Child not getting married in the church

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francesj

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My dear, and very Catholic, friend has an engaged daughter who refuses to marry in a church or religious ceremony. Friend is distraught and is contemplating not attending the wedding. She has been asked by daughter to compile a list of relatives to invite to the wedding, but she does not want to do this since it will not be a Catholic wedding, nor an orthodox wedding, which is the groom’s faith history.
I have suggested for my friend to speak with our priest about this. I am worried that my friend will cause a break in her relationship with her daughter and future son in law, and indeed, the rest of her children. Is there an answer to this?
Isn’t there something about the letter of the law vs the law of love?
 
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francesj said:
I have suggested for my friend to speak with our priest about this. I am worried that my friend will cause a break in her relationship with her daughter and future son in law, and indeed, the rest of her children.
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That is the best advice for your friend. iirc this has come up on CAF before and posters comments relayed that some priests said they could attend and others said they couldn’t. I guess it really would depend on the facts of the situation and their inter-family relationship being made known to her priest for him to give advice.
 
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Speak with your priest.

I would not withhold the names/addresses of family members.
 
If your friend is ready to refuse to go to her own daughter’s wedding… she better be ready to accept all the long term consequences that go with such decision.
 
Someone can talk to all the priests in the whole world… and it will still be an invalid wedding.

They will NOT be married, according to the Catholic faith.
 
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I wonder if the OP talked about what makes a valid marriage as her daughter was growing up, making it as common knowledge as learning the State Capitol Cities or the planets in the solar system.

We had those talks all of the time. We had frank decisions, far before our son was even dating, and continuing through his teens, about what our participation would or would not be should he decide to marry outside of the Church.

There would have been no rift because we respect each other.

did our OP’s friend have an agreement with her daughter like that?
 
But they will be married according to the law, which is something. My Catholic cousins used to like to remind me and my siblings that our parents weren’t “really” married. I don’t think my brother ever forgave them. If this lady wants enmity with her future grandchildren, she’ll make a good start by not attending the wedding.
 
Ammi - I’m confused with your reply to me. I’m not sure how it applies to my answer. If she refuses to attend her daughter’s wedding, she needs to be ready for all the fall-out from it.

Whether or not the marriage is valid (in the Catholic church) really hasn’t anything to do with my response. (And I know the marriage obviously would not be valid so… stating the obvious). That really had nothing to do with the emotional fallout between a mother and daughter over not attending her wedding nor giving a guest list of relatives, etc.
 
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So are you saying a Catholic can enter an invalid marriage (outside the Church) in good conscience?

The agreement of any sincere Catholic, is to intend and strive to follow what the Church Teaches.

Not attending an invalid wedding is not a judgment, but refraining from participating and supporting something opposed to the Catholic faith.
 
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I’m saying that it is better not to support an invalid marriage, and YES accept those consequences of upholding Christian marriage.

It’s a shame invalidity doesnt matter to you. It should matter to everyone who partakes of the one Bread.
 
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According to the law of the Church, they will NOT be married. Everyone who partakes of His Eucharist should care about His law, NOT the world’s law.

Your cousins were correct, and you should not judge them.

Jesus came to bring discord between family members. He didnt want it, but it was inevitable. No one wants to create discord with friends. But sometimes choosing God’s ways ends up choosing different paths from the world.
 
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It sounds like this woman is willing to give up on her relationship with her daughter and with future grandchildren. Not attending the wedding is not something the daughter will ever forget.

What course of action is more likely to bring the daughter back to the Church? Loving her like the father of the prodigal did to his son? Or refusing her in the name of rigid laws that the daughter has rejected? Only the mother can make that judgment.
 
That’s ridiculous. Not attending an invalid wedding is not giving up on her relationship with her daughter. That is your projection.

Did the father of the prodigal son go to his son’s unfaithful ceramonies?
 
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When my brother announced that he was having a baptism ceremony for his daughter some 22 years ago, I politely declined as I’m not a believer. My mom explained then why I should go. She noted (in not so many words) that my thoughts on the faith were known but attending wouldn’t be about those thoughts but on supporting my brother, sister-in-law, and new niece on what was a happy and loving moment for them. In the end, I’m glad I went.
 
TheLittleLady, This is a family with 8 children who all attended catholic grade and high schools…and the dad taught there…this young lady knows better. I feel this is a case of rebellion on daughters end. She also wants this wedding to be on halloween. I am concerned about this, but I pray that they can talk with our priest and come up with a solution that would show respect for a viable marriage and family feelings.
 
francesj said:
…this young lady knows better.
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This is likely so, but that doesn’t mean the daughter agrees with it. For example, I’m sure some Catholics here know the Five Pillars of Islam; but that doesn’t mean they agree or will follow them. The daughter has chosen her path. That may change in the future, but for now it seems unlikely the daughter will follow the rules for a faith she doesn’t currently have.
 
Another fact that might explain some things: Let’s say the daughter decides to please her mother and have the ceremony in a Catholic church. The priest is going to ask some questions.
  1. Do you believe in God?
  2. Are you a faithful Catholic?
  3. Do you agree to raise your future children in the Catholic faith?
She may or may not say yes to 1. She likely would say no to questions 2 and 3. Since it’s not as though the daughter is going to upend her beliefs to get married in a Catholic church, it’s not likely to be a viable option for the marriage.
 
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