Dating a non-virgin: Yes or no.

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AdamP88

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I’m just putting this up out of curiosity. It became the topic of some debate on another thread and I’m interested to see what people think.
 
I’m married now, but voted as if I were not (though my husband was a virgin, as was my one other serious boyfriend.) Practicing chastity would be more important to me.
 
pensmama87 said:
I’m married now, but voted as if I were not (though my husband was a virgin, as was my one other serious boyfriend.) Practicing chastity would be more important to me.
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Yes. What’s the point of virginity if you’re a porn addict. I agree that virginity is important, precious and sacred. But far more important is chastity and purity of heart and mind.
 
DarkLight said:
I was thinking this - I think a lot of people use “virgin” to mean “someone who has not been unchaste with another person.”
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Yeah. I guess I should have been more clear. I mean that in the “popular” sense of the word I suppose.
 
I am married now, but if I were not, my biggest issue would be chastity in the present, not necessarily what happened in the past. And there is a difference between someone who had long-term relationships that included sex and living a life of promiscuity. Also, solitary habits are important, possibly more so. I would not consider continuing to date someone who was okay with using porn. 😦

But no matter what, sex before marriage is not something I am willing to consider. I have a feeling that I am more likely to be rejected as a suitable person to date than the other way around, because of my stance on premarital sex.

I am thankful I don’t have to worry about any of that anymore for myself, but I do worry for my children.
 
jmjZelie said:
I am married now, but if I were not, my biggest issue would be chastity in the present, not necessarily what happened in the past. And there is a difference between someone who had long-term relationships that included sex and living a life of promiscuity. Also, solitary habits are important, possibly more so. I would not consider continuing to date someone who was okay with using porn. 😦

But no matter what, sex before marriage is not something I am willing to consider. I have a feeling that I am more likely to be rejected as a suitable person to date than the other way around, because of my stance on premarital sex.

I am thankful I don’t have to worry about any of that anymore for myself, but I do worry for my children.
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That may be the case. But it’d say it’s worth it. And if you’re rejected for that reason then it kind of saves you the bother of wasting time on dating someone who doesn’t respect your chastity.
 
AdamPeter said:
I’m just putting this up out of curiosity. It became the topic of some debate on another thread and I’m interested to see what people think.
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If she agrees that from henceforth she will remain chaste until the stefanas (nuptial crowns in the Byzantine/Eastern tradition) are placed on our heads, then yes, provided that she professes the Holy Catholic Faith and agrees to teach it to our children, if any, and she is otherwise attempting to live in conformity with the Holy Gospel.

“God crown them with glory and honor!”

(From the Byzantine rite of crowning, and something I look forward to hearing)
 
jmjZelie said:
I am married now, but if I were not, my biggest issue would be chastity in the present, not necessarily what happened in the past. And there is a difference between someone who had long-term relationships that included sex and living a life of promiscuity. Also, solitary habits are important, possibly more so. I would not consider continuing to date someone who was okay with using porn. 😦

But no matter what, sex before marriage is not something I am willing to consider. I have a feeling that I am more likely to be rejected as a suitable person to date than the other way around, because of my stance on premarital sex.

I am thankful I don’t have to worry about any of that anymore for myself, but I do worry for my children.
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Likewise. My daughters believe it is ok if you will marry the person. Even when I was dating my DH over 20 years ago I was ridiculed for taking a stance.
 
I have said it before: I wish I would have waited until marriage. I would marry someone that is not a virgin, granted they not be sexual active at the time we decide to get married and actually wait until that day. Let’s hope my future wife feels the same way. So I would date someone that is not a virgin. But I would also date someone that is.
 
As long as they don’t have HIV or any other STD. Thus, I voted “maybe”.

Personally, however, I wouldn’t date anyone. I plan on being celibate for life, and never marrying. I just don’t see the point in stuff like that. 🤷

But I am open to whatever God wills, whether that be single, Priesthood, or marriage.
 
Isn’t an answer of “No” an indication of a lack of mercy? Seems an odd take, given this the year of mercy. If Jesus could forgive the adulteress, and God forgives all sins, and in lieu of Christ telling us we cannot expect mercy if we don’t extend mercy to others, I would have to say my answer is “Yes”.

PEACE AND ALL GOOD!
 
Neofight said:
Isn’t an answer of “No” an indication of a lack of mercy? Seems an odd take, given this the year of mercy. If Jesus could forgive the adulteress, and God forgives all sins, and in lieu of Christ telling us we cannot expect mercy if we don’t extend mercy to others, I would have to say my answer is “Yes”.

PEACE AND ALL GOOD!
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You forget another thing:

“Go and sin no more”, our Lord says to the adulteress.

So, I have qualified my answer to say that a woman must be willing to be chaste from henceforth.
 
Neofight said:
Isn’t an answer of “No” an indication of a lack of mercy? Seems an odd take, given this the year of mercy. If Jesus could forgive the adulteress, and God forgives all sins, and in lieu of Christ telling us we cannot expect mercy if we don’t extend mercy to others, I would have to say my answer is “Yes”.

PEACE AND ALL GOOD!
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I agree. I see how it might be difficult for a relationship. And maybe some people can’t deal with it. But I think that completely ruling someone out for this reason is not good. I would be the first to say that virginity is important and precious. But more important is chastity…and they are not the same thing.

I obviously don’t think that anyone is “entitled” to be considered for a date. I just think that ruling out a whole bunch of people because of a past mistake doesn’t take into account how a person can change and repent and be healed by Jesus.

It might even be the case that people who have lost their virginity and deeply regret it have a deeper admiration and respect for chastity now.
 
I will go slighty against the grain here.

There is a difference between someone who has been with one previous partner and someone who has been with a hundred. This isn’t just sentimentality, the correlation between number of premarital sexual partners and divorce is quite high. The Heritage Foundation has a study on this but it isn’t widely mentioned in the media, even though it implicitly contains very salient advice. Political correctness and all.

In any case I did marry a non-virgin. We each had one partner other than each other, both as part of long term relationships. Not ideal but such is life.
 
I dated ( and by date I mean slept with)many women. Of course I regret that now. My wife though was a virgin when we started dating, the ones you marry seem to be “nicer” girls than the ones you just kill time with.
 
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