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Cristiano
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He was divorced and he had difficulties dealing with the idea of his wife leaving him.I thought Tony Randall’s character was gay?
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Cristiano
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I was discussing that last night with my son. He is realizing the narcissism of a lot of girls in his high school, and how a lot of boys are falling for that. I taught him that he has to be a nice guy and that he has to do things for people whenever possible but not to attract a specific girl.
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austenbosten
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Well you better tell your son that he better get used to it. Many women fail to grow out of the narcissism phase of high school. I will say this, don’t tell your son to be a nice guy…it’s too weak and will send the wrong message. Tell your son to be a respectable man. Nice guys seek the favor of others, respectable men only seek the favor of God.
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ShanaA1984
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Excellent post and all too true with young girls these days but then again look at the shows like my super sweet sixteen that show these girls that thats the way things are supposed to be. I cringe at the thought of how HS will be when my daughter is old enough for it.Well you better tell your son that he better get used to it. Many women fail to grow out of the narcissism phase of high school. I will say this, don’t tell your son to be a nice guy…it’s too weak and will send the wrong message. Tell your son to be a respectable man. Nice guys seek the favor of others, respectable men only seek the favor of God.
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Cristiano
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There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy and devoting yourself to a life of service. Teaching someone to be a nice guy does not send the wrong message. You can be very nice, have a lot of self respect and respect from other people. Nice guys do not seek the favors from each others, they offer their favors to each other, it is quite a different dynamic.Well you better tell your son that he better get used to it. Many women fail to grow out of the narcissism phase of high school. I will say this, don’t tell your son to be a nice guy…it’s too weak and will send the wrong message. Tell your son to be a respectable man. Nice guys seek the favor of others, respectable men only seek the favor of God.
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austenbosten
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It depends upon your definition, but the definition amongst society is what I said, all I wish is that your son does not fall into the two extremes society pits men into. Loser “nice guys” who get trampled all over in life, like some Stanley Ipkiss being used by women and dissed by men. Or mean jerks like Dorian Tyrell (Yes I know I’m using characters from the Mask) who mistreat others and although may appear to have all the riches in life, ends up dying alone, poor and hated.
I’m just saying there is a balance, and I’m sure you have let your son know that.
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austenbosten
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CajunsforChrist
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I think this was wonderfully put! OP, we can all make assumptions about what your wife’s intentions were when she read the book and the engaged in sexual relations with you. The truth is there’s always 2 sides to every story and we don’t know her side so it’s hard for us to make assumptions about what her intentions were. I agree with Luna here in saying none of us can really solve the problem that you feel you’re being faced with. It’s going to take alot of work on both you and your wife’s part. Good Luck & Good Bless!
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EasterJoy
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You need to talk to her (over time, this isn’t a one-conversation matter), and you need to do it in a way that is going to let you two talk without blaming, defensiveness, or personal attacks in each other. That doesn’t sound like a skill you two have yet…not too surprising, as you have not been married too long, and many times couples edit themselves mightily during courtship.
The bottom line is that you are feeling inadequate because you haven’t been able to turn her on the way reading that book turned her on. That doesn’t mean such a way doesn’t exist for you. It only means you haven’t found it yet. Your feelings also mean that you have the task of making her aware that her heightened interest in sex after reading erotica has the effect of making you feel much as women feel when they know their men have been looking at porn. The interest is great in its own way, but somehow it feels wrong knowing that you aren’t the precipitating cause of the excitement.
Keep that in mind: the book might be the precipitating cause of her interest, but you are the primary cause and the primary target. The task is to find a way for you to also be the precipitating cause. She may have false ideas in her mind of what a good Catholic husband can do to precipitate eros with his wife. I would wager it is a good deal more than she (and possibly more than you) think.
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AugustineFan
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I thought I knew what my wife liked, and this book seemed to throw things off. I am always open to relations anytime and she knows that. I try to do the household chores etc so that she can relax when she gets home from work, and does not have to do them. My wife has a stressful job, and always had said that she was tired or not in the mood. She started reading these books and she turned into s sexual dynamo. Now, since the book is over she has changed. She has become less affectionate and just not that interested in sex when I bring it up. It seems that reading that book was her foreplay. Trust me I am no prude, and am willing to try anything.
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EasterJoy
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Maybe she just benefitted from having a way to wind down that totally distracted her from her sense of being stressed. It could be a lot of things. Try to talk to her about it in a non-accusatory way.
BTW, don’t think you didn’t know what your wife likes. That can change, and it is not a bad reflection on you that she might have found something you didn’t know about. Also, “it” may not be what either of you think. It may not be erotica, per se, for example, but rather any story that is pleasant and takes her far away from her day to day troubles. Do assume that she’ll like it if you try to be a bit unpredictable in your on-going courtship of her affections. You don’t have to go for total novelty (and C.S. Lewis makes a good case for why you ought not), but a change of pace from time to time is something that you ought to consider…not as a chore, but as a playful exercise of your imagination. Pleasing your wife, after all, is best when it is also one of your pleasures, too!
Above all, don’t get too worked up about this. It is one of those things in marriage, and if you take it as a challenge you are up to, you’ll make it through just fine. You sound like a very good husband, just keep at it and don’t let this first little set of rapids throw you off, OK?
