X
Xantippe
Guest
When you start being a blessing to your significant other and rarely a source of pain.
I really don’t think he passes that test.
- Status
I really don’t think he passes that test.
X
Xantippe
Guest
There are people (usually guys) who won’t buy Christmas or birthday gifts of any kind for their wives.
It’s SO sad for the wives.
It’s SO sad for the wives.
R
Rau
Guest
There are wives who - under no circumstance - would wish their husband to make such purchases. It is simply the inappropriate expression of love for those wives. Some people are very different from what me might consider the norm.
X
Xantippe
Guest
I’m talking about the wives who want gifts, ask for gifts, but their husbands WON’T buy them any gift at all, except under extreme duress.
I have a friend whose husband told her that he was paying her student loan, so he didn’t have to get her birthday gifts or Christmas gifts…I mean ANY gift at all–she wasn’t expecting the Hope Diamond.
I know this all does get complicated, especially once there are joint finances or a limited budget. (Great–he bought home a $70 bouquet. Now we get to eat rice and beans for the rest of the week! GRRRR.) But if one spouse likes gifts and there’s any room at all in the budget, there ought to be gifts. As I point out on CAF, you can get a bouquet of carnations or a fancy schmancy Mylar balloon for $4 at the grocery store. It’s WAY better than nothing.
I don’t have a gift-denier at home, but my husband did at some point need some gift coaching. Oh, look, sweetie it’s one week until Valentine’s! Have you made any plans? (I often make my own arrangements for Valentine’s, too–I think last year I did a heart-shaped brownie–but like a little effort from my husband.)
If the woman loves to be given small gifts, living with a principled gift-denier will be painful.
X
Xantippe
Guest
Here’s a piece from a wife who has learned to cope with the fact that her husband is a non-gift giver:
cherigregory.com/how-to-fix-a-non-gift-giving-husband/
She describes herself as having accepted her husband’s nature as a non-gift giver, but it’s really sad to read about. And he’s not even hostile to gift giving (like the OP’s kinda sorta boyfriend), just forgetful and disorganized.
cherigregory.com/how-to-fix-a-non-gift-giving-husband/
She describes herself as having accepted her husband’s nature as a non-gift giver, but it’s really sad to read about. And he’s not even hostile to gift giving (like the OP’s kinda sorta boyfriend), just forgetful and disorganized.
A
augustinegirl
Guest
Thank you for your reply. I know I cannot change him, but he says he would want a relationship in the same way I do, he just needs time. I know I’d have to meet the family; at this point I don’t know why I put that in there haha, but true.
A
augustinegirl
Guest
Thank you!!! Yes, you’re probably right…and I know you’ve posted on my stuff before in a very helpful way, so thank you for returning. It’s hard when I think I’m partially responsible for reacting inappropriately. He’s told me he’s not ready but that I should be patient because he wants to be, so I guess doing anything other than that isn’t right.
A
augustinegirl
Guest
Thank you for your reply! The last part is what is hard, because it’s hard to let go of someone like that. And I do really love spending time with him, it’s the time away that’s hard. But thank you, please say a prayer for me as well.
A
augustinegirl
Guest
Thank you for this response. It was hard to read in some ways, but I appreciate it. 1. I just left the parts I might comment on. For the first one, yes I have wondered that…but when I’ve asked him, he says he’s not ready but he wants to be ready for me and to be patient and that he cares. So I try to be patient but I’m not great at it. 3. The part where we make each other better and happier is any time we’re together. When we spend time together, it’s great, especially if we’ve gone to Mass and do something after. We just both have crazy schedules that make it more difficult to get quality time in, so it’s the time apart that is hard (especially given that we text so I should probably switch that…). 5. ** That’s true, I just thought it was that he doesn’t want to but he will discuss. Like I said, I should ask if we can just call instead. ** 6. Part of the problem is my letting my anxiety rule and then his things he’s needing to work through. If I didn’t have that, it’d probably be okay, but having both makes it harder. I don’t know if it’s impossible, but it’s harder. 7. True. ** 9.** He’s definitely not seeing anyone else. I do trust him to be virtuous, and he’s been honest about that. 10. Very true, something to think about. I haven’t really called him on this much, which is also my fault. 11. Yes, I am putting a lot into it.
