Dating is an Abomination

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LJN21 said:
Dating <> Fornication

You better know the person you marrying, you better spend many many hours talking about money, kids, faith, morals. God’s grace in marriage only helps if your both open to it, if you marry a creep cause you didn’t spend the time to know get to know them its not going to help your marriage much.
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Courting accomplishes the same thing…As long as you get time to talk to the other in private as well.

Are we arguing about Dating vs. courting or what?

This makes no sense. We aren’t even arguing about anything! There’s nothing to argue about!!

It doesn’t matter if God brings you someone (on a white horse, or falling from the sky) or if you find that someone (By His grace)
You still have to be SURE that he/she is the right someone!!
Dating, or courting (whichever you prefer) accomplish that.
 
Geremia said:
Not only is dating without the intention of marriage an abomination, but dating with the intention of marriage is also an abomination.

Why has dating seemingly replaced prayer

  1. *]as a part of the discernment process?
    *]that, if God calls you to marriage, your prospective spouse is indeed the one and only person God has willed for you to marry since the beginning of time?

    It seems that dating has become a form of prayer—a way of asking God what His unwavering will is for you. Selecting your life’s vocation should be rooted in prayer with God, the Trinity, Logos; not in all the transient emotions and feelings associated with dating.
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  1. As far as I know, only one Pope (and I can’t remember his name) was a pretty well random man. All others were personally known to the electors. Similarly, we can’t be expected to just “choose” a mate off the street.
    Geremia said:
    This is starting to sound like some people’s justification of cohabitation. Are you saying the more people of the opposite sex you experience closely, the more experience you will have with the one and only person you will marry for the rest of your life? God’s grace, conferred by the sacrament of marriage, is what makes marriage possible, not how much experience we have with the opposite sex.
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    How long have you been here? Lily would never NEVER advocate cohabitation.
 
Belgarion said:
In this day and age?

right.

To the rest of the world, people will just be “Going steady” or “seeing someone”
They’d be sleeping together, and perhaps even living together.
Sometimes even children enter the mix.

So dating has become like marriage to the rest of the world. And when breakups happen, its like a divorce.

However, yes. Dating chastely is different. But even then, if you aren’t mature enough to see that things aren’t working out, then that can also be like a mini-divorce.
The number of people you date isn’t a big deal, though.
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Yes, there is a big difference between chaste Catholic dating and dating as seen by our culture. The latter form of dating, although it unavoidably influences the former form, is what I consider an abomination. Thanks for the clarification
 
LJN21 said:
Dating <> Fornication

You better know the person you marrying, you better spend many many hours talking about money, kids, faith, morals. God’s grace in marriage only helps if your both open to it, if you marry a creep cause you didn’t spend the time to know get to know them its not going to help your marriage much.
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Of course. Prudence demands that.
 
Geremia said:
Yes, there is a big difference between chaste Catholic dating and dating as seen by our culture. The latter form of dating, although it unavoidably influences the former form, is what I consider an abomination. Thanks for the clarification
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Then I suggest you change the title to “Sleeping around is an abomination” or “Amoral dating is an abomination” 'cause “dating” simply means going out with someone to get to know them.
 
Norseman82 said:
And just where is THAT in OFFICIAL Catholic teaching? The CCC indirectly refers to our right to choose our spouses, and directly states that the vocation to marriage was written into our very nature by God.

Please back up what you say with OFFICIAL CHURCH TEACHING or refrain from posting what could potentially be heretical.
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This is what I want to know. Does the Church believe that God has one and only one person in mind for you to marry if His will for you is marriage? Or can we make many choices that are as equally conformable to His will? It seems the former is true because God is immutable, and it would seem His will is unchangeable, too.
 
Belgarion said:
uh…I’m 19…do I count?

I have never been on a date before, but I’m at least looking to court a young woman for romantic reasons only…
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Don’t worry… our sexuality is an important and beautiful, and really inseparable part of our personhood… and very much part of being romantic, preparing for marriage, and being married (uhhh, in different ways, though 😉 ).

LUST on the other hand, as the disordered use of this gift, should never be part of the equation.
 
Geremia said:
This is what I want to know. Does the Church believe that God has one and only one person in mind for you to marry if His will for you is marriage? Or can we make many choices that are as equally conformable to His will? It seems the former is true because God is immutable, and it would seem His will is unchangeable, too.
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There are an infinite number of possibilites for marraige. If people were willing to open thier hearts and minds, the possibilites are endless. What ever happened to loving your neighbor as yourself?