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mini_me640
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I love the Mask references lolIt depends upon your definition, but the definition amongst society is what I said, all I wish is that your son does not fall into the two extremes society pits men into. Loser “nice guys” who get trampled all over in life, like some Stanley Ipkiss being used by women and dissed by men. Or mean jerks like Dorian Tyrell (Yes I know I’m using characters from the Mask) who mistreat others and although may appear to have all the riches in life, ends up dying alone, poor and hated.
I’m just saying there is a balance, and I’m sure you have let your son know that.
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mini_me640
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Well I’ve never not felt pain when wearing high heels so…In all my life I’ve never NOT felt pain when my hair was pulled (and usually quite a bit of pain) - either when it was done intentionally or accidentally. Hair pulling or yanking as prelude or part of the marital embrace seems considerably different to me than a wife wearing high heels to bed to excite her husband. Maybe times are changing in regard to how a loving marriage should be, but it sure doesn’t seem like a very good change to me.
Seriously, I don’t find accidental or intentional hair pulling particularly painful, and never have. It’s certainly less uncomfortable than what they do to me at the beauty salon every 2 months
Everybody’s different, it doesn’t mean you’re right and they are wrong. If I don’t find it painful but do find it erotic, I fail to see how that is violating the loving or sacred aspect of marriage..
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monicatholic
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Thoughts:
This thread degenerated badly.
Nice is not a virtue, as in " nice guy."
Luna may have hit the nail when she enumerated potential key areas of marital weakness.
On November 13 Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of residence. This request came from his wife.
This thread degenerated badly.
Nice is not a virtue, as in " nice guy."
Luna may have hit the nail when she enumerated potential key areas of marital weakness.
On November 13 Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of residence. This request came from his wife.
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austenbosten
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littlenothing
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No offense taken! As you pointed out, I didn’t read them. Far cry from my Gary Oldham example, I suppose. Didn’t know it was violent and demeaning. That’s definitely NOT something to mimic!I haven’t read the book either, nor do I plan to; however, I’ve heard alot of what the book is about from women who have read it. It’s an erotica novel and apparently many of the sex scenes in the book are BDSM. From what I understand it’s little romance, but more about a dominant male figure demanding sex from the woman character. Needless to say, not something I would suggest the OP try. I just don’t see how that can bring unity to their marriage. (P.S. Please don’t be offended by my post, I just noticed that you mentioned you didn’t know much about it and I thought I could help. There was another thread about this earlier that I had read so that’s where I got my info from.)
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Benedicto16
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50 Shades of Grey - Is utter rubbish. My fianes best freind received it from her boy freind, this is my view on it
the Church couldn’t possibly be any clearer in terms of the teaching on this little thing called pornography—something serious enough to be described as a serious offense, as stated in paragraph 2354 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, and the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense. Civil authorities should prevent the production and distribution of pornographic materials.
Also St Paul warns us about this in his readings he makes it very clear that books like these are harmful and destrutive.
Ephesians 5: 1 - 8
****Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.
2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
3 But fornication and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is fitting among saints.
4 Let there be no filthiness, nor silly talk, nor levity, which are not fitting; but instead let there be thanksgiving.
5 Be sure of this, that no fornicator or impure man, or one who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for it is because of these things that the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.
7 Therefore do not associate with them, ****
the Church couldn’t possibly be any clearer in terms of the teaching on this little thing called pornography—something serious enough to be described as a serious offense, as stated in paragraph 2354 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, and the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense. Civil authorities should prevent the production and distribution of pornographic materials.
Also St Paul warns us about this in his readings he makes it very clear that books like these are harmful and destrutive.
Ephesians 5: 1 - 8
****Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.
2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
3 But fornication and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is fitting among saints.
4 Let there be no filthiness, nor silly talk, nor levity, which are not fitting; but instead let there be thanksgiving.
5 Be sure of this, that no fornicator or impure man, or one who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for it is because of these things that the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.
7 Therefore do not associate with them, ****
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Benedicto16
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Sex is a gift given in a marriage blessed by God , it is a way of renewing the wedding vows between a husband and wife on in other words it is hte language of the body. Sex is the power to express love in which a human person becomes a gift to another person. A husband giving himself totally, free fruitully and faithfully to his wife and vice versa.This is called true spousal love.
I am sorry but our world has gone to the gutter when we class 50 Shades a good reading material. People need to realise that 50 shades of grey is simply Pornography. It is very worrying that married people including many Catholics are using this to spice up their marriage. I dare to ask any women if they would want their husbands to treat them the way women are degraded in this book and the answer is NO
There are no benefits in pornography at all.
Pornography destroys a marriage’s sex life through lust.
Though it may bring a short-term pleasure, it harms your marriage by supplanting love-inspired affection with lustful gratification. It’s only a matter of time before things deteriorate. Lust naturally craves more and more, so you’ll find yourself looking for more exciting outlets when your spouse is unable to keep up.
I am sorry but our world has gone to the gutter when we class 50 Shades a good reading material. People need to realise that 50 shades of grey is simply Pornography. It is very worrying that married people including many Catholics are using this to spice up their marriage. I dare to ask any women if they would want their husbands to treat them the way women are degraded in this book and the answer is NO
There are no benefits in pornography at all.
Pornography destroys a marriage’s sex life through lust.
Though it may bring a short-term pleasure, it harms your marriage by supplanting love-inspired affection with lustful gratification. It’s only a matter of time before things deteriorate. Lust naturally craves more and more, so you’ll find yourself looking for more exciting outlets when your spouse is unable to keep up.
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on_the_hill
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On top of all this, it’s supposed to be a ridiculously poorly written book.
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