Did the Pro-Life Movement Lead to More Single Moms?

[Mary_Gail_36]

Picture this, Sicily–Over 100 years ago, my grandmother’s older brother impregnated his fiance. Then he died in an accident before the baby was born and before he was able to marry her.

The baby was raised by my grandmother’s parents, who raised him as their own. The mother, emigrated to the US. She worked as a seamstress. She did not bring the baby, because being a single mother and an immigrant would have given the baby a worse life than living with his grandparents.

She ended up never seeing her child again, back then there were no transatlantic flights, no telephone calls, no letters (they were illiterate farmers). As often as possible she would send a package of clothing and shoes

I was fortunate enough to meet the “baby” as a sweet old man. He had no ill will towards his mother. He didn’t feel abandoned. He would have loved to know his mom, but considered it that it was bad luck she had to leave Italy. She would have been married if her fiance had not died.

 

[AnastasiaRomano]

I am not discouraging people from adopting abandoned children.

I am discouraging the idea that more abandoned children need to be made available by being abandoned by their mothers so that worthier (married? or just richer?) people can have their babies.

It is culturally unacceptable for adopted people to be anything but grateful to their adoptive parents. It is culturally unacceptable for adoptees to feel abandoned by their bio parents or to see their adoptive parents as anything other than their “real” parents.

If they express feeling rejected, or even only curious about the possibility of reunion, they are viewed as “unstable,” “ungrateful,” and “ill-adjusted,” and then no one listens to what they have to say. They can’t win this one.

Thanks for posting this. I had a long conversation last week with a friend who is adopted. As an adult, she sought out her biological family because she was having some serious health problems that doctors were struggling to diagnose. Her adoptive parents are mom and dad to her, and always will be (she calls her birth mother by her first name). Her immediate family was supportive of the search, but she received a great deal of discouragement from friends and extended family. She was repeatedly advised not to search, that it would be a betrayal of her adoptive family.

I’m an adoptive mom, so of course I advocate for adoption. But I don’t think we should go back to the days when unmarried pregnant girls and young women were pressured into placing their children for adoption. Some of those girls, if they’d been allowed to parent, would have been great mothers. Sure, they would have been single mothers, and that isn’t ideal for a lot of reasons. But if a pregnant girl or young woman is able and willing to parent, she certainly shouldn’t be coerced into doing otherwise.

Single motherhood in and of itself shouldn’t be celebrated. But I think we should celebrate, at least, that those women are choosing life.

 

[SamH]

So you are admitting then that your decision of whether or not a “single mother” should be allowed to raise her child(ren) has nothing to do with what is best for the child?

Just so you know - when a court makes that determination it seldom takes that into consideration either.

 

[SamH]

Thanks for posting this. I had a long conversation last week with a friend who is adopted. As an adult, she sought out her biological family because she was having some serious health problems that doctors were struggling to diagnose. Her adoptive parents are mom and dad to her, and always will be (she calls her birth mother by her first name). Her immediate family was supportive of the search, but she received a great deal of discouragement from friends and extended family. She was repeatedly advised not to search, that it would be a betrayal of her adoptive family.

We are looking at adopting two of our foster children (we might be making a huge step today). We have been advised repeatedly to allow the children to see their bio parents (or parent) if possible. It removes the child’s idea that “if only my real parents would come get me I wouldn’t be living with these crummy people”. It’s so much easier to make them into the ideal parent that allows a child to stay up late, skip homework and play video games all day instead of the crack ****** that steals for a living and hits them up for money when they arrive for visit.

 

[Litcrit]

Thanks for posting this. I had a long conversation last week with a friend who is adopted. As an adult, she sought out her biological family because she was having some serious health problems that doctors were struggling to diagnose. Her adoptive parents are mom and dad to her, and always will be (she calls her birth mother by her first name). Her immediate family was supportive of the search, but she received a great deal of discouragement from friends and extended family. She was repeatedly advised not to search, that it would be a betrayal of her adoptive family.

I’m an adoptive mom, so of course I advocate for adoption. But I don’t think we should go back to the days when unmarried pregnant girls and young women were pressured into placing their children for adoption. Some of those girls, if they’d been allowed to parent, would have been great mothers. Sure, they would have been single mothers, and that isn’t ideal for a lot of reasons. But if a pregnant girl or young woman is able and willing to parent, she certainly shouldn’t be coerced into doing otherwise.

