Costs of a wedding--a Christian view

[angelerulastiel]

Do you believe that you should get paid $300 to sing one song?
They are not saying that you should come sing pro bono. They are saying they shouldn’t be required to hire you. Or that you should charge a reasonable fee.

 

[agapewolf]

Do you believe that you should get paid $300 to sing one song?
They are not saying that you should come sing pro bono. They are saying they shouldn’t be required to hire you. Or that you should charge a reasonable fee.

Actually, it was mentioned $150 for showing up for the whole Mass. It’s a shame the people didn’t choose more songs to be sung, such as the communion song like they are supposed to. The fee is for me to show up in the middle of my day, its the same work for me to sing one song as it is 10.

And actually, it was suggested that a music person for church is assisting just as a lector is…which is implying pro bono.

I charge $150 and accompany myself. If I sing with someone else’s organist, or accompany another singer of their choice, I charge MORE because it is way more work to have to deal with other musicians and rehearse. Weddings are always in the middle of a Saturday or a Friday night, so that shoots down any personal life at those times. I still have to get the music together, warm up, show up way early to make sure the sound is working, hammer out details with the priest, hunt down my check (half the time they forget to even bring it). and this is on top with meeting with the couple individually to play through all the options, explain to them why they cannot have “somewhere over the rainbow” and “here comes the bride” and instruct them on how to do programs, typing up their song lyrics for them and emailing them and then proofreading their program for them.

 

[Charlotte1776]

That 3 minutes of singing took a lot longer than 3 minutes to prepare for. There is a lot of time and expense involved in making oneself capable of singing for a wedding.

I understand that, but I didn’t want a cantor at all. I wanted to have it read. It was a $150 fee I had to pay for a service I didn’t want. I couldn’t even have had a talented family member sing it. It had to have been her, there was no choice. I didn’t mind paying $200 for the organist, because I wanted the organ music.

 

[agapewolf]

I understand that, but I didn’t want a cantor at all. I wanted to have it read. It was a $150 fee I had to pay for a service I didn’t want. I couldn’t even have had a talented family member sing it. It had to have been her, there was no choice. I didn’t mind paying $200 for the organist, because I wanted the organ music.

The rubrics of the mass state that if there is music, the communion song should be sung, as well as the psalm and mass parts at minimum.

I don’t agree with forcing people to use the house musicians, but “not wanting a cantor” is not up to you. Its the rubrics of the mass that state that.

 

[Charlotte1776]

The rubrics of the mass state that if there is music, the communion song should be sung, as well as the psalm and mass parts at minimum.

I don’t agree with forcing people to use the house musicians, but “not wanting a cantor” is not up to you. Its the rubrics of the mass that state that.

At my parish the pslam is spoken at daily mass despite there being other music, and the booklet of wedding music choices said we could choose to have it spoken at the wedding. Were they wrong? I’ve heard of many weddings where it was spoken. I didn’t know it had to be sung.

 

[HouseArrest]

I understand that, but I didn’t want a cantor at all. I wanted to have it read. It was a $150 fee I had to pay for a service I didn’t want. I couldn’t even have had a talented family member sing it. It had to have been her, there was no choice. I didn’t mind paying $200 for the organist, because I wanted the organ music.

Yeah I agree with you about you being forced to choose her - I don’t think that is right either, I should have included that thought in that last post. The $150 for 3 minutes just jumped out at me, though, and that’s the part I was commenting on.

I am not a musician at all, but I know that a lot more than 3 minutes of time goes into 3 minutes of music. It’s true of most other professions as well. Especially for those people who are so good at what they do that they make it look really easy.

 

[CoffeeHound]

Although you all make good points, I think that the worst is the wedding industry itself. Try finding a reception hall, a florist, a caterer, etc and if you say the word wedding ,they will double the price. It is what they always do.

That’s so true. Before quoting anyone, I’d call them and quote them for a family reunion or birthday or anniversary and have them send the relevant information I used to narrow down vendors. Then I’d call them later to schedule a meeting and quote for a wedding. EVERYONE quoted more for the wedding. Bakers went from $200 for a birthday cake to $800 for a wedding cake … for the exact same cake. DJ’s went from $500 to $1000, etc.

I negotiated “why did you quote X for a birthday then Y for a wedding?” and people got mad. Some refused to budge, some tried to split the difference. I did notice that the contracts sent to me for the birthday / anniversary / reunion, etc. had a disclaimer that if they showed up for the event and it was not the type of even quoted, they could increase the price on the spot.

 

[HouseArrest]

That’s so true. Before quoting anyone, I’d call them and quote them for a family reunion or birthday or anniversary and have them send the relevant information I used to narrow down vendors. Then I’d call them later to schedule a meeting and quote for a wedding. EVERYONE quoted more for the wedding. Bakers went from $200 for a birthday cake to $800 for a wedding cake … for the exact same cake. DJ’s went from $500 to $1000, etc.

I negotiated “why did you quote X for a birthday then Y for a wedding?” and people got mad. Some refused to budge, some tried to split the difference. I did notice that the contracts sent to me for the birthday / anniversary / reunion, etc. had a disclaimer that if they showed up for the event and it was not the type of even quoted, they could increase the price on the spot.

