Child not getting married in the church

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I would encourage her to attend the wedding. I know it won’t be what the bride’s parents want but it won’t help their relationship with daughter to not attend the wedding. BTW, you mentioned that the groom is Orthodox. Do you mean Greek Orthodox? If yes, then someone needs to inform him that he will not be able to receive communion if he marries outside of that church. His parents may have already informed him.

The bride’s parents need to consider that life is long and there maybe a change of heart in the future for newly weds. And there may be grandchildren. The parents of the bride should be honest and say that the daughter’s action is hurting them deeply but they will attend because they love her and wish to be there. Not being there could cause a huge family riff that could last for years. And the parents should pray, pray and pray. Pray the surrender pray and put it in Gods hands.
 
Demetra said:
The bride’s parents need to consider that life is long and there maybe a change of heart in the future for newly weds. And there may be grandchildren. The parents of the bride should be honest and say that the daughter’s action is hurting them deeply but they will attend because they love her and wish to be there. Not being there could cause a huge family riff that could last for years. And the parents should pray, pray and pray. Pray the surrender pray and put it in Gods hands.
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That would certainly be acceptable, in good faith. “Hurting deeply” is an unfortunate way to attend a ceremony that is intended to be a celebration.

That’s why refraining would be more appropriate, imo. But attend with sorrow, if that is what the daughter wishes.
 
And look here
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Child not getting married in the church Family Life
I dont underatand how all these Catholics let this priest bully everyone. Well, actually, knowing how many Catholics fear the authority of a priest, maybe I do. Your father not attending, in itself, is not wrong. It’s the circumstances of submitting to a priest who was acting wrong.
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In @CilladeRoma‘s story, you put nearly all the blame on the priest and the bishop, and the other Catholics who “didn’t stand up for the couple,” while you refuse to directly acknowledge that her father-in-law not attending the wedding played a role in causing her husband’s rift with the Church. In promoting your own stipulation on Church laws, you minimize any fact that doesn’t support your claim, or that provides a shred of evidence that attending the wedding might just bring someone closer to the Church rather than driving them farther away. In doing so, you facilitate placing an unnecessary burden on the faithful that the Church herself does not. NOT COOL!
 
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Psalm30 said:
In @CilladeRoma‘s story, you put nearly all the blame on the priest and the bishop, and the other Catholics who “didn’t stand up for the couple,” while you refuse to directly acknowledge that her father-in-law not attending the wedding played a role in causing her husband’s rift with the Church.
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I doubt it would have changed anything, even though I know she says otherwise.
 
Elf01 said:
I doubt it would have changed anything, even though I know she says otherwise.
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I find it quite interesting that you and Ammi know her situation and her husband better than she does. Have you met him? Were you there for the experience? I don’t think so.
 
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I explained how many Catholics are advised to listen and trust their priests. This happens on CAF quite a bit also. The mentality that a priest knows better than laity is pushed as a Catholic truth often.

The father in law may have had a bad attitude. And maybe his bad attitude was a reason for not attending (which would not be cool of him). This same attitude may be why he couldnt see a priest abusing his daughter.

The Church made a mistake, and then CilladeRoma had evidence of abuse.

CilladeRoma said the decision to get an annulment was there, and yet they took the Sanation.

In my opinion, father in law needed to apologize for trusting a bad priest, and any other poor behavior. How could the father not admit he (and the Church that was aware of the situation) was being a bully? Maybe the father pressured the priest against the marriage?

In the end, a good relationship wont be harmed by a Catholic refraining from a ceremony which is against the law of the Church. The issues are beneath this. Those issues are what harms the relationship.

Whoever is receiving Eucharist ought to give something that is good to the relationship! Whoever is not receiving, should not be judging the other no matter how nice their partner or lover is.
 
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Ammi said:
In the end, a good relationship wont be harmed by a Catholic refraining from a ceremony which is against the law of the Church.
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I have no idea how you can say this as certain fact. I just don’t, I’ve seen it with my own eyes.
Ammi said:
no matter how nice their partner or lover is.
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Personally, I’d refrain from calling their husband or wife “partner” or “lover” in front of them…if you’re planning on holding onto that relationship. My $0.02… 🤦‍♂️ 🤷‍♂️
 
In your family, 10 years of friendship after leaving the Church will say more than one ceremony against His Church.
 
Ammi said:
In the end, a good relationship wont be harmed by a Catholic refraining from a ceremony which is against the law of the Church. The issues are beneath this. Those issues are what harms the relationship.
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So, the verdict is that you will not, under any circumstances, admit that sometimes not attending the wedding is what harms the relationship.

The reason for any ruined relationship due to someone refusing to attend a wedding in the name of non-existent Catholic laws is, without a shred of doubt, “beneath this.” It’s fascinating, just simply fascinating, that you know more about the relationships of people you’ve never met than they do.
Ammi said:
The father in law may have had a bad attitude. And maybe his bad attitude was a reason for not attending (which would not be cool of him). This same attitude may be why he couldnt see a priest abusing his daughter.
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Well, good for you admitting this now. Would have been nice to say it a few hundred posts ago.

