Contrition/confession questions

[newone]

first of all Jesus N Cherie. I didnt think your post attacked anyone. this is my impression though. second of all I have to agree somewhat with Mike searson. I’m not trying to make a priest sound bad or anythign so dont accuse me of it I understand how busy priest are and how much they do for us and how important their work is. I would have to say other than the Mass a priest most important job as ordained by Christ is that of administering the sacrament of pennace. Around where I am it seems most of the priest don’t exactly feel the same and I can understand from the years and years of hearing them. I go to several parishes and maybe 1 out of the 5 I have been to will offer this sacrament for an hour. all of them except for my school parish offers the sacrament on Saturdays for 30 min. I work Saturdays so am unable to make it to any of these. most of them offer the sacrament by appointment but honestly I id rather my confession be anonymous. when I do on the rare occasion get a Saturday off I usually am way pressured to get into the confessional because of the regular elderly people who are always going. if I get in the priest is usually reminding me of the time or asking me how many more people are after me. I just feel like there isn’t much care anymore, Its hard enough to go and spill your worst out to another human its even harder when you feel like they are getting sick of you. I believe it to be so important and powerful and it should be a wonderful and cleansing experience but lately I just feel like the priest isn’t really listening or at the very least understanding how important this sacrament is for my soul and everyones alike. I often pray before I go to confession that God gives the priest I am confessing to everything he needs to help me and to understand. I sure hope he answers that prayer. I think for awhile Im going to just forget about going to confession. Im going to leave it in the lords hands to let me know when the time is the right and best for me to be able to find a quiet parish with a priest who is willing to take time and be patient with me and help me to make a great confession.

God bless.

 

[Jesus_N_Cherie]

first of all Jesus N Cherie. I didnt think your post attacked anyone. this is my impression though. second of all I have to agree somewhat with Mike searson. I’m not trying to make a priest sound bad or anythign so dont accuse me of it I understand how busy priest are and how much they do for us and how important their work is. I would have to say other than the Mass a priest most important job as ordained by Christ is that of administering the sacrament of pennace. Around where I am it seems most of the priest don’t exactly feel the same and I can understand from the years and years of hearing them. I go to several parishes and maybe 1 out of the 5 I have been to will offer this sacrament for an hour. all of them except for my school parish offers the sacrament on Saturdays for 30 min. I work Saturdays so am unable to make it to any of these. most of them offer the sacrament by appointment but honestly I id rather my confession be anonymous. when I do on the rare occasion get a Saturday off I usually am way pressured to get into the confessional because of the regular elderly people who are always going. if I get in the priest is usually reminding me of the time or asking me how many more people are after me. I just feel like there isn’t much care anymore, Its hard enough to go and spill your worst out to another human its even harder when you feel like they are getting sick of you. I believe it to be so important and powerful and it should be a wonderful and cleansing experience but lately I just feel like the priest isn’t really listening or at the very least understanding how important this sacrament is for my soul and everyones alike. I often pray before I go to confession that God gives the priest I am confessing to everything he needs to help me and to understand. I sure hope he answers that prayer. I think for awhile Im going to just forget about going to confession. Im going to leave it in the lords hands to let me know when the time is the right and best for me to be able to find a quiet parish with a priest who is willing to take time and be patient with me and help me to make a great confession.

God bless.

Oh, Newone, please don’t stop going to Confession. That is EXACTLY what the devil is hoping you will do. And that is because it is such a grace giving sacrament. Please reconsider. It isn’t that the priest in the Sacrament isn’t important, but Jesus is there irregardless of who or what the priest thinks or feels. The priest is the mediator…but Jesus is there! Please don’t give in to the temptation that satan has placed before you. I know that it is difficult. But please, for the sake of your soul, and for His Sorrowful Passion, continue going.

 

[Matthias123]

I have had it where the priest didn’t ask me to say the act of contrition.so I ended up leaving without saying it. I ended up saying it after what does that mean?

I highly doubt that matters as long as you didn’t purposefully forget it.

According to the rules of the Sacrament, it is required.

Statements like this should be followed up with a quote from the Code of Cannon Law.

 

[Jesus_N_Cherie]

I highly doubt that matters as long as you didn’t purposefully forget it.

