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irishpatrick
Guest
In the case I am speaking of, everyone (accept one person) lives 1,500 miles from the couple’s chosen destination…they will all have to secure flights, hotels, cars, etc…everyone. That is typical.
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VeritasLuxMea
Guest
Yeah, I absolutely see what you’re saying. My wedding wasn’t too long ago, and I can remember the feeling of guilt I had in asking my groomsmen to pay $150 to rent their tuexedos, and the fact that the cheapest hotel rooms we could get were $175 for guest that were staying overnight. Asking everyone to buy plane tickets, take multiple days off work, etc… we never would have done that. (Well a couple people were far away but we had no choice in that, we were married in the same parish where both grew up so most of our family and friends were around).
I don’t think the “destination” idea is necessarily terrible, in the event that the couple really desires a smaller, intimate wedding… I know a couple that got married at their honeymoon location with just their parents, best friends and a couple siblings present. They did that because it was actually far cheaper than throwing a mega-reception for 300+ people, which they probably would have been guilted into doing had they had the wedding at home. As long as you’re helping your “must invite” people to get there then that doesn’t seem too bad. Otherwise yeah I agree with you.
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PatriceA
Guest
It really, really depends upon the destination for the wedding. Traveling over a couple of state lines, can be very doable. We have family all over the Eastern seaboard, any time there was a family wedding, we’d pile into the family car, stay with family over the course of the weekend and have a mini family reunion along with the weddings. Expenses would only be a couple of hundred dollars or so, mainly for gas and food on the trip.
Flying to Hawaii, or Europe, Bahamas, etc., now you’re getting into the thousands sometimes . And in today’s economy, some families have had to cut back drastically on every day items in their budget. Its just seems a bit insensitive to assume everyone on your guest list has the money to be able to attend a destination wedding. You just better know your guest list very well and their personal financial circumstances and be prepared for a “regret” when you start sending out the invitations. (You meaning any bride considering a destination wedding, not you personally.)
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Aggie414
Guest
We can absolutely agree on that point. If a bride and groom choose to have a destination wedding, they have to be prepared that some people are not going to be able to attend. The one I’ve attended was planned well enough in advance to allow people to save and plan, it was modestly priced – it’s been years ago but I think it was around $700/per person and that was an all-inclusive resort and it included air fare. NOW I’m single so what’s reasonable for me is not reasonable to a family of four or five or… So, again, the bridal party has to take that into consideration. IF I chose to have a destination wedding, I would be sad that some people would not be able to join us; but I would absolutely understand.
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EasterJoy
Guest
The thing is, nobody begrudges you a wedding in your home church, even at a place you’re leaving temporarily. If you and your fiancé are going to school and living in Belgium and you decide to have your wedding at the church down the street in Belgium, even though you know most of the family can’t come, well that’s one thing. That’s a simple wedding; that’s OK. It is when you’re living in Belgium, your family is in Texas, his family is in New York, and you decide that the place to get married is…Fiji!!
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Aggie414
Guest
I don’t understand your point in the particular example. It doesn’t matter where the wedding is, people will be traveling. Instead of making only one side do the traveling, I think it’s fair to have it in a neutral location so everybody has to travel.The thing is, nobody begrudges you a wedding in your home church, even at a place you’re leaving temporarily. If you and your fiancé are going to school and living in Belgium and you decide to have your wedding at the church down the street in Belgium, even though you know most of the family can’t come, well that’s one thing. That’s a simple wedding; that’s OK. It is when you’re living in Belgium, your family is in Texas, his family is in New York, and you decide that the place to get married is…Fiji!!
I guess we can just agree to disagree.
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PatriceA
Guest
Yeah, it would cost us $2100 to attend the same wedding. Our annual vacation expense wouldn’t even be half of that
Which brings up another point, children at destination weddings. Picking a place that is family friendly. Its one thing if most of your guest list, if not all, are single or childless. Its another thing if the couple has decided on a destination wedding and has many families on the guest list, but the location is more adult friendly, like many inclusive resorts can be. OR, the couple has decided that they aren’t inviting children. Now they’ve asked their guests if they have families to spend a chunk of money AND find a babysitter for the trip.
