Difficult Marriages

[Cagrl]

Cagrl
I do understand the distant part of your relationship. My husband is distant as well, physically and emotionally. We have been seperated now for 8 weeks, I have no answer though to your question. Maybe it is depression. When people are depressed they do look at only negatives. Have you tried any counseling together? My counselor told me to be the hope, but I too am growing tired and weak of trying to be so strong, and yes I do sometimes want it all to end. My life 8 weeks ago seemed just fine and then this happened, seemed like out of the blue to me. I now focus on the positives of our relationship and that is not what my husband is focusing on only the negatives. I will pray for you in your mariage and try to continue to be strong for you and your family. Have you tried to maybe surprise him with something nice? Possibly lift his spirits. Maybe a weekend away just you and him? A love note to say hello, a special something just for him. I don’t know these are only suggestions. God Bless.
Kristen

Thank you so much for your suggestions. I will keep them in mind. I will definitely pray for you and your marriage. Hang in there. I am very sorry to hear what is going on with your marriage. I know how sad it can be. Thank you for you encouraging words. I really hope and pray things get better for you. We are here if you need to chat.

As for today, I don’t know what happened but my husband came home and was in a good mood all of a sudden so I just went along and tried to be happy and he responded to that so we have had a really good day THANKS BE TO GOD and ALL OF YOUR PRAYERS!!! But we’ll see what happens these next couple days, I hope it continues because like I said before he is really moody and irritable so anything can happen. But I have faith in our Lord that he will continue to work on our hearts, but I will keep you all posted.

Thanks again and many blessings to all of you for being so wonderful to me.

 

[jules11]

Jules11,
I am glad to hear your marriage is improving. May God bless you and it continues!!! That is really good news!!!

andreach,
Welcome to Saint Rita forum!!!

Just prayed day 3 of the Saint Rita Novena!!

Just an update: my husband and I are still the same. Things have not improved. We continue to argue or get mad at each other over what I think are petty things. I am really trying to ignore his attitude but it’s so hard when he’s being so rude, distant, or critical. He seems very edgy and he is nitpicking at everything. We are in the middle of buying a little fixer-upper house right now. Could that be why? Do people really stress during times like this? I don’t feel stressed but he is on edge. Is it worth it? Have any of you experience this? I think to myself that if it’s going to be like this, I rather not have a house and just stay the way we are for the sake of peace. I had a break down last night and cried so much. I am really depressed. Our situation doesn’t seem to be improving and I am really afraid things are going to get worse. I don’t know if it’s the house reason or if he is just going through something. All I know is he is nitpicking and distant. I don’t even want to be home when he’s home. I fill like leaving for couple days just to have some peace but I know that is not the right thing to do. I went to visit our Lord in the Blessed Sacramento to try to get away have some peace and that was nice but as soon as I got home my husband started again. But the thing is, he is blaming me for these arguments. I don’t really understand what is going on. Have you ever felt like you can’t do it any more, like you are just to tired and depressed and weak and you just can’t do it any more? Well, that’s how I feel. I feel I don’t have the strength to carry this cross any more. I ask our Lord to help me because I am weak and tired and I can’t do it alone. I need some type of relief in my situation. It is affecting my daughter too. Things just have gotten so bad around here. He didn’t even sleep in our bed last night. He slept on the couch. This is just crazy. I am really sad.

Anyway, thanks for hearing me out. Thank you for being such good friends on here. May God be with each of you today and always.

I have been through times like this and I think the best thing you can do is keep silent and pray. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you the words to say and always try to respond with kindness or say little at all. Have you asked him what is wrong? Why he is so angry with you all the time? This must be a very stressful situation for you to live in. Pray for God’s will in your life.
Ask God to guide you in the right direction and put all your trust in Him.
Keep praying the novena and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[jules11]

I am asking for prayers for God’s will in my marriage. My husband and I have been married for just about a year and it has been a difficult year for the both of us. I have wanted to leave the marriage many times but am always reminded of my vows and what they mean to me. I’m scared and afraid. My husband told me yesterday that he is leaving me. I was in search for a novena to save my marriage and came across the website. Please do pray for God’s will in my life. I came across a novena to St. Josemaria Escriva that many people have said has helped them with their marriages. I am going to start that today as well as the novena to St. Rita.

Thank you for praying and I will pray for each of you as well.

Welcome Authentic! Welcome to CAF! They always say the first year is the hardest year. Hang in there.
Many people suggest Retrouvaille. I haven’t been able to get to a Retrouvaille weekend as I am in Australia and there aren’t any here. If you are in the US, there should be one near you.
It is a weekend for married couples, whose marriage is in trouble. There is a website.
You have come to the right place, we will all be praying for you and your marriage.

 

[jules11]

Hello everyone and may God bless each and every one of you.
I am going trough a difficult time in my marriage right now. I have been married for over 6 years. Both my wife and I are Catholic but I am a believer and she has no faith.We never pray together as she says " that is something you do " . Sometimes I feel that I should not have married someone that does not have the same belief’s that I do (you know what I mean ).
Before we were married a problem arose that we could not use contraception, she was not happy about it but agreed. All was well until after the birth of our first child. She did not want another child for a while but instead of discussing it with me she just shut me off physically. I complained but months went by and there were few and far relations with each other. But she got pregnant again in a time period that she was sure she could not. We had a beautiful baby but the child had Down Syndrome. Now that she was breast feeding relations were painful and so she said she did not want any relations until she finneshed nursing which would be a year . But this was only after I brought up the issue as I felt that
she was pushing me away. Now the year and the nursing are up and it is the same old story for about three years. She acts as if nothing is wrong and will never bring the subject up until I do and now she says that she does not want anymore children and says our relations would be fine if we used contraception. There has been no natural reltions between us for about three years and it realy hurts. I would say that only because I pushed for them( which is degrading ) our second child would not have born . I feel very stressed out over this as I feel my wife does not want me and I feel used. Thank You for listing. John.