Statements like this should be followed up with a quote from the Code of Cannon Law.

I was repeating that which I had heard from a very reliable source. But I would love to be able to follow it up with a quote from the Code of Cannon Law. Do you by any small chance know of a link or direct way I can access the cannon law? I tried, but what I found didn’t cover topics in specifics. I would greatly appreciate any help in this. Thanks.

 

[teachccd]

Why do I sense this dire need for comprehensive catechesis on the Sacrament of Reconciliation?? ,teachccd

 

[rwoehmke]

Why do I sense this dire need for comprehensive catechesis on the Sacrament of Reconciliation?? ,teachccd

You sense correctly teach CCD. It would seem that we have a combination of an over-legalistic notion of penance, which seems to see Jesus as a nasty particular judge rather than a God who has endless mercy. Lots of scrupulosity in this thread as well.

I am not trying to justify a priest who seems to poorly represent the mercy of Jesus who he stands in for nor am I trying to say that there are not certain requirements to be met in the sacrament, but folks it is an encounter with the merciful Jesus, not a test in canon law that says good intention and honesty are not enough unless "I"s are dotted and "T"s crossed.

One does ones best at the moment and leaves the confessional confident that God has forgiven all up to that point, even that which was honestly forgotten. The sacrament is not intended to be a psychological torture chamber where Jesus waits to swat down those who have screwed up in some way. Although it is customary to say some prayer of contrition, some priests assume that by the mere fact that you have come to confession is indication enough of contrition. A spoken “Act of Contrition” or even a “Penance” are not essential parts of the sacrament, it is the honest confession of sins and the prayer of absolution.

I include those who suffer from scrupulosity in my daily prayers because I was once one of them. I remember with tears the uncertainty, fear, and pain. I thank the Lord that I was helped by a good confessor to be free of that slavery which kills one’s love for Our Lord; a slavery that can eventually lead to dispair and surrender to sin if not rooted out.

 

[jmcrae]

I’m afraid that that old confession was invalid and thus makes all subsequent confessions which is many invalid on top of many sacrileges by receiving the Eucharist and everything. I have no Idea how im supposed to remember all those old confessions now, or how im supposed to work this mess out if thats what it is.

You were not alone in the Confessional; the priest was in there with you.

Now - unless you deliberately lied to him (you would remember this quite distinctly, if you did) - if he gave you the Absolution, then you are Absolved, and you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

If he had needed more detail, he would have asked for it.

 

[Jesus_N_Cherie]

To back up my statements about the Sacrament of Reconciliation, I have been led to the Catholic Encyclopedia on line. Here is what it says:
Under the title of Penance:
III. WHAT SINS ARE TO BE CONFESSED
(Can. de poenit., vii). The Catholic teaching consequently is:*** that all mortal sins must be confessed of which the penitent is conscious, for these are so related that no one of them can be remitted unless all are remitted.*** Remission means that the soul is restored to the friendship of God; and this is obviously impossible if there remain unforgiven even a single mortal sin. Hence, the penitent, who in confession willfully conceals a mortal sin, derives no benefit whatever; on the contrary, he makes void the sacrament and thereby incurs the guilt of sacrilege. If, however, the sin be omitted, not through any fault of the penitent, but through forgetfulness, it is forgiven indirectly; ***but it must be declared at the next confession and thus submitted to the power of the keys. ***

So, I am stipulating the point that mortal sins must be confessed. It is not to be thought that just because you forget a mortal sin, you do not have to confess it the very next time you go to confession after you remember it.

Also, the person stating the question said that he chose not to confess a mortal sin at one point because of embarrassment with the priest, and that he had intentions of confessing it when he went to a certain priest of his choosing. That invalidated the entire confession, and any other afterward…because of the purposefull omission. He needs to pray, asking the Holy Spirit, and Blessed Mother to bring to mind the mortal sin that he knows he committed, and which is stopping him from recieving reconciliation with Christ. The Holy Spirit is just waiting for his plea. And he needs to talk with his priest about the whole episode. That will ensure him the proper things to do, and to be able to recieve absolution for all of his sins.

A mortal sin is not a venial sin…which if forgotten can be expiated by a sincere act of contrition, acts of penance, and the reception of the Holy Eucharist.