No kidding! Did anyone have any explanation for that? I can maybe see a wedding cake - tiers and all that, or maybe you asked for that for the birthday cake too… interesting.

 

[Auburn88]

You can’t get married on the beach for a catholic wedding.

We’re not Catholic.

Also, when people say “We spent less than x because we did/built/cooked it ourselves” are you counting the cost of those items? Just because your mother cooked or sewed doesn’t make it free.

You know, you’re absolutely right! When I said that we paid $2000, it never occured to me that we actually had to give that money to somebody for the goods we purchased!

You still have to pay for the ingredients/fabric. If you built your own dance floor how much did the wood cost? Also you have to consider how much you are asking of your family. It is your choice to get married and you are wanting others, often the mother, to spend hours cooking and sewing. How much is her time worth? I hope you spent a lot on a thank you gift for her/them.

Wow. Leave it to you to try to take such a beautiful thing and mock it.

I’m sorry that I’m from a different generation than you are and that our quaint little ways and customs and traditions must seem awfully foreign to you. Just so you know, I did mention in my first post that we did pay about $2000. Where do you think that money went?

 

[Secret_Square]

I have never heard of any one getting married at a regularly scheduled mass. I doubt if this would ever be acceptable by a priest or if it would be proper.

It HAS been done and it IS acceptable under church law – in fact I think it may even be encouraged because marriage, like other sacraments, is ideally “supposed” to be celebrated within the parish community.

Here’s an example – that happened in a parish I attend regularly – of a wedding being done during a regular parish Mass.

The couple were both in the military and the groom was deployed to Iraq. They went through all their required marriage preparations but could not set an actual wedding date because they did not know when the groom would be able to get leave. When he finally did, they had less than two weeks to arrange their wedding AND honeymoon. No one in the groom’s family, and hardly anyone in the bride’s family, was able to attend on such short notice because they all lived out of state.

The wedding was to be held in the parish the bride’s mother belonged to. It’s a big, beautiful Gothic church and the MOB felt sad that her daughter was going to have her wedding in a church that would be almost empty. She asked about having the wedding during the Saturday evening parish Mass, and the pastor (whom I am acquainted with, and he is an excellent priest and very orthodox) said “why not?”

They did – and it worked beautifully. It was a really great surprise to the parishioners who showed up for an “ordinary” weekend Mass and got to see a wedding instead; and, the bride and groom loved it. They certainly will never forget it! The whole episode was later written up in the local newspaper:

sj-r.com/homepage/x19928804/Dave-Bakke-Soldiers-strangers-celebrate-wedding

 

[CountrySinger]

I would feel very uncomfortable celebrating a wedding during a regular Mass. I was a bitter single woman for so long, and I would hate to rub salt in the wound of any single or divorced people out there. Plus, most people hate anything that makes Mass longer. It’s almost the attitude of “y’all are stuck here, and you are forced to watch our wedding”. evil laugh Plus, I would want people at my wedding who care about me, not a bunch of strangers (my parish is not particularly friendly).

And I’m not feeding a full parish. People think wedding= full bar and food. That would blow the budget!

 

[Secret_Square]

I have never heard of any one getting married at a regularly scheduled mass. I doubt if this would ever be acceptable by a priest or if it would be proper.

It HAS been done and it IS acceptable under church law – in fact I think it may even be encouraged because marriage, like other sacraments, is ideally “supposed” to be celebrated within the parish community.

Here’s an example – that happened in a parish I attend regularly – of a wedding being done during a regular parish Mass.

The couple were both in the military and the groom was deployed to Iraq. They went through all their required marriage preparations but could not set an actual wedding date because they did not know when the groom would be able to get leave. When he finally did, they had less than two weeks to arrange their wedding AND honeymoon. No one in the groom’s family, and hardly anyone in the bride’s family, was able to attend on such short notice because they all lived out of state.

The wedding was to be held in the parish the bride’s mother belonged to. It’s a big, beautiful Gothic church and the MOB felt sad that her daughter was going to have her wedding in a church that would be almost empty. She asked about having the wedding during the Saturday evening parish Mass, and the pastor (whom I am acquainted with, and he is an excellent priest and very orthodox) said “why not?”

They did – and it worked beautifully. It was a really great surprise to the parishioners who showed up for an “ordinary” weekend Mass and got to see a wedding instead; and, the bride and groom loved it. They certainly will never forget it! The whole episode was later written up in the local newspaper:

sj-r.com/homepage/x19928804/Dave-Bakke-Soldiers-strangers-celebrate-wedding

 

[angelerulastiel]

We’re not Catholic.

Wow. Leave it to you to try to take such a beautiful thing and mock it.

I’m sorry that I’m from a different generation than you are and that our quaint little ways and customs and traditions must seem awfully foreign to you. Just so you know, I did mention in my first post that we did pay about $2000. Where do you think that money went?

First off, you’re on a Catholic forum, it’s a bit silly to say that you saved money by doing something most of us can’t do.