And you have completely ignored all the other things I’ve called you out on and continue to promote your own agenda by saying that the reason is, under any and all circumstances, “beneath this.”
 
Correct. There is no prohibition of attending a particular ceremony. Pastors and priest, canon lawyers and apologists say it’s a matter of prudence. So why you might choose to attend, and how you might handle attending if you choose to do so, matters significantly.

So far, the most orthodox and greatest position to teach, has been from Father Angel Perez-Lopez, formation adviser and assistant professor of philosophical ethics and sacred moral theology at St. John Vianney Seminary in Denver.

He explained the moral obligations if one chooses to attend.

“By attending these marriages, you don’t want to give the impression that you approve of their not following the canonical form of marriage,” he said. “You need to make it clear you do not agree with that. Moreover, one should avoid being an active participant of the ceremony.”

If you do not choose to attend, it is never “not attending” which is right or wrong, it’s what is behind the decision and manner of Prudence.

The ceremony is invalid. It can never be necessary to attend it. The reasons for not attending can be bad or good.
 
Ammi said:
If you do not choose to attend, it is never “not attending” which is right or wrong,
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Not attending is not objectively sinful or not sinful. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t responsible for ruining the relationship. Just because the Catholic Church doesn’t say it’s wrong to not attend doesn’t mean not attending isn’t what broke the relationship. That is the part you refuse to acknowledge. Period.
 
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I acknowledge you and a whole mess of people think this way. I absolutely do disagree.

The relationship already contains the problem. The ceremony is a reflection of the Catholic attempting marriage, for one. You dont leave a good relationship because of attending or not attending, but why you did or didnt attend and what you said or didnt say. That’s how it works. The relationship is either going to heal or not.

Because informing the couple of your sorrow and hope is a heavy thing to say. And this person should know Catholics should feel sorrow over a ceremony which reflects leaving His Eucharist.
 
Ammi said:
You dont leave a good relationship because of attending or not attending,
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I’m really sorry that you cannot see that sometimes this is the case. I hope one day maybe you can.

And you still haven’t acknowledged all the other ugly things you said to other posters early on in this thread that I called you out on. I hope that one day you can acknowledge that, too.
 
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Psalm30 said:
And you still haven’t acknowledged all the other ugly things you said to other posters early on in this thread that I called you out on. I hope that one day you can acknowledge that, too.
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This is inappropriate. I have maintained the stance that anyone blaming a Catholic for ruining the relationship by not attending the ceremony is being anti-Catholic.

This either sinks in to readers, or they want to believe refraining from a ceremony opposed (the ceremony itself) to the Church can sometimes be guilty of harming the relationship.
 
Ammi said:
This is inappropriate. I have maintained the stance that anyone blaming a Catholic for ruining the relationship by not attending the ceremony is being anti-Catholic.

This either sinks in to readers, or they want to believe refraining from a ceremony opposed (the ceremony itself) to the Church can sometimes be guilty of harming the relationship.
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Did you even read post 499?
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Child not getting married in the church Family Life
Look here: No one has labeled anyone as a “hater.” That’s you. All you. In your unwavering attempt to put your own stipulation on Church laws, you twist people’s words into things they did not say. And here You jump to accuse the poster of approving of invalid marriages and being of the opinion that a Catholic can enter into one in good conscience—and that’s not what she said. At all. That is your projection. Yours. All. Yours. And here: Invalidity doesn’t matter to her? Says who? Bec…
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We’re no longer talking about the anti-Catholic thing. We’re taking about you spouting accusations at people and putting words in their mouth!

And in regard to the anti-Catholic thing, I will say again what I said in post 500: You don’t like it when people twist your words into something you didn’t say? Think about that before spouting accusations at others!
 
I stand by my posts. Dont blame a Catholic who chooses to not attending an invalid wedding as being rude, unloving, judgmental, or the cause of ruining the relationship, by refraining from the ceremony.

Whoever does that, is being anti Catholic. Since every Catholic has the right to refrain from a ceremony which reflects breaking Church law and whatever lies behind that choice.

Focus on the relationship!! Not censuring whoever doesnt choose to attend.
 
LOOK. AT. THIS.

In post #7, The Little Lady said this:

“I wonder if the OP talked about what makes a valid marriage as her daughter was growing up, making it as common knowledge as learning the State Capitol Cities or the planets in the solar system.

We had those talks all of the time. We had frank decisions, far before our son was even dating, and continuing through his teens, about what our participation would or would not be should he decide to marry outside of the Church.

There would have been no rift because we respect each other.

did our OP’s friend have an agreement with her daughter like that?”

And you responded with this:
Ammi said:
So are you saying a Catholic can enter an invalid marriage (outside the Church) in good conscience?

The agreement of any sincere Catholic, is to intend and strive to follow what the Church Teaches.

Not attending an invalid wedding is not a judgment, but refraining from participating and supporting
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Everything she said supports your stance about the quality of the relationship, and it matches up with the way you would handle things with your own children! And you chewed her out, putting words in her mouth that are absolutely nowhere in her post, and accusing her of approving of invalid marriages! NOT COOL!!!
 
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