Contraception in marriage...very special case

[CONFUSED1111]

I’m here for the first time. Since English is not my native language, my apologies for all incorrections in my writing.

To the topic…

I’m so called “converted” person: I became Roman Catholic in the year 2001, during so called “charismatic retreat” of Fr. James Manjackal. In another post I can relate my absolutely positive experience with this holy man…

The resaon for my posting here is my everyday “trouble” regarding issue of contraception in marriage. Although it seems this subject to be extremely simple, various situations/events in life can seriously cast a shadow of doubt on the main fundamentals of Catholic Church teaching regarding this matter…

My case

My wife had a child birth in October, 2006. She, literally, hardly survive it, on account of terrible complications that followed the birth of our daughter Karla. A few days after child birth, my wife got sepsis. Her condition was “peritonitis”, which caused her bowels to stop working. Her sepsis was so bad that doctors gave her abt.10% chances to survive operation. She was done a huge abdominal cut, her bowels were taken out of her body to be cleaned of puss…Then she was “closed” and the only thing we were able to do was to pray for her survival.

With the help of God, she did it. But, that was not the end of her/our troubles. Below her abdominal stich, the new outgrowth appeared making pressure to her bowels and obstructing normal digestion process. For that reason, she has been twice hospitalised with partial “ileus”: her bowels were partly obstructed again. Luckily, during abt. last year and a half, she does not feel a lot of problems, but situation with this outgrowth, that is still present, has not been changed.

In such a situation, eventual pregnancy could be fatal for my wife and for the fetus. Let me be quite clear: I’m fully convinced (like the Catholic Church teaches) that life/soul is created at the very moment of conception and ABORTION IS THE MOST ABOMINABLE CRIME ONE CAN MAKE! Why “the most abominable”? Because, murder is, may be on the top of sins, but murder of completely (except original sin) innocent baby is “the worst of the worst”.

Knowing that:

• my wife’s pregnancy could have fatal outcome
  and
• abortion is no option,

we, of course, tried to find appropriate way of contraception. Sorrily, the only method allowed by our Church is so called “natural planning”. Exploring that method, it can easily be learned that the method has a success rate of abt. 95%. That is not safe enough for us. I, myself, and she, terribly worried even with her present health status, cannot “gamble” and allow very strong chances for her to get pregnant practising natural , “Billing’s method”…And that’s the core of our problem.

On account of this, I haven’t gone to make confession for more than a year: I cannot confess something without resolution not to sin in that respect again. This is a reason why I even do not like to go to Church any more: I just feel I’m not part of it any more. I even think of conversion to some of protestant denominations, in which I’ll be surrounded with Christian brothers and sisters who will understand me and my situation.

That’s my story. I cannot find the solution within present teaching of Catholic Church. Sorry, but I cannot take responsibility and consciously endanger my wife’s life.

I think Jesus understands me: He is the core of my life. Unlike many so called catolics, I do not lie, I’m not corrupted, I do not cheat my wife (It cannot even cross my mind), I’m trying to forgive absolutely everything to literally everyone, I’m trying not to judge anyone (there is the One to judge)…

And one objection: personally, I do not agree with Catholic Churc teaching that majority of our orthodox and protestant brothers are condemned to hell. Namely, if you do not obey Rome and its rites, you are “on the wrong way” that leads to hell (there is “a stipulation” in the Catholic Churc teaching that just has to allow God’s mercy to save someone who is not Catholic. However, number of those people has to be marginal: otherwise, why to obey Catholic Church teaching at all, if everything is up to God’s independent judgement!?).

God bless you all! And if someone has comments to my story, please do write something here…

Greetings from Croatia!

 

[Rascalking]

I apologize up front for not giving you advice. I did want to state, however, that your English is extremely good-better than some native speakers.

Good luck to you.

 

[mjs1987]

Every birth control method has a failure rate. Abortion is the back-up plan for when birth controls fails. Birth control is what upholds abortion since the attitude for both makes each other necessary. If you accept artificial birth control then you need to ask yourself what will you do if she gets pregnant anyways? The answer is that you would likely panic and get an abortion. This happens to hundreds of thousands of people each year. It is why the pro-choice Guttmacher institute puts out a high rate of abortions from women who were regularly using birth control. It is a slippery slope when you accept one because it destroys your case for the other especially in your case.

