The delicacy of the situation is EXACTLY why I suggested that rayne ask the priest whether he is a “list guy” who helps confessions along by asking questions. Since the little girl is “silent” and “freezes” during confession, this could be his way of helping out. Nevertheless, we live in an age when we have all had our antennae sensitized and we can’t ignore any little signs that could signal trouble.
We also homeschool. What we did was to purchase a small notebook so the kids could write down what they needed to confess. This is their confession diary (private). Also, there are some very good traditional guidelines written for children to take with them when they go to confession. (crib notes allowed hereThank you. My daughter is homeschooled so we don’t have to worry about recess.I worry with my daughter’s tendency toward scrupulosity that she’ll be fretting over accidentally touching that area. She has difficult gasping degrees of sin or intent. She already struggles with unintentional “bad thoughts”, she worries if she didn’t push them out of her mind soon enough and she constantly worries if this or that is a lie. I just don’t want to add more to list of worries if I don’t have too.
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The priest was trying to be helpful. He asked an age appropriate question (as much as some people are loathe to believe). It isn’t a sin that most people are comfortable talking about. Even in this age of hyper-sensitivity to the activities of our clergy, some of the responses have bordered on paranoia instead of concern.Unfortunately, what used to be viewed as “paranoia” is simply a response to very real, very disturbing occurrences. While this priest is likely just “doing his job” parents must be vigilant; that’s today’s reality.Oh for goodness’ sake.
I’m sorry, but when exactly did it become appropriate for the priest to ask someone if they committed a sin or not? Especially if it’s masturbation. And especially if the person is 11 years-old. To me that is quite absurd. It is the job for the penitent to tell their sins to the confessor; not have the confessor interrogate the penitent.Oh for goodness’ sake.
While it would not be appropriate for a priest (or anyone else) to ask such questions in most situations. it is appropriate for a confessor to ask a penitent such questions during Confession. As a penitent I expect to be asked such questions, even blunt, personal questions during confession as sometimes one confessed sin may suggest sinful habits to the confessor that the penitent may not have fully discerned during his or her examination of conscience, or that he or she may find difficult to articulate due to fear or shame. The priest understands this and is trying to make things easier for the penitent.
Well, the OP stated that her daughter freezes in confession and so if her daughter freezes the priest most likely will ask questions about sins that are common for her age. Even though many would like to bury their heads in the sand and think that many 11 year olds don’t do anything worse than not honoring their parents, then they are sadly naive. Are there kids who only commit the minimum sins? Yes, but I would venture that they are not the majority. When I was 11 I was seriously depressed and made a plan to commit suicide. Many here would think that an 11 year old wouldn’t know what that was, yet I was innocent at the time and thought life would be better if I weren’t alive.
It’s not age appropriate unless the child has had a problem in this area. This is rubbish. The appropriate age would be 14+ and even that I’d be real careful if I were a priest. Unless the child even knows what masturbation means, a priest has no business asking this question. I wonder too what ramifications this would have on a child that’s doesn’t know what this means. It could cause a child to be curious and what happens then?
Who decreed that? Sources please.
Actually, it is not at all unusual for a priest to assist a penitent by using a list. I know someone who had sweat blood to prepare his general confession when he came into the Catholic Church and had made a point to going to a monastery that “specializes” in hearing confessions. When he got there, the priest simply took over and guided my friend through it – using his list.
Um, this was always the case. The most basic research into the sacrament, particularly older prayers books and rituals, will clearly reveal that a confessor may ask questions as he deems necessary. It is part of the sacrament, especially when the penitent seems to need guidance, freezes up in the confessional, or seems to suggest, but not actually confess, certain sins. This is part and parcel of the confessor’s function. Read the old prayer books and see for yourself.
The Beauty of American CatholicismUm, this was always the case. The most basic research into the sacrament, particularly older prayers books and rituals, will clearly reveal that a confessor may ask questions as he deems necessary. It is part of the sacrament, especially when the penitent seems to need guidance, freezes up in the confessional, or seems to suggest, but not actually confess, certain sins. This is part and parcel of the confessor’s function. Read the old prayer books and see for yourself.
It would seem that many contemporary Catholics have been so accustomed so everything related to their faith being sugar-coated, that they take a offense when a confessor functions as confessors always did, at least in times past.
Did all go well? Is this issue laid to rest for you? You don’t have to answer, but I thought I would put a post on here asking about you, instead of an advice kind of post, since the thread was about you and your life, not some hypothetical situation. What matters to me is that it is well with you and your daughter.
You are right. However, this is a different issue.Um, this was always the case. The most basic research into the sacrament, particularly older prayers books and rituals, will clearly reveal that a confessor may ask questions as he deems necessary. It is part of the sacrament, especially when the penitent seems to need guidance, freezes up in the confessional, or seems to suggest, but not actually confess, certain sins. This is part and parcel of the confessor’s function. Read the old prayer books and see for yourself.
It would seem that many contemporary Catholics have been so accustomed so everything related to their faith being sugar-coated, that they take a offense when a confessor functions as confessors always did, at least in times past.
May is the key word here. She may or may not, the priest doesn’t know. Therefore it is appropriate that he ask certain questions.
I certainly would never tell Father how to do his job. If I do talk to him I would say something along the lines of my daughter did not understand your question and seemed uneasy about it. I would ask what his opinion was on how to proceed especially since she tends to be scrupulous. In that way he knows she told me and knows she doesn’t understand what he is talking about.
Beautiful!
.I absolutely realize that many children my daughter’s age have more knowledge in this area than most parents would like to believe. I may be coming across as naive to many people or burying my head in the sand or “my child is different.”
Through my professional experience (I am not a priest) I have known many 10-14 year old boys and girls that have knowledge of things most parents would cringe at the thought of their child knowing. That said, how is the priest to know who he is dealing with except that it is a minor child? He wants the child to be comfortable confessing sin. He asked about one that is very very common. The OP has a sincere belief that the priest is upstanding and not in any way trying to do something out of line. It looks like, with all due respect, a situation of “not my child”.
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