I think there are a few things we need to address before we as a society can get anywhere on this issue.
At times, there is complete ignorance on an obstetrician’s part in regards to the safety of medical treatment in pregnant women. It leads to alarmist reactions. This is atleast my experience:
I was taking an anticonvulsant, and I found out I was pregnant half-surprisingly (Husband and I talked about it for the first time and then it happened, poof

). I did not have time to speak with the person prescribing the medication prior to conceiving. I made an appointment with him, he discussed the likelihood of birth defects from the medication. The drug has been on the market for almost twenty years (kid is three), and the most frequent birth defect is cleft palate. The risk for cleft palate, a pretty much treatable condition, in use of this drug for pregnancy is 0.7%. My doctor told me this and suggested I continue the medication because of the reason he prescribed it and the tiny chance just wasn’t worth ditching the drug.
Come to my OB appointment, I was told 1) The chances of my kid inheriting my disorder were high (No kidding, I work in the field that treats it), 2) I needed to discontinue the medication I was taking and use something “safe” for pregnancy. The list consisted of drugs inappropriate as first-line treatment of my diagnosis - which was what I needed - because there is evidence that the class actually aggravates the condition in many people, has less data for use in pregnancy than the drug I was taking, and is associated with severe withdrawal symptoms and correlated with childhood behavioral problems. Don’t get me wrong, if you need the drug, you need. But I did not appreciate medical advice that was/is flat-out wrong.
There are two OB offices in my town, and I thought I was picking the lesser of the two evils. I did see a few different OB’s at the practice because that was how they did things. Most gave me the same line of garbage. I don’t expect physicians to know everything about the human body, but I do expect them to be able to read the prescribing info sheet of the drug they’re lecturing about.
Later on, I was referred to a maternal fetal medicine doctor because of a spot on the heart found during the 20 week ultrasound. Doctor reviewed the results of the first ultrasound and the second as it was being done, said there wasn’t jack on there and the kid was perfectly healthy, and canceled my genetic counseling appointment that regular OB didn’t tell me about. I ended up getting referred back to him because of a quad screen that regular OB did not tell me about came up positive for Down Syndrome. He called me and told me the chances of me having a kid with Down Syndrome based on blood work alone were lower than getting into a car accident and he couldn’t recommend anything but enjoying picking out baby clothes.
Oh, and there was a midwife who thought I was ten years younger than what I was. That would be flattering to a lot of people, but I was twenty-five and she was treating me disrespectfully. Not related, but it is a fun aside.
Luckily, those people willingly left or got fired, and the doctor who delivered my baby was great. I knew several people who went through similar rigamarole as me, which was rather suspicious. U.S. c-section rates are also absurdly high, but that’s another topic.
I completely understand wanting to be prepared for pregnancy complications, but brushing up on statistics prior to walking into an OB’s office is needed. If they say “statistically significant,” that is supposed to mean that there is a 5% chance of one thing being correlated with another. Assuming they know what statistical significance means (you’d be surprised how many people with a lot of education and in health fields don’t), we’re still talking miniscule. If they say significant, it may not mean much of anything.
That is just medical woes. Abortions done not in the name of severe physical or mental health risks to the mother have a different set of problems. Our society needs to treat parents with more respect. The Welfare Mom and slang typically used to describe prostitutes needs to stop. Employers need to stop covertly penalizing parents who are stuck staying home with sick kids (I get sick kid duty usually because my husband can lose a few grand per quarter if he calls off of work). We need to stop saying derogatory things about infants and children who are socioeconomically disadvantaged or of different ethnic groups than the dominant one. I could go on. People make some outright idiotic decisions regarding sex and romantic relationships, but the messages society sends are not productive and end up hurting children.
We need to not make it so terrifying and overwhelming to have kids.