Sooooo many factors to consider.
It was very important to us when we got married that our priest knew us as a couple before the wedding ceremony. Picking out all the flowers and the music and working with the parish staff was so much fun, for me as the bride. (I’m not kidding.) While destination weddings seem beautiful in the photos, for me, it wouldn’t be worth it because of the personal relationships that would be lost with not having the opportunity to have occasional contact with the priest and his staff.
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PatriceA
Guest
I think the point EasterJoy is making that in her example, it probably would be more considerate and less expensive if you picked a neutral site in the States, where both of your families are located, then to have them fly across the world to an exotic location like Fiji. Yes, people would still be traveling, but the wear and tear and expenses would be minimal compared to flying clear across the world.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
I don’t understand how Catholics can even have a destination wedding in the first place…I mean, we can’t get married on the beach, or at some romantic restaurant or other secular location, so why even do this???
If they want to go to Vegas, they should start their honeymoon there. But no, that’s not good enough, they want their families to come to them and then instead of leaving for their honeymoon, the family leaves them instead.
If they want to go to Vegas, they should start their honeymoon there. But no, that’s not good enough, they want their families to come to them and then instead of leaving for their honeymoon, the family leaves them instead.
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Aggie414
Guest
I had brought up the idea of having a very small marriage ceremony then a destination wedding since most of my family and friends are not Catholic or CINOs (Catholic In Name Only) and I tend to freak out that somebody who shouldn’t be taking communion would (I have a few family members who have abandoned the Church yet still insist on taking communion and it makes me cringe). I realize that I have to let that go and let people make their own decisions but if I could have a hybrid-type wedding, it would make my stress level go WAY DOWN. As I said in an earlier post, the chances of me getting married are slim and none so that’s why this, for me, is more of a theoretical discussionI don’t understand how Catholics can even have a destination wedding in the first place…I mean, we can’t get married on the beach, or at some romantic restaurant or other secular location, so why even do this???
If they want to go to Vegas, they should start their honeymoon there. But no, that’s not good enough, they want their families to come to them and then instead of leaving for their honeymoon, the family leaves them instead.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
But we also can’t get married twice! Do you mean a civil wedding and then a convalidation? Or, wait, you could have a regular church wedding and then invite people to the destination for a party? Oh, dear, that wouldn’t work either.I had brought up the idea of having a very small marriage ceremony then a destination wedding since most of my family and friends are not Catholic or CINOs (Catholic In Name Only) and I tend to freak out that somebody who shouldn’t be taking communion would (I have a few family members who have abandoned the Church yet still insist on taking communion and it makes me cringe). I realize that I have to let that go and let people make their own decisions but if I could have a hybrid-type wedding, it would make my stress level go WAY DOWN. As I said in an earlier post, the chances of me getting married are slim and none so that’s why this, for me, is more of a theoretical discussion
You know, you can’t please everyone, and it’s too bad that your relatives would desecrate the Host that way, but really, your compromise just wouldn’t work.
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Aggie414
Guest
As I said, it’s a moot point
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VeritasLuxMea
Guest
The beach or whatever other secular location could be used for the reception. I still think it’s a bad idea though, unless you want to keep your wedding small and maybe split the cost with your parents/close friends/etc.I don’t understand how Catholics can even have a destination wedding in the first place…I mean, we can’t get married on the beach, or at some romantic restaurant or other secular location, so why even do this???
On this statement, I think I am misreading you… you don’t begrudge them having a Las Vegas honeymoon, just the Las Vegas wedding right?
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
No, of course I don’t care where the couple goes on their honeymoon! They could go to Mars for all I care. It’s just that these destination weddings seem ridiculous and narcissistic to me, I agree whole-heartedly with the OP.
