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Lovemyfaith
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good. I am glad you are tickled pink. I will let my daughter know
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KnitNut
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…is this the real issue?
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Lovemyfaith
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In this economy? It really isn’t. My husband lost his job out of the blue a year ago He was lucky, good contact and 30 years experience got him another.
Um I did ask my kids that, 10 years ago when we talked about dating and marriage. They know my feelings on the Sacrament quite well.
I still say nothing wrong with being well prepared, especially knowing life does throw curve balls and emergencies your way. Sure it is a sacrifice not to do what you want when you want.
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LilyM
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Good point - we cannot insulate our children against life no matter how hard we try. Yes, he might lose his job. So might your daughter, just as easily. I hope you asked her the same question at the same time. If not, you’re insinuating that this young chap is less capable of getting or keeping a job than she is.
In any case, clearly you think they’re both far too stupid to be trusted to handle these things without your guidance. Which says much more about how poorly you think you’ve done your job as a parent than anything.
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Lovemyfaith
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No I don’t think so. My daughter said he is open to coming into the church. She would absolutely raise her children catholic. I don’t know how you work that out if daddy isn’t catholic though. He is pro life. We have talked about that
I just wonder what do you do at your wedding if your husband isn’t receiving Communion?
Ok so it does bother me especially knowing how strong my daughter is in her faith and how involved with the church she has always been. But she gets to pick her husband, not me. And that is the man she picked, and I believe God directs her life so that’s that. She met her at her catholic university for goodness sake
I feel like God would say I have a point about being prepared.
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Lovemyfaith
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I doubt it would happen at the same time, but even should it, at least with some savings they would be better off
My husband lost his job a year ago. I don’t make any assumptions about anyone and his or her job
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LilyM
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I mean you didn’t ask her about what she would do if she lost her job. In his hearing.
Maybe you have talked about it with her at other times. He doesn’t know that. All he knows is you apparently trust her to keep a job, or handle herself if she loses one, but not him.
If she is so great then she will guide him in those areas where he is less capable - and vice versa - that’s the beauty of marriage!
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1ke
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You don’t have a Nuptial Mass. You have the Marriage Rite Outside of Mass.
I think God would say stop it.
Initial disappointment, yes. Normal parental worry about children launching out on their own? yes.
Coming up with every Armageddon situation in your head and quizzing them at the dinner table? Crazy-town.
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Gwendolen
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Congrats!!! May you in good time be blessed with beautiful grandchildren!
edit to add, I was married at age 24. We just celebrated 20 years. It’s OK not to have your entire life in order before the wedding.
edit to add, I was married at age 24. We just celebrated 20 years. It’s OK not to have your entire life in order before the wedding.
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Lorelei12
Guest
This is a very important point, and so, so true. My life is so much better with my husband in it. Most definitely less stressful than it was without him in it. We lean on each other, and remember that your daughter leans on her fiance, and will lean on him even more so in marriage.
Something tells me, though, that this is not really about the timing as much as it is that you are having trouble letting go. That’s understandable, but this is not about you. And, your poor daughter- your first reaction to her showing you her ring was “please don’t wear that to school, a man was shot near your school for his Iphone”.
Not, “honey, what a beautiful ring”???A response like that, in addition to your reaction to her fiance’s talk with you, as well as your interrogation of him at dinner about what he would do if he lost his job…sounds really stifling to me. He’d do what everyone else does- collect unemployment and look for a job. I’d be really upset if I were your daughter. I think most of the posters on here suggested that you just get on board, and I agree. If you continue with the negative talk about lost jobs and getting shot for wearing a ring, it’s going to drive both of them away. Newly engaged people need their families to share in their joy, not bring them down.
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Lovemyfaith
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If he lost his job while she is in school was the question. Daughter is an intern making $15 an hour for 20 hours a week right now. Plus she is in school. She can’t pick up more hours without studies falling.
Incidentally, my daughter does plan on being a stay at home mom eventually. He knows that as well. We don’t use credit cards, so savings is a big part of our life
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Pax2u
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My DH was not Catholic when we married. We didn’t have a Mass…so Communion reception didn’t come up.
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Lovemyfaith
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got any more good news?
Wow didn’t know we went through Armageddon when my husband lost his job. I thought it was a reality in this economy.
By the way, when future son in law showed up to talk to us about getting engaged, we asked why he wanted to get married right now, as opposed to waiting a few years and his response was he has a good job. If that was his #1 reason, he should be able to handle the scary question of what you would do should that reason cease to exist
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Lovemyfaith
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And, your poor daughter- your first reaction to her showing you her ring was “please don’t wear that to school, a man was shot near your school for his Iphone”.
This was a pretty big rock. Yup that was my first thought. In all fairness, you don’t know the neighborhood her school is in. Come have a stroll with me and wear your most expensive jewelry.
Lorelei12;11786555:
judging by his answer, he needed to think about that question. In fact, I think everyone reading this should think about that question. Especially if you want to marry my daughter
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BlueEyedLady
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Here’s the thing, he doesn’t answer to you and doesn’t owe you an explanation of what he would do if he lost his job. You need to back off and give your loving support to these two adults.
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Pax2u
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Gwendolen
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mommamaree
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I have been lurking and now feel compelled to chime in on this discussion.
