Confessing Pre-Marital Sex/Birth Control

  • Thread starter Thread starter WesternBlot
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
WesternBlot said:
I will look into that book, thank you. Could you or BlueEyedLady please clarify: even if one IS remorseful after marriage for what they’ve done and confess their sins of pre-marital sex and birth control, and suffering from Pride, why would they still carry the mortal sin?
Click to expand...
NO!! When the priest absolves you from your sin, it is gone! Please go speak with one of your parish priests, I think it will put your heart and mind at ease.
 
Keep in mind, also – and this is something that I was thrilled to read about on these forums, in addition to all the more academic stuff out there – that individuals who’ve been in a situation like yours (on both levels) chose to abstain and separate before marriage. It was difficult, but unanimously, across the board! (👍), they agreed it was the best thing that they could have done. The same goes for couples who converted, and who now must/choose to abstain from sex on a regular basis (NFP). That abstinence is a blessing (many blessings!) in disguise.

May God bless you both. I’ll be praying for you. 🙂
 
BlueEyedLady said:
They wouldn’t. However, you made it sound like once you are married you won’t be committing the sin of fornication, so you can take communion. You cannot until you are truly sorry for what you did, stop using birth control, and really feel like if you could go back you would do it differently. Once you have all of those feelings and you confess you can receive the Eucharist.
Click to expand...
This is not quite right. See the quote from the Catechism above on “imperfect contrition”.
 
Nate13 said:
This is not quite right. See the quote from the Catechism above on “imperfect contrition”.
Click to expand...
You have to feel some sort of remorse though. “I wish I hadn’t done that. If I had another chance, I would do things differently” If the motive is love of God then it is perfect; if the motive is fear then it is imperfect.

I don’t know if confessing only after you’re no longer able to commit that sin and then only for CYA insurance counts.
 
WesternBlot said:
Thank you, and I know I am new but I converted for many reasons, I do love the Church and I believe it is the one Church Christ founded. I am struggling with this one issue but I believe through prayer I will come to abide by this law. I can’t just “make” myself agree with it, therefore I can’t confess the sin…I think I’m just very conflicted.

.
Click to expand...
Why cannot you not just start following the Church’s teaching while you continue to pray and come to a better understanding of it? Then you can make a good confession, because you accept that it is a sin and intend to sin no more. Then, as long as you continue to follow the Church’s teaching, you can go to communion.

I know of people who have this same problem with the issue of contraception. They do not agree/understand the church’s teaching, but they accept it and they abide by it.

I think, at one point or another in everyone’s life, this occurs with one issue or another. It is a matter of humility, admitting the Church is more wise than I, and so following the Church instead of my own ill formed conscience.
 
kozlosap said:
I have to disagree with you emphatically - that was not a “Catholic” answer. I’ve been single for 20 years now and have had no sexual relationships during that time, however, I have never been able to believe that contraception is a sin. I have studied the CCC, read endless articles that explain the foundations behind the “rule” and read with great interest the Humane Vitae (sp) by my hero, Pope John Paul II, and I still cannot agree with the teaching. My conscience is clear that I do not equate using contraception has a mortal sin. Luckily, since I’m single, I’m not at a point in my life where I worry about using contraception. Even though I disagree with this teaching, I go to confession and partake of Communion on a weekly basis.

The Church is a hospital for sinners, not a meeting place for the perfect. If all Catholics were turned away from the Church because they disagreed with one dogma or another, then the pews would be empty except for those hypocrites who “choose” to believe they are perfect. Please go talk to your priest about your questions, I think you will find help there.😉
Click to expand...
Humanae vitae isn’t by John Paul.

You’ve also are equating 2 different things here. I can tell you today that I believe 100% in the Catholic teachings. I don’t even have to know what they are to know I believe in them. That doesn’t make me perfect, but I have full confidence in the church that Jesus Christ established in being free from error in teaching about faith and morals.

This does not mean I don’t sin. Nor do I believe I’m perfect. But I do have 100% belief in church teaching.

I also don’t know how someone can say their conscience is clear when their conscience isn’t in line with the church that Jesus founded.
 
You can’t receive the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony until you’re in a state of grace. But basically, you want to keep having sex and using ABC until you get married, at which time you believe you’ll be able to receive communion because you’re not fornicating? That is so messed up. Why exactly did you convert?
 