Single motherhood in and of itself shouldn’t be celebrated. But I think we should celebrate, at least, that those women are choosing life.

You sound like a wonderful adoptive mom.

 

[thewanderer]

Just so you know - when a court makes that determination it seldom takes that into consideration either.

I’m aware of that but that is hardly the subject of this thread.

 

[Litcrit]

I don’t know what is the full truth on the issue, but as a pro-life person, I would happily admit that the pro-life movement may very well lead to more single mothers (although as others have pointed out, there are a lot of other factors that also contribute, that are related to the culture of death). And yes, an increase of children being raised outside of marriage is unfortunate for those children. But which is better - single women who commit lots of sins AND also kill their babies, or single women who commit lots of sins but DON’T kill their babies? Of course, the only response to the people who make this case is to tell them they must follow their argument to its natural conclusion. Ask them to talk to the children of single mothers and tell them that the world would be better if they had been killed. Because that is the alternative.

So no single motherhood is not a good thing. But there are much worse things, like dead babies.

I feel the same way.

The media so often conflate pro-life with extremely conservative, right-wing, misogynist, etc. This article smacks of that.

 

[aidanbradypop]

Teachig contraception rather than abstinace and that sex outside of marriage is “perfectly normal” has brought on more single mothers. :twocents:

 

[SamH]

Teachig contraception rather than abstinace and that sex outside of marriage is “perfectly normal” has brought on more single mothers. :twocents:

And then paying single mothers more money for having more children without the benefit of marriage has made the problem worse.

 

[aidanbradypop]

And then paying single mothers more money for having more children without the benefit of marriage has made the problem worse.

I actually wrote that and then deleted it lol

 

[thewanderer]

Just so you know - when a court makes that determination it seldom takes that into consideration either.

While this is often true, I don’t see how that has anything to do with either what I said or this thread.

 

[Sarcelle]

What are your thoughts on this article?

Sigh. Wrong.

It’s a confluence of no-fault divorce and contraceptives leading to more premarital sex and to the Sexual Revolution. With easily accessible contraceptives the link between sex and babies was broken and sex is now more of a recreational activity. If people waited till marriage for sex, got married and stayed married there would be a lot less single moms.

Humanae Vitae was right. I admit as a former atheist, I used to think that the Catholic church stance on contraceptives was ridiculous. Now I see the wisdom in it.

 

[MarisaJean]

I am completely shocked by this thread. I completely understand sex out of marriage is wrong, but for those of you saying we should not be proud, stand tall, get showers or even be respected for being single mothers are completely out of line. For all of you judging the single mom’s out there why don’t you take a number and step into a confession line for judging others because the last time I checked that was looked down upon also. I’m not sitting here asking for any kind of recognition of being a single mother but I do not expect people to look and judge before they even know my story. I am a single mother, and a proud one. And my child isn’t suffering at all. She is a beautiful, smart, God loving child that is surrounding by many loving family and friends. I think many of you should take a step back and think about what you say before you go around bashing people left and right.

 

[ShanaA1984]

I am completely shocked by this thread. I completely understand sex out of marriage is wrong, but for those of you saying we should not be proud, stand tall, get showers or even be respected for being single mothers are completely out of line. For all of you judging the single mom’s out there why don’t you take a number and step into a confession line for judging others because the last time I checked that was looked down upon also. I’m not sitting here asking for any kind of recognition of being a single mother but I do not expect people to look and judge before they even know my story. I am a single mother, and a proud one. And my child isn’t suffering at all. She is a beautiful, smart, God loving child that is surrounding by many loving family and friends. I think many of you should take a step back and think about what you say before you go around bashing people left and right.

From one single mother to another:

Thank you and God Bless you

 

[EasterJoy]

Increasing societal acceptance of sex outside of marriage could lead to an increase in pregnancies the parents had not hoped for. One hopes that the pro-life movement lead to an increase in women who felt that raising a child outside of marriage was a more Christian and human option than ending the child’s life via abortion. So while the messages of the pro-life movement would hardly have lead to more women having sex outside of marriage, LET US CERTAINLY HOPE that the pro-life movement lead to more pregnant women being willing to choose life, even where heroism is required to do it, and more Christians being willing to give them the respect they deserve for not choosing the terrible alternative that society has been trying to sell them.