LoveMyFaith,
WHY, for the love of all that is good and holy, would you object to two Christians in their 20s getting married, when they have had plenty of time to get to know each other and have plenty of time yet to go through Pre-Cana, and both are smart people who appear, based on your own telling of things, to understand what marriage is about??
These are not children. They are grown adults. Being a helicopter parent will either cripple your adult child or drive her away. I am thinking that your daughter and her fiance are demonstrating that they are more likely to disregard your opinions than feel bound by them, which is a good sign for them, but it does mean if you continue to respond negatively, you WILL alienate yourself.
Your responses in this thread have become increasingly set against this marriage, and you appear angry and frustrated because everyone here disagrees with you. Maybe you should stop and consider why that is.
I am sure my post will make you angry, but I only hope that it may also make you think. This is not your decision to make. They have made their decision. Your job now is to support and encourage and pray for them.
Disclosure: my parents and in-laws attempted to do just what you are doing when my husband and I got engaged at 18, and wanted to plan a wedding over the course of the next year. They refused to consider it, they coerced our pastor to refuse us when we asked to be married at our church, and they told us to “wait a few years”. So, we eloped. We have been happily married now for 16 years. They were heartbroken at being left out, but they had already refused to participate. Your daughter and her fiance are far far better off in their starting point than we were. People can start their marriages in a place of economic uncertainty (most couples do) and build strong marriages together anyway. There is never a perfect time to get married or to have children. These are not boxes on a checklist to be filled in at the perfect moment. Marriage is a vocation! It is a WAY of going through life, a path to holiness given to us by God. My parents and in-laws lost sight of that, and caused a rift. They also lost all credibility with us, because despite being Christian, they have always focused upon worldly markers of success in order to congratulate, brag, or condemn. Your objections focus on those same worldly markers of success. Please be careful and rethink your position.
LoveMyFaith,
WHY, for the love of all that is good and holy, would you object to two Christians in their 20s getting married, when they have had plenty of time to get to know each other and have plenty of time yet to go through Pre-Cana, and both are smart people who appear, based on your own telling of things, to understand what marriage is about??
These are not children. They are grown adults. Being a helicopter parent will either cripple your adult child or drive her away. I am thinking that your daughter and her fiance are demonstrating that they are more likely to disregard your opinions than feel bound by them, which is a good sign for them, but it does mean if you continue to respond negatively, you WILL alienate yourself.
Your responses in this thread have become increasingly set against this marriage, and you appear angry and frustrated because everyone here disagrees with you. Maybe you should stop and consider why that is.
I am sure my post will make you angry, but I only hope that it may also make you think. This is not your decision to make. They have made their decision. Your job now is to support and encourage and pray for them.
Disclosure: my parents and in-laws attempted to do just what you are doing when my husband and I got engaged at 18, and wanted to plan a wedding over the course of the next year. They refused to consider it, they coerced our pastor to refuse us when we asked to be married at our church, and they told us to “wait a few years”. So, we eloped. We have been happily married now for 16 years. They were heartbroken at being left out, but they had already refused to participate. Your daughter and her fiance are far far better off in their starting point than we were. People can start their marriages in a place of economic uncertainty (most couples do) and build strong marriages together anyway. There is never a perfect time to get married or to have children. These are not boxes on a checklist to be filled in at the perfect moment. Marriage is a vocation! It is a WAY of going through life, a path to holiness given to us by God. My parents and in-laws lost sight of that, and caused a rift. They also lost all credibility with us, because despite being Christian, they have always focused upon worldly markers of success in order to congratulate, brag, or condemn. Your objections focus on those same worldly markers of success. Please be careful and rethink your position.
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VeritasLuxMea
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I don’t understand the objections at all.
They’re not prepared enough?
He’s in the process of buying a house, and the wedding would still be quite a ways off. He will already be living in his own house by the time they’re married. Not prepared enough? Many married couples don’t have the luxury of owning a home before they’re even married.
He’s got a good job. Many married couples don’t have a good job. They still get married. Working class people get married, you know. Not prepared enough?
Yes, I don’t know you but all the evidence suggests that you have handled this situation rudely. Not only have you been rude to fellow posters here, you were also rude to your daughter when she showed you her ring (seriously, your first reaction was “don’t get shot?”) and your future son-in-law when you asked him ridiculous questions like, “what if you lose your job?” (you really said that?)
Could be that your a perfectly wonderful person but this situation is obviously making you irrational. You’re probably just having trouble letting go. That’s OK. But take a step back and listen to what we’re all telling you—this situation is about as good as it gets!
They’re not prepared enough?
He’s in the process of buying a house, and the wedding would still be quite a ways off. He will already be living in his own house by the time they’re married. Not prepared enough? Many married couples don’t have the luxury of owning a home before they’re even married.
He’s got a good job. Many married couples don’t have a good job. They still get married. Working class people get married, you know. Not prepared enough?
Yes, I don’t know you but all the evidence suggests that you have handled this situation rudely. Not only have you been rude to fellow posters here, you were also rude to your daughter when she showed you her ring (seriously, your first reaction was “don’t get shot?”) and your future son-in-law when you asked him ridiculous questions like, “what if you lose your job?” (you really said that?)
Could be that your a perfectly wonderful person but this situation is obviously making you irrational. You’re probably just having trouble letting go. That’s OK. But take a step back and listen to what we’re all telling you—this situation is about as good as it gets!
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