40.png
Nate13:
This is not quite right. See the quote from the Catechism above on “imperfect contrition”.
Click to expand...
I am pretty sure, you are incorrect in your previous post’s interpretation of the catechism. Imperfect contrition is imperfect only because it does not arise from a love of God, but it arises out of fear of punishment. It still requires a recognition of the sin and a intention to no repeat the sin. A valid sacrament of penance requires the intent to not continue the sin. At least that is my understanding. The original post made it clear that he has no intent on changing his behavior; despite knowledge of the Church’s teaching.

The first paragraph from the CCC, 1451, that you posted applies to both perfect and imperfect contrition and clearly states all contrition includes a resolution to not sin again.
 
I appreciate your honesty and I think it’s great that you exhibit the humilty to acknowledge that you could be wrong on this issue. There are many who disagree with the Church’s teaching who aren’t interested in reading up on the “why” and/or potentially changing the way they live their life.

You say you plan on meeeting with a priest, and I would really encourage you to do that. That’s what they’re there for. 🙂
 
To the OP: I applaud your honest seeking of advice and am sorry some insist on saying you’re not a real catholic if you don’t believe all the teachings. Just know the vast majority of Catholics are like you and they are welcome at the church anytime. We are all at different stages of our journey and struggle with different things. There are plenty of good reasons to be Catholic regardless.
It’s true you should continue to seek answers but it may be true you’ll never come around on a few. It’s also true according to the letter that you are supposed to practice NFP as a married couple in order to take communion. In practice though the church lets us decide on our own if we are worthy of communion, usually asking no questions when we step up even if they know you are in a state of mortal sin. If they did otherwise, the pews would indeed be empty, hardly the recipe for a universal church. Do you feel your heart is in the right place even though you struggle with the letter of the law? Are you still actively seeking answers? You can confess to your priest that you struggle with these teachings along with practicing them since you are obviously not at peace on the matter.
Also as a practical matter, you may consider having your wife talk to her gynecologist about NFP. You may find that it’s viable for you an even improves you marriage and sex life. If the church makes sex better than they must know something right? 🙂
 
If I had to break it down into the simplest terms possible, I would say this:
  1. Human life is sacred.
  2. Sex is the means by which new life is created.
  3. Therefore sex is a sacred act.
  4. Divorcing a sacred act from its sacred purpose is a perversion of the act.
  5. Perverting that which is sacred is an offense to God.
  6. Contraception divorces sex from its sacred purpose.
  7. Contraception is therefore an offense to God (sin.)
Accepting this, we can move on to premarital sex:
  1. If contraception is sinful, all sexual acts must be open to life.
  2. Sexual partners have a responsibility to any children that results from their union.
  3. Human psychology tells us family stability is important to the development and well being of children.
  4. Parents therefore are obligated to provide a stable family for the child.
  5. Marriage (absolute commitment) is the necessary state for provision of this stability.
  6. Therefore, all sex acts should take place within the bound of marriage.
Any questions? 🙂
 
domandcarols said:
You can’t receive the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony until you’re in a state of grace. But basically, you want to keep having sex and using ABC until you get married, at which time you believe you’ll be able to receive communion because you’re not fornicating? That is so messed up. Why exactly did you convert?
Click to expand...
Obviously you either did not read my OP clearly enough, or I failed to make my point clearly enough…

No where did I state that I think everything will be fine once we are married with regards to the sins I’m committing now. I’ve explained briefly why I converted. Do you respond to every poster with legitimate struggles with Church teaching by flippantly asking why the converted in the first place? Understand that I’m not digging for an “easy out”, I’m simply clarifying and seeking answers.
 
Joe_5859 said:
I appreciate your honesty and I think it’s great that you exhibit the humilty to acknowledge that you could be wrong on this issue. There are many who disagree with the Church’s teaching who aren’t interested in reading up on the “why” and/or potentially changing the way they live their life.

You say you plan on meeeting with a priest, and I would really encourage you to do that. That’s what they’re there for. 🙂
Click to expand...
I don’t want to overlly beat up on the OP, and I am not one who would question his conversion or his being Catholic. This a serious question. Where is his humility? He was very clear that he knows the Church’s teaching and know’s it is a sin; yet continues to engage in the acts and has no plans on changing his behavior. A serious question, because it seems to me that the greater sin is one of pride: eg "I struggle with agreeing with the teaching (therefore I continue to engage in the acts). ". In other words, I am smarter than the Church.
 
