Courting

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billcu1 said:
The women I’ve come across, well if anything could be done right they’d miss it. If anything wrong they’d hit the nail on the head. My idea of meeting a women as a potential mate isn’t looking at someone who’s eyes are watery and have the sniffs from dope. Or meeting over a needle. I’ve never done drugs don’t want to be around them and when it comes up I’m gone. That’s just a deal breaker.
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If these are the women you regularly come across then you really, really need to reassess the people and places you frequent.

Believe-it-or-not a vast majority of women…Secular or otherwise…do not partake in drugs…let alone heavy kinds.

I’m actually kind of confused and curious as the where and how drugs came into this conversation.

Women aren’t like that…most men aren’t like that. Maybe in their early twenties but once life actually hits them and they realize they need to smarten up and get a job…that party lifestyle goes out the window.

I know plenty of secular women. Single, married, divorced…whatever. And all of them are very well adjusted, mature and responsible.

They are great women who would make any man very, very happy in terms of marriage. They just aren’t Catholic.
 
Kelfa28 said:
If these are the women you regularly come across then you really, really need to reassess the people and places you frequent.

Believe-it-or-not a vast majority of women…Secular or otherwise…do not partake in drugs…let alone heavy kinds.

I’m actually kind of confused and curious as the where and how drugs came into this conversation.

Women aren’t like that…most men aren’t like that. Maybe in their early twenties but once life actually hits them and they realize they need to smarten up and get a job…that party lifestyle goes out the window.

I know plenty of secular women. Single, married, divorced…whatever. And all of them are very well adjusted, mature and responsible.

They are great women who would make any man very, very happy in terms of marriage. They just aren’t Catholic.
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Yes.
 
Xantippe said:
How about some new friends?
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Kelfa28 said:
If these are the women you regularly come across then you really, really need to reassess the people and places you frequent.

Believe-it-or-not a vast majority of women…Secular or otherwise…do not partake in drugs…let alone heavy kinds.

I’m actually kind of confused and curious as the where and how drugs came into this conversation.

Women aren’t like that…most men aren’t like that. Maybe in their early twenties but once life actually hits them and they realize they need to smarten up and get a job…that party lifestyle goes out the window.

I know plenty of secular women. Single, married, divorced…whatever. And all of them are very well adjusted, mature and responsible.

They are great women who would make any man very, very happy in terms of marriage. They just aren’t Catholic.
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👍

If you’re relying on friends to tell you where to meet girls, it indicates that you don’t know your area very well. I would suggest that you get out during the day and visit new places to meet people. If you aren’t finding anyone in bars, stop looking in bars.

And if the only thing your friends can say is “drugs”, then you should probably listen to Xantippe.

Lou
 
Xantippe said:
How about some new friends?
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Or moving?

Honestly, your experience is so far from my frame of reference that I cannot even begin to comprehend it.

Now, I’m a lot older than you are, but my DD is a few years younger than you, and I can assure you that any man who offered her or her friends drugs would have found himself having a nice conversation with a local police officer.

There’s are reasons why the old advice continues to be given. Look for mates by doing the things that you like to do and define who you are. Perhaps that’s by being active in the ministries in your church Perhaps it’s by participating in a physical activity that you enjoy, like a running club. Perhaps it’'s by working for a candidate or community or political cause that you support. Perhaps it’s by becoming involved with a hobby that you enjoy, like a book discussion group or historic re-enacting. The purpose should be to find *friends,*not a mate, along with developing as a person. Restricting your search for a mate eliminates a lot of people who would enrich your life in other ways. (I can hear my DM’s voice now; “Why not go out with him? He may have a nice friend.”). That older woman who shares your love of Sci Fi may have a niece who “would be perfect” for you.

Many people I know met their DH or DW through introductions by friends. And, for some reason, people who are happy in themselves and not desperately searching for The One are much more attractive to others.
 
Xantippe said:
How about some new friends?
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These people are not exactly friends. It’s people I may get into a conversation with quite a bit. And might become an acquaintance. Of course I am in no way taking any advice. Far too wise for that.
 
Kelfa28 said:
If these are the women you regularly come across then you really, really need to reassess the people and places you frequent.

Believe-it-or-not a vast majority of women…Secular or otherwise…do not partake in drugs…let alone heavy kinds.

I’m actually kind of confused and curious as the where and how drugs came into this conversation.

