College women, take heed: Prioritize marriage and family!

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Look, it’s easy to get lost from my real point. Does being a SAHM work for some? Sure. But we ought not denigrate moms who work (as is creeping in here), nor insist that those who do so are miserable; hate their lives; or are dying under “mountains of debt” as the article postulates. Some women work because they want to; want to make a contribution to their family and society; want to not be reliant on a man; whatever. They’re certainly not unhappy and shouldn’t be made to feel as if they need a “life coach” to “reorient themselves” or “get advice.”

(My wife would be a better life coach than literally anyone I’ve ever met) ❤️
 
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VonDerTann said:
Lots and lots of SAHMs always say precisely what you say - yet very few, by contrast, acknowledge that doing these tasks also come hand-in-hand with other things like “not having to please a boss”; “being able to wear sweatpants all day and not care how you look;” “not needing to actually pay attention to updating professional qualifications” (maybe you did but many don’t)." Framed differently, many many SAHMs say “look how bad I have it!” but very few acknowledge that by and large being a SAHM is a million times easier than being a working parent…
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I understand where you’re coming from here and I do acknowledge the benefits (to me personally) as a SAHM. I love not having to wear a uniform or follow a dress code; to not have a boss; to be the one in control (self admitted control freak here!); I most certainly intend to keep my professional license updated and current should I have to go back to work. I’m very lucky in that the industry I’m in is ridiculously easy to find a job (especially part time).
VonDerTann said:
But working parents frequently - in fact invariably - outwork them. Very few SAHMs have the intellectual honesty to admit that.
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I certainly think there are working parents (both full time ) who have much more on their plates. Maybe they can handle stress better? Maybe they thrive on it and chaos? Maybe they don’t’ care if the home is a bit messy? I do…OCD and anxiety make it very difficult to have my home (my sanctuary) in disarray. I tried working full time and maintaining a home…it didn’t work for me at all. (and this was back when I only had 1 kid!) However I will say that of all the full time working moms I know, most cut corners when it comes to housework and food prep…lots of eating out; no time to themselves (regular exercise most days is something I NEED); tired all the time. I’m not judging, but it’s definitely not something I want to embrace. And yes I understand that lots of full time working moms don’t have a choice. I guess I’ don’t really know many full time working moms who LOVE their career (or even consider what they do a career instead of a job). Most that I know dont’ love it.

The one bad thing I hate about being a SAHM is how isolating it can be at times.
 
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This sounds a lot like what we do now especially when I was working part time…schedules were juggled and all that. However, we went the public school route for high school b/c we have student loans that need to be paid off (almost there with mine!). We live in a school choice state and the voucher pays for catholic grade school so the younger 3 go there but the high school tuition is insane (nearly double the grade school).
 
Angel, your posts are perfectly valid.

Do working parents cut corners? Often…yes. In the same fashion, some SAHMs are IMHO equally too concerned about how their homes look.

My typing, about my wife during COVID, got me thinking: We’re living in times of historic job loss, economic upheaval, etc. Pressure was on dad before…how about now? I’ve come across many articles extolling how wonderful it is to be a SAHM. Most are pre-COVID. How about now, when Dad’s gym or restaurant is shuttered? That’s an unspoken reality. If the link is to post-COVID (and it seems to be), that’s about as tin-eared and tone-deaf as I can imagine.
 
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COVID related job loss is definitely not a good thing. I’m fortunate in that my husband’s job is essential and he ended up with overtime a lot b/c of shortages etc. My job however was and is not essential which is why it was shut down. It did re-open but I chose not to go back. Prior to COVID I was planning on quitting anyway (and going into a completely different industry…those plans have been put on the back burner now b/c of the economy.) perhaps just not as soon as I did.
I think lots of things are going to change from here on out…people are realizing what they can do without (gym memberships for instance) and companies are realizing that working from home isn’t the worst thing in the world (i would love a part time office type job I could do from home!). Even things like grocery shopping are changing…lots of e commerce and online shopping being done.

If anything I think COVID is forcing people to not get too comfortable anymore…to plan better and to reduce unneeded things. I guess I’m trying to frame things in a positive light.
 
There certainly isn’t.

If I were a wife and a mother and if my husband was earning good money, I would definitely be a SAHM.