To the one who posted this question, I am including you in my prayers. Ask the angels and saints to bring this mortal…deadly to your soul…sin to your mind. Trust in Jesus. He will answer the prayer.

 

[teachccd]

You sense correctly teach CCD. It would seem that we have a combination of an over-legalistic notion of penance, which seems to see Jesus as a nasty particular judge rather than a God who has endless mercy. Lots of scrupulosity in this thread as well.

I am not trying to justify a priest who seems to poorly represent the mercy of Jesus who he stands in for nor am I trying to say that there are not certain requirements to be met in the sacrament, but folks it is an encounter with the merciful Jesus, not a test in canon law that says good intention and honesty are not enough unless "I"s are dotted and "T"s crossed.

One does ones best at the moment and leaves the confessional confident that God has forgiven all up to that point, even that which was honestly forgotten. The sacrament is not intended to be a psychological torture chamber where Jesus waits to swat down those who have screwed up in some way. Although it is customary to say some prayer of contrition, some priests assume that by the mere fact that you have come to confession is indication enough of contrition. A spoken “Act of Contrition” or even a “Penance” are not essential parts of the sacrament, it is the honest confession of sins and the prayer of absolution.

I include those who suffer from scrupulosity in my daily prayers because I was once one of them. I remember with tears the uncertainty, fear, and pain. I thank the Lord that I was helped by a good confessor to be free of that slavery which kills one’s love for Our Lord; a slavery that can eventually lead to dispair and surrender to sin if not rooted out.

Actually, the satisfaction (Penance) is an integral part of the Sacrament and must be performed by the penitent as soon as possible. This remits part of the temporal punishment for the sins confessed.

But I concur with your post in all other aspects as this is a sacrament of healing not scrutiny…Peace…teachccd

 

[AHapka]

It is perfectly OK to “use words like a few a couple or several times,” as long as you are not intentionally misleading the priest. Nobody keeps a tally sheet. The priest will ask you if he needs more information.

Exactly. If it will help you put your mind at ease, there have been times where I’ve been a little confused and asked the priest if he needed more information. Most of the time, the answer has been “no, I see the pattern involved with this sin” or something to that effect. This might put you more at ease.

 

[EvelynEVF]

I would suggest that anyone who needs more attention to spiritual direction, find a spiritual director! Some confessors are good at this, and some just aren’t. It’s typical to meet with a sd once or perhaps twice per month if needed, for an hour. I write down all my questions and concerns and take them to a person who knows me well and loves me well. And then if I need to confess, I don’t have to worry about communicating all the backstory to a priest I don’t know well (we’re in the middle of a pastoral transition). I confess knowing I’m speaking to a priest in persona Cristi, I get absolution, and if I need more advice or support, I go see my sd.

I’m pretty hard on myself, and he is so good at keeping me balanced.

 

[Jesus_N_Cherie]

I would suggest that anyone who needs more attention to spiritual direction, find a spiritual director! Some confessors are good at this, and some just aren’t. It’s typical to meet with a sd once or perhaps twice per month if needed, for an hour. I write down all my questions and concerns and take them to a person who knows me well and loves me well. And then if I need to confess, I don’t have to worry about communicating all the backstory to a priest I don’t know well (we’re in the middle of a pastoral transition). I confess knowing I’m speaking to a priest in persona Cristi, I get absolution, and if I need more advice or support, I go see my sd.

I’m pretty hard on myself, and he is so good at keeping me balanced.

If I may ask, who is your spiritual director? I mean, what qualifications does he or she have to lead you spiritually? I think it would be great to have someone like that, but I always thought that it should be a priest. Then I feel so bad for the priests I confess to because I have been known to take up a lot of their time, which wouldn’t be a bad thing if they didn’t have a million other things they are responsible for. Thanks.

 

[Tim_c]

I had the same feelings that I didn’t have enough contrition in confession and the priest told me that the contrition that brought me to the sacrament was sufficient for absolution.

 

[EvelynEVF]

If I may ask, who is your spiritual director?

He’s a permanent deacon, and SFO. Before entering fulltime ministry, he was/is a counseling psychologist.

Quite orthodox, well-versed in Church history/doctrine/tradition, also deeply compassionate. And his wife is great at it, too.

