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Still_Hoping
Guest
What do you think of married people chatting with strangers on the net? Give your reasons why or why not.
- Status
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LethalMouse
Guest
If you have to ask, then you shouldn’t be doing it.
Now if it is public chat room say something akin to this forum? Could be legit. Like talking about a specific interest. But creating any such opposite sex friendships that go into more? Starts getting dangerous…
I like to advocate that which is not sin… but if one is married, anything even non sinful that involves the opposite sex threatens the marriage should be removed as the marriage is paramount.
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Still_Hoping
Guest
Fair enough. As a Catholic I agree. I have been experimenting a little and it is dangerous when it is with the opposite sex.
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Anglewannabe
Guest
Depends what you are talking about. I was chatting with a guy from a different country who jumped out of airplanes to put out forest fires. I found it interesting
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Still_Hoping
Guest
It all depends who is on the other end. It also depends on the site. On a particular site I found there many men offering to talk but usually to flirt; some harmless, some downgrading. At times I have myself a good laugh and other times you have to block the person; what is more dangerous is when you connect with someone nice…
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LethalMouse
Guest
Based on your follow ups stop “experimenting” now… and stop “connecting”… just stop all this and save your marriage!
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pensmama87
Guest
If it were a sin there’d be no CAF. 
Seriously, though, I do think it would be an occasion of sin to go on purely social sites because the users are usually dating-oriented. Social sites with a topic of interest are different, but if those tempted you to stray, I’d avoid as well.
Seriously, though, I do think it would be an occasion of sin to go on purely social sites because the users are usually dating-oriented. Social sites with a topic of interest are different, but if those tempted you to stray, I’d avoid as well.
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EleanorArr
Guest
I think as with anything online one has to exercise due diligence. Depending on your own sensibilities as a man or woman, relationship status, etc it may or may not be appropriate to get into highly personal chats especially with people of the opposite sex. Talking about a common interest, whether that’s Star Trek, model steam trains or a shared religion, is surely fine though. Also if one is young (particularly, perhaps, a young woman), one should sometimes be extra cautious - especially on less wholesome fora or social media sites than CAF!
I have no experience of online dating but I imagine it goes particularly for such sites - for other sites catering to a topic of interest (like CAF!), it’s certainly less likely to involve sin!
But I hardly think of itself it can be ever sinful: it probably depends on what you’re chatting about! If one is a little careful and sensible, one can chat without needing to go to Confession afterwards…
I have no experience of online dating but I imagine it goes particularly for such sites - for other sites catering to a topic of interest (like CAF!), it’s certainly less likely to involve sin!
But I hardly think of itself it can be ever sinful: it probably depends on what you’re chatting about! If one is a little careful and sensible, one can chat without needing to go to Confession afterwards…
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LethalMouse
Guest
Dating can happen from anysite… done it and seen it done.
Keeping in a public forum like this though is safe IMO about 98%.
The major problem IMO is for a man with a rough patch in a marriage what looks pretty is most dangerous…
For a woman in a rough patch in a marriage, what “connect” is most dangerous.
Chatting to men “sharing feelings” etc it to women what a strip club us to men.
Though I don’t exonerate men either, the emotional tendency to cheat is less IMO but still there, so I’d still apply the same rules to the man lest he be tempted as well.
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Vic_Taltrees_UK
Guest
Preserve good boundaries at all costs. All, all costs.
You are under no obligation to anyone, to respond to them on any subject at any time.
Don’t say anything you don’t want the other members and moderators to read. Use PMs extraordinarily sparingly, rarely, cautiously or, far better, not at all.
If anyone recounts a tale of hardship treat it at face value and remind yourself you are 100% NOT obligated. It is not for us to try to “educate them out of their viewpoint” or even help them in it; they have probably suffered far more genuine trauma than we will ever stand and they own their recovery journey and we don’t have a right to finnick about it as so many church authorities model.
Stick to the overt, impersonal side only, at most.
We can just as well pray quietly for people while cutting ourselves off permanently from their forum or site, as while continuing to access it.
Keep anonymous and in a very vague geographical area and without identifiable circumstantial detail. (Site administrators should have enough about you - e.g the e-mail address you give them - to discuss with legitimate authority if legitimately called upon to do so, always should have done.)
As life’s circumstances and opportunities present, it is nice to meet people in the round at a series of lectures, hobby club etc. Also to gather information to educate ourselves from library books, second hand books and informational sites that don’t have a forum attached.
On an exceptionally good day, if we beg God hard enough, we might meet people through church that want to talk about the same things as us! We do forget that God begs us to beg Him!
The world’s our oyster really!
You are under no obligation to anyone, to respond to them on any subject at any time.
