repetition of Hail Marys and Our Fathers so much as it is in the meditation on the mysteries and the abandoning of oneself to God.
Our priest during the homily last Sunday brought this up. Prayer ultimately follows this formula. “I can’t. You can. You promised. So do it.” And speaking from personal experience, I can’t overcome these temptations and struggles and crosses and worries. And truly, none of us can overcome these things on our own. We simply were not made to be able to. We were not made to be independent. We were made to be entirely dependent on God, for everything, even those things we consider ourselves capable of without Him. We love to think that we can do things without God’s help. But we can’t, and part of being Catholic is the understanding that we shouldn’t want to do anything without God. He wants to be with us in everything, through thick and thin. Our pride is what prevents us from letting that happen. We can’t, but He can. All things are possible with God. Frankly, you might well never reach the point that you no longer experience the desires and temptations you face, at least in this life. You and I are called to love God with all our strength, our hearts, minds, and souls. *That *is our task, and He has promised to provide the rest. So let Him. Don’t get so caught up in your own sin that you forget who it is that is forgiving you. You will never be so evil that you turn God against you.
“He can.” God will not likely just remove the desires you struggle with. If it’s any consolation, He hasn’t turned me “normal” despite my asking for it every mass when I was younger. He can and will do everything necessary to make us the best we can possibly be. You struggle with these temptations and addictions, and they hurt, I know from personal experience. But it’s easy to think of ourselves as miserable failures. To God, you, individually, are worth more than anything you can ascribe value to. Even at your worst, you are God’s most precious treasure. At your best, you are still God’s beloved. If you feel you’ve failed, get up and try again. Even if you have to do that for your entire life. Don’t beat yourself up over failure. Get up and try again. If you fall back down, whether it’s an hour later or twenty years later, get back up. You will never sin so much that God no longer loves you. The hard part of Catholic life is knowing God loves us when we can’t even love ourselves.
(continued)
K
Kurisu35712
Guest
(continued)
Pray unceasingly. Not just Hail Mary’s and Our Father’s. Talk to God. Tell Him how hard it is for you to resist these temptations. Tell Him how frustrated you get when you falter. Tell Him how happy you are when you make progress. Tell Him how joyful you are when you can receive the Eucharist. If you’re despairing and feel like ****, tell Him, and more importantly, listen to His response. Even if you feel terrible, God wants nothing more than your love and trust. I feel terrible when I fail to resist my temptations. But I also feel so much joy when I get a glimpse of how much He loves me that it brings me to tears. Don’t focus on your sins. Focus on God. Go to confession whenever you need to so that those sins don’t obscure what is truly important. God is the focus of all of our lives, individually and as the Church. You seem to consider yourself so far from God’s love, but He is pulling you ever closer. PM me if you need to talk. I know how hard it is, but never forget Who it is fighting for you.
Pray unceasingly. Not just Hail Mary’s and Our Father’s. Talk to God. Tell Him how hard it is for you to resist these temptations. Tell Him how frustrated you get when you falter. Tell Him how happy you are when you make progress. Tell Him how joyful you are when you can receive the Eucharist. If you’re despairing and feel like ****, tell Him, and more importantly, listen to His response. Even if you feel terrible, God wants nothing more than your love and trust. I feel terrible when I fail to resist my temptations. But I also feel so much joy when I get a glimpse of how much He loves me that it brings me to tears. Don’t focus on your sins. Focus on God. Go to confession whenever you need to so that those sins don’t obscure what is truly important. God is the focus of all of our lives, individually and as the Church. You seem to consider yourself so far from God’s love, but He is pulling you ever closer. PM me if you need to talk. I know how hard it is, but never forget Who it is fighting for you.
E
ethereality
Guest
You’ve reminded me of something I once heard discussed on “Catholic Answers Live” (I think from a caller), that for those people who turned to alcohol – who had alcohol addiction – it was a symptom of an underlying problem.
It sounds like the same is true in your case regarding sexual addiction. I think your situation will not get better if you continue in this state only trying to avoid sexual fantasy. Indeed, going to Confession three times per week suggests to me you may be fixating on it, which only exacerbates the problem (like an itch or any other discomfort). Instead, you must work to improve your situation, and take comfort in your good actions even if they don’t readily lead to a better situation, and don’t worry if you “mess up”. (Anxiety worsens the problem!)
That is what I have been doing; I am speaking from experience. Ultimately, I reached a point where I stopped caring – so thoroughly depressed – and that enabled me to overcome my shyness and start interacting with women more. (“Why should I care if they humiliate me or shoot me down? I’ve got nothing to lose, and much to gain.”) Also, perhaps surprisingly, the less you masturbate, the more you will naturally be able to interact with women;* somehow masturbation reinforces shyness and self-enforced isolation, whereas pentup sexual energy makes it easier to start up conversations with women. (Of course you have to remind yourself to keep it in perspective: “Okay, I want a girlfriend, but she’s a daughter of God, so I need to just relax and treat her as God’s daughter, a potential friend who maybe can become my girlfriend.”)
Temperance is joyous as it prevents us from hangovers. Chastity is joyous insofar as it keeps us from all the bad of porn: self-inforced isolation, bitterness after the high ends, wasted time, desensitization. It may be in this sense that Jesus tells us His “yoke is light”: We avoid causing problems for ourselves.
Be at peace. God may not solve your problems, but you can do something to alleviate or solve some yourself.
It sounds like the same is true in your case regarding sexual addiction. I think your situation will not get better if you continue in this state only trying to avoid sexual fantasy. Indeed, going to Confession three times per week suggests to me you may be fixating on it, which only exacerbates the problem (like an itch or any other discomfort). Instead, you must work to improve your situation, and take comfort in your good actions even if they don’t readily lead to a better situation, and don’t worry if you “mess up”. (Anxiety worsens the problem!)
That is what I have been doing; I am speaking from experience. Ultimately, I reached a point where I stopped caring – so thoroughly depressed – and that enabled me to overcome my shyness and start interacting with women more. (“Why should I care if they humiliate me or shoot me down? I’ve got nothing to lose, and much to gain.”) Also, perhaps surprisingly, the less you masturbate, the more you will naturally be able to interact with women;* somehow masturbation reinforces shyness and self-enforced isolation, whereas pentup sexual energy makes it easier to start up conversations with women. (Of course you have to remind yourself to keep it in perspective: “Okay, I want a girlfriend, but she’s a daughter of God, so I need to just relax and treat her as God’s daughter, a potential friend who maybe can become my girlfriend.”)
Temperance is joyous as it prevents us from hangovers. Chastity is joyous insofar as it keeps us from all the bad of porn: self-inforced isolation, bitterness after the high ends, wasted time, desensitization. It may be in this sense that Jesus tells us His “yoke is light”: We avoid causing problems for ourselves.
Be at peace. God may not solve your problems, but you can do something to alleviate or solve some yourself.
- If you’re female, well, I don’t know how masturbation affects women, but I guess it would similarly reinforce the same pattern of behavior (self-isolationism).
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