… Bottom line is when we’re together, we seem so compatible, and I can even talk to him about things that bother me (though I usually bring things up and it’s still not the easiest thing in the world). But we’re apart more often than not because of our schedules, and when things happen that I want to talk about, I have to wait another week because I’d rather talk in person than on the phone. Maybe I need to talk to him about trying harder to squeeze in time more…
A
augustinegirl
Guest
A good thing to think about, thank you. Also I love the Love Languages and gifts isn’t my first but yes, they are pretty important to me, so I know what you mean.
X
Xantippe
Guest
- I suggest choosing a deadline for how long you are going to be patient–but don’t mention it to him. I think 3-6 months is fine, although you might go a little longer.
I also suggest you read some boundaries books. I haven’t read all of those books, but I know that the Boundaries in Marriage book is particularly good on being loving, respectful, but at the same time standing up for yourself as needed. It’s possible to be both very firm and very kind. That’s a happy medium that it sounds like you could benefit a lot from learning about.
(I say that as somebody way older than you who has only recently started working on this–it is really hard if one hasn’t hasn’t had a real life example of what loving, respectful disagreement looks like.)
- I think you should tell him about how you feel about being with him and different communication methods. If texting is not good for developing your relationship, then tell him that and tell him that you need less texting and more in-person time.
- As a smart guy once said, 80% of success is showing up. Not talking to your significant other about problems is the relationship equivalent of not showing up.
(You should probably also read John Gottman’s Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work. That should clarify the question of whether you and your guy can make a go of it.)
Good luck!
X
Xantippe
Guest
I know that The Five Love Languages really pushes the idea of a primary love language pretty hard, but when I read that book, I was thinking–they ALL sound great! I’d feel pretty sad without all of them.
T
TK421
Guest
I’m not dating because I live in the middle of nowhere an am inundated with work & study. What I will look for in a partner (woman) is:
- Shares religious & moral values. I don’t want conflict over this, or at least not over essentials.
- Future-oriented, in the sense that she doesn’t view the world as a steady & inevitable downward spiral. I don’t want to marry a fatalist or somebody that wants to hide. I want somebody that takes what they believe, what they hope for, as well as their personal dreams & goals, and puts it on the offensive.
- I can picture her being a good mom. I don’t see any yellow signs that things will go awry 10 or 20 years in the future.
- I’m attracted to her.
I
Irishmom2
Guest
Hi all! I posted this on another thread (vocations) but it looks like this is more appropriate here…
Would appreciate some prayerful/truthful guidance as to the necessary basics of a relationship because no human is black and white, and I’m still learning how to be discern this stuff. I also have anxiety which has made dating always quite difficult. This guy I’m dating has told me he wants to move slowly because of past hurts and I have had a hard time understanding it until more recently. I know these things can’t be rushed, but we’re only going on dates for months, not in a relationship (exclusively dating but not really with real commitments - I’m not called his girlfriend, don’t know his family, etc.).He told you right off that he wants to move slowly. He was honest with you and he told you why. You are being impatient. If you really like him, it wouldn’t matter to you. You seem in a hurry to call the relationship something. You need to just slow down. You are not at a point where meeting his family is necessary. That is later for a lot of people when they are in a mutual, not one way relationship. He isn’t where you want to be yet. I do really think it’s improving, but it’s hard for me to trust when we’re on two different levels and timelines at the moment. I’m also not great at just moving slowly, I like certainty and I’m praying not to. Unfortunately, the problem is yours. You cannot expect someone to hurry up just because you are in a hurry. So either wait for him, or don’t.
It’s been sticky here and there because he dealt with being cheated on and it ruined his trust and such. So because of that time, my parents and friends don’t like what they’ve heard about him from me, because I only really talked about him when I was upset. I hope you learned not to do that. It is a bad sign when you only have negative things to say about him to them. Parents are not going to forget what you told them.I will admit that he hasn’t always been the most sensitive or generous, and our communication hasn’t always been great. He doesn’t want to do gifts for holidays or anything, Again, because in his eyes, you are not a couple. but yet he still pays for my meals and such. We text about things and that’s not good for serious conversation, though he doesn’t like phone calls. I also haven’t been innocent either. I have some boundary problems I’m working on and I can be quite pushy/try to manipulate (I don’t realize I’m doing it but I’ll let my fears take over and push)…but then I also don’t always say what I’m thinking. I should be saying more of what I think and I’m working on that. I know relationships need to help people grow as well.
