Did the Pro-Life Movement Lead to More Single Moms?

[BlueEyedLady]

No, it’s really not. Not if both parties are of sound mind, making their own choice without heavy pressure from family, Have been properly counseled and are committed to a Catholic marriage. My sister became pregnant out of wedlock and was married in the Church at 7 months pregnant. Expediting a wedding due to a pregnancy is not always a bad thing.

Of course, in cases where one or both parties does not wish to marry, adoption is a great choice!

Many priests refuse to perform weddings until the child is 6 months old. It’s not always easy to be of sound mind when you’re single and pregnant, and even subtle pressure from friends and family can lead someone to a bad choice.

And no one is ever obligated to give up their baby.

I can’t believe the low opinion you have of single moms who work so hard and sacrifice so much.

 

[ExGratia]

No, it’s really not. Not if both parties are of sound mind, making their own choice without heavy pressure from family, Have been properly counseled and are committed to a Catholic marriage. My sister became pregnant out of wedlock and was married in the Church at 7 months pregnant. Expediting a wedding due to a pregnancy is not always a bad thing.

Of course, in cases where one or both parties does not wish to marry, adoption is a great choice!

Sometimes adoption is a great choice, and sometimes being raised by the birth mother is. One cannot make generalizations about every case. If you have a supportive family or are just really committed to being a great mom, then parenting seems the obvious choice.

Not to mention, in some states, your baby could end up being adopted by a gay couple.

And to those of you who seem to think all single mothers are on welfare, you obviously have never worked in menial jobs (cleaning, cooking, waiting tables). do not begrudge women and children supplemental assistance such as WIC, since the available jobs often do not pay a living wage.

 

[JackieMom]

Many priests refuse to perform weddings until the child is 6 months old. It’s not always easy to be of sound mind when you’re single and pregnant, and even subtle pressure from friends and family can lead someone to a bad choice.

And no one is ever obligated to give up their baby.

I can’t believe the low opinion you have of single moms who work so hard and sacrifice so much.

I do not have a low opinion of single moms, but I think single motherhood is bad for kids. And I do not know of any priest who would “refuse” to marry a willing couple until their child is 6 months old. But, if one exists, there are many fish in the sea…

BEL - believing that single motherhood is a poor choice does not mean I do not care about the individuals that pursue it. Time and time again we see what poor results single motherhood produces (of COURSE there are exceptions.) I don’t k ow why anyone would think it was anything other than a terribly distant second to a traditional family situation.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I do not have a low opinion of single moms, but I think single motherhood is bad for kids. And I do not know of any priest who would “refuse” to marry a willing couple until their child is 6 months old. But, if one exists, there are many fish in the sea…

BEL - believing that single motherhood is a poor choice does not mean I do not care about the individuals that pursue it. Time and time again we see what poor results single motherhood produces (of COURSE there are exceptions.) I don’t k ow why anyone would think it was anything other than a terribly distant second to a traditional family situation.

Simple-because I’ve lived it. And my family and childhood were second to none.

 

[ExGratia]

I do not have a low opinion of single moms, but I think single motherhood is bad for kids. And I do not know of any priest who would “refuse” to marry a willing couple until their child is 6 months old. But, if one exists, there are many fish in the sea…

BEL - believing that single motherhood is a poor choice does not mean I do not care about the individuals that pursue it. Time and time again we see what poor results single motherhood produces (of COURSE there are exceptions.) I don’t k ow why anyone would think it was anything other than a terribly distant second to a traditional family situation.

Just because a priest is willing to perform a marriage during pregnancy doesn’t mean that a tribunal won’t declare it null down the line. I personally would want to try to ensure the validity of my marriage right off the bat.

 

[JackieMom]

Sometimes adoption is a great choice, and sometimes being raised by the birth mother is. One cannot make generalizations about every case. If you have a supportive family or are just really committed to being a great mom, then parenting seems the obvious choice.

Not to mention, in some states, your baby could end up being adopted by a gay couple.

And to those of you who seem to think all single mothers are on welfare, you obviously have never worked in menial jobs (cleaning, cooking, waiting tables). do not begrudge women and children supplemental assistance such as WIC, since the available jobs often do not pay a living wage.

Private adoption is an option in every state. Bio mom chooses the family that adopts her baby. The baby could only be adopted by a gay couple if it was in the foster care system, which is when mother abandon their babies or babies are removed from the home.

 

[JackieMom]

Just because a priest is willing to perform a marriage during pregnancy doesn’t mean that a tribunal won’t declare it null down the line. I personally would want to try to ensure the validity of my marriage right off the bat.

??? A tribunal would only deem it null if the parties pursued a decree of nulity. Tribunals don’t investigate marriage records and declare normal weddings null!

 

[ExGratia]

??? A tribunal would only deem it null if the parties pursued a decree of nulity. Tribunals don’t investigate marriage records and declare normal weddings null!

Yes. Very true. But wouldn’t you rather be certain your marriage is valid and sacramental on the wedding day? Rushing to the altar would always leave room for doubt.

 

[JackieMom]

Simple-because I’ve lived it. And my family and childhood were second to none.

Are you the same person who is happily having sex out of wedlock, but would absolutely abort of you were to become pregnant right now?

 

[ExGratia]

JackieMom, I am sorry you feel so strongly about the unsuitability of single mothers. Many are single for a variety of reasons…is it the sin factor, or would you feel that a pregnant widow should give up her child when he is born? What about a rape victim, or a single mother that is wealthy and won’t go on food stamps? Are all their babies better off being given away?

 

[JackieMom]

Yes. Very true. But wouldn’t you rather be certain your marriage is valid and sacramental on the wedding day? Rushing to the altar would always leave room for doubt.