Women aren’t like that…most men aren’t like that. Maybe in their early twenties but once life actually hits them and they realize they need to smarten up and get a job…that party lifestyle goes out the window.

I know plenty of secular women. Single, married, divorced…whatever. And all of them are very well adjusted, mature and responsible.

They are great women who would make any man very, very happy in terms of marriage. They just aren’t Catholic.
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I don’t really frequent any place. Not now for a while. I have thought about going to the KofC community help organizations. I can very much have something to do. But this doesn’t involve meeting women or getting into that. It would be simply helping the poor, homeless. and so on.
 
Billcu1:

After seeing this first question, my first thought was a 46 year old man intentionally looking to date a woman in her twenties is 90% of the time seen as “creepy”, and most women will agree with me.

Also, it sounds like you are going to bars to strike up some conversations, but you may be better off going to other things that are more interesting.

Billcu1, as a man about your age (and I am single), I have done some online dating, and to meet in person online, take a step to ask for a phone number and ask for a coffee date at a diner, a Starbucks, or a local restaurant after work. If you don’t ask, you won’t get anywhere. If you are just e-mailing after a certain period of time without an in-person meeting, you come across that you are not seriously interested.

Check into other activities. I found going to dance class once in a while (when I was younger I did this…I was shy and I had a job where I worked 60 hours a week) was a good way to help me with some social graces and get a little more comfortable. (I’m also an engineer and you didn’t hang out in the electrical engineering building on campus to meet women!). However, in all seriousness, one thing about dance class is people who go (and honestly, more women go than men, unless boyfriends and girlfriends come together) are there to learn how to dance - there not there to take someone home for the night. You also might want to look into going to some “singles dances” in your area.

It’s also good to make friends with the opposite sex. Some ladies at your work may have some single friends outside of work, and you may have a sister (or someone like a sister) who has some single friends. Try having a games night at your home, a movie night out, or just a dinner at a restaurant where you can have a co-ed gathering. I would keep in mind that in your mid-forties, to keep the activities age appropriate. Some 35, 36, 37, and 38 year olds may be open to someone your age, depending on the person.

If you sing in a choir at church, some other members of the choir (or another ministry) may have some single friends to introduce to you as well. Some of the Knights know people too - I’m a Knight myself, and the ones that are married have wives who have single friends.

Here’s a few tips Billcu1:
  1. Dress appropriately and smile. Attitude goes a long way.
  2. Having a sense of humor is a big help - women often say that a sense of humor is important in a relationship.
  3. When you do go to a party or something, go for the event. Don’t go with an attitude of “am I going to finally meet someone tonight?” Seriously, I’ve been to a few singles’ events in the past where people show up, stay 30 minutes to an hour, and leave, later saying things like “I didn’t see anyone I wanted to talk to” or “no one really looked interesting.”
Billcu1, I hope this helps a little. I was trying to tactfully give you some help, and Kelfa28 and Xantippe did the same as well.
 
hwriggles4 said:
Billcu1:

After seeing this first question, my first thought was a 46 year old man intentionally looking to date a woman in her twenties is 90% of the time seen as “creepy”, and most women will agree with me.

Also, it sounds like you are going to bars to strike up some conversations, but you may be better off going to other things that are more interesting.

Billcu1, as a man about your age (and I am single), I have done some online dating, and to meet in person online, take a step to ask for a phone number and ask for a coffee date at a diner, a Starbucks, or a local restaurant after work. If you don’t ask, you won’t get anywhere. If you are just e-mailing after a certain period of time without an in-person meeting, you come across that you are not seriously interested.

Check into other activities. I found going to dance class once in a while (when I was younger I did this…I was shy and I had a job where I worked 60 hours a week) was a good way to help me with some social graces and get a little more comfortable. (I’m also an engineer and you didn’t hang out in the electrical engineering building on campus to meet women!). However, in all seriousness, one thing about dance class is people who go (and honestly, more women go than men, unless boyfriends and girlfriends come together) are there to learn how to dance - there not there to take someone home for the night. You also might want to look into going to some “singles dances” in your area.

It’s also good to make friends with the opposite sex. Some ladies at your work may have some single friends outside of work, and you may have a sister (or someone like a sister) who has some single friends. Try having a games night at your home, a movie night out, or just a dinner at a restaurant where you can have a co-ed gathering. I would keep in mind that in your mid-forties, to keep the activities age appropriate. Some 35, 36, 37, and 38 year olds may be open to someone your age, depending on the person.

