Courtship and twenty-something Catholics

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A single-gendered group perhaps?
I am part of a young catholic women’s group in my area. I’m in my early 30’s as are many of the ladies, and 90% or so of us still single. We pray, talk about the faith, watch movies on Formed, or just chat about our lives. Although I am still hopeful for marriage, the group gives me hope that I don’t have to grow old alone, just because I grow old single. I have a hard time believing we’ll ALL marry at this point, given the number of us, and our ages.

If you choose to do a both-gendered group for folks in their 20’s, be aware that in Catholic communities, this tends to create couples and the feel of a meet-singles group. Not that it has to become a singles group by purpose, but Catholics in their 20’s are seeking their vocations/purpose. For many, that means marriage, so some will see a great opportunity to interact with the opposite sex. If you have time to go, you are likely single, showing you who is available. One group I was in met after mass on Sunday night. If we did small group discussions, men and women were split up, which encouraged friendship over romance.
We’d have supper, some chatting time and a faith-formation discussion such as a video or a talk. And prayer of course, but as has been mentioned, prayer-only groups don’t really facilitate fellowship and bonding.

It was a running joke in another Faith group I was in that all the outreach, community activities and events that started the group, were actually a cover-up for catholic matchmaking, because so many Catholic couples I know first met at those events. If it’s disrespectful to ask for a date after mass, where better to meet devote people? You don’t need to cater to singles, but a group becomes what it becomes, and couples may form, especially if there haven’t been other events in your area in a while.
 
Riman643 said:
the average Catholic marriage age is 24
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I was evangelical at the time and married at 24–my husband was 31; this was twenty years ago. The ‘average age’ is just that–the average. Not even the median or the mean, which are actually more informative than averages. Either way, an average necessarily requires that there are older ages.
realAlexJean said:
and I have more faith than most “Catholics”, especially the ones influenced by Modernism…
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With all due respect, this seems arrogant and judgmental.
 
You are telling me there is a group of single Catholic women devoted to the faith and single? This leaves me little hope. If you all can’t find someone there is no way I will be able to 😦
 
For me it’s not so much that there are no catholic guys, the right one (who is also interested in me) simply hasn’t come along yet :). Not sure why the other ladies haven’t married, but a few are very involved with their communities, and maybe just haven’t settled down. Sometimes it’s a subconscious choice to be single, not a fight to get the guy.

The events do tend to attract more girls than guys, so some of us inevitably need to wait. I’m starting to see the benefits as well. I have an acquaintance a few years younger. Met her husband at 20ish, the next year they got engaged, the next year married, a year after that - first kid. They now have multiple kids and one with special needs. She isn’t 30 yet. Seems happy, but I’m glad I have the time to volunteer, build a stronger personal relationship with God through private prayer, and figure out who I am as an adult. Not everyone needs that extra time, but I do, and if I were living her life, I would have missed out on most of that.

I still have time to find someone, and I am more focused now than in the past on making myself a good future wife. I am now actively looking and praying. I’ll be ready when the time comes, and I’ll have a whole single life lived behind me! I want to be able to give everything to my husband (and our kids) when and if it happens, so I’ll get some single dreams and goals out of my system now. When I say “I do”, I’ll know that I’ll live together with him, because I’ve already had the chance to live for me.

I hope it doesn’t sound selfish, and yes, I had more options for guys in the past, but I’m just trying to prove it’s not all bad news!
 
I thought about a women’s group but would also like to have a men’s group that does prayer as well and then both get together and have fellowship afterwards. I have no issue with singlehood but would like those who feel called to marriage to have the opportunity to find prospects and not feel obligated to confine themselves to single gendered interaction.
 
ExtraordinaryGrace said:
The over-education of young people further takes them away from responsibilities of nature, ie making families and homes, and into the analytical and scientific, which ends us being the materialism of the will of the “student”. This is the modern social crisis.
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I’m sorry, but this is bunk.

Wanting a good education so you can support yourself, your spouse, your aging parents, and any children God might send is hardly a “social crisis”. It is only a “social crisis” if a person is pursuing education of dubious value with no clear means of paying back the bills or using what they have learned.
 
Did you not read my comment on how this is not personal opinion but scientific data acquired over decades? The data claims that age correlation to education and marriage is stronger than occupation and marriage. Meaning the higher amount of degrees a person has the longer it takes for them to marry. This also varies across ethnic group and gender. This is not my personal opinion but one held by public academia through their research.
 
You can have both a men’s group and a women’s group, but if you intend to have some separate events, you’ll likely need to find a guy to lead the guys group. Someone you know is as devoted (to the group) as you. Or you can do what I mentioned and have the same events, but times where the men have a discussion in one room and the women in another.

While I love my women’s group, it doesn’t have the same feel as a women and men group. I miss those events too, and I think both are important. Even those who are single aren’t meant to forget the other gender entirely. It’s good to connect.

I’ve found, in all the groups I’ve attended, that after mass coffee or meal seems to attract the biggest crowds. Other events seem to incite “well…I’m kind of busy…”, but we all need to eat, so it feels like you can make time to have a meal with friends! Also, if your parish has many masses, one might be more popular with the 20 year olds. We get that crowd more on Sunday night, whereas Sunday morning seems to be families and the elderly. Try the different masses and see where your people are. After that, talk to the pastor…you may be able to use the hall for free or they may even provide some food! It’s easier than you think. If you have the right group, you don’t even need much planning. Discussion will happen. Good luck!
 
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Wow that is really an amazing outlook. I hope I find a wife like you and I will pray that you find a lovely husband!
 
I got married at 27. Became a dad at 28/29. I’m now about to be 34. In my area, I feel like a young dad. I feel like most of the men who are at the same stage (professional men who are dads of young children) are late 30s or in their 40s. The marriage age has be to 30+ around here… and probably rising.
My almost five year old son has no siblings, but also no cousins between my 2 adult siblings and my wife’s three adult siblings in the 20s/30s age range.
 
24 where? Worldwide? I doubt that’s the average age for Catholics here… certainly for the general population the average marriage age is more about 30ish around here.
 
I just read a specifically catholic marriage study and it says 27 for women 28 for men in America. Sacramental marriages are at an all time low with many catholic unions taking place outside of the church but with another catholic still higher than without.
 
Exactly. I don’t see a reason to prevent such a group from becoming a place where young adults can meet others of the opposite gender. There are a lot of gender-exclusive places in the Church nowadays. There aren’t that many inclusive ones.
 
. . . .
No. Sometimes there are interests and points of focus that exclude carnal priorities, believe it or not.
 
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