WesternBlot said:
Obviously you either did not read my OP clearly enough, or I failed to make my point clearly enough…

No where did I state that I think everything will be fine once we are married with regards to the sins I’m committing now. I’ve explained briefly why I converted. Do you respond to every poster with legitimate struggles with Church teaching by flippantly asking why the converted in the first place? Understand that I’m not digging for an “easy out”, I’m simply clarifying and seeking answers.
Click to expand...
You really only have two choices, keep doing what you’re doing and miss out on a sacramental marriage, not to mention put your soul at risk. Or, give up your sin and start following the church that you committed yourself to. Only you can decide what’s more important. Sex or your faith in god and the cc.
 
prodigalson2011 said:
If I had to break it down into the simplest terms possible, I would say this:
  1. Human life is sacred.
  2. Sex is the means by which new life is created.
  3. Therefore sex is a sacred act.
  4. Divorcing a sacred act from its sacred purpose is a perversion of the act.
  5. Perverting that which is sacred is an offense to God.
  6. Contraception divorces sex from its sacred purpose.
  7. Contraception is therefore an offense to God (sin.)
Accepting this, we can move on to premarital sex:
  1. If contraception is sinful, all sexual acts must be open to life.
  2. Sexual partners have a responsibility to any children that results from their union.
  3. Human psychology tells us family stability is important to the development and well being of children.
  4. Parents therefore are obligated to provide a stable family for the child.
  5. Marriage (absolute commitment) is the necessary state for provision of this stability.
  6. Therefore, all sex acts should take place within the bound of marriage.
Any questions? 🙂
Click to expand...
Thank you, and I do have a question on this.

NFP is a means by which a couple can exercise their wills to decrease the likelihood of conceiving by a great margin. They know that if they DO conceive, they will support and raise that child.

ABC (in the form of condoms) is a means by which a couple can exercise their wills to decrease the likelihood of conceiving by a great margin. In our case, we also know that if we DO conceive, we will support and raise that child. I cannot understand the logical leap it takes to say that, just because one method uses a piece of latex and one uses purposeful timing of sex, BOTH are being used to control birth, and (depending on the couple, as is true in my case) both are open to the possibility of life (since ABC is not 100% effective). We know that we are open to the possibility of life, but do not actively seek to become pregnant (exactly the same mentality if we were to be using NFP).

Does this confusion make more sense now? Thank you all for the wonderful advice by the way!
 
BlueEyedLady said:
You really only have two choices, keep doing what you’re doing and miss out on a sacramental marriage, not to mention put your soul at risk. Or, give up your sin and start following the church that you committed yourself to. Only you can decide what’s more important. Sex or your faith in god and the cc.
Click to expand...
This is the second post on this thread I have seen that implies that one must be in a state of grace to be sacramentally married. That is absolutely wrong. Here is the quote from Fr John Hardon’s catechism:
Because if two people marry and either one is not in the state of grace, even though they should receive the sacrament of marriage, is it possible to receive the sacrament of marriage and not have been in the state of grace in receiving that sacrament? Yes! Is the marriage valid? Yes. Is it binding until death? Yes. Is it a sacrament? Yes. Do husband and wife get the grace from the sacrament of marriage? No, unless both are in the state of grace when they marry. And if they married and they were not in the state of grace, although validly, nevertheless they do not then begin to receive the graces from their sacramental union unless and until they restore God’s friendship in their souls.
Click to expand...
therealpresence.org/archives/Marriage/Marriage_001.htm

So not only is a marriage valid and sacramental; they will start receiving the graces from that sacrament as soon as they enter a state of grace after the marriage.
 
tafan said:
I don’t want to overlly beat up on the OP, and I am not one who would question his conversion or his being Catholic. This a serious question. Where is his humility? He was very clear that he knows the Church’s teaching and know’s it is a sin; yet continues to engage in the acts and has no plans on changing his behavior. A serious question, because it seems to me that the greater sin is one of pride: eg "I struggle with agreeing with the teaching (therefore I continue to engage in the acts). ". In other words, I am smarter than the Church.
Click to expand...
I understand, and do try to be humble, I strive for that, but at the same time I crave reasons for beliefs (this is one thing that actually pulled me toward the CC). Again, I will be praying and speaking with my priest soon on this matter, something I have not done yet, so I am trying.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
They wouldn’t. However, you made it sound like once you are married you won’t be committing the sin of fornication, so you can take communion. You cannot until you are truly sorry for what you did, stop using birth control, and really feel like if you could go back you would do it differently. Once you have all of those feelings and you confess you can receive the Eucharist.
Click to expand...
👍 You’re gettin’ pretty good at this!

To the OP: I will be praying for you. Think of being at the foot of the Cross, and maybe do some gentle soul-searching as to whether the instant gratification you’re experiencing now is really worth denying the suffering He went through. Just a thought.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top