As far as positives go, we share the same core values that are very counter-culturalWhat does this mean? and we’re both really invested in our faith and growing in faith. I just can’t ignore the voices of people telling me “I don’t know about this,” because I’ve always thought to listen, but I do also think some situations progress differently than others. I do have a good feeling about him (or maybe that’s just my attraction to him) and he’s slowly been improving and opening up (very, very closed off for a while), but what do you look for? I’m a firm believer that not every situation is the same and people aren’t black and white, so I don’t believe people saying “he’s not into you” or anything. It could be he’s stuck on something, but I’m not really asking that. What I’m asking is more…what qualities do you look for? In the past I’ve had these long lists, but I don’t think those are necessary. I think there are just some essential factors that a person must have, and I want to hear what people think those are.
And then because it’s been dating before a relationship (family involved and such),** do you think it is essential to meet the family and everything to know how someone is?** Not at this point.
Please pray for this situation and for me to detach and follow God’s will, whatever that is. I just want to do something that makes sense, but I also have these feelings that attach me to him because I love spending time with him even if he is hard to get to open up.
C
chevalier
Guest
Dear Augustinegirl, I believe you already realize there is nothing wrong with taking things slowly or proceeding as if in a special friendship as opposed to rushing to engagement. What really troubles you is probably closer to you and him not being on the same page. And that’s dangerous territory. You may be tempted to rush and force things in order to repress those thoughts and convince yourself that the two of you are indeed on the same page. But vain gestures deprived of their normal meaning won’t help soothe your pain. Nor can they help your situation objective. Even if you are to be with that man in the end for the rest of your life — and perhaps especially if — you need to learn to let go.
… And if you fear that upon letting go you would lose motivation to be in that relationship, then that’s a hint actually. Or if you doubt that if your current ties and promises and loyalties were dissolved you would once again choose that same man given the option. If you wouldn’t, then it still isn’t too late to choose another one and thank this one for his good-faith participation up to the current stage. You don’t owe him a marriage. He doesn’t owe you, but you don’t owe him, either. And it’s high time you realized this.
You don’t owe it to him to become that special woman in his life who would mend his broken heart and heal it and put the broken shards together and pull daggers and poison out (pardon the explicit imagery, but it’s essential here). Besides, such women are sometimes mothers, sisters, friends, quite very often not new loves.
Back to your facts, though:
Different people go about relationship pacing in different ways. The same people even go about it differently with different others. Both personalities matter, and how they interact is also affected by various subjective and objective circumstances.
Initially, some people decide to go on a lookout for a potential spouse, find the first likely candidate, make sure it isn’t a rotten apple, and then engage, marry and start living the marriage. In essence, those are people who just get married.
Others, by contrast, enjoy romance or enjoy friendship or need a lot of intimacy before making the decision. They are not simply looking for a practically reasonable wife or husband candidate, they are more in the true love business or something else is different with them.
I’m not saying you belong to any of these extremes, but you and the gentleman in question are clearly not on the same page. Whether this obstacle is surmountable or not is a different question, but the fact stands the road is not even.
Next, if the gentleman in question has been hurt in the past — and has been the type to get hurt like that, with the sort of lasting consequences she’s showing, which is a big clue — my expectation is that he would prefer to have built up some intimacy, familiarity and companionship. Again, chances are he’s looking for romantic love, not just for a good woman to marry.
Some other man in that same situation could be more inclined to invest time, energy and resources in a knot already tied and just work from there (a reasonable decision from a practical standpoint as long as one is capable of not looking back), but he is not that other man.
My suggestion is that you may want to stop and have a think. A long think, a serious think.
It’s quite possible you and he have different styles of communication and attachment, different needs and different expectations in relationships and in general, and it might perhaps not be the optimal decision for you to be with each other as opposed to each of you being with someone more compatible.
So don’t force it and don’t be deceived by misguided loyalty that would come in the way of your real happiness (meaning both you and him). Mutual loyalty should not lead you guys into inflicting mutual harm, but it should lead you toward greater mutual good even if it meant separating actually.
In any case, it’s a perfectly legitimate option to take a step back and think.