 

[Rascalking]

Every birth control method has a failure rate. Abortion is the back-up plan for when birth controls fails. Birth control is what upholds abortion since the attitude for both makes each other necessary. If you accept artificial birth control then you need to ask yourself what will you do if she gets pregnant anyways? The answer is that you would likely panic and get an abortion. This happens to hundreds of thousands of people each year. It is why the pro-choice Guttmacher institute puts out a high rate of abortions from women who were regularly using birth control. It is a slippery slope when you accept one because it destroys your case for the other especially in your case.

I’m going to get in trouble for this, I’m sure people are going to yell and scream and throw rocks at me.

While it’s true , that every birth control method has a failure rate-the overwhelming majority of people I know who use them don’t have any ill effects or pregnancies. And it’s 99 percent. Very, very effective. Yes, I’m sure that everyone knows people who got preganant while using it, but if you are arguing against Birth control useage, you look silly by saying “it doesn’t work! It doesn’t work!”

 

[DihydrogenOxide]

This saint will help the both of you: saints.sqpn.com/saint-gianna-beretta-molla/

There are many web pages about this woman. She is very holy.

If she had septic peritonitis, it means she had bacteria leak outside of her uterus or that her uterus was punctured and/or her bowels were punctured. It makes me wonder if it was for some other unnatural reason that she was as sick as she was.

I would seek a second opinion from another doctor about this.

Artificial contraceptives (note:not birth control) may possibly stop you from conceiving, but it is taking away a crucial selfless portion of the marital embrace. The marital embrace may thus become more for selfish pleasure than the selfless love of a married couple. It is in essence the same as non-completion of the sexual act. It will affect the relationship between you and your wife in your marriage for the worse.

Remember, God has control in these situations. It takes three people to conceive a child. If God wasn’t there, she wouldn’t be pregnant. Trust in God. His will is above all.

 

[Seatuck]

I’m here for the first time. Since English is not my native language, my apologies for all incorrections in my writing.

My case…

I understand your fear. It’s very real and true. You should still go to church and not receive communion. Your heart still yearns to be near the Eucharist and to worship God as well as be as much a part of our community as you can be while you work this out.You will want to work hard to learn to trust God and work with him on this situation. Many couples have been called upon to exercise some self control in this area. You can do this.

I think you are saying that you are using contraception. Not sure what method you are using but make sure it is not one such as the pill or IUD which also may cause abortion.
You may also need to abstain from the marital act if you truly wish to keep your wife’s life safe. You probably don’t need to but if you are unable to trust yourselves with the method you may need to do this for a time.

That’s my story. I cannot find the solution within present teaching of Catholic Church. Sorry, but I cannot take responsibility and consciously endanger my wife’s life.

I think Jesus understands me: He is the core of my life. Unlike many so called catolics, I do not lie, I’m not corrupted, I do not cheat my wife (It cannot even cross my mind), I’m trying to forgive absolutely everything to literally everyone, I’m trying not to judge anyone (there is the One to judge)…

http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/matthew/matthew19.htm
Read this scripture. You don’t want to be like that man. You say you obey all God’s teachings except this one-contraception. Jesus wants more from you . He even wants you to obey this one on the marital relationship. We are all alike .We all have a teaching or two that is extremely difficult for us to obey. But with our God all things are possible.

Remember when Jesus was teaching that he would give us his flesh to eat and a bunch of his followers said “this is too hard a teaching”? Jesus didn’t change the teaching because it was hard to believe. We all struggle with things that are hard. With Jesus we can overcome this struggle.

And one objection: personally, I do not agree with Catholic Churc teaching that majority of our orthodox and protestant brothers are condemned to hell. Namely, if you do not obey Rome and its rites, you are “on the wrong way” that leads to hell (there is “a stipulation” in the Catholic Churc teaching that just has to allow God’s mercy to save someone who is not Catholic. However, number of those people has to be marginal: otherwise, why to obey Catholic Church teaching at all, if everything is up to God’s independent judgement!?).

