Christmas lists where you're TOLD what you can/cannot ask for?

[KCT]

Hmm, one would think… but knowing how passive he is he won’t tell her that which I think is a huge problem here. I had confrontations w/ her in the past and decided that I’m done dealing w/ her and that HE should deal w/ her since it is his mom. Kwim? So, w/ that being said, I would think that would be a lovely idea but we’ll see how far that gets us…I’ll let you know.

Do you own 2 cars? Your dh can go according to his mom’s demands and you can arrive when it’s good for you and the kids. If not, rent a car and go later. Just because your hubby is passive, doesn’t mean you have to enable him.

If he doesn’t go for that, it sounds like you’re stuck w/ a passive hubby and a controlling MIL. Offer it up.

 

[whatevergirl]

*You know, I am not sure passive is the word, as much as just wanting to keep the peace. I completely ‘get’ that, mamacita. I used to be the same way…my sister would say ‘‘you need to be here at such and such a time, and you better not be late,’’ and I’d rush, and get a baby and toddler ready…husband driving like a madman to south Florida…walk in the door, and my sister is ranting and raving at her then husband, and doesn’t even notice we’ve arrived. Yelling about tableclothes not being perfect, and yelling at my BIL to vacuum til the cows come home. Ah yes, the holidays. She is an amazing cook–my husband used to say…your sister makes it worth it to put up with all of this, her cooking is AMAZING.

Now, she is MUCH different now, I like the new chilled out version of her. But, I think she realizes that I’m just not going to do that anymore. I don’t feel badly about it either. If keeping the peace with her, meant that I was going to be hysterical and stressed out…I’ll risk keeping the peace. lol You know, what we fear MIGHT happen, is always worse than what actually does.

I guarantee that nothing will happen if you don’t go. She will be angry for a bit, but then, it’ll pass. Our fears of the unknown are always worse than reality! I think growing up in a volatile household, which sounds like your dh went through, I did as well…you sort of grow accustomed to someone ranting and raving, and asking you to jump through hoops. But, there comes a day when it gets old. And you no longer want to be treated like a child who can’t make his/her own decisions. I think that your dh just feels caught in the middle, and just doesn’t want to rock the boat with his mom. Many of us on here have been in his shoes…

I like KCT’s idea of renting a car. That made me laugh though…that’s funny.*

 

[kage_ar]

I’d ask for fun things -

Musical instruments and lessons

Ballet shoes and dance lessons

Roller skates for the whole gang

New bikes for all the kids

 

[ohioszo]

My brother’s family parish was closed. They are meeting in a Methodist church for a “Mass” with a Polish National Catholic priest as celebrant. The children are being baptized and have their first communion here. I assume that the Bishop is hands off with them, these years that are starting to mount up. They attend a Catholic Parish the other three weeks … it’s just 30 or so people, and bro’s family 1/2 to 2/3 of that. Every Christmas I’m told about their “Mass.” I just narrowly missed attending their Mass this past Sunday for a Baptism. How’s that for controlling? The are surrounded by nearby parishes that they can belong to, but, they are furious at the Bishop for closing their St. James and they have an online website about it.* A hard lesson to learn is to let go and let God? The hardest lesson in life, and we need to obey. God always forgives us. He loves us. Talk to God in prayer and also ask for advice from your Pastor*. Catholics shouldn’t be fighting Catholics. I really wish that we had gone Christmas wacky, it may have prevented the heartache of having a child follow the JW sect … my sister and her two children. Just a mention of Christmas … they consider it tantamount to evil. Your are with your children every day, and Christmas is for 12 days. Please give in to your MIL. Alternatively, be grateful you don’t have the opposite: To have someone reject Christmas completely is the worst thing for a family’s happiness. Second to that is the disunity in Christianity. * A great time to teach about charity. There is a Catholic children’s book that has a story about a litttle rich girl who gave away her Christmas toys. If done quietly, you won’t spoil grandmother’s Christmas, a belief that is saving her soul. To believe in Santa and to pull it all together in your heart, that is your challenge from God. His abundance is St. Nicholas, grandmother is a part of St. Nicholas’ work!* The church wants the children to be brought up correctly in this, but, something is happening in your household, and it revolves around your heart and your children. They won’t be materialistic because of the toys that they receive, it won’t be because of grandma’s over-giving, it will be because you cannot pull it together and see that you are truly blessed.
My brother’s family, nor my sister’s can understand how blessed they have been as Catholics. The poorest sot in the world may know what is hard for those who have much.