 

[Jesus_N_Cherie]

Jesus N Cherie;4017014:

If I may ask, who is your spiritual director?

He’s a permanent deacon, and SFO. Before entering fulltime ministry, he was/is a counseling psychologist.

Quite orthodox, well-versed in Church history/doctrine/tradition, also deeply compassionate. And his wife is great at it, too.

You are very blessed. It is a wonderful thing for you I am sure. I wonder if I could be so fortunate. For a while I was lucky enough to be able to go to a monastary for spiritual direction…and with a priest. They had more time to be able to spend with me. Now it is much more difficult as my situation has changed so much, and rarely do I have the time to go all the way out to where the monastary is. But it used to be wonderful. It is great that the deacon and his wife are able to do this. A blessing to be sure.

 

[newone]

To back up my statements about the Sacrament of Reconciliation, I have been led to the Catholic Encyclopedia on line. Here is what it says:
Under the title of Penance:
III. WHAT SINS ARE TO BE CONFESSED
(Can. de poenit., vii). The Catholic teaching consequently is:*** that all mortal sins must be confessed of which the penitent is conscious, for these are so related that no one of them can be remitted unless all are remitted.*** Remission means that the soul is restored to the friendship of God; and this is obviously impossible if there remain unforgiven even a single mortal sin. Hence, the penitent, who in confession willfully conceals a mortal sin, derives no benefit whatever; on the contrary, he makes void the sacrament and thereby incurs the guilt of sacrilege. If, however, the sin be omitted, not through any fault of the penitent, but through forgetfulness, it is forgiven indirectly; ***but it must be declared at the next confession and thus submitted to the power of the keys. ***

So, I am stipulating the point that mortal sins must be confessed. It is not to be thought that just because you forget a mortal sin, you do not have to confess it the very next time you go to confession after you remember it.

Also, the person stating the question said that he chose not to confess a mortal sin at one point because of embarrassment with the priest, and that he had intentions of confessing it when he went to a certain priest of his choosing. That invalidated the entire confession, and any other afterward…because of the purposefull omission. He needs to pray, asking the Holy Spirit, and Blessed Mother to bring to mind the mortal sin that he knows he committed, and which is stopping him from recieving reconciliation with Christ. The Holy Spirit is just waiting for his plea. And he needs to talk with his priest about the whole episode. That will ensure him the proper things to do, and to be able to recieve absolution for all of his sins.

A mortal sin is not a venial sin…which if forgotten can be expiated by a sincere act of contrition, acts of penance, and the reception of the Holy Eucharist.

To the one who posted this question, I am including you in my prayers. Ask the angels and saints to bring this mortal…deadly to your soul…sin to your mind. Trust in Jesus. He will answer the prayer.

thing is I confessed the mortal sin I just wasn’t totally honest about the number of times it had been committed. I believe I said once or twice then I said a couple or a few in my nervousness ( few I take to mean as like 5 or less and it was probably a bit more than that though I cannot say exactly for I do not remember). If I had been thinking I would have not faulted in such a way. I let my embarrassment get in the way.

It is difficult not to be somewhat scrupulous with anything that has specific guidelines to follow. I go to confessions because im sorry for my wrongs and need healing and closure as well as a fear of eternal death. I wouldnt go if I didnt think it was important or I intended to lie. Confession is messy business it not meant to be pretty and nice its meant to wash away all the dirt we pick up. We are still human though and we get nervous and embarrassed.

when there are rules to follow with anything your either going to have people who are comfortable and are not going to worry to much about it or youll get people who really want to do it right and unfortunately there isnt some written and signed receipt saying our confession worked. Its all faith based so naturally we as humans some of us are going to be more concerned than others. i have no doubt in the power of the sacrament. i just worry that I screw up my part of it. i have little faith in myself because I am human and I have made many mistakes. I always question myself and reflect. I see where i could have done better and I beat myself up for it than I get discouraged and usually end up making more mistakes. its a mess.

Thanks for listening!

 

[JimG]

I had the same feelings that I didn’t have enough contrition in confession and the priest told me that the contrition that brought me to the sacrament was sufficient for absolution.

