Dating and Girls these days

[Xantippe]

Here in the Diocese of Sacramento, the Bishop has closed the three major Newman Centers at UC Davis, CSU Sacramento and CSU Chico. Needless to say, the students and their families are devastated. I can’t speak about this anymore since I’m so angry about the situation and I do not want to be kicked off of CAF for being uncharitable to a bishop.

Nooooooooo!

 

[Tomdstone]

Also, if you are going into a marriage worried about the financial burdens of divorce, then you shouldn’t be getting married, ever.

Yes.

I would disagree with those who are recommending that people not get married. Father Jim Dabrowski of St. Simon Stock Catholic Church expressed his concern recently about the problem of fewer people getting married in the Church.
“Marriages celebrated in the nation’s parishes fell from 415,487 in 1972 to 168,400 in 2010, a decrease of more than 50 percent.
At the same time, the Catholic population increased by about 17 million”
“Catholics, as well as non-Catholics, are less likely to marry in general and are putting off marriage until later in life,” Mark Gray, director of CARA
nj.com/news/index.ssf/2012/10/fewer_catholics_getting_marrie.html
IMHO, the family, centered on marriage, is the foundation of a healthy and thriving society. I oppose the idea that people should not get married. Marriage makes a lot of sense because poverty rates are generally low among families but much more prevalent among homes without a father. Children who grow up in single-parent households are more likely to face trouble as adults. I favor the married parent household, instead of the single parent household where children will face more problems.

 

[Xantippe]

I would disagree with those who are recommending that people not get married. Father Jim Dabrowski of St. Simon Stock Catholic Church expressed his concern recently about the problem of fewer people getting married in the Church.
“Marriages celebrated in the nation’s parishes fell from 415,487 in 1972 to 168,400 in 2010, a decrease of more than 50 percent.
At the same time, the Catholic population increased by about 17 million”
“Catholics, as well as non-Catholics, are less likely to marry in general and are putting off marriage until later in life,” Mark Gray, director of CARA
nj.com/news/index.ssf/2012/10/fewer_catholics_getting_marrie.html
IMHO, the family, centered on marriage, is the foundation of a healthy and thriving society. I oppose the idea that people should not get married. Marriage makes a lot of sense because poverty rates are generally low among families but much more prevalent among homes without a father. Children who grow up in single-parent households are more likely to face trouble as adults. I favor the married parent household, instead of the single parent household where children will face more problems.

Nobody said that single parenting is a great idea–it isn’t.

But, before you get married, you have to be aware of the fact that marriage and parenthood may break you financially. You may not have health insurance and your spouse or child may wind up with a seven figure medical event that literally bankrupts you. You may have a severely disabled child and have to care for that child for the rest of your lives, spending the bulk of your income on therapy and the child’s medical needs. Even just a couple years of good nursing home care will nuke the average couple’s life savings.

I always tell single folk on CAF contemplating marriage and parenthood that they have to be prepared to have 90% less spending money and 90% less leisure time once they have children. Hence, it always puzzles me when the single guys are freaking out over the risks of divorce–it’s like they have no idea how expensive (both in terms of time and money) that normal parenthood is.

 

[CRATUS]

Hello.
I am a 22 year old guy and I just joined catholic forums because ive had something on my mind for the past few months, and have not really found anyone that i can talk to about this situation. First of all, I was born and raised catholic. I was heavily involve din the catholic church while in college. However, I would not consider myself catholic now (but thats not the important part). Ive lived a very umm… pure life. Never done drugs. I have never had alcohol. Never had sex or anything close. Never had a girlfriend either.

What is bothering me most of all is that most of the girls out there (my age) are all sexually active. VERY VERY VERY few are not. This is a huge problem for me becuase i would rather a girl be a virgin for me to date her. (I have no intention of having sex till after i get married). I feel bad however for having this preference in girls. Most of the friends I have talked to have said that I should not let someone’s sexual history have an effect on how i view the person. And I understand their point. But I am abstaining for sex because i want to only be with ONE person my whole life. I dont want to have more that one sexual partners after i get married, becuase I dont want to have had an intimate connection with anyone else but my wife. And I want the same thing reciprocated…

I do not think your standards are wrong. I think you are sweet. The last post I read about a man wanting a virgin wife seemed like women were stained who had sex. I’m happy I read a post. I think the best bet on finding a young virgin would be church.

