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Kelfa28
Guest
I think this article is absolutely ridiculous because it tries way too hard to find reasoning for the increase of single mothers in our society.
How about the fact that the sexual revolution created this “there is no sin, feel-good” attitude that exists in our culture…which results in pre-marital sex.
No one wants to wait until marriage to have engage in an act that is satisfying, healthy and “feels good” so they create “solutions” to consequences like pregnancy…
Shot-gun marriages led to condoms, that led to the pill, that led to the legalization of abortion…that resulted in the culture we live in today.
This article implies that single-moterhood may decrease if more women had abortions.
Yeah…okay…lets kill more babies so we can get our culture back on track. :banghead:
How about the fact that the sexual revolution created this “there is no sin, feel-good” attitude that exists in our culture…which results in pre-marital sex.
No one wants to wait until marriage to have engage in an act that is satisfying, healthy and “feels good” so they create “solutions” to consequences like pregnancy…
Shot-gun marriages led to condoms, that led to the pill, that led to the legalization of abortion…that resulted in the culture we live in today.
This article implies that single-moterhood may decrease if more women had abortions.
Yeah…okay…lets kill more babies so we can get our culture back on track. :banghead:
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Carina20
Guest
I’m pretty sure that indiscriminate sex has led to increases in single motherhood as well as sperm donation and IVF not the pro-life movement.
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Kelfa28
Guest
No-fault divorce and our dependency on consumerism (whoever has the shiniest toy, wins!) also contributes as well.
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BlueEyedLady
Guest
My mom and I talked about this article over coffee this morning. As we are both vehemently pro-choice we had kind of a different perspective. (And my mom witnessed the societal changes of the last 50 years firsthand and remembers the day Roe v. Wade was announced). Yes, obviously if abortion isn’t an option there will be more single mothers. That’s supported both by statistics and common sense. Is that going to change the minds of pro-lifers? No. Should it? Absolutely not, because there is nothing wrong with being a single parent. I feel like the implication was that single motherhood is bad. While it’s ironic that the pro-life movement pushes people into that situation, it shouldn’t be used against them.
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The_Scott
Guest
In my opinion, this “problem” of single mothers is not the mother’s fault at all, but the father’s. Yes, the mother should not have had premarital or extramarital sex, but that is a non-issue at this moment.
The fathers of these children should not abandon the pregnant women at a time of their most vulnerability. To these men, the women were nothing more than a means to sexual pleasure.
If I got a woman pregnant, I would not abandon her, at all. I owe her and my child my life. Besides, to know that I had a son or daughter out in the world and not know where he/she is would be absolutely heartbreaking to me. Those men who leave the mothers should really get their act together and shape up.
To treat women like a sexual thing - a one night stand who happened to get pregnant - and leave them alone is as sexist as one can get.
The fathers of these children should not abandon the pregnant women at a time of their most vulnerability. To these men, the women were nothing more than a means to sexual pleasure.
If I got a woman pregnant, I would not abandon her, at all. I owe her and my child my life. Besides, to know that I had a son or daughter out in the world and not know where he/she is would be absolutely heartbreaking to me. Those men who leave the mothers should really get their act together and shape up.
To treat women like a sexual thing - a one night stand who happened to get pregnant - and leave them alone is as sexist as one can get.
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JackieMom
Guest
I think three things have led to the rise in single motherhood, mainly.
-A growing social acceptance of it. Just saw a Weight Watchers commercial with Jessica Simpson where she proudly proclaims that she’s, “Having another baby!” (she’s unmarried and had a baby about 7 months ago.) In my mother’s day, you got sent to a maternity home and adoption or immediate marriage was all but mandatory. You were a disgrace to your family. Even 20 years ago, unwed mothers often at least considered adoption - but now it’s so normal to be a single mom that they never even think of it. Hence the lack of healthy infants available to adopt. I got so many angry calls when I refused to go to a celebratory baby shower for a 20 year old single mom. I sent a gift and a card, but Inrefused the “party.” People couldn’t believe it.
-Lack of “real men” who step up and take care of their responsibilities (i.e. marry the girl they knock up.) Now, it’s just pay for the abortion or send a check every month and let the woman deal with it.
-The strong desire young people have to have sex, but the average age of marriage getting older and older. There is simply more time for an “oops” baby when you are still single at 28 than if you marry at 21.
-A growing social acceptance of it. Just saw a Weight Watchers commercial with Jessica Simpson where she proudly proclaims that she’s, “Having another baby!” (she’s unmarried and had a baby about 7 months ago.) In my mother’s day, you got sent to a maternity home and adoption or immediate marriage was all but mandatory. You were a disgrace to your family. Even 20 years ago, unwed mothers often at least considered adoption - but now it’s so normal to be a single mom that they never even think of it. Hence the lack of healthy infants available to adopt. I got so many angry calls when I refused to go to a celebratory baby shower for a 20 year old single mom. I sent a gift and a card, but Inrefused the “party.” People couldn’t believe it.