… And if you fear that upon letting go you would lose motivation to be in that relationship, then that’s a hint actually. Or if you doubt that if your current ties and promises and loyalties were dissolved you would once again choose that same man given the option. If you wouldn’t, then it still isn’t too late to choose another one and thank this one for his good-faith participation up to the current stage. You don’t owe him a marriage. He doesn’t owe you, but you don’t owe him, either. And it’s high time you realized this.
You don’t owe it to him to become that special woman in his life who would mend his broken heart and heal it and put the broken shards together and pull daggers and poison out (pardon the explicit imagery, but it’s essential here). Besides, such women are sometimes mothers, sisters, friends, quite very often not new loves.
Back to your facts, though:
Different people go about relationship pacing in different ways. The same people even go about it differently with different others. Both personalities matter, and how they interact is also affected by various subjective and objective circumstances.
Initially, some people decide to go on a lookout for a potential spouse, find the first likely candidate, make sure it isn’t a rotten apple, and then engage, marry and start living the marriage. In essence, those are people who just get married.
Others, by contrast, enjoy romance or enjoy friendship or need a lot of intimacy before making the decision. They are not simply looking for a practically reasonable wife or husband candidate, they are more in the true love business or something else is different with them.
I’m not saying you belong to any of these extremes, but you and the gentleman in question are clearly not on the same page. Whether this obstacle is surmountable or not is a different question, but the fact stands the road is not even.
Next, if the gentleman in question has been hurt in the past — and has been the type to get hurt like that, with the sort of lasting consequences she’s showing, which is a big clue — my expectation is that he would prefer to have built up some intimacy, familiarity and companionship. Again, chances are he’s looking for romantic love, not just for a good woman to marry.
Some other man in that same situation could be more inclined to invest time, energy and resources in a knot already tied and just work from there (a reasonable decision from a practical standpoint as long as one is capable of not looking back), but he is not that other man.
My suggestion is that you may want to stop and have a think. A long think, a serious think.
It’s quite possible you and he have different styles of communication and attachment, different needs and different expectations in relationships and in general, and it might perhaps not be the optimal decision for you to be with each other as opposed to each of you being with someone more compatible.
So don’t force it and don’t be deceived by misguided loyalty that would come in the way of your real happiness (meaning both you and him). Mutual loyalty should not lead you guys into inflicting mutual harm, but it should lead you toward greater mutual good even if it meant separating actually.
In any case, it’s a perfectly legitimate option to take a step back and think.
C
chevalier
Guest
For the record, people sometimes respond with barriers when they feel their boundaries are being pushed. This is part of what I meant when I said the same people could have vastly different relationship dynamics with different actual or potential loved ones.
So for example the same Alice who is giving Tom a nudge to be more proactive in her current relationship may well have been giving John signs to hold back a little in her previous relationship. In her next relationship things may go in a different, third way (e.g. same pacing, same approach, or different but in a way that doesn’t cause anxiety or pain).
The old adage used to be that women chase when you run and run when you chase, but that’s just a human thing to do, no specific sex is ‘better’ or ‘worse’ about it.
I don’t want to speculate, but it looks to me like you may be pushing — or perhaps manipulating — him to have things done your way, and he may be exhibiting avoidant reactions.
At some point you will need to let him go, recognize or give him back his freedom. You know what they say — let it go, and if it’s yours it will come back to you, and if it doesn’t come back to you, then it wasn’t yours to begin with.
Now, don’t throw a relationship away just because things aren’t perfect or proceeding smoothly — in real life things rarely will. But at the same time don’t force yourself to stay in a relationship that would make (both of) you unhappy. Right now both of you deserve better than you’re getting.
Oh, and no mortal man is going to be perfectly generous and sensitive. Even saints sin. And a man acting generously and sensitively sometimes has to do something a woman doesn’t like, precisely because that’s the generous or sensitive thing to do.
Re: lists, I agree they aren’t necessary. They can also be unduly limiting, restrictive. They can even include items that are mutually exclusive or improbable to combine, setting one up for disappointment when one treats them like a letter to Santa.
Re: essential factors — one’s human, one’s Catholic, one’s called to sanctity just like everybody else, the rest is negotiable to at least some extent. Absolutes (apart from God, the only real absolute, being in the picture, and apart from the bare required essentials of marriage such as freedom to marry) are somewhat counterproductive and risky, though if one does have specific needs or preferences, then it’s better to realize them than to remain clueless.
Re: meeting family, there’s a lot of room for cultural and individual differences there.
