I’ve participated in enough threads on here where men make excuses for other men objectifying their wives, saying “men have needs” and stating that wives and women in general need to better understand that and “cut the men some slack.” I’m trying to acknowledge and appreciate that men “in general” do tend to “need” sex more than women, but that only goes so far when a woman’s safety is at stake.
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That’s why I said she needs to make time to nurture the marriage and make him feel loved. But I don’t understand why his feelings would be hurt and perceiving it as rejection on her part. It’s not rejection. It’s fearing for your physical health and even your life. If he understands that, but still sees it as her “rejecting” him…something isn’t adding up IMHO.
Figuring out NFP post partum is rough. Been there, done that. Your hormones are all over the place and your body throws up fertile signals when you may or may not be actually fertile. Combine that with sleep-deprivation and adjusting to a new state of life as a mother makes it even more complicated. If I were in her situation at four months post partum, I’d be scared to have sex too and would hope my husband would understand.
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Werbenjagermenjensen
Guest
Agree with this. I’d classify it under a somewhat effective method (95%-98% effective) and certainly wouldn’t want to trust it postpartum. The chances of a pregnancy are small on any given cycle using NFP but small risks accumulate over time and actual odds of an unplanned pregnancy are pretty high. You just need to understand Murphy’s law to see it, small risks add up and the bill is due sooner or later.
www.nytimes.com
How Likely Is It That Birth Control Could Let You Down? (Published 2014)
Charts of probabilities of unintended pregnancy while using different contraception methods, for up to 10 years.
www.nytimes.com
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Werbenjagermenjensen
Guest
100%. I know I wouldn’t trust it if I had any skin in the game. That’s why it’s a good idea to learn before you need to use it otherwise you could be waiting years for things to return to normal to even start learning.
But that’s just it. You can’t always learn it beforehand. Even if you know your cycles perfectly and have used NFP successfully for years before getting pregnant, everything is completely different post partum due to hormone changes and all. It’s not the same NFP you used before getting pregnant, and you can’t learn it unless your body has been through it before. And it can vary from pregnancy to pregnancy. That’s another reason the husband needs to be understanding rather than taking it as personal “rejection”.
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starlady
Guest
That’s why it’s important to work closely and openly with an instructor who is knowledgeable about postpartum and NFP. I only had about 7 months of NFP experience using the symptothermal method through Couple to Couple League before I got pregnant (2 months after getting married). I actually totally switched methods postpartum and still was able to put 18 months between my son’s birth (C-section) and getting pregnant with our second.Werbenjagermenjensen:
But that’s just it. You can’t always learn it beforehand. Even if you know your cycles perfectly and have used NFP successfully for years before getting pregnant, everything is completely different post partum due to hormone changes and all. It’s not the same NFP you used before getting pregnant, and you can’t learn it unless your body has been through it before. And it can vary from pregnancy to pregnancy. That’s another reason the husband needs to be understanding rather than taking it as personal “rejection”.
Obviously every woman’s body is different and has different reactions to hormone levels, breastfeeding, etc. and some may require more care or abstinence. But it isn’t normally impossible.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Reach out directly to an instructor in the method you are using. Google will send you to the contacts for each method.
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Inquiry
Guest
This. One of the lesser talked about elements of NFP is that there are multiple important ways of showing marital intimacy without sex. Physical contact, a shared spiritual life, and healthy communication are all important elements of that intimacy. They aren’t a substitute for sex because they should be present even when sex is possible. Indeed if there’s plenty of sex but the other elements are missing, intimacy will still be lacking.
Newborns are demanding but you and your husband still have a duty to tend to each other. I suspect a lot of people on here can confirm that that if you both tend to each other you will have more energy and grace for taking care of your child.
No. I know it’s a difficult situation but contraceptives are never permitted.
My advice would be to discuss the situation with your husband, rather than withholding sex, perhaps he will see the importance of abstaining for a time.
Is NFP particularly difficult for you? There are ways to tell when you are definitely not fertile.
My advice would be to discuss the situation with your husband, rather than withholding sex, perhaps he will see the importance of abstaining for a time.