 

[mamacita]

My brother’s family parish was closed. They are meeting in a Methodist church for a “Mass” with a Polish National Catholic priest as celebrant. The children are being baptized and have their first communion here. I assume that the Bishop is hands off with them, these years that are starting to mount up. They attend a Catholic Parish the other three weeks … it’s just 30 or so people, and bro’s family 1/2 to 2/3 of that. Every Christmas I’m told about their “Mass.” I just narrowly missed attending their Mass this past Sunday for a Baptism. How’s that for controlling? The are surrounded by nearby parishes that they can belong to, but, they are furious at the Bishop for closing their St. James and they have an online website about it.* A hard lesson to learn is to let go and let God? The hardest lesson in life, and we need to obey. God always forgives us. He loves us. Talk to God in prayer and also ask for advice from your Pastor*. Catholics shouldn’t be fighting Catholics. I really wish that we had gone Christmas wacky, it may have prevented the heartache of having a child follow the JW sect … my sister and her two children. Just a mention of Christmas … they consider it tantamount to evil. Your are with your children every day, and Christmas is for 12 days. Please give in to your MIL. Alternatively, be grateful you don’t have the opposite: To have someone reject Christmas completely is the worst thing for a family’s happiness. Second to that is the disunity in Christianity. * A great time to teach about charity. There is a Catholic children’s book that has a story about a litttle rich girl who gave away her Christmas toys. If done quietly, you won’t spoil grandmother’s Christmas, a belief that is saving her soul. To believe in Santa and to pull it all together in your heart, that is your challenge from God. His abundance is St. Nicholas, grandmother is a part of St. Nicholas’ work!* The church wants the children to be brought up correctly in this, but, something is happening in your household, and it revolves around your heart and your children. They won’t be materialistic because of the toys that they receive, it won’t be because of grandma’s over-giving, it will be because you cannot pull it together and see that you are truly blessed.
My brother’s family, nor my sister’s can understand how blessed they have been as Catholics. The poorest sot in the world may know what is hard for those who have much.

**You don’t just give into someone because you want to be a ‘people pleaser’ esp. EVERY single year, Ohiozo. That’s not how life works for us. It is not right and not showing your kids to be their own ‘person’ so to speak . It’s teaching them to let others walk all over you and obey their every call, that’s NOT correct in my opinion. I completely disagree w/ this. Being walked all over by her and being given a CHOICE to go or not are two totally different things that you are not understanding is going on here w/ this woman.

My husband had a job transfer 3 years ago, he moved while I stayed here trying to sell our house. It ened up not selling after being on the market for quite awhile (I was pregnant w/ baby #4 at the time as well to add to the stress of trying to sell a house w/ out him here). So we decided to stay put here. I wish in hind sight (which obviously we can’t change) that we had ‘stuck it out’ til it DID sell instead of taking it off the market. I think that would have been such a blessing for OUR immediate family to get away from all this stress. I do think that God wanted us to move as we prayed and prayed over it, we shouldn’t have given up on the selling part (well, looking back we should have dropped the price and we wouldn’t be here dealing w/ this mess, but that’s a whole 'nother story).

BTW, this isn’t just a Christmas thing w/ her incase you didn’t know, it’s a year around thing w/ her controlling us, our every move, etc.**

 

[ohioszo]

I’m not keen on the isolation that you require, with your family on Christmas, but I respect it and would probably suffer it.

This came from St. Meinrad on Facebook. One could probably read it and get something either way about your situation.

A quote from St. Meinrad on Facebook with link following:

We are unprofitable servants;we have done what we were obliged to do.

I have to tell you that I am not that into “nice” restaurants. Haute Cuisine is completely lost on me. Give me a good old buffet anytime. Occasionally, however, the job calls me to dine rather than feed and I find myself in some rather upscale establishments. And frankly I am bewildered. The evening usually goes something like this. The waiter tells us what is being served. “Our feature this evening is ratt tatt tatt of pork on a bed of curls of celery, prepared with a foi gras foam and an infusion of slivered bamboo.” Now, I can assure you I have no idea what that is but when it arrives two hours later I am surprised to find a huge white plate with what looks like a raw slice of meat the size of a nickel and an artistically placed piece of dental floss. This is food as art and the art of the day is minimalist. Needless to say on the way home, Arby’s is on the agenda. Why? Because I’m fat and I’m hungry.