This is exactly right. Based on everything the OP has written here it appears all of her confessions were valid. No do-overs are needed, and would in fact, only serve to feed a tendency to scrupulosity.

 

[Jesus_N_Cherie]

thing is I confessed the mortal sin I just wasn’t totally honest about the number of times it had been committed. I believe I said once or twice then I said a couple or a few in my nervousness ( few I take to mean as like 5 or less and it was probably a bit more than that though I cannot say exactly for I do not remember). If I had been thinking I would have not faulted in such a way. I let my embarrassment get in the way.

It is difficult not to be somewhat scrupulous with anything that has specific guidelines to follow. I go to confessions because im sorry for my wrongs and need healing and closure as well as a fear of eternal death. I wouldnt go if I didnt think it was important or I intended to lie. Confession is messy business it not meant to be pretty and nice its meant to wash away all the dirt we pick up. We are still human though and we get nervous and embarrassed.

when there are rules to follow with anything your either going to have people who are comfortable and are not going to worry to much about it or youll get people who really want to do it right and unfortunately there isnt some written and signed receipt saying our confession worked. Its all faith based so naturally we as humans some of us are going to be more concerned than others. i have no doubt in the power of the sacrament. i just worry that I screw up my part of it. i have little faith in myself because I am human and I have made many mistakes. I always question myself and reflect. I see where i could have done better and I beat myself up for it than I get discouraged and usually end up making more mistakes. its a mess.

Thanks for listening!

Newone, you are the original poster, and I was not addressing that comment to you, but to another poster who had said that because of embarrassment, he chose to not mention that mortal sin to one priest during confession because he planned to go to another priest at another time. So, it was TOTALLY different than what you were asking about. If the priest needed more information, he would have asked. In that instance, you do the very best you can to answer his questions completely honestly. If you don’t remember, he will sometimes ask if it has been more than 10 times, or give you a chance to give a good estimate. That is another reason for going to confession often. That way we can remember easier.
So, no, the quote you are questioning me about was definitely not meant for you.
God bless you for doing your best with honesty.

 

[maryanna36]

I would suggest that anyone who needs more attention to spiritual direction, find a spiritual director! Some confessors are good at this, and some just aren’t. It’s typical to meet with a sd once or perhaps twice per month if needed, for an hour.

I am also fortunate to have found a spiritual director who is a priest. There is a monastery in my area and my sd is one of the monks there. I see a big change in my spirituality I still have a very long way to go but my sd is very supportive and gives good advice to my questions. I have made a habit of having reconcilation from him after our discussions. It’s really quite wonderful and I am grateful to God that I was directed to this priest.

 

[Mike_Searson]

Well, it happened again.

Same church, same priest.
I got to the Church at 3:30 for Confession, there were 7 people ahead of me.
I guess all of these people had abortions, murdered thousands, stole billions of dollars, and were having affairs, because each one took about 10 minutes. So at 4:25, one of his lackeys came over to me (I was next in line with 15 people behind me) and says…“No more confessions…Father has to get ready for 5:00PM Mass.”
I said, “It’s not 4:30…I’ve been here an hour.”
“That’s it, I’m sorry.”

If this is the case, why don’t they spend less time chit-chatting or give general absolution to the rest of us that they decide to cut off?

Is Confession just an option any more?
It’s these ridiculous practices of only having one priest at a time on duty that discourage us.

Many years ago I left the Church, when I came back it was the night of a Penance Service durring Lent. I showed up at the very end…a man asked what I wanted, I told him “Confession”
He said, “Too late, it’s over…see ya next year.”
Then he smiled and said, “Come on, I’ll hear your confession.”
Then I recognized him as the Irish Priest who I had heard at St Patrick’s Day Mass, only a few days before (Had a Road to Emmaus moment…like when they did not recognize Jesus…Father was wearing normal clothes.)

He heard my confession and welcomed me back…had he taken the road of this Parish administrator that missed his calling as a Guidance Counselor, I might not have ever made it back to the Church.

Now this has happened to me twice at this parish, with this pastor. Some might say it’s a coincidence. I belive in coincidence like I believe in God…I’ve never seen either.

How many other people’s faith has this man destroyed by his inaction?

I’m thinking I need to go see the Bishop on this one.