Desolate and alone

[NiceMimi]

Hi Mimi,

That’s sound advice, I’m sure. I do try to be grateful, but the best I can do is to be thankful for other people’s happiness. I am thankful for C, her daughter, and for her relatives; they are such a beautiful family. I am grateful for all the happy families I saw in church tonight, and for the two little girls that happened to be sitting next to me, coloring. The little girl nearest me reached out and grabbed my hand when we started praying the Our Father, which made me smile.

But for me, life has lost its sweetness. In Henry Cloud’s book Changes that Heal, he talks about the feeling of meaninglessness that often accompanies isolation, and gives an example of a single man who says “I work hard to make a lot of money and be successful, but it doesn’t mean much. I don’t have anyone to share it with. I feel empty.” In a way, that’s me. I know that I’m very fortunate to have a good career and a good income. I don’t have any health problems and I’m in reasonably good shape. But it seems wasted on me, and I get no joy from it. I probably seem like a crybaby, but I think that Mother Teresa was right when she said that people need love more than they need food.

Thanks for your prayers. I’m doing my best to have faith and to trust.

Chip,

I was in your shoes many moons ago, so I know what you are going through. The heartache looks like it is never going to end. I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel at the time. Yet, one day, in my pain, I prayed to God, and a few weeks later, I met my husband. I know one lady who prayed the 54 Day Rosary Novena because she wanted to get married. She met her husband 3 months later. What I’m saying is to keep praying, and believing in God.

I agree with Mummsie’s comments. Especially the comment about being thankful for your health, career, etc. Even if you feel too depressed to say it and don’t even see the blessings, just speak your words of thanks for your blessings every day. God will see your efforts, and bless you even more. I say this because I have done this myself and been blessed even more.

Heavenly Father, in faith, I thank You for helping Chip and blessing him. Amen.

 

[chipeto]

It has been an extraordinarily hard day. I saw my counselor today, and this session, unlike the last, was very difficult. That is because I have been very sad this last week. She has suggested that I take an antidepressant. I have resisted that idea in the past, but now I must consider all options. It seems like I will never be able to climb out of this pit. It has been three months now. If it were only about losing the love of my life, that would be bad enough, but it is so much more than that. It is about shame and regret and despair and hopelessness. It seems impossible that I could ever live again.

 

[Trishie]

Holy God please guide Chipeto to a new beginning that enables him to live his own life wholesomely and fully. He has loved and lived much of his adult life within others lives and others families, please show him the way to live in a present and future that is his own in You, not lived in past regrets.
Help him to find the way to live fully the gift of life that You have given him.

 

[Mummsie]

Chipeto,

I’m so sorry it has been such a rough day.

I think you should consider and pray about the anti-depressants. You’ve been seeing this doctor for a while. I assume you trust her. I think that sometimes we can get caught up in a vicious cycle. We feel bad. We feel bad about not being able to fix it. We feel worse. Sometimes the anti-depressants can break the cycle. Probably not needed forever; but, could be helpful right now.

Lord, take your son Chip into your loving arms. Let him feel your love and protection. Help him to make the right decision on these anti-depressants. You alone know what’s best for him and his life right now.

Chip, I’m going to Adoration on Saturday, I will pray for you.

God Bless You.

 

[NiceMimi]

It has been an extraordinarily hard day. I saw my counselor today, and this session, unlike the last, was very difficult. That is because I have been very sad this last week. She has suggested that I take an antidepressant. I have resisted that idea in the past, but now I must consider all options. It seems like I will never be able to climb out of this pit. It has been three months now. If it were only about losing the love of my life, that would be bad enough, but it is so much more than that. It is about shame and regret and despair and hopelessness. It seems impossible that I could ever live again.

Chip,

Antidepressants? Go for it!

Please do not feel shame, regret, dispair and hopelessness. Love is something beautiful, and it is never perfect. What was that line that Nicholas Cage said in the movie “Moonstruck”?? Love …“breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren’t here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us…” You did everything right in loving C and her daughter. Love can break your heart, but you will find a love that will love you back as you, my friend in Christ, deserve to be loved back. If I recall correctly, Nicholas Cage’s character did find love again. Of course, you are not a character in a movie, but many have found wonderful love after a bitter heartbreak.

You are good, you are smart, you have so many wonderful qualities, and (though you are not seeing it) God is already working on your behalf for you. Remember, at this time last year, you had certain goals, and you have achieved them already. I won’t be surprised if I were to find out that a number of ladies are hoping you will ask them out on a date. I know you are not ready for love at this point, but please be open to having many female friends…and, of course, male friends to go to those balls games… At this point, I think you need to have a lot of friends around you. Please do that.

In the meantime, please go ahead and go home and cry. It’s okay for men to cry.

Heavenly Father, in faith, I thank You for leading Chip to the right doctor for the antidepressants. Thank You Father for having many friends come out of the woodwork for Chip, and being there for him. Thank You Father for Your great Mercy for our dear friend, in Christ, Chip. Amen.

