Child not getting married in the church

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These rules you call “arbitrary” afford men and women to find another spouse. That isnt very arbitrary is it?
 
What are you talking about?
If we married in the Church and ended up divorcing, an annulment would have been practically a sure thing, as neither of us, at the time, believed what the Church did, so our marriage would have been invalid anyway.
 
CilladeRoma said:
What are you talking about?
If we married in the Church and ended up divorcing, an annulment would have been practically a sure thing, as neither of us, at the time, believed what the Church did, so our marriage would have been invalid anyway.
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This is what your FIL was protesting. And now you are recognizing.
 
But it had nothing to do with him “protesting”. I didn’t care if he came to our wedding or not. I did care that my husband was hurt, and that 30 years later he still sees Catholicism as nothing but a set of stupid rules and hypocrisy instead of the beautiful gift that it is.
But that’s ok, his Dad was “right”.
 
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Your dad was protesting invalidity. Because the Church has established the laws of validity.

Your husband (or presumed husband) is angry at the Church for these laws. That is not his father’s fault. It is your husband’s issue with the Church.
 
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Nothing “presumed” about it. My marriage was sanated. Perfectly legit in the eyes of the Church from the day of our original non-Church wedding because the Church has a lot more compassion than some of her members.
 
What?

Did you tell the Church “Neither of us at the time practiced the faith, or even really believed.”?
 
Yes, we did, but there were other extenuating circumstances.
We did attempt, at first, to marry in the Church. The refusal of my husband’s Pastor to allow us to be married in his parish because I was not a member of it, which, BTW, is a direct violation of our rights as Catholics, was the final straw in a series of things that drove us from the Church.
Fortunately for us, the Church realized one of her Shepherds was way out of bounds and helped me to rectify the situation so that I could resume the practice of my faith.
 
This makes sense. It wasnt your husband’s father , but it was a priest. This all makes sense now.
 
No, it was my husband’s father, who refused to even consider that the priest was wrong and refused to support his son.
And then refused to attend his son’s wedding.
That caused a huge rift between the two of them because my husband saw it as his father choosing “rules” over love.
And on that note, I am done with you and this thread.
 
Yes and no. I agree his priest was wrong (unless either of you lacked genuine faith). They often are. But no, he was most likely taught NOT to question the priest. It still happens alot, even here in CAF, and those in this thread! They say, listen to the priest, over and over again.

Your situation was drastically different than a typical marrying outside the Church. You attempted to marry in the Church, and a priest refused. Then your fiance’s father didnt support going elsewhere.

This doesnt really make an arguement for marrying outside the Church, but for taking an issue to the Bishop, when a priest is in the wrong.
 
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TheLittleLady said:
I wonder if the OP talked about what makes a valid marriage as her daughter was growing up, making it as common knowledge as learning the State Capitol Cities or the planets in the solar system.

We had those talks all of the time. We had frank decisions, far before our son was even dating, and continuing through his teens, about what our participation would or would not be should he decide to marry outside of the Church.

There would have been no rift because we respect each other.

did our OP’s friend have an agreement with her daughter like that?
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You can have all the conversations you want but at the end of the day they are adults and will make their own decisions. Both my kids married outside the Church, with full knowledge. They didn’t care.

Daughter married a nominal Anglican and knew she could have had the wedding she had with a dispensation from form. She said, “I wasn’t willing to lie and say that I’d raise my kids Catholic.” Neither grandson is baptized.

Son married another Catholic. They have both declared themselves atheists and want nothing to do with religion.
 
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Exactly. You sew the knowledge, they reap it as they see fit. I don’t see the good in punishing our children because they have made a choice that we do not approve of.
 
Whether you agree or not, many people, myself included, consider a parent telling a grown child “do this my way or I won’t attend or even consider you married” is a punishment of sorts.
What that says is that some “rule” is more important to their parent than they are.
That is a very difficult thing to deal with.
 
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It’s not “my way”. It’s the faith of those who receive Eucharist in the Catholic Church.

If it was up to me, I wouldnt establish that impediment.

You are making a very large and haste judgment on people who consider attending and participating, celebrating and congratulating a wedding forbidden by the Church to be a support of invalidity. Someone can refrain from attending an invalid marriage, while still loving and supporting the couple as individual people. In fact refraining from attending can be an act of love in itself! But you are demonizing any decision to refrain as hateful and disownment.
 
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My brother-in-law got married this summer in a ceremony outside of the church.

Everyone showed up and we all had a great time.

Edit: I forgot,one of my sister-in-laws was married in an outdoor Lutheran ceremony. Nobody skipped that either.
 
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Does the Church consider the marriage valid if everybody had a great time?
 
Will their children be raised Catholic? No biggie… small details, I guess. The Church and her fullness of truth are either central in our lives or they are not. I’m guessing that devout Catholics seeking guidance on a Catholic forum seek Catholic answers. We are all well aware of the more modernistic attitudes.
 
Apparently it’s cool to boast about an invalid marriage. Any Catholic who does not wish to celebrate an invalid marriage is now being labeled a hater.
 
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