-Lack of “real men” who step up and take care of their responsibilities (i.e. marry the girl they knock up.) Now, it’s just pay for the abortion or send a check every month and let the woman deal with it.
-The strong desire young people have to have sex, but the average age of marriage getting older and older. There is simply more time for an “oops” baby when you are still single at 28 than if you marry at 21.
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VirtusTransitus
Guest
But single motherhood **is **bad. I understand you (BEL) almost certainly disagree, based on things you’ve discussed about yourself. And a relative few single mothers are able do a wonderful job. However, I would never encourage a single woman to seek single motherhood. The results of this have been catastrophic to an entire couple of generations of lower income families stuck in this unending cycle of government dependence.
In a country of, what, almost 300M people, there are going to be examples of successful single parents. But those exceptions do not prove the rule. Single motherhood creates signficant problems for society. The absence of fathers or the stability of marriage in kids’ lives is not an unknown impact. It’s crystal clear that kids with fathers, and kids with intact families (fathers and mothers) have a huge advantage in every way. HHS - no bastion of conservative thought - agrees.
childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/fatherhood/chaptertwo.cfm
A few high profile counter-examples won’t change that fact.
And abortion is of course not the answer. Responsible behavior and a return to marriage as the standard of adult relationships would all but eradicate single motherhood in a generation or less. OK - maybe not eradicate, but certainly apply a serious course correction.
I’m afraid, however, that is not going to happen. At least not while I’m breathing air in this world.
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BlueEyedLady
Guest
I’m actually pretty shocked, especially from a pro-life perspective. If every child is valuable, and if accidental pregnancy shouldn’t be considered life ending, then a party is appropriate. A baby entering the world is someone’s new niece or nephew, someone’s new grandchild, someone’s new son or daughter. Regardless of circumstances the family grew, and so did their love. Is the birth of a child really less joyous because of the mother’s marital status?
That 20 year old could have aborted and gone on like nothing happened. Instead she chose a life of sacrifice. If everyone around her had your attitude that choice may end up being one she regrets.
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ShanaA1984
Guest
In my opinion single mothers just can’t win. We are shunned and looked down upon for being single mothers in the first place even when that was not the intention in the first place in many cases, I mean things do happen. Yet when one tires to seek to rectify the sitiuation by finding a spouse we are accused of abandoning our children.
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ExGratia
Guest
I have great respect for single mothers and the sacrifices they make when they could have taken a very different route. I worked in restaurants for years, and because of the flexible schedule offered in restaurants, I had the privilege of working with many wonderful mothers, some of them single for a variety of reasons. I am married and pregnant for the first time, and have gained even more respect for women who go it alone. There are challenges with even an uneventful pregnancy, and single mothers are among the bravest people out there. They deserve support systems and love, as do their babies.
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JackieMom
Guest
I sent a nice gift and an encouraging card to be helpful and supportive, but no, I don’t think a party is appropriate in this situation. I am pro-life, but I refuse to act like single motherhood is healthy or good for the child. I am very glad she disn’t kill her baby, but disappointed she did not marry or choose adoption. That child is still at a massive disadvantage and just as I do not feel a bridal shower is appropriate for couples who shacked up prior to marriage (although I am glad they are legitimizing their relationship) neither do I think single moms should have showers.
Being pro life is NOT about celebrating single motherhood.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
You left out one other factor - government support for single mothers.
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JimG
Guest
The widespread acceptance of contraception by Christians, in contravention of 2,000 years of Catholic doctrine and 400 years of Protestant doctrine, sealed the sexual revolution, which led to more indiscriminate sex, and to subsequent family breakdown, with disastrous results for mothers, children, fathers, and society.
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sojo
Guest
Locally, we have an enormous problem with single teen moms. The special school set up with free day care and parenting classes is filled to overflowing, and they had to open up a middle school as the 13 year olds getting pregnant were too young to get into the special high school. Matter of fact, we now have a whole series of schools for pregnant moms.
The women who run the day cares and teach the parenting classes for these moms all report that its the promise of welfare, WIC, free daycare and other programs, but mostly welfare, is what convinces the teen moms NOT to abort. Matter of fact, a few are eager to have #2 and #3 out of wedlock because they can make a “decent” income (by their poor standards), qualify for food stamps, low-income housing, and free childcare while they pursue their education at no cost to themselves.
The general feeling, at least locally, is that if the government pulls the safety net from these girls (and they are just young girls), then the abortion rate will climb.
The also see a direct correlation to when they run out of free diapers to give the girls, the child abuse index takes a climb. Stupid 14 year old girls trying to potty train infants because they can’t afford diapers. And the filth and smell, along with sleep deprivation and stress results in them taking it out on the babies.