For example one could say that a serious approach requires seeing the parents. On the other hand one could say that such all but formal declarations of commitment shouldn’t be made lightly.
Personally, I favour the latter. I’m a big anti-fan of forced, institutional or otherwise artificial whole-family courtship. At some point one’s friend, whether romantic or not, would, of course, meet one’s family. And if romantic, then about the time of engagement it would, of course, be good for a prospective betrothed to meet the family in the capacity of what people used to call a ‘suitor’ (nobody should be using this word seriously in 21st century). But something to the tune of three dates and you meet mum (& dad) is not something I could stand for.
In fact, I would normally introduce a lady as a friend only and perhaps drop just a little hint of a more romantic sort of budding attachment if there were a practical reason to do so, and I would normally prefer to be introduced in my capacity as a friend, not on the basis of something speculative that’s in the air and which the rest of the world generally doesn’t have any business being involved in before engagement stage. Introducing her as a girlfriend would feel like some sort of exhibitionism jeopardizing her reputation. Not to mention that at some point in life ‘boy’ and ‘girl’ would be something to grow out of and leave behind.
Explicit formal commitments, even early made, might look noble to some people, but there’s also the question of having to go back on them later, as they are tentative only. A different person could say it’s better to not make promises or declarations than to later have to cancel them. The older I am, the more inclined I become to agree with the latter.
However, I agree with Cominghome in principle:
Men tend to be front-loaded. This doesn’t mean a gentle-breeze scenario unfolding gradually until the pair suddenly realize they want to spend the rest of their lives together, is an impossibility. For various reasons a woman can escape our notice or not be regarded as fair game or there can be some other obstacles. Or we can legitimately not be sure, I guess. But normally we know. We just sometimes kid ourselves.
So for example the same Alice who is giving Tom a nudge to be more proactive in her current relationship may well have been giving John signs to hold back a little in her previous relationship. In her next relationship things may go in a different, third way (e.g. same pacing, same approach, or different but in a way that doesn’t cause anxiety or pain).
The old adage used to be that women chase when you run and run when you chase, but that’s just a human thing to do, no specific sex is ‘better’ or ‘worse’ about it.
I don’t want to speculate, but it looks to me like you may be pushing — or perhaps manipulating — him to have things done your way, and he may be exhibiting avoidant reactions.
At some point you will need to let him go, recognize or give him back his freedom. You know what they say — let it go, and if it’s yours it will come back to you, and if it doesn’t come back to you, then it wasn’t yours to begin with.
Now, don’t throw a relationship away just because things aren’t perfect or proceeding smoothly — in real life things rarely will. But at the same time don’t force yourself to stay in a relationship that would make (both of) you unhappy. Right now both of you deserve better than you’re getting.
Oh, and no mortal man is going to be perfectly generous and sensitive. Even saints sin. And a man acting generously and sensitively sometimes has to do something a woman doesn’t like, precisely because that’s the generous or sensitive thing to do.
Re: lists, I agree they aren’t necessary. They can also be unduly limiting, restrictive. They can even include items that are mutually exclusive or improbable to combine, setting one up for disappointment when one treats them like a letter to Santa.
Re: essential factors — one’s human, one’s Catholic, one’s called to sanctity just like everybody else, the rest is negotiable to at least some extent. Absolutes (apart from God, the only real absolute, being in the picture, and apart from the bare required essentials of marriage such as freedom to marry) are somewhat counterproductive and risky, though if one does have specific needs or preferences, then it’s better to realize them than to remain clueless.
Re: meeting family, there’s a lot of room for cultural and individual differences there.
For example one could say that a serious approach requires seeing the parents. On the other hand one could say that such all but formal declarations of commitment shouldn’t be made lightly.
Personally, I favour the latter. I’m a big anti-fan of forced, institutional or otherwise artificial whole-family courtship. At some point one’s friend, whether romantic or not, would, of course, meet one’s family. And if romantic, then about the time of engagement it would, of course, be good for a prospective betrothed to meet the family in the capacity of what people used to call a ‘suitor’ (nobody should be using this word seriously in 21st century). But something to the tune of three dates and you meet mum (& dad) is not something I could stand for.