It’s a good thing the church doesn’t teach that so now you don’t have to be upset about it anymore.

God bless you all! And if someone has comments to my story, please do write something here…

Greetings from Croatia!

Contraception damages the meaning of the marital act. When husband and wife come together in that special way it is a reflection of the total giving love within the Trinity. When you use contraception you are holding back parts of yourselves from each other. This makes your marital act not like the Trinity and not like God’s total gift of himself to his church. God does not hold back pieces of himself when he is presented to us. What happens between a husband and a wife is like the Eucharist, it is a type of communion.

See if you can find some studies on the Theology of the Body in your language. Although your English is very good I’m not sure if you will understand it well enough to strengthen you if you study it in English. See if you can find any articles on Marriage and The Eucharist in your language.

Praying for you . I know this is very scary.

 

[CONFUSED1111]

I’m going to get in trouble for this, I’m sure people are going to yell and scream and throw rocks at me.

While it’s true , that every birth control method has a failure rate-the overwhelming majority of people I know who use them don’t have any ill effects or pregnancies. And it’s 99 percent. Very, very effective. Yes, I’m sure that everyone knows people who got preganant while using it, but if you are arguing against Birth control useage, you look silly by saying “it doesn’t work! It doesn’t work!”

Dear readers,
if you combine several birth techniques at the same time, probabilty theory gives numbers that are much more favourable than 99%…

For an example:

if you combine simultaneously “Billing’s method” with a success rate of 95% (official number) with a condom (let’s suppose a success rate of 99%), the success rate will be:

(1-(0,01x0,05)) x 100=99,95%

In other words, only one in 2000 intercourses will result in pregnancy.

On the other side, Billing’s method will result with one prgnancy in 20 intercourses.

For me, 1:2000 is completely acceptable.

And, if regardles of this protection pregnancy occurs, I and my wife would accept it as a God’s will and bear consequences. NO ABORTION. So, that’s our way.

In my opinion, majority of fervant Catholic do not (or do not want to) understand that USAGE OF EITHER NATURAL OR “ARTIFICAL” contraception method HAS THE SAME BACKGROUND: INTENTION NOT TO GET BABY. The only difference is in this:it seems that “natural” method leaves “more opportunity” for God to make pregnancy (matah). But, do you really think that ANY METHOD CAN PREVENT GOD TO MAKE CONCEPTION; IF IT IS HIS WILL? I do not think so.

I want to do everything what I can do to protect my wife. And if God wants us to have another baby, let it be so: nothing will prevent him.

 

[rep140]

And one objection: personally, I do not agree with Catholic Churc teaching that majority of our orthodox and protestant brothers are condemned to hell. Namely, if you do not obey Rome and its rites, you are “on the wrong way” that leads to hell (there is “a stipulation” in the Catholic Churc teaching that just has to allow God’s mercy to save someone who is not Catholic. However, number of those people has to be marginal: otherwise, why to obey Catholic Church teaching at all, if everything is up to God’s independent judgement!?).

Not exactly. You may want to Google the writing Lumen Gentium from Vatican II. It holds out hope that the majority, not just Catholics, will be saved. Please, don’t go to bloggers like us here for spiritual guidance and advise. That is why you have priests.

By the way, I offer from experience that a 95% success rate for NFP is high. When an unexpected pregnancy occurs the 2 common excuses are either you were doing something wrong or try another method.

You have my sympathy and prayers.

 

[CONFUSED1111]

This saint will help the both of you: saints.sqpn.com/saint-gianna-beretta-molla/

There are many web pages about this woman. She is very holy.

If she had septic peritonitis, it means she had bacteria leak outside of her uterus or that her uterus was punctured and/or her bowels were punctured. It makes me wonder if it was for some other unnatural reason that she was as sick as she was.

I would seek a second opinion from another doctor about this.

Artificial contraceptives (note:not birth control) may possibly stop you from conceiving, but it is taking away a crucial selfless portion of the marital embrace. The marital embrace may thus become more for selfish pleasure than the selfless love of a married couple. It is in essence the same as non-completion of the sexual act. It will affect the relationship between you and your wife in your marriage for the worse.

