Dating and marrying noncatholics

[christianloa]

“Which would be hypocrisy against his own religion - which again requires that he be lukewarm about his own faith, or else that he have already one foot stepped into the Catholic Church (in which case, why not simply become a Catholic?”

This is not hypocrisy. I go to mass with my husband. I am not Catholic- and who is to say that those who do not believe everything that is stated by the catholic church can not join to worship? We are there for the same unified purpose- to worship God/Christ- and we are all part of the invisible church. Also- Just because I chose to go to mass does NOT mean my faith is luke warm. Quite the opposite. I feel like both my husband and my faith are very strong. Lots of people go to church not believing everything that the church states- however, isn’t the purpose of church to go and give yourself fully to God? Because that is what Christ is doing through the Eucharist- giving himself totally?- and that is what we are called to do. I do not believe in everything that the Catholic church teaches- believe me, I have done my research prayed extensively and I just am not called right now. I have to believe everything that the Catholic church teaches, which I do not- so in good conscience I cannot. But I will do the best I can to love and serve Christ and others the all the ways I know how and continue to seek out his face daily.

 

[christianloa]

Non Catholics think so differently that I have problems even having conversations with them half the time. I don’t see any reason I would ever want to date one! Thank God I have my wife and don’t have to go through it!

I think that you have a point- that some people can be not so graceful in their delivery in their differences in faith, however, I think you have unjustly generalized “non-catholics” as ignorant, insensitive, and intolerable people. I would just like to ask you to rethink this over generalization, and realize that even people who are non catholics can still have a viable and living faith with God, on whom your whole church is built. So as frustrating as some may be, I think we are all called to show love to everyone- and I hope you and your wife still socialize with those who share different beliefs from you- although, realizing that your beliefs probably will not waiver- you can learn even a little, or share a little of God with anyone.

 

[jmcrae]

… however, isn’t the purpose of church to go and give yourself fully to God? Because that is what Christ is doing through the Eucharist- giving himself totally?

What do your co-religionists think of your belief in the Eucharist? Would they not say that you have stepped your foot into the Catholic faith?

 

[masuwerte]

Which would be hypocrisy against his own religion - which again requires that he be lukewarm about his own faith, or else that he have already one foot stepped into the Catholic Church (in which case, why not simply become a Catholic? )

Are non-Catholics now unwelcome at Mass unless they plan to convert? Because I thought your Church teaches that we are welcome, with the requirement that we don’t receive the Eucharist. Myself, I’ve been invited to be there by the priest at my wife’s parish.

As for having one foot in Catholicism, that could be said about all non-Catholic Christians. Doesn’t make us all lukewarm or hypocrites.

 

[masuwerte]

What do your co-religionists think of your belief in the Eucharist?

Ahem. Again, not all non-Catholics are so different on this point. Many believe in the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist.

 

[jmcrae]

Are non-Catholics now unwelcome at Mass unless they plan to convert? Because I thought your Church teaches that we are welcome, with the requirement that we don’t receive the Eucharist. Myself, I’ve been invited to be there by the priest at my wife’s parish.

I’m quite sure you have. That’s not the point. I am also frequently invited to Protestant churches. Most likely for the same reason - to draw me out of my “false religion” as they would consider it, and enter into the Truth as they understand it.

By accepting the invitation, I would be acknowledging that I think my religion is a false religion (or at least, not adequate for my spiritual needs), and that I am seeking correction and/or fulfillment.

To require one’s spouse to do this (while at the same time not taking care to date and marry a Catholic), don’t you think it would be a deep insult to the core of who they are as a person?

 

[masuwerte]

By accepting the invitation, I would be acknowledging that I think my religion is a false religion (or at least, not adequate for my spiritual needs), and that I am seeking correction and/or fulfillment.

To require one’s spouse to do this (while at the same time not taking care to date and marry a Catholic), don’t you think it would be a deep insult to the core of who they are as a person?

I don’t think the first point is necessarily correct. If it was, certainly the second point would be correct, too.

Somebody asked a question about this in apologetics, recently:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=360291

“Anyone is free to attend a Catholic Mass for any just reason they wish.”