Second, I’m not mocking your “quaint little ways”. I’m pointing out that people who don’t want to put their parents through all that aggravation shouldn’t be criticized because they have to spend more. And less than $2000 seems a little low for the amount of things you had to buy. Wood is ridiculously expensive, so is food. There is no need to get nasty.

People keep saying that they did it cheaper this way, and seem to mock anyone who spent money on things like buying a dress rather than re-using or sewing one.

 

[Petergee]

Our parish does not charge for use of church for parishioner’s weddings. A catholic parish has a very important responsibility to provide the sacraments to people. This is NOT a service it can charge for. Period. It is a bad practise that somehow got started and spread everywhere. Our pastor put a stop to it on these grounds and he is correct.

Simple question: if someone wanted to get married at your parish and declined to pay the fee, would they be refused? If yes, that is a very bad state of affairs.

Yes, in fact it would also be a sin (simony) and also against Canon Law. Of course if neither the bride nor the groom was a regular parishioner, the PP is perfectly entitled to tell them to get married at another Catholic church (i.e. their own). The fact that one’s parents got married in that church building and that one attended there as a child is not a consideration as afar as the Catholic Church is concerned. What matters is what parish do you belong to NOW.

The PP is also perfectly justified in telling any couple that they must be adequately prepared for marriage before he will celebrate the sacrament for them. If they claim they “can’t afford” the cost of any courses, books etc, they would need to be able to show him in some other way that they are prepared for marriage.

 

[Auburn88]

angelerulastiel:

Second, I’m not mocking your “quaint little ways”. I’m pointing out that people who don’t want to put their parents through all that aggravation shouldn’t be criticized because they have to spend more.

You don’t understand. In the culture I grew up in, this is just the way things are done. It isn’t a matter of putting parents through aggravation, it’s a matter of the parents coming up with the idea and offering to do it.

And less than $2000 seems a little low for the amount of things you had to buy. Wood is ridiculously expensive, so is food. There is no need to get nasty

Actually, you’re the one getting nasty by mocking me and my family. I think I’ve tried very hard to remain respectful to you, in spite of your insults.

Second, neither of those things have to be expensive.

People keep saying that they did it cheaper this way, and seem to mock anyone who spent money on things like buying a dress rather than re-using or sewing one.

When did I ever mock anyone? So far, the only person I see mocking anyone is you.

And just so you know. many women consider it a cherished tradition to wear their mother’s or grandmother’s wedding dress.

 

[CoffeeHound]

No kidding! Did anyone have any explanation for that? I can maybe see a wedding cake - tiers and all that, or maybe you asked for that for the birthday cake too… interesting.

I had them quote the same thing for both. The DJ claimed that a wedding is more work than other events (which is a little ridiculous considering he’s quoting his time). The one baker told me they spent more time on a wedding cake (a birthday cake just has to be “good”, a wedding cake has to be “perfect”). Another baker was honest: “our competitors charge more for a wedding cake, so we do as well.”

 

[aicirt]

Small wedding in Europe…everyone went to the town hall and Church for the marriage ceremony. All who attended were invited to reception hall for champagne, canapes, and wedding cake. Yes, the cake was served. After two hours, all left except immediate family and bride and groom (about 30) who went to dinner.

 

[Kit15]

People keep saying that they did it cheaper this way, and seem to mock anyone who spent money on things like buying a dress rather than re-using or sewing one.

This isn’t a comment on the post you are replying to…I’m just piggybacking on this part of the quote.

As far as weddings go, it’s not so much the price tag as it is the attitude going into it. The price tag is not inversely proportional to the success of the marriage itself. There are more divorced people out there than there are rich people.

We didn’t have an outrageously extravagant wedding…but we did have a middle of the road “banquet hall” reception that cost a bit of money. And I don’t think I should be made to feel guilty about any of it. I’m very grateful to my family for the gift they gave us. It was the best party I had ever been to and I will cherish that day always.

Also the price tag for a wedding varies greatly from area to area. If I told you what the final price tag of our wedding was some of you might faint with shock. But keep in mind that in some parts of the country even a very modest living costs a small fortune.

For example, our 2 bedroom, one bathroom ranch just appraised this summer for 300,000. It’s not a two bedroom one bathroom ranch with a huge lot and a pool etc… It’s a basic starter home 45 minutes away from NYC. You can probably imagine what a wedding costs over here.

 

[newf]

Also the price tag for a wedding varies greatly from area to area. If I told you what the final price tag of our wedding was some of you might faint with shock. But keep in mind that in some parts of the country even a very modest living costs a small fortune.

For example, our 2 bedroom, one bathroom ranch just appraised this summer for 300,000. It’s not a two bedroom one bathroom ranch with a huge lot and a pool etc… It’s a basic starter home 45 minutes away from NYC. You can probably imagine what a wedding costs over here.

I have 2 daughters living in Manhattan, I hear you loud and clear!

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Small wedding in Europe…everyone went to the town hall and Church for the marriage ceremony. All who attended were invited to reception hall for champagne, canapes, and wedding cake. Yes, the cake was served. After two hours, all left except immediate family and bride and groom (about 30) who went to dinner.

That sounds very lovely!