My kiddo qualified for some respite care in a special daycare that largely caters to these girls. My kiddo qualified as he had Down syndrome and the care in this center was considered to be at early intervention standards. When I found a good deal at COSTCO on a case of diapers that had box damage, I’d share with the center. The gals running the center used to say, “thank you… you might have saved a life or at least prevented a child from permanent brain damage from shaken baby syndrome.”
Shocked the heck out of me. They were stone sober serious.
The women who run the day cares and teach the parenting classes for these moms all report that its the promise of welfare, WIC, free daycare and other programs, but mostly welfare, is what convinces the teen moms NOT to abort. Matter of fact, a few are eager to have #2 and #3 out of wedlock because they can make a “decent” income (by their poor standards), qualify for food stamps, low-income housing, and free childcare while they pursue their education at no cost to themselves.
The general feeling, at least locally, is that if the government pulls the safety net from these girls (and they are just young girls), then the abortion rate will climb.
The also see a direct correlation to when they run out of free diapers to give the girls, the child abuse index takes a climb. Stupid 14 year old girls trying to potty train infants because they can’t afford diapers. And the filth and smell, along with sleep deprivation and stress results in them taking it out on the babies.
My kiddo qualified for some respite care in a special daycare that largely caters to these girls. My kiddo qualified as he had Down syndrome and the care in this center was considered to be at early intervention standards. When I found a good deal at COSTCO on a case of diapers that had box damage, I’d share with the center. The gals running the center used to say, “thank you… you might have saved a life or at least prevented a child from permanent brain damage from shaken baby syndrome.”
Shocked the heck out of me. They were stone sober serious.
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BlueEyedLady
Guest
You do know that getting married because you got pregnant is discouraged in Catholicism and is even grounds for an annulment, right?
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Crescentinus
Guest
But, how about single fathers?
Mary_Gail_36
New member
I actually read the opposite analysis… I’ll try to find the article.
According to the article the legalization of abortion has lead to more single mothers.
Men and women engage in sex, with abortion being an option, or at least a possibility. The woman becomes pregnant, and decides she does not want to abort.
The man, decides that he does not want to continue a relationship with the woman, , and he is not interested in being a father, and since the option to abort was available, he isn’t obligated to marry the woman or care for the baby.
Before Roe, people still had premarital relations, but not as commonly as now. But if the woman became pregnant, the man would take responsibility or if not baby would be placed in an adoption.
I’m fortunate to know part of my family tree going back until 1880’s. There was at least one baby born only 4 months after her parents weddings…I don’t think she was premature.
My Nonna’s brother who was probably born around 1885, got his fiance pregnant and unfortunately died before he could marry her. His parents raised the baby as their own. The mother went on to emigrate to the US and she married another man.
Perhaps because it was a predominantly Catholic country, I don’t know.
According to the article the legalization of abortion has lead to more single mothers.
Men and women engage in sex, with abortion being an option, or at least a possibility. The woman becomes pregnant, and decides she does not want to abort.
The man, decides that he does not want to continue a relationship with the woman, , and he is not interested in being a father, and since the option to abort was available, he isn’t obligated to marry the woman or care for the baby.
Before Roe, people still had premarital relations, but not as commonly as now. But if the woman became pregnant, the man would take responsibility or if not baby would be placed in an adoption.
I’m fortunate to know part of my family tree going back until 1880’s. There was at least one baby born only 4 months after her parents weddings…I don’t think she was premature.
My Nonna’s brother who was probably born around 1885, got his fiance pregnant and unfortunately died before he could marry her. His parents raised the baby as their own. The mother went on to emigrate to the US and she married another man.
Perhaps because it was a predominantly Catholic country, I don’t know.
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JackieMom
Guest
No, it’s really not. Not if both parties are of sound mind, making their own choice without heavy pressure from family, Have been properly counseled and are committed to a Catholic marriage. My sister became pregnant out of wedlock and was married in the Church at 7 months pregnant. Expediting a wedding due to a pregnancy is not always a bad thing.
Of course, in cases where one or both parties does not wish to marry, adoption is a great choice!
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BlueEyedLady
Guest
Think of how these girls had to have grown up to think that food stamps, WIC, and Section 8 provide a good standard of living. (I don’t include TANF because that has a 5 year lifetime limit and provides very little money). And, think of just how little they think of themselves to believe that that’s the best they can do in life.
I have no doubt that if the safety net is removed abortions will skyrocket. If abortion is illegal and the net is removed at home abortions, “dumpster babies”, and child abuse will jump.
We need to start at the root if this problem and get kids off the streets, educated to be able to make a living, teach them about college options and funding, and provide stronger guidance and role models for those who don’t have them at home.
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