Your husband’s potential response, regardless of his background, and your response to his (feared) response seems to be the issue here. Controlling. It does not sound healthy and it is not about the gift of a shirt. Good luck and warm prayers.
Well, the husband presumably has his instincts, and the OP suspects that this situation may trip them.
I have now read this thread and, without WAY more information, I will bow out of offering any more advice. But this is not an obviously expensive bracelet and, by all accounts, this gentlemen has been a wonderful and steady and positive influence in the girl’s life. I personally don’t get it. Some people do have gift anxiety and read meanings into gifts that do not truly exist. As a rule, I trust parents to know their children and family well and to make wise decisions.
Personally, even without the husband’s potential reaction, I think the gift is problematic; it’s inappropriate precisely because of the possible significance, and always has been.
On the other hand, I think some people have a strong guarding instinct which can at times make them suspect a threat where none may exist.
Come to think of it, even from the earliest age, we do teach children to be at least a little wary of unsolicited gifts–for example, the classic “strangers with candy” situation.
Which is why many organizations will send a “gift” along with a begging letter. It can be a few coins, a cheap trinket, greeting cards, etc. - but no matter how small, the “gift” can produce a need in the recipient to respond in kind.
Thank you, Xantippe. You hit the nail on the head. I couldn’t have said it better myself. That is the case with one slight exception. We *can *afford the clothing, it’s that it is more than we are willing to pay for such apparel.
As a bargain hunter myself who likes to share my finds, I thought the same. If we’re talking about a couple of “classic and modest” shirts, I’m thinking of something like a button-down or button-up shirt from a designer label which might retail for $50+ each but one could come across them for much less.
I’m a firm believer that the response to a gift should always include, “Thank you” in some form or another.
If a gift really appears “too generous”, and especially if it comes without tags, I’d assume there’s the strong possibility that the original gift-giver simply ran across a bargain, making the gift far less expensive than the op thinks it was. It might even be something another person he knows wanted to give away, and the person thought it looked like something the op’s daughter would wear.
The sales rack and second hand stores contain a number of items of clothing that cost far below the “manufacturer’s suggested retail price.” I’m a bargain hunter, and my motto is, “If you’re paying full price, you’re probably doing something wrong.”
When I go shopping for gifts, I often have an amount of money that I plan to spend, and if /when I find bargains, I still spend that same amount of money I’d planned to spend but the other person gets nicer stuff. Therefore, I don’t assume that gifts cost what it looks like they may have cost–although I also know that they might have cost far more.
I wonder if it would define the sides of the discussion more if we knew who were mothers of daughters? I know that my attitude is very much reflective of having a daughter and I’m pretty sure my husband would also find a gift of clothing to her as questionable like the OP’s hubby.
I thought of that, too, LongingSoul—who here has daughters? But I don’t think that’s the issue. I was trying to point out the lack of unanimity on the basic question of whether giving clothes in this circumstance should be known to be absolutely, horribly taboo right off the bat by any decent person.
Huh.
I am not sure if this makes sense. So if she worked for him as a store clerk for his clothing store then a gift of clothing is appropriate? vs if she worked for him as a store clerk for his hardware store then a gift of screws and timber is appropriate? or because it is a store clerk then maybe a gift of money?
It’s a good idea to check in first with mom or dad if it’s a minor child who isn’t an actual employee.I am not sure if this makes sense. So if she worked for him as a store clerk for his clothing store then a gift of clothing is appropriate? vs if she worked for him as a store clerk for his hardware store then a gift of screws and timber is appropriate?
Frankly, I think the fact the she is performing a service as a volunteer for him and that he knows the family then it is probably why he felt he needed to at least pay her somehow.
That seems pretty reasonable, IMO.
It is, but I doubt any of us always goes about doing things in the best way.