Corporal punishment, tips on how to raise children

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pollynova said:
Are the following punishments abusive?

Running a child’s hand under very hot or cold water
Having to drink a spoonful of hot sauce
giving an “indian burn”
hair pulling
ear pulling
pinching the pressure point between the neck and shoulder
shaking
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Yes and they are unreasonable force or illegal.
 
pollynova said:
Why does it have to be physical damage?
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Huh?

I said “I always imagined ‘beating’ to be something that caused physical damage.”

Why did I always imagine it that way? I don’t know, that’s what I’ve always understood “beating” to mean. 🤷
 
Debora123 said:
Huh?

I said “I always imagined ‘beating’ to be something that caused physical damage.”

Why did I always imagine it that way? I don’t know, that’s what I’ve always understood “beating” to mean. 🤷
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What about the emotional damage it causes?
 
pollynova said:
People justify hitting children because they say, “Well, I’m not actually hurting them,” but they forget about the emotional damage it causes.
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I guess I can’t speak for everyone, but I was spanked as a kid and didn’t have any emotional damage.

There’s a fine line between some bootie spanking and physical/emotional child abuse.
 
Debora123 said:
I guess I can’t speak for everyone, but I was spanked as a kid and didn’t have any emotional damage.

There’s a fine line between some bootie spanking and physical/emotional child abuse.
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Where is that line?
 
Debora123 said:
I guess I can’t speak for everyone, but I was spanked as a kid and didn’t have any emotional damage.

There’s a fine line between some bootie spanking and physical/emotional child abuse.
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I think that’s what makes people so uncomfortable with it. Where’s the line? Two spanks? Five? Ten? Exactly how many spanks is too many? What frequency is too high? More than once a month? Once a week? Once a day? Five times a day? How hard is too hard to hit? How young is too young? What parts of the child’s body are okay to hit? Why? Why smack a bottom but not a cheek? Because that’s what we’re used to?

That coupled with the fact that not every child is a “good candidate” for beig spanked and will internalize the shame and anger versus just shrugging it off, makes a lot of parents feel like spanking is not an enterprise that’s important or worthwhile enough considering the potential risk.

I will say, I was spanked as a kid. Not a lot - one or two swats on the behind for sassing my mom or not listening or whatever. I don’t think it taught me to be respectful or obedient, it just taught me that occasionally my mom got mad and whacked me. It was the patient but firm lessons from my grandmother that actually taught me to want to make good choices.
 
JackieMom said:
I think that’s what makes people so uncomfortable with it. Where’s the line? Two spanks? Five? Ten? Exactly how many spanks is too many? What frequency is too high? More than once a month? Once a week? Once a day? Five times a day? How hard is too hard to hit? How young is too young? What parts of the child’s body are okay to hit? Why? Why smack a bottom but not a cheek? Because that’s what we’re used to?
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I really don’t think it should be that hard to figure out. If a mom can’t tell the difference between some disciplinary spanking and child abuse, she shouldn’t be a mom at all IMHO.
 
pnewton said:
Because God gave the raising of children to parents, not the State or busy-bodies that want to tell others how to raise children. It is this principle the OP needs to remember. Raise children according to your conscience, ignoring both the “spare the rod” crowd and the “spanking is child abuse” crowd.

FYI - Until lately such a strike to an adult would not have brought any response from police. Only in the last few years has the idea of assult by contact been anything deemed offensive. Even a punch to the face used to only be a minimum misdemeanor.
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Since when is spanking or striking someone simply “contact”? If you come at someone with the intent to cause physical pain in order to get them to comply to your wishes that is a lot different from “contact”. I never said spanking children was child abuse either. The OP can beat her kids black and blue and I guess it’s OK with you since its her kids. No need to protect the innocent if they’re not related to you. :rolleyes: I don’t poke my nose into other people’s business and I’m not telling the OP not to spank. I just think it makes no sense to hit a child when they are weak and emotionally and intellectually immature. Just like the person I first responded to said.

As for adults, if you like that kind of thing where people can freely striking one another, like I said come to NYC you can all you want and without much provocation.
 