Please let us know how you are doing. Don’t be shy to post.

God bless!

 

[chipeto]

Thanks for the many kind words.

I went to Celebrate Recovery on Friday. CR has been a life saver for me. I talked about my depression, and the group was very encouraging. A couple of the guys gave me their phone numbers, which really touched me. I’m rusty when it comes to fostering friendships, but I’ll try.

I called my mother on Saturday. It’s been one year since I started this thread, and I can say with some confidence that if I did not have her to talk to and pray with, I would not have survived that year. I would not be on earth right now.

Today, I attended the training for the youth ministry, and I’m looking forward to starting that next Monday night, even though I may be the only adult in it that is not a parent!

Tomorrow, I will find a doctor and make an appointment for my depression. I don’t think I have much to lose by going on meds. Tuesday, I see my spiritual director.

Mimi, I would be open to having any friends! I’m doing my best to meet people and be friendly, and hoping that friendships emerge.

You are right about the last year: my life has changed enormously during that time. Five months ago, it was easy to have faith and be thankful: it was the best time of my entire life. Now, it is an enormous struggle. I’m trying.

Thanks for listening.

 

[NiceMimi]

Thanks for the many kind words.

I went to Celebrate Recovery on Friday. CR has been a life saver for me. I talked about my depression, and the group was very encouraging. A couple of the guys gave me their phone numbers, which really touched me. I’m rusty when it comes to fostering friendships, but I’ll try.

I called my mother on Saturday. It’s been one year since I started this thread, and I can say with some confidence that if I did not have her to talk to and pray with, I would not have survived that year. I would not be on earth right now.

Today, I attended the training for the youth ministry, and I’m looking forward to starting that next Monday night, even though I may be the only adult in it that is not a parent!

Tomorrow, I will find a doctor and make an appointment for my depression. I don’t think I have much to lose by going on meds. Tuesday, I see my spiritual director.

Mimi, I would be open to having any friends! I’m doing my best to meet people and be friendly, and hoping that friendships emerge.

You are right about the last year: my life has changed enormously during that time. Five months ago, it was easy to have faith and be thankful: it was the best time of my entire life. Now, it is an enormous struggle. I’m trying.

Thanks for listening.

Chip, I am very happy to see that you are taking additional steps in your new life, and that you are well on your way to making new friends. It is also wonderful to see that you have a wonderful relationship with your mother. God commands us to honor our parents, and you are doing that. God bless you.

Taking care of yourself, is key in having a good life. Yes, by all means I support your decision in seeing the doctor and starting on the anti-depressant. Taking care of ourselves does not just stop at eating right and exercising. We have to take care of our spiritual lives, and also look at how we are feeling. Our feelings count too.

I suspect that you will be doing even better by this time next year, and that you will be amazed at all the wonderful things happening to you.

I will continue to pray for you. I trust in God that all will go very, very well for you my dear friend in Christ. God bless you.

Heavenly Father, thank You for continuing to walk with Chip. Thank You Father for blessing him with a good mother, and the good friends he is making and the support contacts that he needs so much at this time. Father, in faith, I thank You for blessing in all things. Amen.

 

[NiceMimi]

Chip,

I saw this, and even though the speakers are not Catholic, I thought you might like to see the quotes:

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

- Buddha, was a spiritual teacher from ancient India who founded Buddhism.​

“Love is the capacity to take care, to protect, to nourish. If you are not capable of generating that kind of energy toward yourself- if you are not capable of taking care of yourself, of nourishing yourself, of protecting yourself- it is very difficult to take care of another person. In the Buddhist teaching, it’s clear that to love oneself is the foundation of the love of other people. Love is a practice. Love is truly a practice.”

- Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Buddhist monk, author and peace activist.​

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy; And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields. And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.”

- Kahlil Gibran, author of The Prophet.​

I trust all is going well with you.

 

[Mummsie]

Chip,

I saw this, and even though the speakers are not Catholic, I thought you might like to see the quotes:

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

- Buddha, was a spiritual teacher from ancient India who founded Buddhism.​

“Love is the capacity to take care, to protect, to nourish. If you are not capable of generating that kind of energy toward yourself- if you are not capable of taking care of yourself, of nourishing yourself, of protecting yourself- it is very difficult to take care of another person. In the Buddhist teaching, it’s clear that to love oneself is the foundation of the love of other people. Love is a practice. Love is truly a practice.”

- Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Buddhist monk, author and peace activist.​

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy; And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields. And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.”

- Kahlil Gibran, author of The Prophet.​

I trust all is going well with you.

EXCELLENT!! Per Mark and Mathew, this concept is the Second Commandment " Love your neighbor as yourself". We must know how to love ourselves first before we give love to others.

 

[NiceMimi]

Heavenly Father, in faith, I thank You for continuing to help Chip. Amen.