Minimalism may be haute cuisine and it may be art, but it ain’t discipleship. Jesus chastises the disciples who only do the minimum, just enough to eek in the side door of salvation. That’s enough for us they say. Jesus upbraids them for their lack of initiative, their lack of creativity, their mendacity. Why? Turn to Sirach
God formed man to be imperishable;the image of his own nature he made them.
By the devil the death of minimalism entered the world.

Catholics are plagued by minimalism. How much do I need to do to achieve my ticket to heaven? Just give me the basics please; too much spiritual food may give me indigestion. How many classes do I have to attend? I want to get married, not become a nun. How long is mass on Sunday? 17 minutes is all I have for God. Just show me the hoops, Father, I can jump, just not too high

And sometimes we leaders can send out the message that all of this Catholic stuff is really not too demanding. Just show up every once in a while, pray a little, confess a little, and drop a little something in the basket.

And little by little we eat away at the substance of our faith. Minimally, we grow smaller and smaller until we despair of the bounty of God. And then we despise religion for its meagerness like a restaurant that has the audacity to serve dental floss to hungry people.

***But here is the truth. God is big, God is huge, God is everything and we must be careful that we do not pare down the overwhelming reality of God, a reality in which we are created, in which we hope, in which we dream, in which we long to live, into an entrée that cannot satisfy.

Here is the truth of God, the richness of this altar. Bring it on. Belly up to the buffet sisters and brothers. Let’s get fat on the largess of the Kingdom. Mind your manners, true, but don’t be too picky. God isn’t. After all he created and called us to lives of spiritual excess, overflow, abundance, so let it not be said of us:
We are unprofitable servants;we have done what we were obliged to do.***

facebook.com/group.php?gid=163446277798&ref=search&sid=1696645579.99674941…1&v=wall#/notes/saint-meinrad/belly-up/173862108871

 

[Janechantal53]

I’ve noticed that most of the people who answered this thread are pretty much in agreement about what you should do. Plenty of good advice there… And to be honest, it seems to me that your MIL loves your family and is generous. You are blessed! You could choose to be grateful?

 

[mamacita]

I’ve noticed that most of the people who answered this thread are pretty much in agreement about what you should do. Plenty of good advice there… And to be honest, it seems to me that your MIL loves your family and is generous. You are blessed! You could choose to be grateful?

One again, it’s not that we are NOT grateful. sigh Perhaps you didn’t read all the postings about what this all entails besides the gift issue. The dogs (which end w/ my son in the ER due to the importance of animals over people here), and the whole fact that we sacrifice every year to drive there but she does not do the same on ANY holiday. I’m sorry, but this is a two way street, she should be driving here and not expecting her grandkids to travel EVERY Christmas to see her. That is not right. Maybe you think so, but I think that’s called selfishness.

 

[mamacita]

**I’m not keen on the isolation that you require, with your family **on Christmas, but I respect it and would probably suffer it.

This came from St. Meinrad on Facebook. One could probably read it and get something either way about your situation.

A quote from St. Meinrad on Facebook with link following:

We are unprofitable servants;we have done what we were obliged to do.

I have to tell you that I am not that into “nice” restaurants. Haute Cuisine is completely lost on me. Give me a good old buffet anytime. Occasionally, however, the job calls me to dine rather than feed and I find myself in some rather upscale establishments. And frankly I am bewildered. The evening usually goes something like this. The waiter tells us what is being served. “Our feature this evening is ratt tatt tatt of pork on a bed of curls of celery, prepared with a foi gras foam and an infusion of slivered bamboo.” Now, I can assure you I have no idea what that is but when it arrives two hours later I am surprised to find a huge white plate with what looks like a raw slice of meat the size of a nickel and an artistically placed piece of dental floss. This is food as art and the art of the day is minimalist. Needless to say on the way home, Arby’s is on the agenda. Why? Because I’m fat and I’m hungry.

Minimalism may be haute cuisine and it may be art, but it ain’t discipleship. Jesus chastises the disciples who only do the minimum, just enough to eek in the side door of salvation. That’s enough for us they say. Jesus upbraids them for their lack of initiative, their lack of creativity, their mendacity. Why? Turn to Sirach
God formed man to be imperishable;the image of his own nature he made them.
By the devil the death of minimalism entered the world.