If you sing in a choir at church, some other members of the choir (or another ministry) may have some single friends to introduce to you as well. Some of the Knights know people too - I’m a Knight myself, and the ones that are married have wives who have single friends.

Here’s a few tips Billcu1:
  1. Dress appropriately and smile. Attitude goes a long way.
  2. Having a sense of humor is a big help - women often say that a sense of humor is important in a relationship.
  3. When you do go to a party or something, go for the event. Don’t go with an attitude of “am I going to finally meet someone tonight?” Seriously, I’ve been to a few singles’ events in the past where people show up, stay 30 minutes to an hour, and leave, later saying things like “I didn’t see anyone I wanted to talk to” or “no one really looked interesting.”
Billcu1, I hope this helps a little. I was trying to tactfully give you some help, and Kelfa28 and Xantippe did the same as well.
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Your first paragraph I tend to agree. We have no starbucks. There are a few coffee shops. I am on disability too. I am not working now. That really hurts. Having people over to me sounds like a bad idea. Just having a bunch of people over opens the door to…I’ve seen too many people coming to “case the place” more than any thing else. Singles events? I don’t know if we have any on the area. Dancing IDK about that either. I know you are trying to help. There are about 30,000 people here in my town. So it’s pretty small. But there’s smaller. As far as on line dating, I have opened accounts before and for age put, 18-45 (what they hey) just for openness. But never put up any pics and certainly didn’t pay. I did that once before and contacted everyone I could. After nothing I finally gave up. And that was the once I paid and did put up a pic. I decided not to try again.
 
If you don’t put up a picture, people will assume you’re hiding something TERRIBLE.
billcu1 said:
Your first paragraph I tend to agree. We have no starbucks. There are a few coffee shops. I am on disability too. I am not working now. That really hurts. Having people over to me sounds like a bad idea. Just having a bunch of people over opens the door to…I’ve seen too many people coming to “case the place” more than any thing else. Singles events? I don’t know if we have any on the area. Dancing IDK about that either. I know you are trying to help. There are about 30,000 people here in my town. So it’s pretty small. But there’s smaller. As far as on line dating, I have opened accounts before and for age put, 18-45 (what they hey) just for openness. But never put up any pics and certainly didn’t pay. I did that once before and contacted everyone I could. After nothing I finally gave up. And that was the once I paid and did put up a pic. I decided not to try again.
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Xantippe said:
If you don’t put up a picture, people will assume you’re hiding something TERRIBLE.
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Well after I did it that one time, and paid too much for a so called service. I never put it up after that.
 
hwriggles4 said:
Billcu1:

After seeing this first question, my first thought was a 46 year old man intentionally looking to date a woman in her twenties is 90% of the time seen as “creepy”, and most women will agree with me.

Also, it sounds like you are going to bars to strike up some conversations, but you may be better off going to other things that are more interesting.

Billcu1, as a man about your age (and I am single), I have done some online dating, and to meet in person online, take a step to ask for a phone number and ask for a coffee date at a diner, a Starbucks, or a local restaurant after work. If you don’t ask, you won’t get anywhere. If you are just e-mailing after a certain period of time without an in-person meeting, you come across that you are not seriously interested.

Check into other activities. I found going to dance class once in a while (when I was younger I did this…I was shy and I had a job where I worked 60 hours a week) was a good way to help me with some social graces and get a little more comfortable. (I’m also an engineer and you didn’t hang out in the electrical engineering building on campus to meet women!). However, in all seriousness, one thing about dance class is people who go (and honestly, more women go than men, unless boyfriends and girlfriends come together) are there to learn how to dance - there not there to take someone home for the night. You also might want to look into going to some “singles dances” in your area.

It’s also good to make friends with the opposite sex. Some ladies at your work may have some single friends outside of work, and you may have a sister (or someone like a sister) who has some single friends. Try having a games night at your home, a movie night out, or just a dinner at a restaurant where you can have a co-ed gathering. I would keep in mind that in your mid-forties, to keep the activities age appropriate. Some 35, 36, 37, and 38 year olds may be open to someone your age, depending on the person.

If you sing in a choir at church, some other members of the choir (or another ministry) may have some single friends to introduce to you as well. Some of the Knights know people too - I’m a Knight myself, and the ones that are married have wives who have single friends.

