Did something really wrong

[Maria1212]

I am single so dont feel in a position to give maritial advice. Going to confession is the priority. After confession, I recommend attending an AA meeting. If alcohol led to you making a decision you normally would not have made, you no longer have control over drinking. The alcohol had control over you. You dont need to drink every day to be an alcoholic. I have alcoholics in my family who are binge drinkers and can go quite awhile between drinks. But to put it politely, when they drink, it always results in an event not likely to be forgotten by those who witness it. Alcoholism is a disease, and I am not giving you medical advice and am aware that to do so is against the CAF rules, but recommend you pray what led to you drinking so much so that it doesn`t happen again.

Most importantly, I wanted to let you know I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212

 

[St_Francis]

I do think you need to tell your husband, and the sooner the better, if you’re truly sorry and repentant you have no choice otherwise you will be living a lie and that is a sin of omission and comission because you do know better.

It is not a sin of omission!

The spouse whose spouse commits adultery is stuck–he (in this particular case) is married and that is til death. Why make it more difficult for him to stay in the marriage to which he has vowed himself?

Moreover, as someone else pointed out, all to often the urge to confess to the spouse does indeed come from a need to get it off her (in this particular case) shoulders and onto the other spouse’s. *This is wrong. *

And it may be that sometime down the road he will find out about it. And I pray that she will be able to say to him, Yes, I did that, and I did not want to burden you with that, but that was what made me realise that I needed to quit drinking, and that I needed to rededicate myself to you, and altho I did that, I have tried ever since then to be a very good wife and to grow in holiness.

And he will have the *experience *of her dedication to him afterwards rather than what could seem or be empty promises, and the marriage would be much better able to weather that than a current admission.

As far as confession goes…do it, but also understand that God forgives you already if you repent from this sin and move forward in your walk with HIM.

Altho you list yourself as being a Catholic, this sentence shows that you do not know what the Church teaches. We cannot know whether or not God forgives her *until *she goes to confession. That is one point of confession. The other point is to receive grace, grace which this woman needs very badly right now. She absolutely needs to go to confession.

 

[John21652]

. Like my title says, I got really really drunk and i cheated on my husband.( i am not using the drunk card) I dont know what to do. I need to go to confession. I feel awful, sick to my stomach, guilty and now i feel worthless…i am ashamed … i think god will give up on me. I have decided to not drink any more…at all…because i cannot handle it. I am so lost, I do not know why i did it. I messed up really really bad. I do not know what to do. I cant stop crying . and thinking about what happend…
Please pray for me. I need prayers. How can i make it up to my husband and god…i commited adultry. I feel like a horrible person. I did not tell my husband yet. I think i need to confess first to god and then i can have the strenght to tell him.

Shut up. Confess. Shut up.
No need to spread the hurt to anyone else. It’s between you and God and He will forgive you. You are a nice person and a good person. Your remorse is already obvious, so God has heard you already. Go to him and then afterwards, just shut up. And don’t drink!

 

[Joseph_L_Varga]

I feel that it’s fundamentally wrong to pile a lie on top of an adultery. What happened so far, the adultery, is “water under the bridge”. God can forgive all sins, and the husband must forgive, lest he end up like the servant in Jesus’ parable, who was forgiven an exceedingly large debt by his master, but on his way out he attacked and started to strangle a fellow servant who owed him a small amount of money. We know that Jesus condemned the hard-heartedness of the first servant, and warned us that his master will throw him into jail, from where he will not escape until he pays his debt back, down to the last cent.

So, this sin of adultery is already in the past, it cannot be undone, but it can be confessed and God will forgive it like he forgives all sins. But why add now a lie on top of it?

If you are married, your body is not yours, but your spouse’s, according to St. Paul. So, covering up what happened to someone else’s property seems like a lie to me. The cover-up can suck you into more sins - that’s how David tried to cover up the fact that he committed adultery with Batsheba, and he ended up murdering Uriah, Batsheba’s husband, in the process.