 

[jmcrae]

I don’t think the first point is necessarily correct. If it was, certainly the second point would be correct, too.

Somebody asked a question about this in apologetics, recently:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=360291

“Anyone is free to attend a Catholic Mass for any just reason they wish.”

From the Catholic POV, yes, of course - the best way to make them Catholic is to bring them to Mass and give them the hunger of the Eucharist, regardless of what their reason is for coming.

I am not talking about the Catholic POV. I am talking about showing respect for the Protestant POV. Don’t you think that they would want to avoid the danger of losing their Protestant faith by not attending Mass, the same way we avoid losing our Catholic faith by not attending Protestant worship services?

 

[masuwerte]

Thank you, I think I understand your point better now. I guess that could be a concern for many non-Catholics, although I’ve never felt in danger of losing my faith while attending Mass with my wife and son.

 

[bgic]

Read my thread called “Married a Christian Scientist”. I would seriously consider the choice to marry a non-Catholic. My biggest regret in life is that I married a Christian Scientist. Now, I am in for an up hill battle every day for the rest of my life. And children will complicate the matter even more.

 

[jpink1019]

I have been reading this and other related threads very recently and looking through what everyone had to say. I wanted to say that I am new to this website and these forums.
I am a college student. I was raised baptist/nondenominational. I have known little of catholicism. I did not even know whether catholics were christian. I never heard anyone discuss the Christianity behind catholicism. I have met many people who claimed to be catholic but never knew one who shared how important their personal relationship with Christ was until two years ago I met a young man who was passionate about his faith and loved the Lord. He is catholic. I can’t say how much of an impact it made on my own faith. I will never have the same view as I once did. We drove each other to examine our faiths deeper.
If I had dated someone else… “protestant/baptist/nondenomination” chose whatever name you want… I don’t know if I would have ever stopped to ask the questions that I had.
I can not imagine how i might have continued in my faith and all the while not stopping to recognize the members of the body of Christ in the catholic church and it grieves me to think about it.
I have much respect for him…
And I know that coming to know him and learning to care about his own faith was something that I greatly needed.

 

[jmcrae]

I have been reading this and other related threads very recently and looking through what everyone had to say. I wanted to say that I am new to this website and these forums.
I am a college student. I was raised baptist/nondenominational. I have known little of catholicism. I did not even know whether catholics were christian. I never heard anyone discuss the Christianity behind catholicism. I have met many people who claimed to be catholic but never knew one who shared how important their personal relationship with Christ was until two years ago I met a young man who was passionate about his faith and loved the Lord. He is catholic. I can’t say how much of an impact it made on my own faith. I will never have the same view as I once did. We drove each other to examine our faiths deeper.
If I had dated someone else… “protestant/baptist/nondenomination” chose whatever name you want… I don’t know if I would have ever stopped to ask the questions that I had.
I can not imagine how i might have continued in my faith and all the while not stopping to recognize the members of the body of Christ in the catholic church and it grieves me to think about it.
I have much respect for him…
And I know that coming to know him and learning to care about his own faith was something that I greatly needed.

Couldn’t you have done the same, if he had chosen rather to be friends with you, rather than prospect you for marriage? Is dating (that is, prospecting for marriage) the only environment in which people may have conversations with one another?

We are not saying that people of different religions aren’t allowed to go for coffee and have conversations with one another. Not at all. What we are saying is that, given that the lifestyle of a Catholic is so fundamentally different from the lifestyles of those who practice other religions, it’s a bad idea for Catholics to date and marry non-Catholics. It’s not fair to the Catholic, and it’s not fair to the non-Catholic, either.

We are doing you the courtesy of assuming you are attached enough to your own beliefs that you aren’t going to just suddenly convert and start living the Catholic life, just because a Catholic boy or girl started dating you. It has nothing to do with not being “tolerant.” It is perfectly possible to live next door to people who practice a different religion - it is somewhat more difficult to practice two or more different religions, all at the same time, in the same house.

 

[jpink1019]

Couldn’t you have done the same, if he had chosen rather to be friends with you, rather than prospect you for marriage? Is dating (that is, prospecting for marriage) the only environment in which people may have conversations with one another?