Again, if there is one and only one person for us to marry, that opens up the can of worms that God is a micro-manager, that we don’t have free will and reeks of pre-destination.
 
Dating, as currently practiced, is an abomination: have sex first and ask questions afterward.

Dating to get to know members of the opposite sex is very important. It should be primarily about fun and developing one’s discernment about marriage. Most date, move on to courtship, which presumes marriage, and then move on to talk of engagement. At any point, one or both may decide they wish to end the relationship. One or both may decide that this person is not right for them or that they are not yet ready for marriage. This is the proper, prudent approach to discerning marriage.

If the courtship leads to talk of engagement, both families need to be involved. Being young and in love involves feelings that younger people often find hard to handle and that sometimes distract them from the more practical aspects of marriage: can the two support themselves, can they support children, do they have a place to live and transportation? These are the important questions that need to be considered. Do both want children? What about their faith and commitment to raising their children in the faith?

For Catholics, this commitment is sealed before God and man. But, as Christ said, “this gift is not for everyone.” Some may live as priests or nuns, some may just stay single. I know one man who got married at age 65. Pray and ask God for guidance.

God bless,
Ed
 
ComputerGeek25 said:
There are an infinite number of possibilites for marraige. If people were willing to open thier hearts and minds, the possibilites are endless. What ever happened to loving your neighbor as yourself?

Again, if there is one and only one person for us to marry, that opens up the can of worms that God is a micro-manager, that we don’t have free will and reeks of pre-destination.
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Not only that, it opens the door to people using it as a tool to manipulate others in a cult-like fashion, or it could cause people to turn neurotic or indecisive by constantly second-guessing themselves.
 
Norseman82 said:
Not only that, it opens the door to people using it as a tool to manipulate others in a cult-like fashion, or it could cause people to turn neurotic or indecisive by constantly second-guessing themselves.
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And, what if you meet the person at 15 or you don’t end up marrying the person for whatever reason, would that be considered a (potentially mortal) sin?
 
Norseman82 said:
Not only that, it opens the door to people using it as a tool to manipulate others in a cult-like fashion, or it could cause people to turn neurotic or indecisive by constantly second-guessing themselves.
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Sorry, but what is “it” here?
 
I have never been on a date before, but I’m at least looking to court a young woman for romantic reasons only…
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If I may, me hearties, what precicely would be ‘romantic’ reasons?

See, I think romance, and I see heart shaped boxes of chocolates, roses, and other Valentine’s day consumerism.

And then I think Romantic, and think of, well, poetry, really…

Every definition I read of ‘romance’ or romantic always turn up rather vague, and sometimes imply a level of sexuality.
 
Geremia said:
This is what I want to know. Does the Church believe that God has one and only one person in mind for you to marry if His will for you is marriage? Or can we make many choices that are as equally conformable to His will? It seems the former is true because God is immutable, and it would seem His will is unchangeable, too.
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First, I would direct you to CCC 1603, where it states that the vocation of marriage was written into our very nature by God. Starting from there, we must then discern if we have a vocation other than marriage; this is the tricky part. If we discern that we do not have a vocation other than marriage, then I would direct you to CCC 2230, which is the indirect reference to the fact that we choose spouses. I have no knowledge of any OFFICIAL Catholic teaching stating that our spouses are pre-picked from beginning of time, as opposed to private and personal speculations (of course, God does know the future and what we will choose in the future, but foreknowledge is not the same as predestination). So, we need to take personal responsibility for our decisions in the dating world and make sure that we do not do it sinfully, and to look at the world with a Catholic “lens”; if we do that, we will have a better chance at avoiding occasions of sin and finding a spouse with Catholic values.
 
Geremia said:
Well, it seems that the idea that there are many possible people to marry is what tempts people to divorce.
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No, what tempts people to divorce is lack of comment, poorly formed marriages and living in some kind of moral sin.
 
Geremia said:
Well, it seems that the idea that there are many possible people to marry is what tempts people to divorce.
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I have to be honest, this is a pretty naive thing to think.

People divorce because their hearts have turned to stone.
 
Geremia said:
Well, it seems that the idea that there are many possible people to marry is what tempts people to divorce.
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I think what really tempts people to divorce is that they forget that once the "I do"s are exchanged, you’ve “bought the farm”, as the old saying goes.
 
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