[SIGN]QUOTE=uglygal;3004310]Where to start? I was born and raised a catholic and went to a catholic school. I grew up in the faith - church every Sunday without fail, daily rosary, weekly fasting and weekly confession. Constant stories about the saints and how “heroic” they are. Obey priests, never question, be a saint for God. What was wrong?
24 years of being taught to hate yourself, until self-hate becomes an art - depression, panic attacks, anxiety, fear, self-mutilation, suicide attempts, abuse by religious … imitate the crucified christ
24 years with no relationships - solitary confinement, living in isolation, must do penance, can’t have boyfriends or God will send me to hell. My body is sin and evil, my feelings are depraved and evil … I am evil.
24 years of being taught by your teachers in the “holy faith” a jansenist heresy of how to be hated by God and hate yourself for been born. 24 years believing that being born was a sin and doing penance for the sin of being alive, 24 years believing I am a soul in the line of Judas, born and destined for damnation[/SIGN].
I can feel the pain & anger in you & I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this. I, too, grew up in the faith. I attended Catholic schools for 12 yrs. & I’d truly like to understand how this happened to you. You see, my experience was the exact opposite. During my first 6 yrs. in elementary school, I was taught by Benedictines, then a couple of years with the Precious Blood sisters because we moved & changed schools. During my high school years, I attended an Academy of the Sacred Heart & was taught by the RSCJ. All were kind & such wonderful role models.
I remember my first day of school. I was the oldest child in the family & I was a bit scared. I walked across the street (with my Mother watching me, tears in her eyes) & reached up to turn the door knobon those BIG main doors. I hesitated a bit & the door opened from the inside. A young nun, dropped to one knee so that she was down on my level & said, with a big smile…“I’m Sister Mary Rose & I’m going to be your Guardian Angel today”. She took me to the first grade classroom, introduced my to my new teacher & walked me to my desk. All day long, she’d appear every once in a while…she walked with me to the children’s Mass, she searched me out at lunch & during recess she played “Red Rover, Red Rover” with me & others. It turns out that 4 nuns were chosen to watch over 5 children each, in order to make their first day of school a good one. This continued for a week.
Did I ever get in trouble. You bet I did, but never when I didn’t deserve it & never was the punishment cruel or degrading. The Sacred Heart nuns who taught me in high school…what can I say? They were hard-working, holy women, wonderful role models & they taught me about a loving, merciful & just God.
. They counseled me about my attitude toward my studies (I could blow them off, at times), they encouraged me to go to college, they believed in me, more than I EVER believed in myself. I owe whatever success I’ve achieved in life to them & my parents.
I’m trying so hard to understand how this could have happened to you, when we’ve both had basically the same upbringing. I believe that you are suffering greatly & would like to understand why. I do remember a girl in my graduating class who suffered from scruples, but I don’t really understand what brings that about. Their were 50 of us, & only one who could be said to have the same problems that you do.
When you told your parents that you were being taught to “hate yourself” or that God would punish you for having a boyfriend, what did they say??
You don’t have to answer any of these questions, I believe that you’ve suffered greatly, but I’m just trying to make sense of this given my own experience.
penWindow(‘cr/613.htm’)
Christ’s death is both the Paschal sacrifice that accomplishes the definitive redemption of men, through “the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world”,439 and the sacrifice of the New Covenant, which restores man to communion with God by reconciling him to God through the “blood of the covenant, which was poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins”.440
I’m sorry if I come across as someone with odd thinking and behaviour, I’ll try to be more discreet about it 
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