I am poor at multitasking so holding a job and being a mom at the same time would be too stressful for me. Other women wouldn’t have as much problems so my hat’s off to them.

However I’m single with no kids, so I have no choice but to work.
 
I envy you your school choice state. Hopefully, school choice vouchers will become standard in all states some day so that parents will have more control over the quality control over their children’s education.
 
Yeah there is no way we could swing tuition without the voucher…for all 4 of them it would be 25k a year! We don’t belong to the parish so we don’t get a discount (which honestly is minimal at best) and I wouldn’t feel right applying for financial assistance since we don’t go to the parish.
 
Seriously though, how do Catholic school expect parents to pay tuition if said parents do not practice contraception and have more kids than average and the wife is expected to stay at home and be a homemaker?
 
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Everyone here is making some very good points. I was both SAHM and working mom. I definitely had more on my plate as a working mom and I definitely cut corners to achieve it. My husband also had to step up more when I went back to work. I worked evening shifts for most of my career (hospital Medical Technologist) so hubby had to make dinner four evenings a week and we did eat out more often…though not that often…when I was on days off. We had more money to do so. Before I started working, vacations were short camping trips. We couldn’t afford staying in motels…after working we could. I had time to PTA and classroom volunteer while staying at home. That ended with working. So, it’s a mix. For us, it was the only way we could get ahead and I really wanted the career I chose.

As I said before, I don’t regret a moment of being a SAHM and I don’t regret a minute of my career. I think my kids benefited in different ways from both as well. They loved having their friends over for lunchtime and they learned self sufficiency from my working. They also learned to turn to dad for “mothering” moments when I wasn’t there. It made him a better dad!

Which is really about the choices we can make that works best for each of us and our families. We have those choices and should appreciate the choices others make as well instead of playing a false competition over who had it best or worse!
 
Pattylt said:
Which is really about the choices we can make that works best for each of us and our families. We have those choices and should appreciate the choices others make as well instead of playing a false competition over who had it best or worse!
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We really shouldn’t be comparing ourselves to others.

A really wise priest told me this.

We either get arrogant or bitter when we do so and neither of these benefit us.
 
I think a lot of the bigger families end up homeschooling. The ones that are large and do catholic schooling probably get some sort of voucher assistance (full or partial) as well as parish financial support. Of course I don’t know all the specifics…judging by some of the large homes I’ve been to, some probably also have really good paying jobs (Engineers and Doctors etc). I think there are lots of part time working moms too.
 
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Daughter is a highly competent, well paid, and driven woman who has what they now call an “extreme job”. 70 hours a week constantly videoconferencing etc. Making lots of money.

She is also lonely at 32 years old.
We made a few mistakes as parents. Primary mistake was to value and encourage wealth-making and independence above other more important things, like simple family life.

It was said upthread that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing between family and work. Well, that’s really false. Family is an all or nothing commitment. Work supports family not the other way around. And if you get that pyramid upside down your personal life is going to be a little wacky.
 
goout said:
It was said upthread that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing between family and work. Well, that’s really false. Family is an all or nothing commitment. Work supports family not the other way around. And if you get that pyramid upside down your personal life is going to be a little wacky.
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I think the point there was more that it doesn’t have to be a choice between being a SAHM and not being committed to your family. 70h a week is a lot, but most working adults don’t work that much.
 
Something else to consider is that there’s a difference between raising a toddler and a 16 year old. At some point babies grow up.
 
goout said:
Work supports family not the other way around. And if you get that pyramid upside down your personal life is going to be a little wacky.
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I agree…It’s really hard to reorganize priorities once work become the most important thing.
VonDerTann said:
Something else to consider is that there’s a difference between raising a toddler and a 16 year old. At some point babies grow up.
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This is also an important fact that I think gets overlooked frequently. It’s part of the reason why I intend to maintain my profession’s license.
 
I had a female coworker whose husband lost his job and said he wanted to become a stay-at-home-dad.

She said “okay… then let’s cancel the cleaning service and pull the kids out of daycare.” He wanted to keep the kids in day care??! She wanted to know what it was exactly that he would do all day every day if the kids were at day care.

While understanding that littles do well with their stay at home parent, I’ve often wondered what a stay at home spouse does when the kids are off at school.
 
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