Catholics are plagued by minimalism. How much do I need to do to achieve my ticket to heaven? Just give me the basics please; too much spiritual food may give me indigestion. How many classes do I have to attend? I want to get married, not become a nun. How long is mass on Sunday? 17 minutes is all I have for God. Just show me the hoops, Father, I can jump, just not too high

And sometimes we leaders can send out the message that all of this Catholic stuff is really not too demanding. Just show up every once in a while, pray a little, confess a little, and drop a little something in the basket.

And little by little we eat away at the substance of our faith. Minimally, we grow smaller and smaller until we despair of the bounty of God. And then we despise religion for its meagerness like a restaurant that has the audacity to serve dental floss to hungry people.

***But here is the truth. God is big, God is huge, God is everything and we must be careful that we do not pare down the overwhelming reality of God, a reality in which we are created, in which we hope, in which we dream, in which we long to live, into an entrée that cannot satisfy.

Here is the truth of God, the richness of this altar. Bring it on. Belly up to the buffet sisters and brothers. Let’s get fat on the largess of the Kingdom. Mind your manners, true, but don’t be too picky. God isn’t. After all he created and called us to lives of spiritual excess, overflow, abundance, so let it not be said of us:
We are unprofitable servants;we have done what we were obliged to do.***

facebook.com/group.php?gid=163446277798&ref=search&sid=1696645579.99674941…1&v=wall#/notes/saint-meinrad/belly-up/173862108871

**That first line of yours is a HUGE assumption on your part. Our kids are far from ‘isolated’ despite what you may think. We go to a party w/ family on Christmas eve, then another on Christmas night, then another on the 26th or 27th, not sure of the day of that one yet (all in our hometown)…so that’s 3 parties in 3 days and then to drive a total of 4 hours in one day when she can JUST AS EASILY COME TO SEE US BUT she refuses to. It’s selfish, there’s no other way to describe it…we’re not talking every other year people, we’re talking EVERY SINGLE YEAR~! Not right. Not sure you’ve been in this same situation but assuming that we stay home, in our house, on the holidays is an exaggeration. ******

 

[ohioszo]

**That first line of yours is a HUGE assumption on your part. Our kids are far from ‘isolated’ despite what you may think. We go to a party w/ family on Christmas eve, then another on Christmas night, then another on the 26th or 27th, not sure of the day of that one yet (all in our hometown)…so that’s 3 parties in 3 days and then to drive a total of 4 hours in one day when she can JUST AS EASILY COME TO SEE US BUT she refuses to. It’s selfish, there’s no other way to describe it…we’re not talking every other year people, we’re talking EVERY SINGLE YEAR~! Not right. Not sure you’ve been in this same situation but assuming that we stay home, in our house, on the holidays is an exaggeration. ******

Why people insist on everything happening within 2 days or so, is the question for our family as well as yours. All on Christmas Eve. One niece and husband requested to come at 2 pm Christmas Eve, so they could leave by 4. Bro’s wife’s family has claimed, with rented hall, all holidays: Easter, Christmas, New Years and Thanksgiving. So, we need to get the date changed for the Sunday after, but it runs into New Years. My main gripe though: My older sister dominates the evening with her glib talk of Walmart and computers … it never amounts to anything but prevents any other topic. I’ve started to drink to get through it … we’ve been without drinks for many years on Christmas Eve, but that was before big sister and Walmart.

 

[mamacita]

Why people insist on everything happening within 2 days or so, is the question for our family as well as yours. All on Christmas Eve. One niece and husband requested to come at 2 pm Christmas Eve, so they could leave by 4. Bro’s wife’s family has claimed, with rented hall, all holidays: Easter, Christmas, New Years and Thanksgiving. So, we need to get the date changed for the Sunday after, but it runs into New Years. My main gripe though: ** My older sister dominates the evening with her glib talk of Walmart and computers … it never amounts to anything but prevents any other topic. I’ve started to drink to get through it …** we’ve been without drinks for many years on Christmas Eve, but that was before big sister and Walmart.

I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh or make fun, but I couldn’t help but chuckle at that one comment. :whacky:
BUT are you allowed to talk about Christ? If so, that’s a plus, right? We aren’t even allowed to do that. Once again, we’re controlled by the host of the party.