Don’t say anything you don’t want the other members and moderators to read. Use PMs extraordinarily sparingly, rarely, cautiously or, far better, not at all.
If anyone recounts a tale of hardship treat it at face value and remind yourself you are 100% NOT obligated. It is not for us to try to “educate them out of their viewpoint” or even help them in it; they have probably suffered far more genuine trauma than we will ever stand and they own their recovery journey and we don’t have a right to finnick about it as so many church authorities model.
Stick to the overt, impersonal side only, at most.
We can just as well pray quietly for people while cutting ourselves off permanently from their forum or site, as while continuing to access it.
Keep anonymous and in a very vague geographical area and without identifiable circumstantial detail. (Site administrators should have enough about you - e.g the e-mail address you give them - to discuss with legitimate authority if legitimately called upon to do so, always should have done.)
As life’s circumstances and opportunities present, it is nice to meet people in the round at a series of lectures, hobby club etc. Also to gather information to educate ourselves from library books, second hand books and informational sites that don’t have a forum attached.
On an exceptionally good day, if we beg God hard enough, we might meet people through church that want to talk about the same things as us! We do forget that God begs us to beg Him!
The world’s our oyster really!
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Vic_Taltrees_UK
Guest
Circumstantial detail is illustrative only, on your part and theirs. It should be taken as ringing true to life (if it even goes as far as making any sense - which what some people say, doesn’t anyway) rather than inviting you to do anything about it.
If we get fairly good vibes about whether someone is talking sense we may run by them our own “illustration” merely to give them an opportunity to expand or complement their perspective. If they say they don’t like it, we should listen to them.
(All of this is assuming we haven’t somewhere better to do this, down the road, with flesh and blood. Maybe we should pray that God will help the family members to take us seriously enough!)
If anyone’s response to us doesn’t hold water, they should be briefly contradicted (in sight of other members, so as to inform and warn them) then ignored.
Always get everything people do “to” or “for” you to happen in front of others as much as possible.
If you see a second party bullying a third party be forewarned. Use search tools to see a person’s previous threads or posts.
If we get fairly good vibes about whether someone is talking sense we may run by them our own “illustration” merely to give them an opportunity to expand or complement their perspective. If they say they don’t like it, we should listen to them.
(All of this is assuming we haven’t somewhere better to do this, down the road, with flesh and blood. Maybe we should pray that God will help the family members to take us seriously enough!)
If anyone’s response to us doesn’t hold water, they should be briefly contradicted (in sight of other members, so as to inform and warn them) then ignored.
Always get everything people do “to” or “for” you to happen in front of others as much as possible.
If you see a second party bullying a third party be forewarned. Use search tools to see a person’s previous threads or posts.
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Beryllos
Guest
There is not one right answer to such a broad question. I am married, and I am chatting with the bunch of you. Or is this not chatting? In any case, the problem is not the method of communication but what is being communicated.
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WT1
Guest
My rules are simple:
There is a lot of “pretending” that goes on the Internet and my advice would be to avoid that scenario as well as it is basically lying.
- No personal info given on the net.
- My spouse knows all the sites I post on and can join or monitor should she desire.
- People of the opposite sex are to be treated respectfully and in no way intimately.
There is a lot of “pretending” that goes on the Internet and my advice would be to avoid that scenario as well as it is basically lying.
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Bonnie
Guest
It depends. Are you talking about sex? Are you sharing intimate details about yourself or your spouse? Are you e-mailing this person privately? Are you planning to meet this person without your spouse? These things won’t end well.
I talk with a lot of strangers on the 'net. Because of some of my interests many are are men. No one has ever gone over the line. Everything said is on the blog, nothing is private.
It’s no different from chatting with strangers in public places. Most will remain strangers, a few may become friends.
I talk with a lot of strangers on the 'net. Because of some of my interests many are are men. No one has ever gone over the line. Everything said is on the blog, nothing is private.
It’s no different from chatting with strangers in public places. Most will remain strangers, a few may become friends.
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LethalMouse
Guest
Opposite sex friends very bad… very bad. If I have learned anything in life. Hell as a guy, eventually you find out most of your female friends want more or have at some point… and that is for a dude. If you are a woman, trust not the friendship of men! They want more far more often.
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Lily_Bernans
Guest
Sin! You know why!
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Bonnie
Guest
That’s not been my experience - nor my husband’s. But we are old. The fires of passion have become cold ashes.
Also, the people I chat with on-line are on single-subject blogs. We talk about low carb diets, prepping, writing, religion (here on CA). These conversations rarely go off-topic, and if they do, they don’t stray far. (One memorable LC diet chat turned into a cat chat.
)
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on_the_hill
Guest
I have exchanged PMs with a woman on this site.
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Beryllos
Guest
Me too. Several women.
Men too.- Status