I’m not suggesting martiage for those with doubts or who are being pressured.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

The widespread acceptance of contraception by Christians, in contravention of 2,000 years of Catholic doctrine and 400 years of Protestant doctrine, sealed the sexual revolution, which led to more indiscriminate sex, and to subsequent family breakdown, with disastrous results for mothers, children, fathers, and society.

This, in a nutshell.

:sad_yes:

When we unhinged sex from having children, it all fell apart.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Are you the same person who is happily having sex out of wedlock, but would absolutely abort of you were to become pregnant right now?

Guess what, most people have sex out of wedlock, no matter who raised them. And when your kid does it, you can blame it on their upbringing too. As for abortion, my fiance who was raised by two married devout catholics is completely on board with that as well.

And frankly, it’s pretty horrible for you to tell someone that they didn’t turn out right and that it’s because their mother wasn’t married. And by the way, my mom was married when she got pregnant. But her devout Catholic husband had a drinking problem and beat her, so she left him to protect me. I was brought up in a Christian home, I was surrounded by love, and I had good, strong male role models.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

??? A tribunal would only deem it null if the parties pursued a decree of nulity. Tribunals don’t investigate marriage records and declare normal weddings null!

And it would only be declared null if the parties married because they were pressured to do so, and would not have gotten married without that pressure.

There are couples that would have gotten married, were planning on getting married and then found themselves pregnant. It happens.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

And it would only be declared null if the parties married because they were pressured to do so, and would not have gotten married without that pressure.

There are couples that would have gotten married, were planning on getting married and then found themselves pregnant. It happens.

Or if they got married out of fear, or if they were unable to see the whole picture and really understand what they were doing, or any number of things.

I think that its a reasonable rule of thumb for a catholic to not marry under circumstances that would lend themselves well to an annulment regardless of their intent to seek one.

 

[JackieMom]

JackieMom, I am sorry you feel so strongly about the unsuitability of single mothers. Many are single for a variety of reasons…is it the sin factor, or would you feel that a pregnant widow should give up her child when he is born? What about a rape victim, or a single mother that is wealthy and won’t go on food stamps? Are all their babies better off being given away?

I don’t think poorly of aingle mothers, but study after study has proven that housesholds without a father consistently have higher rates of child abuse and neglect, poverty, and that the children are more subject to teen promiscuity, delinquency, etc. Studies also show that kids need a good father in their lives. Should a pregnant widow give up her baby? No. That’s NOT a single mother. Who cares about food stamps? Money helps but it doesn’t change the dynamic in the house. I think kids are better off being raised in an intact family. That’s all.

 

[JackieMom]

Guess what, most people have sex out of wedlock, no matter who raised them. And when your kid does it, you can blame it on their upbringing too. As for abortion, my fiance who was raised by two married devout catholics is completely on board with that as well.

And frankly, it’s pretty horrible for you to tell someone that they didn’t turn out right and that it’s because their mother wasn’t married. And by the way, my mom was married when she got pregnant. But her devout Catholic husband had a drinking problem and beat her, so she left him to protect me. I was brought up in a Christian home, I was surrounded by love, and I had good, strong male role models.

Please don’t assume. I was only trying to get a refernce point for who you are.

 

[ExGratia]

And it would only be declared null if the parties married because they were pressured to do so, and would not have gotten married without that pressure.

There are couples that would have gotten married, were planning on getting married and then found themselves pregnant. It happens.

Yes, and JackieMom’s point was that if a priest said to postpone the wedding until the baby was born, that there were plenty of priests who would perform the wedding and the couple could find one of those. Which sounds like there must be some sort of pressure to marry right away (be it financial or social or something else). If there were not an internal or external pressure, then obeying the priest and waiting a few months wouldn’t be a big deal. Therefore, in that scenario, pressure would be involved and the couple could be left without sacramental graces, whether or not annulment is ever pursued.

 

[St_Francis]

My mom and I talked about this article over coffee this morning. As we are both vehemently pro-choice we had kind of a different perspective. (And my mom witnessed the societal changes of the last 50 years firsthand and remembers the day Roe v. Wade was announced). Yes, obviously if abortion isn’t an option there will be more single mothers. That’s supported both by statistics and common sense. Is that going to change the minds of pro-lifers? No. Should it? Absolutely not, because there is nothing wrong with being a single parent. I feel like the implication was that single motherhood is bad. While it’s ironic that the pro-life movement pushes people into that situation, it shouldn’t be used against them.

Now, of course, there would be, but before, when abortion was illegal and had been for a very long time, there were very few single mothers.

Young people actually refrained from having sex!!! And thus we had many fewer Stds, and many fewer pregnancies of unwed women. And babies who were bor were either born less than 9 months after the wedding or were given to married couples to raise.

And this worked. It is not some huge burden to refrain from sexual activity–it’s not like refraining from eating where you could get very sick or die.

I know you are not Catholic, but you should read Humanae Vitae (i’ll get you a link if you need it.). The Pope foretold what would happen…

 

[ExGratia]

I don’t think poorly of aingle mothers, but study after study has proven that housesholds without a father consistently have higher rates of child abuse and neglect, poverty, and that the children are more subject to teen promiscuity, delinquency, etc. Studies also show that kids need a good father in their lives. Should a pregnant widow give up her baby? No. That’s NOT a single mother. Who cares about food stamps? Money helps but it doesn’t change the dynamic in the house. I think kids are better off being raised in an intact family. That’s all.

With all due respect, statistics don’t mean anything. Not every single mother is an abuser (which you know). I personally don’t see the difference between a never-married woman who wants to give her child a good life and a widow who wants to.

What is your definition of single mother, since widow is excluded?