Here’s a few tips Billcu1:
  1. Dress appropriately and smile. Attitude goes a long way.
  2. Having a sense of humor is a big help - women often say that a sense of humor is important in a relationship.
  3. When you do go to a party or something, go for the event. Don’t go with an attitude of “am I going to finally meet someone tonight?” Seriously, I’ve been to a few singles’ events in the past where people show up, stay 30 minutes to an hour, and leave, later saying things like “I didn’t see anyone I wanted to talk to” or “no one really looked interesting.”
Billcu1, I hope this helps a little. I was trying to tactfully give you some help, and Kelfa28 and Xantippe did the same as well.
Click to expand...
I asked for a girls phone number and got one ONE time. I called and talked to her once, then I was talking to her sister and I guess it was her number and I got tired of guessing what was going on. I didn’t mess with it after that. The sister told me the girl I talked to was moving out and was staying there temporarily. I’ve seen too many young men give young girls who are total strangers their phone numbers and the girls toss it in the trash. These girls I knew when I frequented the bar and they had men. I make friends easy with women to a large extent. But going any farther, well I don’t know how I guess you could say. Every girl’s situation is different. In the age group as I said before I put 18, that’s legal but a little too young even for me. 21 and up I’m more interested in.

On thing I haven’t thought of is asking girl friends. some whom are married around 21 if they know any young women that could be interested. Or any my age. Hum. That could work. 🙂
 
hwriggles4 said:
Billcu1:

After seeing this first question, my first thought was a 46 year old man intentionally looking to date a woman in her twenties is 90% of the time seen as “creepy”, and most women will agree with me.

Also, it sounds like you are going to bars to strike up some conversations, but you may be better off going to other things that are more interesting.

Billcu1, as a man about your age (and I am single), I have done some online dating, and to meet in person online, take a step to ask for a phone number and ask for a coffee date at a diner, a Starbucks, or a local restaurant after work. If you don’t ask, you won’t get anywhere. If you are just e-mailing after a certain period of time without an in-person meeting, you come across that you are not seriously interested.

Check into other activities. I found going to dance class once in a while (when I was younger I did this…I was shy and I had a job where I worked 60 hours a week) was a good way to help me with some social graces and get a little more comfortable. (I’m also an engineer and you didn’t hang out in the electrical engineering building on campus to meet women!). However, in all seriousness, one thing about dance class is people who go (and honestly, more women go than men, unless boyfriends and girlfriends come together) are there to learn how to dance - there not there to take someone home for the night. You also might want to look into going to some “singles dances” in your area.

It’s also good to make friends with the opposite sex. Some ladies at your work may have some single friends outside of work, and you may have a sister (or someone like a sister) who has some single friends. Try having a games night at your home, a movie night out, or just a dinner at a restaurant where you can have a co-ed gathering. I would keep in mind that in your mid-forties, to keep the activities age appropriate. Some 35, 36, 37, and 38 year olds may be open to someone your age, depending on the person.

If you sing in a choir at church, some other members of the choir (or another ministry) may have some single friends to introduce to you as well. Some of the Knights know people too - I’m a Knight myself, and the ones that are married have wives who have single friends.

Here’s a few tips Billcu1:
  1. Dress appropriately and smile. Attitude goes a long way.
  2. Having a sense of humor is a big help - women often say that a sense of humor is important in a relationship.
  3. When you do go to a party or something, go for the event. Don’t go with an attitude of “am I going to finally meet someone tonight?” Seriously, I’ve been to a few singles’ events in the past where people show up, stay 30 minutes to an hour, and leave, later saying things like “I didn’t see anyone I wanted to talk to” or “no one really looked interesting.”
Billcu1, I hope this helps a little. I was trying to tactfully give you some help, and Kelfa28 and Xantippe did the same as well.
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What exactly do you mean by attitude?
 
Xantippe said:
My feeling about this is that you generally need to date in order to figure out who to court.

The standard modern courtship approach ignores the fact that one needs to first find somebody to court.
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Yeeeeessss, thank you! Nowadays a person has to know who he wants to marry before getting to know the girl to decide if he wants to marry her. It’s a big emotional circle! Be careful, if a boy says “hi” too often to that girl he passes in the hall, they’ll be engaged!

Go out together, people! Go to the movies. Go get dinner. Go ice skating. Call it whatever you want, but for heavens sake don’t be afraid to get to know someone. If it doesn’t work out, move on.

It’s not supposed to be this complicated.
 
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