It’s kind of like asking whether better education of Catholics on Church law has lead to more divorces because battered men and women now know that holiness doesn’t mean they have to stay with an abusive spouse. Well, let’s hope so! It’s not as if that would mean that the Church caused the spousal abuse! It only means that Catholics aren’t finding themselves in a difficult situation and mistakenly taking by far the worst of their options in order to put a good face on things. Let us thank heaven for that!

 

[thewanderer]

Increasing societal acceptance of sex outside of marriage could lead to an increase in pregnancies the parents had not hoped for. One hopes that the pro-life movement lead to an increase in women who felt that raising a child outside of marriage was a more Christian and human option than ending the child’s life via abortion. So while the messages of the pro-life movement would hardly have lead to more women having sex outside of marriage, LET US CERTAINLY HOPE that the pro-life movement lead to more pregnant women being willing to choose life, even where heroism is required to do it, and more Christians being willing to give them the respect they deserve for not choosing the terrible alternative that society has been trying to sell them.

It’s kind of like asking whether better education of Catholics on Church law has lead to more divorces because battered men and women now know that holiness doesn’t mean they have to stay with an abusive spouse. Well, let’s hope so! It’s not as if that would mean that the Church caused the spousal abuse! It only means that Catholics aren’t finding themselves in a difficult situation and mistakenly taking by far the worst of their options in order to put a good face on things. Let us thank heaven for that!

 

[JimG]

Sigh. Wrong.

It’s a confluence of no-fault divorce and contraceptives leading to more premarital sex and to the Sexual Revolution. With easily accessible contraceptives the link between sex and babies was broken and sex is now more of a recreational activity. If people waited till marriage for sex, got married and stayed married there would be a lot less single moms.

Humanae Vitae was right. I admit as a former atheist, I used to think that the Catholic church stance on contraceptives was ridiculous. Now I see the wisdom in it.

Yes, contraception enabled the sexual revolution, which enabled a great deal more extra-marital sex, resulting in more out of wedlock births.

Mary Eberstadt details the disastrous results in her new book (Adam and Even After the Pill.) Here is a review.

It’s not a matter of trying to place blame on individuals. But we do need to recognize that society has for the past half century and more, engaged in a great sexual / social experiment which has not only failed, but failed miserably and brought misery to many–especially to children, to mothers, to families, and to fathers too.

 

[severus68]

I think three things have led to the rise in single motherhood, mainly.
-A growing social acceptance of it. Just saw a Weight Watchers commercial with Jessica Simpson where she proudly proclaims that she’s, “Having another baby!” (she’s unmarried and had a baby about 7 months ago.) In my mother’s day, you got sent to a maternity home and adoption or immediate marriage was all but mandatory. You were a disgrace to your family. Even 20 years ago, unwed mothers often at least considered adoption - but now it’s so normal to be a single mom that they never even think of it. Hence the lack of healthy infants available to adopt. I got so many angry calls when I refused to go to a celebratory baby shower for a 20 year old single mom. I sent a gift and a card, but Inrefused the “party.” People couldn’t believe it.

-Lack of “real men” who step up and take care of their responsibilities (i.e. marry the girl they knock up.) Now, it’s just pay for the abortion or send a check every month and let the woman deal with it.

-The strong desire young people have to have sex, but the average age of marriage getting older and older. There is simply more time for an “oops” baby when you are still single at 28 than if you marry at 21.

Single mothers are not obliged to give up their babies for those wanting to adopt. I think its terrible that they were forced/pressured to do so in the past.

I agree about the lack of responsibility of some men. Many do not even pay towards the upbringing of thir children.

People should not marry so they can have sex licitly. Nothing wrong with marrying when you are older, more mature, with an education.

 

[severus68]

I have great respect for single mothers and the sacrifices they make when they could have taken a very different route. I worked in restaurants for years, and because of the flexible schedule offered in restaurants, I had the privilege of working with many wonderful mothers, some of them single for a variety of reasons. I am married and pregnant for the first time, and have gained even more respect for women who go it alone. There are challenges with even an uneventful pregnancy, and single mothers are among the bravest people out there. They deserve support systems and love, as do their babies.

I agree.

 

[severus68]

JackieMom, I am sorry you feel so strongly about the unsuitability of single mothers. Many are single for a variety of reasons…is it the sin factor, or would you feel that a pregnant widow should give up her child when he is born? What about a rape victim, or a single mother that is wealthy and won’t go on food stamps? Are all their babies better off being given away?

Well said. Its as if babies are not blessings if the mother is not married.