Child not getting married in the church

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Ammi said:
And if you express this to a loved one, and they reject the Teaching, then they are putting a huge strain on their relationship with Jesus and His Church!
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But that’s just it. If a Catholic chooses to go against the established Church teaching, it’s quite obvious that they don’t really care about that relationship.
The relationship between mother/father/child though, is probably still important to them. Acting in the way you propose is not going to change the adult child’s relationship with the Church, but will no doubt change the family relationship, forever.
I will ask again, will being “right” be worth it when the adult child cuts off all ties?
 
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CilladeRoma said:
I will ask again, will being “right” be worth it when the adult child cuts off all ties?
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That’s a nasty threat, which I dont think my child would do. They will know that I wont support an invalid wedding. They will know I’m not cutting ties with them, but that I cannot, in good conscience, celebrate an act of defying the Church.
 
It would not be a threat, it would be a reaction to what could be perceived as a rejection of them by people who are supposed to love them.
I’m not sure why you don’t understand this.
 
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I will make sure my kids know the difference, and are not so naive to make the ridiculous assumption you keep using as a means to compromise yourselves.
 
I’m really starting to wonder how good of a relationship these parents and children have that this would cause such a big problem for them.

My child would never expect me to support something against my faith.
 
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The thing is…it’s not a ridiculous assumption, like at all. There’s a handful of us in this thread alone that have told you of this exact thing happening.

I guess to the OP, if your friend decides not to go to the wedding or be a part of it…I’d say be ready for the consequences. It will most likely AT LEAST put a pretty severe strain in the relationship, in the extreme it may fracture the relationship.
Ammi said:
I’m really starting to wonder how good of a relationship these parents and children have that this would cause such a big problem for them.
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I wonder how good of a relationship they have that the parents would skip the wedding and think things are gonna be just hunky dorey for the rest of their lives after. 🤔
 
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TC3033 said:
The thing is…it’s not a ridiculous assumption, like at all. There’s a handful of us in this thread alone that have told you of this exact thing happening.
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I’m not going to trust strangers that they had a healthy relationship, and communicated heart to heart why they could not support and celebrate an invalid wedding, while reassuring them it is exactly BECAUSE they love them and God’s Church. I highly doubt this is the way any of these so called examples have proceeded. I’m much more inclined to believe other compromises in the faith and relationship have existed already.
I wonder how good of a relationship they have that the parents would skip the wedding and think things are gonna be just hunky dorey for the rest of their lives after. 🤔
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All I can do is express my reason, and demonstrate that I am certainly not disowning them. That would be obvious when the relationship I have with them remains just as loving as before the invalid wedding.

I’m not afraid my child would throw an immature fit, and bear a grudge against this. I trust in true love overcoming. I trust my relationship with them.
 
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Ammi said:
I’m not going to trust strangers
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Then discussions on the internet are pointless… Those of us can tell you about real life examples of exactly what we’re saying can (and most of the time do) happen. If you don’t want to believe that, then that’s your porogative. I think it’s pretty naive to think that skipping a child’s wedding has higher odds of “life just going on like nothing happened” vs. a real strain put on the relationship.
Ammi said:
That would be obvious when the relationship I have with them remains just as loving as before the invalid wedding.
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If “you’re” still there.
Ammi said:
I’m not afraid my child would throw an immature fit, and bear a grudge against this.
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I’m honestly not sure how it would be an “immature fit” to be upset a parent is skipping their wedding day…especially when (pointed out a few times above) you don’t have to.

Hey…you do you. We had two of these weddings in my wife’s family. Everyone showed up.
 
TC3033 said:
Then discussions on the internet are pointless… Those of us can tell you about real life examples of exactly what we’re saying can (and most of the time do) happen. If you don’t want to believe that, then that’s your porogative. I think it’s pretty naive to think that skipping a child’s wedding has higher odds of “life just going on like nothing happened” vs. a real strain put on the relationship.
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You mean invalid wedding. Call it what it is. The Church doesnt call it a valid wedding. They will, and often do, allow either spouse to walk away for any reason and at any time, no matter what, and find a new lover to marry.
Ammi said:
If “you’re” still there.
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Yep, I’m not afraid of “what if” threats.
Ammi said:
I’m honestly not sure how it would be an “immature fit” to be upset a parent is skipping their wedding day…especially when (pointed out a few times above) you don’t have to.
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You mean skip their invalid wedding day. When children are raised Catholic, there is a whole lot of formation which prepare a person for such a position. Going through CCD (even if they dont want to) going to Sunday Mass (even when they dont want to) abstaining from meat during Lent (even when they dont want to) not substituting attending one of their friend’s non-Catholic Church services for Mass (even when they want to). All these things form their knowledge of Catholic duties, even if they dont agree. These days, the protestant mentality has grown a stronghold because Catholic parents have trouble raising kids to learn that some things in the faith can not be compromised, and life isnt all about only doing things that we want to do. They will learn that daddy/mommy are holding to the faith, because they really believe its God’s Church, and they see that the love, kindness and unconditional support exist despite the world claiming “inflicting hurt” “punishing” “disowning” “alienating” and all the other fear tactics being presented.
Hey…you do you. We had two of these weddings in my wife’s family. Everyone showed up.
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You mean invalid weddings.
 
Unless the kids still consider themselves Catholic, and a lot of them don’t, what’s the point of going and lying to the priest just to satisfy Mom & Dad?
 
Phemie said:
Unless the kids still consider themselves Catholic, and a lot of them don’t, what’s the point of going and lying to the priest just to satisfy Mom & Dad?
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Did I ever say they need to marry in the Church with a different impediment?

No!

Neither would demand of any adult not to go their own way.

The issue is strictly about whether or not we ought to attend a wedding we know is considered invalid by the Church.

Here is an article I can agree with. The conclusion is in line with what I have been expressing.

 
Yet, if we decide to attend, there is a moral obligation to help the Catholic know that it is grave sin and we are only attending to support and pray for their turning back to the Church.

And despite the mortal sin issue, there are still repercussions. Such as no Eucharist reception while in an objectively grave lifestyle. And the potential for either spouse to leave the relationship at any time and for any reason and no matter how many children, without any resistance from the Church.
 
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Ammi said:
Yet, if we decide to attend, there is a moral obligation to help the Catholic know that it is grave sin. And we are only attending to support and pray for their turning back to the Church.
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It’s not difficult to say that to your sibling or child and I certainly let my kids know it. But they still would have been horribly hurt if I’d refused to attend their wedding, and I can’t imagine they would have wanted me in their lives afterward.
 
Honestly, I dont see why your child would see much difference in not attending, and attending without participation but rather praying that they repent from the ceramony!

I would rather they didnt attend. If anyone doesnt support and celebrate the wedding, why would the bride or groom want them there???
 
Ammi said:
You mean invalid wedding. Call it what it is. The Church doesnt call it a valid wedding.
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I wouldn’t start with that…if you don’t plan on straining the relationship.
Ammi said:
Yep, I’m not afraid of “what if” threats.
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It’s not really a what if but a “most likely” (in most cases).
Ammi said:
You mean skip their invalid wedding day.
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Nope. That may be their one and only wedding day.
Ammi said:
the world claiming “inflicting hurt” “punishing” “disowning” “alienating” and all the other fear tactics being presented.
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It’s not “fear tactics” It happens, whether you want to believe it or not. I’m honestly at a loss that you don’t believe it. Many of us on this post have told stories of witnessing it.
Ammi said:
You mean invalid weddings.
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No, actually I don’t. However, you may hold that belief.
 
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