I think that the reply is clear, while polite and subtle. You are suggesting that the mother should be emotionally manipulated to effectively validate, with an implied blessing, a ceremony that will lead to an unmarried, cohabiting relationship… fornication, which is a sin. Perhaps it is the daughter who should consider the consequences.
Agreed. It’s sad how many people see no issue with this, and it’s a growing problem. We need to offer charity AND truth in order to be as loving as we’d like to think of ourselves as being. Else we are simply being weak, at best.
Most important is how God sees it.
Yes, this is an excellent point. She can get married in the Church to please her mother, but that isn’t going to magically change her beliefs. And she likely won’t keep the promises she’s required to make to be married in the Church, if she doesn’t agree with them and is only doing it to please her parents. In that sense, would it really be a valid marriage anyway? Isn’t the first question posed to the bride and groom during the marriage rite “Do you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to one another in marriage?”
People live in a world where the perfect wedding is TV fodder, every RomCom has a wedding scene, and they base their dreams of a perfect wedding on those images. I know people who do not take their kids to weddings at all, so, the kids have no idea about Catholic weddings.
It was advised earlier in the thread that a consolation with a priest should be pursued. He would be better equipped to consider the contributing factors for the viability of this Sacrament, or how to nurture faith.
Nor does it encourage it, especially if it involves a Catholic falling away from the faith. I would argue that that goes beyond prudential judgement, and teeters on the edge of the realm of common sense… at least to a devout, traditional Catholic. Such a person stands at far greater risk during judgment, as such a person was brought up to know better.
No one has said that. This is something you are projecting.
Nor should the ways of the secular be embraced to please one’s children. No, the parents need not disown them… but certainly pray for them, give example and have trust in the Lord. Capitulation to wickedness is never the answer. Only God knows how things will play out if we stand firm in our convictions and adhere to proper principles. Perhaps in a few years the daughter will come around and convert. A PC stamp of approval may very well obliterate even that possibility. Adult daughter has her soul to worry about, and so does mom. Daughter may benefit from mom taking that seriously, unyieldingly. A bit idealistic? Perhaps. But Jesus did not mince His words when he called us to perfection.
Not attending the wedding may very well be perceived by the daughter as disownment.
No, but the daughter likely does not perceive marrying outside the Church as “wickedness”. All she is going to see is her mother refusing to be by her side on the most important day of her life.
I guess I personally don’t see attending the wedding as an automatic stamp of approval. Same as @Mike_from_NJ attending a relative’s baptism even though he is an unbeliever. His relatives likely know that he does not agree with baptism or believe in God, but he was there for his relative.
First and foremost, I commend Mike for being forthcoming in his ideological position.
And here, we must simply agree to disagree
Especially since the daughter is not asking for mere attendance, but active participation and facilitation/promotion (with guest list) of the event.As I suggested before, The law of love entails charity and truth. One without the other makes love not.
Then I believe you have missed the point. My point is that it is possible to attend an event that goes against your beliefs while still making it known that you don’t agree with what’s going on. Non-Catholics attending Mass doesn’t mean they suddenly believe in what the Church teaches, and a Catholic attending an invalid wedding doesn’t mean they believe it isn’t a sin/is a valid marriage. Especially if the Catholic makes it clear they don’t approve of the situation.
And how would the Church view someone getting married in the Church—for no other reason than pleasing Mom and Dad—when they don’t take seriously or intend to keep the promises they are required to make to be validly married in the Church?
Yes. But refusing to attend the wedding isn’t necessarily an effective way to do that, in every single case. And it can set up the bride and groom to marry in the Church by going through the motions, without actually intending to live their vows. I’m not saying that is definitely what will happen in this situation—or in any other situation— just that it’s possible.
It’s a case-by-case basis. Will not attending the wedding push people further away from doing the right thing or closer to it? We don’t know enough about the OP’s friend’s situation to say one way or the other. All I’m saying is that not attending the wedding may or may not be the right way to convince a person not to enter into an invalid marriage.
Couple of things, here, and I realize this is slightly off topic. If Catholic integralists like yourself want the benefits of living in this pluralistic society, they need to care about the world’s law, too. Render to God what is God’s, but render to the state what is the state’s. The other is that my cousins were being rude and uncharitable. It’s one thing to admonish a sinner (although a child has no business admonishing his Uncle or Aunt), but it’s another to admonish another child for his parent’s perceived sins. And what if dear old Dad had left your ecclesial community by a formal act? Then the rules of said community would say the marriage was presumed valid. It’s not like he would have told his children.