We are not saying that people of different religions aren’t allowed to go for coffee and have conversations with one another. Not at all. What we are saying is that, given that the lifestyle of a Catholic is so fundamentally different from the lifestyles of those who practice other religions, it’s a bad idea for Catholics to date and marry non-Catholics. It’s not fair to the Catholic, and it’s not fair to the non-Catholic, either.

We are doing you the courtesy of assuming you are attached enough to your own beliefs that you aren’t going to just suddenly convert and start living the Catholic life, just because a Catholic boy or girl started dating you. It has nothing to do with not being “tolerant.” It is perfectly possible to live next door to people who practice a different religion - it is somewhat more difficult to practice two or more different religions, all at the same time, in the same house.

I am sorry but I never once mentioned tolerance.
It was not a part of what I was trying to say.
I never mentioned anything about having to chose or practice a religion.
I was trying to say something entirely different.
I have not disregarded the obvious obstacles when it comes to dating or marriage.
I meant only to share my own experience.
Yes the same thing can happen if you are friends with someone, but in this case it did not happen that way.

 

[deb216]

How do you find out if they’re Catholic or not until you start dating them? If you’re somewhere and see someone of the opposite sex that you find attractive, do you just walk up and ask if they’re Catholic or not and whether or not they consider themself a cafeteria Catholic before you ask them out?

With two teenage sons, you can bet this has been a topic of conversation in my house. The answer is easier than you think. Invite the person to Mass! If he or she is Catholic, it will seem like a natural thing to do together.

 

[jmcrae]

With two teenage sons, you can bet this has been a topic of conversation in my house. The answer is easier than you think. Invite the person to Mass! If he or she is Catholic, it will seem like a natural thing to do together.

Right.

Of course, you could also date people that you already know.

I must be extremely old-fashioned, but I never dated anyone I’d never spoken to before, and certainly didn’t date people who I didn’t know their religion, and other important things. After all, marriage follows after dating, if it is successful (and why do something if you are planning to fail at it) - and you want to be careful to marry well.

 

[Edmundus1581]

i put a question to all catholics and non catholics.

I was baptised in a Church of ENGLAND Church however did not attend church every Sunday due to school/sporting commitments. I now have recently been attending A High Church and go to mass at least once a week, i have not been confirmed yet so i just go up for a blessing at eucharist.

I have attended mass at a catholic church before and It is exactly the same as mass in my church. However i have recently learnt that if i was to get married in a catholic church my family cannot recieve communion even though they have been confirmed. however in the high church which is anglo-catholic all christians are welcome.

Hi Caelie,

Welcome to the forums! I’m glad to see that the high church Anglo-Catholic tradition is still alive! That’s the background I come from, and I loved it.

I left it to join the Catholic church 30 years ago. I’ve never had a regret, but in some ways I miss it. The music and hymns are sublime.

Thomas has answered your question about inter-communion well. I fully understand your confusion and concern. I’ve been through it myself, and then went through it big time when I married a former Anglican (who converted to Catholicism during our engagement), and her parents weren’t allowed to receive communion at our wedding - which highly offended them. The communion issue never went away, and they showed us again and again how offended they were - which tore a barrier between myself and my (ex) wife. I think it’s unusual for a Christian family to be vindictive about it (which is the best word for it), but it can happen. Hopefully your family will accept, even if they don’t understand or agree.

Nevertheless, the ruling on intercommunion stands, and any Catholic priest will insist on it.

As Thomas said, it’s not about whether one has received first communion in the Catholic church, it’s about whether one has decided to embrace the whole of the Catholic faith. Back when I did it, there was a small service in which I made the profession of faith “I believe and profess all that the holy Catholic Church teaches, believes and proclaims to be revealed by God.”, and I also received my first (Catholic) communion in that service. These days it’s usually preceeded by the RCIA course - which is a very good thing, as it ensures that one really understands what one is taking on.

Thankyou for asking respectfully about this. I know that it is very sensitive issue for many, particularly Anglo-Catholics. I doubt very much that our answers will satisfy you, but I hope you feel that at least you have been heard.

And I really hope that your Catholic fiance would practice his faith more actively.