Child not getting married in the church

[Ammi]

I asked a question of distinction about what she believes. If her position is that someone can knowingly have a wedding outside the Church, in good conscience. I think it’s a good question.

She can answer on her own, or not answer.

She also said she would not attend, because I think she gets what is at stake.

 

[Psalm30]

So you are saying a Catholic can enter into a marriage outside the Church in good conscience?”

Do you seriously not see how accusatory that sounds? If you were indeed merely asking for clarification, how about “Could you please clarify what conversations you had with your son? Did you tell him you wouldn’t attend if he got married outside the Church?” See the difference? The way you worded it accuses her of approving of marrying outside the Church!

And I honestly think it was pretty obvious what her stance was. Why would she need to have conversations with her son about it at all if she planned to support him in a decision to marry outside the Church! Her point, as she later clarified, was that if the OP’s friend didn’t have such conversations with her daughter, things would be trickier—which supports everything you are carrying on about the quality of the relationship!

 

[TC3033]

Dont blame a Catholic who chooses to not attending an invalid wedding as being rude, unloving, judgmental, or the cause of ruining the relationship, by refraining from the ceremony.

That’s easy to say from your side.

Whoever does that, is being anti Catholic.

Disagree

Since every Catholic has the right to refrain from a ceremony which reflects breaking Church law and whatever lies behind that choice.

Every human has the right to refrain from going to a ceremony. I didn’t “have” to go to any wedding, outside of my own and the few I agreed to participate in.

Just be prepared for any consequence that may come with said decision.

Focus on the relationship!! Not censuring whoever doesnt choose to attend.

Who’s being censured?

 

[Psalm30]

Look here:

Coffee Catholic said this:

“Ammi - I’m confused with your reply to me. I’m not sure how it applies to my answer. If she refuses to attend her daughter’s wedding, she needs to be ready for all the fall-out from it.

Whether or not the marriage is valid (in the Catholic church) really hasn’t anything to do with my response. (And I know the marriage obviously would not be valid so… stating the obvious). That really had nothing to do with the emotional fallout between a mother and daughter over not attending her wedding nor giving a guest list of relatives, etc.”

And you answered with this:

“I’m saying that it is better not to support an invalid marriage, and YES accept those consequences of upholding Christian marriage.

It’s a shame invalidity doesnt matter to you. It should matter to everyone who partakes of the one Bread.”

You see the bolded? Advocating for attending the wedding does NOT automatically mean “invalidity doesn’t matter to me!” Especially when the Church does not say one absolutely may not attend! One can attend the wedding while letting their loved one know they don’t approve—and still believe the marriage is invalid! You yourself have agreed with this!

This is an ugly accusation on your part—at least as much so as you are calling any remark that not attending the wedding may result in a broken relationship an “accusation.”

All of this is you fueling your agenda of putting your own stipulation on Church laws.

 

[Psalm30]

Dont blame a Catholic who chooses to not attending an invalid wedding as being rude, unloving, judgmental, or the cause of ruining the relationship, by refraining from the ceremony.

Whoever does that, is being anti Catholic.

Have you even tried to see things from the other person’s point of view?

It’s their wedding day—no, it’s not a valid wedding, but in their eyes, it’s the most important day of their life. Catholic Church doesn’t forbid their mother from attending the wedding. Mom decides not to anyway. Even though the Church doesn’t say she can’t, as long as she tells them she doesn’t approve and isn’t perceived as celebrating it. She can at least still be there. But she stays home…even though the Church doesn’t forbid it.

You don’t seem to want to acknowledge that a wedding—whether in the Church or not—is perceived by the bride and groom as a big deal…one they want their parents to be with them for. And if the Church doesn’t say they can’t…but they still don’t…

It’s a little perplexing that you don’t see this.

 

[Ammi]

I understand that. Why wouldn’t I. Of course the daughter wants her parents there! She also wants them there to support the ceremony.

She also expects her Catholic parent to go and support the wedding, which the Church does not.

She also doesnt want to receive Holy Communion, which is a major issue, not just a “technical rule”. She perceives the Church and its Teachings as not the truth.

Like Fr Pacwa said, “… do they not know what is at stake here?”

I’m not going to make going to the wedding a part of strategy. I’m gonna be honest.

 

[Psalm30]

I understand that. Why wouldn’t I. Of course the daughter wants her parents there! She also wants them there to support the ceremony.

She also expects her Catholic parent to go and support the wedding, which the Church does not.

She also doesnt want to receive Holy Communion, which is a major issue, not just a “technical rule”. She perceives the Church and its Teachings as not the truth.

Like Fr Pacwa said, “… do they not know what is at stake here?”

I’m not going to make going to the wedding a part of strategy. I’m gonna be honest.

All I’m trying to get you to recognize is that you can’t say 100% for sure that not attending the wedding is never, ever the cause of a broken relationship. I acknowledge that sometimes there is indeed more to the broken relationship than not attending the wedding. I can see both sides. You, on the other hand, can only see one side. You state that the cause of the broken relationship is always anything and everything but not attending the wedding, and that not attending the wedding is never the cause of breaking the relationship. And that is simply beyond the realm of what you—or anyone—can know 100% for sure. It’s more than a little bit perturbing that you presume to know the ins and outs of the relationships of all people in these situations…like, I dare say, you’re almost presuming to know what God knows—the things that go on in people’s minds and hearts that cause them to do the things they do.

In all 500+ posts of this thread, that’s what we’ve all been trying to say…and trying to get you to acknowledge.