In fact, I would normally introduce a lady as a friend only and perhaps drop just a little hint of a more romantic sort of budding attachment if there were a practical reason to do so, and I would normally prefer to be introduced in my capacity as a friend, not on the basis of something speculative that’s in the air and which the rest of the world generally doesn’t have any business being involved in before engagement stage. Introducing her as a girlfriend would feel like some sort of exhibitionism jeopardizing her reputation. Not to mention that at some point in life ‘boy’ and ‘girl’ would be something to grow out of and leave behind.
Explicit formal commitments, even early made, might look noble to some people, but there’s also the question of having to go back on them later, as they are tentative only. A different person could say it’s better to not make promises or declarations than to later have to cancel them. The older I am, the more inclined I become to agree with the latter.
However, I agree with Cominghome in principle:
If it was the woman of my dreams, such as I am aware of having, I’m pretty sure I’d know in under 10 minutes. I could later decide that I’d been wrong, of course, but it’s not like I would be unsure for months. If I’m unsure for weeks or months, the likely reason is that I’m simply not that into her. Not enough to be happy to forsake all others. Not enough to unreservedly look forward to a future together.
Men tend to be front-loaded. This doesn’t mean a gentle-breeze scenario unfolding gradually until the pair suddenly realize they want to spend the rest of their lives together, is an impossibility. For various reasons a woman can escape our notice or not be regarded as fair game or there can be some other obstacles. Or we can legitimately not be sure, I guess. But normally we know. We just sometimes kid ourselves.
C
chevalier
Guest
Definitely sounds like someone from whom a big declaration is expected that he is not ready to give.
I’m one of those guys, and my answer is still what it is, i.e. just like yours and most other posters’.
If she can’t take it, she isn’t your woman. She was, so she could.
Nobody ever is fully ready. People who are perfect no longer need to marry.
Oh, and gifts. He pays for you, so money isn’t an issue. It may well come down to impressions. Give him a gift and see if he will reciprocate (without nudging). Rinse and repeat. Three times is a charm.
X
Xantippe
Guest
Going slowly is fine–however, the OP’s gentleman friend should not expect that she’s going to go out with him every Saturday night (and only Saturday night) for the next several years with no sign of improvement, commitment, or more of a shared life together.
As I recall, Dorothy Cummings McLean suggests that for grownups (I forget what she said exactly, but probably 22+) a year is a big plenty to figure out where the relationship is going. After a year, there should be clarity, and if there isn’t clarity, that’s a “no.” I think that’s more then generous for adults.
I quite agree with you that it is not the OP’s job to be broken heart ER.
I think there is actually a third reasonable option besides a) sensible fast marriage to first good offer and b) big drawn out romance, namely c) big whirlwind romance. (I have to say, though, I don’t really believe in b–if a relationship is actually a Good Thing, I don’t think it takes that long to see that. Granted, all that glitters is not gold, but all gold glitters.) My husband and I, for example, met and married within a single graduate school year, aged 25 and 22. I would not say that I settled and I really hope my husband didn’t either.
I think you may be quite right that the OP and her gentleman friend want and need different things.
I
Irishmom2
Guest
They have only been going on **dates **for a few **months. **Not years. They are not even “Facebook official.”
Why is everyone discussing marriage and meeting families, and how long a girl should sit around and wait for a guy?
Why is everyone discussing marriage and meeting families, and how long a girl should sit around and wait for a guy?
X
Xantippe
Guest
That bit about a “letter to Santa” was really funny. The way I usually put it is, dating is not Build-a-Bear–you don’t get to construct your ideal mate from scratch.
I think meet-the-family makes sense a) when the people involved are high school aged or otherwise vulnerable (for example, when there’s a disability) or b) when the geography or local culture makes it natural. Keeping a significant other a secret from family for a long period of time is generally a sign that a) there’s a problem with the significant other b) there’s a problem with the family or c) there’s a problem with the relationship. Ditto keeping a significant other a secret from friends.
I can say personally that the times where I was not mentioning a significant other to family or friends were times when I knew that the relationship was doomed/not a keeper–so for me personally, my unwillingness to talk about a relationship said a lot about the relationship. Meanwhile, when I met my husband, I couldn’t shut up about him and I was very happy to introduce him to friends and family as soon as it was feasible. My future husband, on the other hand, was slow to share information with his family, because he knew that there was going to be weirdness–and there was–but I met his friends pretty quickly. The family weirdness has not, fortunately, been a big part of our life together, but it has shaped what kind of family we have.
- Status