Have your wedding in your home parish, or one of your home parishes. Invite everyone, and the ones who can’t come, can’t come. Then, go on your honeymoon to Mexico, the Bahamas, Scotland, or Vegas, and voila! Problem solved.
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irishpatrick
Guest
Is it moral for a couple to expect people to spend large sums of money, and a significant amount of time, to see them get married?
– Airfare to the destination.
– Minimum three nights hotel cost.
– Food in that town for three days minimum.
– Possibly a car rental to get around during the stay.
– For families, multiply those numbers for each person attending.
– Flying 1,500 miles to Las Vegas for a family of 4-5, can easily cost 2-3K.
Is it moral to knowingly and willing have your wedding in a place that locks out some people from attending (despite having close and loving relationships with those people)? Think older grandparents with this one–maybe older aunts and uncles.
Do couples choosing this path ever consider how weak the economy currently is?
In terms of the faith (the most important element), is it right to do all of the above, while also choosing to get married in a Church where there is NO family or personal connection whatsoever, and where there is no knowledge of the Priest or parish?
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
I vote NO! I think it’s egotistical and especially wrong for Catholics, considering that our marriages can’t take place in any old setting like a beach or a hotel. If someone I was close to chose to indulge in such wedding plans, I would not send a gift. I’d send a card, “Thinking of you,” and that’s it. (Maybe some of the couples think about that? “If they can’t come, they will just send us a nice gift because they are saving money by not going on the trip!”)
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irishpatrick
Guest
I honestly do not understand why destination weddings have become so attractive…it just all seems to fall under the same mode of watering down the sacredness of Holy Matrimony. IMO
In some cases, DWs are just plain mean because they exclude loved ones who would love to see the couple get married. I just do not understand this trend.
So, in many cases DWs has the undesirable impact of excluding the very people who truly want to witness the sacrament first hand.
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PatriceA
Guest
I think its the game of “up”, couples have to up the ante, up the game, have a more unique wedding than the last wedding they attended. People use to have their receptions in fire halls, or American Legion halls, or any venue within their own community. Then they were held in fancy hotels, banquet centers, etc. Well where do you go from there if you want your wedding to be more memorable? Destination weddings.I honestly do not understand why destination weddings have become so attractive…it just all seems to fall under the same mode of watering down the sacredness of Holy Matrimony. IMO
In some cases, DWs are just plain mean because they exclude loved ones who would love to see the couple get married. I just do not understand this trend.
I long for the day when couples use fire halls or the parish hall again, and the parish ladies are cooking fried chicken and cabbage rolls, rigatoni, etc. for the reception.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Fiji is a neutral location?!? Get out a globe!
Now…put X number of people at each location, then get online and check airfares and hotel rates. Yes, it does make a huge difference, and the choice of Fiji is very unfair. Again: nobody blames the bride and groom for marrying where they are living, provided they realize that fewer people may be able to come if they do. They do blame them for deciding to travel, but not travelling to a location that is convenient for anyone at all except perhaps their own fantasies. If you’re not getting married right where one of you lives, at least get married somewhere that is good for someone besides you.
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EasterJoy
Guest
The same thing is happening with high school proms. The spending and extravagance is totally out of hand.
This is what amazes me the most (the information comes from a survey conducted by VISA):
“Visa found that the parents surveyed who fell within lower income brackets, earning less than $50,000 a year, planned to spend more than the national average with $1,245. Parents who earned more than $50,000 planned to spend an average of $1,129.”
and
“The survey also discovered that married parents planned to spend $770, while single parents would spend nearly double, with $1,563.”
(It makes me wonder if the “married” estimate was artificially lowered because VISA got Dad on the phone, instead of Mom, and asked him to mentally tot up what the night would be costing the family. The fact that couples are putting on “destination” weddings has to have to do with the fact that couples are putting on their own, because I know how my own dad would have reacted to the idea of footing the bill for a “destination” wedding!!
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