 

[NiceMimi]

Father, in faith, I thank You for helping Chip. Amen.

 

[chipeto]

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted here.

The antidepressants have been enormously effective. A little over a week after I started taking them, I felt my depression lift. It was like the difference between night and day. I’m extremely happy and grateful to be delivered from that particular hell.

While I don’t suffer from the depression anymore, I do have plenty of challenges. This last month has been a roller coaster, and I have all kinds of strange feelings. My counselor attributes this to a ‘re-balancing’ of my brain due to the medication. In addition, my spiritual life has suffered. Depression drove me to seek God, and when it lifted I fell, I am sorry to say, back into old patterns. But that ends now.

I don’t think about C as much anymore, and I realize, with sadness, that this is because I am letting go of her. I last heard from her five weeks ago. She sent me a thank-you email after I sent her a birthday card. It’s been nearly five months since we separated, which is also how long we were together. It still hurts sometimes. I still dearly miss her daughter sometimes. I don’t expect that the pain will ever completely go away, though it will become more distant with time.

I still struggle to build relationships, and I struggle to believe that I can have a life full of love, like the one which I so briefly had, and which I lost. All that I really want is to love and to be loved. I have a lot of love to give.

God bless, and thanks for your prayers.

 

[Mummsie]

So happy to hear the anti-depressants are working. As a side note, I recently starting taking them to help me better handle some difficult issues with people I love. They have been a real help.

I’m glad to hear you’re turning back to God. He is always there for us. His love for us is enormous. Nothing we do can change that. He is AWESOME!!!

The rest will come in time. C and her child will have a special place in your heart. Time will heal the pain.

Sending prayers to our Almighty God for you.

 

[1inICXC]

Hi Chip,

I’m glad the antidepressants are lifting your mood but definitely do NOT let go of God. Ultimately you still need a lot of healing that only The Physician of our Souls can grant you. Even if you feel perfectly happy round the clock- due to the medication- you still have a lot of brokenness (don’t we all!?) from which only Jesus can restore you.

Those desolate times, as unbearable as they are, still bring us a lot of grace because we tend to draw close to the Supreme Victim. It is not an overnight, abracadabra healing. No, it is a loong process in which there has to be daily growth. Don’t let the antidepressants keep you away from seeking the true and complete healing Jesus wants to give you.

Above all, do not lose hope. As you see, a few little white pills can make such a difference. God can do so all the more, a kind word and an unexpected friendship as well.

I pray you always have a spark of hope alive in you and that you walk forward with Christ every day, peacefully letting go of the past hurts, and accepting that out of every pain and hurt God can and will- if we allow Him- bring out an infinitely greater good!

God be with you Chip! know that many of us are thinking about you and look forward to one day, soon, hearing good news again

 

[NiceMimi]

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted here.

The antidepressants have been enormously effective. A little over a week after I started taking them, I felt my depression lift. It was like the difference between night and day. I’m extremely happy and grateful to be delivered from that particular hell.

While I don’t suffer from the depression anymore, I do have plenty of challenges. This last month has been a roller coaster, and I have all kinds of strange feelings. My counselor attributes this to a ‘re-balancing’ of my brain due to the medication. In addition, my spiritual life has suffered. Depression drove me to seek God, and when it lifted I fell, I am sorry to say, back into old patterns. But that ends now.

I don’t think about C as much anymore, and I realize, with sadness, that this is because I am letting go of her. I last heard from her five weeks ago. She sent me a thank-you email after I sent her a birthday card. It’s been nearly five months since we separated, which is also how long we were together. It still hurts sometimes. I still dearly miss her daughter sometimes. I don’t expect that the pain will ever completely go away, though it will become more distant with time.

I still struggle to build relationships, and I struggle to believe that I can have a life full of love, like the one which I so briefly had, and which I lost. All that I really want is to love and to be loved. I have a lot of love to give.

God bless, and thanks for your prayers.

Hello Chip. I am happy to hear that the medicine is working. As for falling back into old patterns, I wouldnt’ worry about that. You have reassessed the situation, and have recalibrated into the right direction.

With the passage of time, the feelings you had for C will take their their place on the shelf of life memories. You’ll take them down, dust them off, and look at them with a sigh, but with time, you will barely even remember that those memories are there. I trust in God that you will look back, and remember her with fondness, but you will have moved on, found a love like no other, started a family, and living happily.

As for love in your life, you do have love! Your life is full of love! You have the love of God, and you have the love of your family! I think it’s important for you to really reflect on this and see it for yourself. I think in seeing the love that is around you and for you, you will open up a whole new world, and start seeing the blessings around you. Because you do have blessings. You have a job, a home, food on the table. Please see your blessings. When you do that, good things start to happen because you are appreciating the good God has put in your life.

God bless you also, and I will continue praying for you. I trust in God that all will go well for you. Please don’t be a stranger, and let us know how it continues to go.