 

[zarek]

I have been where you are and without going into specifics of my life, I would like to give some advice.
Women who are virginal may feel the same way and may have difficulty meeting people like you. There are many wonderful women out there.
Don’t feel bad about your own preferences. In fact, my advice is to accept that you have this preference and try not to make it the centerpiece of your life. It is just one preference and it is who you are right now. If you meet a person, remind yourself to get to know them as an entire person.
You made choices in life and you should feel proud of them. Own the choices youve made. Whether or not others made the same choice, your virginity still has value and it doesnt diminish if others made different choices. The right person will appreciate and value your choice even if she made different ones.
Do not let it push you away from the Church. I was away for many years and I regret it. Whether or not you find a virginal spouse, God loves you. God is not Santa Claus. He does not give us everything we want. We pray that His will be done, not ours. If you feel a spiritual emptiness, if you feel angry at God, this is what you need to work on now, before you can be a good spouse.
I would recommend forcing yourself to be social and meeting people for coffee, lunch, maybe a social group, etc. Consciously make an effort to look for the good in each person and identify what you like about them. Listen to them. You will be learning how to be in a relationship little by little.
I hope this helps. Again, your thoughts may be different from mine but I wanted to share as someone who has felt the same way. I wish you the best. I learned that in marriage, there are much bigger things. The person who will hold your hand when you are in the hospital is the person you want.

Thank you. I appreciate you saying that.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Hello.
I am a 22 year old guy and I just joined catholic forums because ive had something on my mind for the past few months, and have not really found anyone that i can talk to about this situation. First of all, I was born and raised catholic. I was heavily involve din the catholic church while in college. However, I would not consider myself catholic now (but thats not the important part). Ive lived a very umm… pure life. Never done drugs. I have never had alcohol. Never had sex or anything close. Never had a girlfriend either.

What is bothering me most of all is that most of the girls out there (my age) are all sexually active. VERY VERY VERY few are not. This is a huge problem for me becuase i would rather a girl be a virgin for me to date her. (I have no intention of having sex till after i get married). I feel bad however for having this preference in girls. Most of the friends I have talked to have said that I should not let someone’s sexual history have an effect on how i view the person. And I understand their point. But I am abstaining for sex because i want to only be with ONE person my whole life. I dont want to have more that one sexual partners after i get married, becuase I dont want to have had an intimate connection with anyone else but my wife. And I want the same thing reciprocated…

I apologize if you have had a bad experience on these forums and for other accounts chiding you on here.

There is nothing wrong with dating a virgin or preferring to date a virgin.

 

[Redd_Jackal]

My philosophy is that all of the good ones are already taken, so strive for sainthood single.

 

[Bataar]

Nobody said that single parenting is a great idea–it isn’t.

But, before you get married, you have to be aware of the fact that marriage and parenthood may break you financially. You may not have health insurance and your spouse or child may wind up with a seven figure medical event that literally bankrupts you. You may have a severely disabled child and have to care for that child for the rest of your lives, spending the bulk of your income on therapy and the child’s medical needs. Even just a couple years of good nursing home care will nuke the average couple’s life savings.

I always tell single folk on CAF contemplating marriage and parenthood that they have to be prepared to have 90% less spending money and 90% less leisure time once they have children. Hence, it always puzzles me when the single guys are freaking out over the risks of divorce–it’s like they have no idea how expensive (both in terms of time and money) that normal parenthood is.

I know, right? I honestly don’t know how a couple making less than 6 figures could afford to raise a family anymore. Granted, I haven’t looked too deeply at the actual numbers since it’s not an option for me, but still.