M
mamacita
Guest
**No, it doesn’t mean anything other than that’s what SHE wants. Who says you have to go, or even show up at that time? Tell her you have plans to sleep in and will be there sometime before lunch/dinner.
If she says “No Gifts, then,” respond with a quick, “Oh, that’s fine. We come to see the family, not to get things!”
I’m sorry. I think this is absolutely ridiculous. So YOUR Christmas is going to be ruined and stressed because you will feel the need to get your over-excited kids in bed earlier than they’d normally be in bed at Christmas, in order to travel well or be grumpy all day at Grandma’s, all because she is demanding you be at her house at such-and-such a time? She’s essentially *punishing *you because you live too far away.If you lived closer where she wanted you to live, then you’d be there for sure at 9AM, but you’re two hours away and she still has no leeway.
I’m going to be blunt, so excuse me.You have been doing this catering to MIL far too long. You know how she manipulates you, but you don’t DO anything about it. If you don’t have any plans of changing things, then I don’t really feel sorry for you.
I just don’t. People who want things to change find a way to make that change happen, EVEN IF it means not going to Christmas at her house anymore, and you can do that - because like you said, you are your own family now and have every right to enjoy your holiday together apart from “distant relatives”.
And Sancta agrees.
Sancta, I agree w/ you about staying home and telling her to drive here. However we decided years ago that HE is to deal w/ her as I can’t take much more of her… We’ve had confrontations in the past, it’s to the point that when she calls I try not to answer the phone, she’s been that hostile (mainly bossy and controlling) towards me that I’ve had my fill. Problem is is that DH is sooo passive that he lets everything go and gives into her. It’s actually sickening me as I write this. Every year we go thru this whole gift issue and the whole "it’s her Christmas’’ stuff (which for some reason is EVERY year, funny how that happens, isn’t it?), and every year he ends it w/ “let’s just go so I don’t have to listen to her b ^&*% at me.” And that to me is wrong, he’s giving into her and it’s been ongoing for way too long. I feel like the door mat that has to hop in the car bright and early EVERY single year because he won’t tell her no!
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Esp. rude of her to expect this EVERY year…every other year is another story but it’s EVERY year!!!
This is the same guy who is now 26, teaching at a university, and is too busy to ever write me an email. But, when it’s convenient for him, he wants to see me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. But, they self centered and only think about what works for THEM. I try to see other’s needs, but at this point in my life, I do what is in the best interest of my husband and kids. If my extended family gets upset, sadly, I don’t let it bother me anymore. I only share this with you, to say…YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You have to break the cycle of this…because Christmas isn’t about stress, and jumping through hoops. It’s about the love of Christ, and the Light of Christ coming into the world. It’s isn’t about mother in laws getting their own way, and buying out Walmart. Your husband is the only one that can change this though–you get what you accept, remember that! 
. So, we might ‘offend’ him if we discuss Christ. However, it’s ok for him to offend us by bringing their dogs in the house (MIL’s) when my DS is severely allergic to dogs to the point of asthma attacks. Funny thing is is that this has been addressed to MIL time and time again. Guess what? SHE won’t tell him 'no you’re dogs aren’t welcome here, put them at someone else’s house" instead she TOLD my DH, “you talk to him about it, it’s between him and you.” So what the heck? SHE doesn’t walk all over or control that son but she does us?? IT’S her house and she can’t say “no dogs”?? But we can have our son get sick and end up in the ER (that’s what happened last year after going to Christmas) sigh 
She won’t even bring up the subject to the son, how bad is that (she’s afraid he won’t come around if she brings it up? Like being silent is the best option here? She sure doesn’t do that to us.
Seriously, my sister has two sons, and one sister (me). Now, she raised me from the time I was nine and on…so she has always been ‘‘like’’ a mom to me. That said, she fears a bit the oldest son…the younger one, she lays guilt trips on…and me, she used to do that the worst with. I stopped tolerating it, and now it’s her youngest who gets the brunt. I don’t know if she fears her oldest, but he has told her off before. So, perhaps she does fear him. That said, however way you slice this, your MIL does it to your husband, because he accepts it. Seriously, it’s that simple. When I stopped accepting it from my sister, she stopped. She acts up every now and then, but she knows that I’m not going to jump through hoops, or be treated like my family comes second to her desires. To be honest, she has changed since her divorce, for the better, in this regard. It’s not that bad anymore, but what I’m offering to you is that on some level your MIL KNOWS that your BIL won’t tolerate the behavior. She knows your husband will. Now, not saying to cause her to fear you guys, but I’d stop jumping through the hoops–plain and simple. She’s his mother, but a man leaves his mom, and clings to his wife. That’s it. She needs to stop being unreasonable. She might be exercising unsual control with you both, because of the utter lack of it she has with her other son. That said, why does she need to control ANYBODY? 
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