Remember, God has control in these situations. It takes three people to conceive a child. If God wasn’t there, she wouldn’t be pregnant. Trust in God. His will is above all.

She had a caesarean section.

 

[Rascalking]

Not exactly. You may want to Google the writing Lumen Gentium from Vatican II. It holds out hope that the majority, not just Catholics, will be saved. Please, don’t go to bloggers like us here for spiritual guidance and advise. That is why you have priests.

.

Well said my friend!

 

[CONFUSED1111]

Well said my friend!

Isn’t it contrary to your firm belief that Catholic way is the only right way? In other words, I’ can be a protestant, Love God with all my heart, ming and soul, trya to protect my wife and there are good chances that I’ll be saved?

 

[dusza]

If you’re so afraid for your wife’s life, why don’t you just abstain from sex completely. Under the circumstances, not only would it not be sinful, it would be an act of charity assuming that she agrees to it. Think of the people who due to accidents or serious illness are unable to have normal marital relations. It’s a legitimate option and I’m just throwing it out there.

 

[Rascalking]

Isn’t it contrary to your firm belief that Catholic way is the only right way? In other words, I’ can be a protestant, Love God with all my heart, ming and soul, trya to protect my wife and there are good chances that I’ll be saved?

It’s not contradictory at all. I am humble enough to admit that I’m not God-he can deal with the salvation of souls in a far better way than I can!

 

[CONFUSED1111]

If you’re so afraid for your wife’s life, why don’t you just abstain from sex completely. Under the circumstances, not only would it not be sinful, it would be an act of charity assuming that she agrees to it. Think of the people who due to accidents or serious illness are unable to have normal marital relations. It’s a legitimate option and I’m just throwing it out there.

Of course it can be an option. But, I (and my wife) want to lead “normal” life. If I had wanted to abstain from sex completely, I would have become a catholic priest

 

[CONFUSED1111]

It’s not contradictory at all. I am humble enough to admit that I’m not God-he can deal with the salvation of souls in a far better way than I can!

I’m very humble as well. But, you just recognised that only God knows who deserves to be saved. That means that someone, who does not obey everything what Catholic Church “prescribes”, can also be saved, if God wants that,

 

[Rascalking]

I’m very humble as well. But, you just recognised that only God knows who deserves to be saved. That means that someone, who does not obey everything what Catholic Church “prescribes”, can also be saved, if God wants that,

Yes. Yes it does. Protestants, Jews, Muslims-agnostics and athiests can all be saved. That’s what I’ve said.

 

[kage_ar]

I’m very humble as well. But, you just recognised that only God knows who deserves to be saved. That means that someone, who does not obey everything what Catholic Church “prescribes”, can also be saved, if God wants that,

Christ requires men to lay down their lives for their wives.

This means if it is that dangerous for your wife to have a baby, then, you abstain until she hits menopause.

The alternative to complete abstainence is to use Natural Family Planning.

Anything else is mortal sin.

 

[kage_ar]

Isn’t it contrary to your firm belief that Catholic way is the only right way? In other words, I’ can be a protestant, Love God with all my heart, ming and soul, trya to protect my wife and there are good chances that I’ll be saved?

The Scripture is very clear about those who know the Truth of the Church and walk away for their own selfish reasons.

 

[kage_ar]

Yes. Yes it does. Protestants, Jews, Muslims-agnostics and athiests can all be saved. That’s what I’ve said.

May be, but, it is outside the normal means of salvation, is up to God and it is for those who are not able to be part of the Church through no fault of their own.

Big difference between being born into a false religion and never knowing about the Church and walking away because it is too hard to go without sex.

 

[Seatuck]

Isn’t it contrary to your firm belief that Catholic way is the only right way? In other words, I’ can be a protestant, Love God with all my heart, ming and soul, trya to protect my wife and there are good chances that I’ll be saved?

No, if you know the truth of the Catholic Church especially the Eucharist and you turn your back on that truth your soul will be in danger. But if you were born and raised Protestant or even non Christian and were never taught the Catholic truth you still have a chance if you follow the basic moral truths found in the Natural Law as best as you understand them. The Catholic Church holds the whole truth especially the Sacraments. No other church but the Orthodox has the Sacraments.