Ruthie_again said:
I don’t have any children, but I used to teach dog obedience classes, and train dogs… There are two essential principles of training that apply to every creature from goldfish on up:
  1. Reward behavior that you want more of.
  2. Do NOT reward behavior that you want less of.
Thus, giving a toddler a treat to get him to stop having a tantrum is counter-productive…
:rolleyes:
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So you suggest giving a kid a peice of candy everytime they are good? What you’re not? Why not, because kids aren’t dogs and are a lot more complecated ?
Loving the advice from the dog trainers and childless ppl on here
Anyway to OP. It is ST Valnetines day. Not Valentines day.
1.Smacking your child is not violence.
2. Smacking your child is not abuse. If so, then sending your child to its room. for a forced time out is kidnapping
Not smacking kids is not a new theory, It has been around for a few generations now. And as the number of non smacking parents increase so does the rate of crime and anti social behaviour amongst juveniles. That is a fact.
Getting a smack from a parent( which for 99.9% of the smacked population consited of a light smack when every other avenue was exhausted) does not turn your child into some emotionless social cripple. But a child screaming its parents for a candy in a supermarket seems to give them a unearned sence of entitlement in their adult life.
 
Gem02 said:
The OP can beat her kids black and blue and I guess it’s OK with you since its her kids. No need to protect the innocent if they’re not related to you.
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Oh please, that’s not at all what he meant! :rolleyes:

Just because some people don’t have a problem with a parent spanking their children for bad behavior, doesn’t mean they think it’s ok to “beat them black and blue!”
 
pnewton said:
This argument that spanking children is bad because we can not hit the adults is an unfounded conclusion. Rather, we have examples to the contrary. We can ground a child, but to do that to an adult is kidnapping, or unlawful restraint. We can force a child to attend school and do chores without compensation but for an adult that is slavery. We can vaccinate a child whether he likes it or not, but adults have what is called right to body integrity.

I bet we could go on with more thought. The point is, there is a logical disconnect. Adults are not children. Something can apply to children but not adults. In fact, many things apply to children and not adults. 🤷

Can we not agree that this argument has a serious logic flaw?
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You’re right but in this case what’s unreasonable for adults should also be unreasonable for a child.

Since you’re OK with spanking… What about spanking a child for no reason other than annoyance or perhaps spanking a child who is disabled or maybe has a developmental disorder or who is bipolar? Is spanking OK all the time? (Assuming it is not excessive.) Is spanking always a good thing for a child?
 
Gem02 said:
Since you’re OK with spanking… What about spanking a child for no reason other than annoyance or perhaps spanking a child who is disabled or maybe has a developmental disorder or who is bipolar?
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Don’t you think you’re going a little overboard?

I don’t think anyone here is so bad at parenting that they’d answer yes to that question even if they’re not against spanking.
 
I’m not really trying to accuse anyone here of anything. But I know someone who admitted spanking their child who had autism. People like that do exist. I’m just wondering how some of you draw the lines that is all.
 
latin_rite said:
1.Smacking your child is not violence.
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Yes, it is. This is what I talked about earlier. You can try to give it whatever cute name you want, smack, swat, spank, etc, but what you’re doing is hitting.
  1. Smacking your child is not abuse. If so, then sending your child to its room. for a forced time out is kidnapping
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I’m not saying you shouldn’t discipline a child. What I am saying is that inflicting physical pain is a horrible method of doing it.
Not smacking kids is not a new theory, It has been around for a few generations now. And as the number of non smacking parents increase so does the rate of crime and anti social behaviour amongst juveniles. That is a fact.
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If it works for kids, why doesn’t it work for adults? Should we bring back whippings and canings as punishment for crimes?
Getting a smack from a parent( which for 99.9% of the smacked population consited of a light smack when every other avenue was exhausted) does not turn your child into some emotionless social cripple.
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It can though. And your 99.9% figure is total bunk. Child abuse rates are around 16 or 17%.

I should put you in touch with the people who “smacked” me. They would tell you they never went over the line.
 
Debora123 said:
I really don’t think it should be that hard to figure out. If a mom can’t tell the difference between some disciplinary spanking and child abuse, she shouldn’t be a mom at all IMHO.
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Where is the line? Bruises? Redness?
 
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