Is NFP particularly difficult for you? There are ways to tell when you are definitely not fertile.
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Leek
Guest
That’s what I found as well, I didn’t learn a new method but waited until had the familiar symptoms back, which was fairly quick in my case, I assume it may never quite be the same in some cases. Problem when you are high risk is you don’t know if you are successful until you don’t get pregnant for a long period of time.
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Werbenjagermenjensen
Guest
You don’t know if you’re successful at NFP until you try to get pregnant. That’s why I don’t put too much into stories about NFP working in a challenging application. It could be that there was never any chance of a pregnancy and the success would have been the same using no method at all.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Do you use a method that can add in tech?
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Ralph
Guest
I really wish the Church would reexamine this whole issue. I personally think it’s basis is very Scripture wise and obviously not taught prior to that.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Every Christian denomination forbade artificial contraception until the Lambeth Conference cracked open the door in 1930. Other denominations followed.
www.episcopalnewsservice.org
When Christ walked the earth and before, when did God curse somebody by sending them children? On the other hand, withholding children, barrenness, was considered a punishment from God. Children were not considered a problem, but a precious gift.
Episcopal News Service
The official news service of the Episcopal Church.
www.episcopalnewsservice.org
When Christ walked the earth and before, when did God curse somebody by sending them children? On the other hand, withholding children, barrenness, was considered a punishment from God. Children were not considered a problem, but a precious gift.
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Ralph
Guest
Go back further. Artificial
Contraception. When was it even available.
Contraception. When was it even available.
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Werbenjagermenjensen
Guest
No, but natural contraceptives have been around since Adam and clearly prohibited in scripture and tradition. Humanae vitae addressed the issue of artificial contraception and categorized it as the same sort of thing as the natural kind.
I don’t see the need to change. If you want a church that permits contraception just pick about any other church out there. Why the need for the catholic church to change to suit you?
I don’t see the need to change. If you want a church that permits contraception just pick about any other church out there. Why the need for the catholic church to change to suit you?
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1ke
Guest
Uh. In the bible.
The ancient world had:
cervical cap made out of honey and other ingredients to impede sperm
condoms
Onanism
numerous herbs meant to make a woman sterile
Nothing new.
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starlady
Guest
As long as a woman is ovulating, there’s a chance at pregnancy. I didn’t get my cycles back until 7 months postpartum, but after that, I had a chance at getting pregnant nearly every single month because my body was ovulating. If a woman menstruates, it means she’s ovulating. Even after that, when my body was trying to regulate itself and still a little wonky with hormones, I was able to use NFP for 12 more cycles to successfully put 18 months between my C-section and getting pregnant again. A knowledgeable and experienced instructor is key.
Yes, but that chance is higher for some people and lower for others. There is indeed always a chance but there are a lot of factors. Some people simply get pregnant faster and more easily than others, even if the woman is ovulating every month. The health of the husband’s sperm, for one, is another factor and has nothing to do with whether the woman is ovulating or not. I think that may be what @Werbenjagermenjensen is trying to get at.
Yes, but when the stakes are high, it’s not “rejection” on the part of the wife if she doesn’t exactly want sex. That’s the point I’ve been trying to make. She says her husband’s feelings are hurt because she’s rejecting him. I’m pointing out that she isn’t rejecting him—she’s scared, and that’s understandable. I’m not saying she shouldn’t try to learn NFP. She should. And, as I’ve advised her in a previous post, she needs to give him attention and affection and keep her marriage in tact. But husband needs to realize she’s not “rejecting” him by not wanting sex. She’s worried for her health. It’s a big difference.
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Ralph
Guest
Didn’t say they had to change only maybe reconsider. Your saying for me to simply find another church. Well a lot of people are doing that. Sorry, I don’t agree that it is supported by Scripture in much abundance. By the way natural birth control is still protection from getting pregnant. I can think of only a few Scripture verses that I think might support not using contraception. Tradition? Well in all my resources it’s not discussed. Also we are against abortion, and I am, but we’re also telling people don’t use contraception. I’m not taking your advice to just leave the Church but thanks for your offer.
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