 

[ManOnFire]

The current culture is pushing us in this direction of love-less push-the-pleasure-button instant gratification. It’s the perfect way to weaken love relationships and the Church. Pop culture hypes this type of behavior with certain shows like desperat housewomen, and people can’t get enough of it. Fantsizing and dreaming about what happens on TV and in the movies is like hoping and praying that it happens to you. Then, we’re shocked when a REAL situation presents itself and the opportunity for fantasy to turn into reality really occurs. Since one has been dreaming and fantsizing (lusting, hoping) about this love-less lust we see on TV, it would seem almost foolish to walk away from a REAL situation we’ve been fantasizing about for so long. As a young man, I laughed at the movies when the movies made fun of priests advising us against “impure thoughts and loose dreams,” but now i see in my own life how they were correct all along. When pop culture has become successful at overriding our actions, it’s time to reduce it’s exposure or eliminate it from our lives. “If your arm causes you to sin, cut it off…” We don’t need to cut off body parts. We need to cut off pop culture media.

If my wife did this, I would not ever want to know, not even as a death bed confession. It would only cause more hurt and pain. We are human, make mistakes and need to forgive one another and self. The beauty of conscience is that, after confession, God knows that you are truly sorry and that’s what matters. No one expects us to be perfect. “Love is patient, Love is kind”

If you want to help, take up your cross promote True, romantic love and help reduce pop culture’s direction of love-less basic instinctual push-the-pleasure-button instant gratification.

 

[Cristiano]

Main Entry: omis·sion
Pronunciation: \ō-ˈmi-shən, ə-
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English omissioun, from Anglo-French omission, from Late Latin omission-, omissio, from Latin omittere
Date: 14th century

1 a : something neglected or left undone b : apathy toward or neglect of duty

So by this definition, apathy toward or neglect of duty

Lets look at Ephesians 5: 21 which says “be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Now I ask you is dishonesty with Christ acceptable.

Now lets look at the definition of Lie

Main Entry: 3lie
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): lied; ly·ing \ˈlī-iŋ
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lēogan; akin to Old High German liogan to lie, Old Church Slavic lŭgati
Date: before 12th century

intransitive verb 1 : to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive
2 : to create a false or misleading impression

Let’s see create a false or misleading impression? can that be done here in this situation? If I don’t tell my spouse what I did it won’t hurt them…right.

We can and ought to be truthful with our spouses, Even if it puts us at risk of losing them…If not then we’re not being honest with ourselves or God.

Now how and when to give such news to a spouse is something else…and I agree that the guidance of your Priest or a qualified counselor is needed.

You quote the dictionary but the sin of omission is about the concept of “ought to” and you have not referred to the Church saying that she 'ought to". You are stating that if she does not tell her husband she is not honest with God. I have the impression that you make a lot of assumptions about moral theology that are not there. Being truthful does not imply that you always must make a statement, sometime things are better left untold out of charity.

 

[CarrieH]

If my wife did this, I would not ever want to know, not even as a death bed confession. It would only cause more hurt and pain.

That is understandable, but not everyone feels that way. I’m just the opposite – the adultery would be bad enough, but the dishonesty involved in concealing it would compound the pain for me. I need honesty in order to have trust, even when the situation is bad and/or hurtful. If I were cheated-on and later found out about it from someone else, I would always wonder what else my spouse was hiding from me, because, “for every rat you see, there are 50 you don’t.” :twocents:

 

[BabyDoll4]

Lauraella, My prayers and heart are with you. I understand how you feel (as I’ve been in your shoes). You are doing the right thing by first and fore mostly going to confession. As far as telling your husband every one will have their opinion about the matter, but what is important is how you feel about it in your relationship with your husband. Unless you specifically ask your priest whether or not you should tell your husband, I don’t think he will say yea or nay. He will reaffirm that your sins are forgiven and give you absolution and penance. In MY experience, although I knew and believed I was forgiven, I had to, in good conscience tell my husband. There was no question FOR ME. MY soul was not at peace knowing I had chosen to break my marriage vows. My husband forgave me and together we decided to put the whole situation behind us and rebuild our marriage. For us, a HUGE factor was that we had two young children in the picture too. So not only for us, but for the sake of our kids we had to make things work.

My prayers are with you. Pray, Pray, Pray. Repent and ask God for wisdom.

 

[FiberZilla]

Go to confession and obey your priest.

The reason I say that is your priest may very well tell you not to tell your husband. Remember, your PRIEST has seen many other couples down this road and has received special training. Obey what he says.

Telling your husband will hurt him more.

I also am against telling the husband for now. It will destroy him. Should you discover that you have contracted an STD (get tested asap) then you will have to tell him what happened.

Your sorrow is obvious by your post. Ask God’s forgiveness and may He remain with you.