John, I wonder if her lack of desire could mean that there may be something physically wrong with your wife? Could she possibly need to see a doctor? Is she depressed?
This is a very hard situation and you must be a very wonderful and patient husband.
Glad you could join us here. We are saying the novena to St. Rita which is on the previous page, start when you can and be assured that we will pray for your marriage. Lets help each other get through and pray for miracles.

 

[Linnyo]

Hi again,
I have had a better day today. As a family we went to the golf driving range and ten pin bowling. We didn’t have cross words once. This is the first time we have not argued in months, maybe years and it was great. I didn’t even have to take anything for my anxiety. Thankyou for you prayers. I am so grateful to you.

 

[Linnyo]

Hello everyone and may God bless each and every one of you.
I am going trough a difficult time in my marriage right now. I have been married for over 6 years. Both my wife and I are Catholic but I am a believer and she has no faith.We never pray together as she says " that is something you do " . Sometimes I feel that I should not have married someone that does not have the same belief’s that I do (you know what I mean ).
Before we were married a problem arose that we could not use contraception, she was not happy about it but agreed. All was well until after the birth of our first child. She did not want another child for a while but instead of discussing it with me she just shut me off physically. I complained but months went by and there were few and far relations with each other. But she got pregnant again in a time period that she was sure she could not. We had a beautiful baby but the child had Down Syndrome. Now that she was breast feeding relations were painful and so she said she did not want any relations until she finneshed nursing which would be a year . But this was only after I brought up the issue as I felt that
she was pushing me away. Now the year and the nursing are up and it is the same old story for about three years. She acts as if nothing is wrong and will never bring the subject up until I do and now she says that she does not want anymore children and says our relations would be fine if we used contraception. There has been no natural reltions between us for about three years and it realy hurts. I would say that only because I pushed for them( which is degrading ) our second child would not have born . I feel very stressed out over this as I feel my wife does not want me and I feel used. Thank You for listing. John.

I have been like this with my husband in the past. I used to have very severe depression and I could hardly bear to be around people. Depression is a very selfish illness and I was aware only of my own suffering during that time. Perhaps your wife is depressed. She can get help for depression if that is the problem. Also, she may be afraid at a subconscious level because she has had a child with difficulties. This is not to say that she doesn;t love the child and that she doesn’t love you. Just that she is afraid of not feeling in control of the outcome of having sex. Perhaps she (or both of you) could get counceling to help find out what the problem is?

 

[Cagrl]

I have been through times like this and I think the best thing you can do is keep silent and pray. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you the words to say and always try to respond with kindness or say little at all. Have you asked him what is wrong? Why he is so angry with you all the time? This must be a very stressful situation for you to live in. Pray for God’s will in your life.
Ask God to guide you in the right direction and put all your trust in Him.
Keep praying the novena and I will keep you in my prayers.

Thank you so much, Jules11, for your tips and suggestions. I think they are wonderful, and I am going to strive to do as you have suggested. I have asked my dh what is going on with him and he blames me. So I don’t know. I will continue to pray.

Today also has been a better day. He seems more relaxed and and happy and is acting like himself so I am going with the flow. So the tension in our home is practically gone. I hope it continues. But sometimes I wonder if it’s work because he was edgy during the week and now that it’s the weekend, he seems more at ease. So we’ll see. I’ll just continue to pray. I will pray for you and your husband too, Jules11.

I am on day 4 of the St. Rita Novena.

Praying for all and their marriages. God Bless.

 

[FSHSM1968]

John, I wonder if her lack of desire could mean that there may be something physically wrong with your wife? Could she possibly need to see a doctor? Is she depressed?
This is a very hard situation and you must be a very wonderful and patient husband.
Glad you could join us here. We are saying the novena to St. Rita which is on the previous page, start when you can and be assured that we will pray for your marriage. Lets help each other get through and pray for miracles.

Thank you and god bless you. Your kind words touched me and again thank you. It is very hard to get my wife to open up and to look at herself. She is a good wife and I do love her very much but latley the devil has been hammering away at my mind trying to break up my marriage. I am guilty at times with going along with his sugestions out of self pity but God is always pulling me back (may He be blessed ) either through the Rosary or just talking to people like you.

 

[jules11]

Thank you so much, Jules11, for your tips and suggestions. I think they are wonderful, and I am going to strive to do as you have suggested. I have asked my dh what is going on with him and he blames me. So I don’t know. I will continue to pray.

Today also has been a better day. He seems more relaxed and and happy and is acting like himself so I am going with the flow. So the tension in our home is practically gone. I hope it continues. But sometimes I wonder if it’s work because he was edgy during the week and now that it’s the weekend, he seems more at ease. So we’ll see. I’ll just continue to pray. I will pray for you and your husband too, Jules11.

I am on day 4 of the St. Rita Novena.

Praying for all and their marriages. God Bless.

I am glad things are a little better. It is not easy walking on eggshells all the time, not knowing what to say or do. If he says its you, then can you get him to elaborate or explain what it is?
It is very hard to be blamed for something when you are not going out of your way to upset him intentionally. Sometimes these are trials that God allows us to go through to increase our patience.
Keep praying!

 

[jules11]

Hi again,
I have had a better day today. As a family we went to the golf driving range and ten pin bowling. We didn’t have cross words once. This is the first time we have not argued in months, maybe years and it was great. I didn’t even have to take anything for my anxiety. Thankyou for you prayers. I am so grateful to you.

Wonderful Linnyo! Hope it gets even better!

 

[jules11]

Day 4 today for me too!

 

[jules11]

Here’s the Novena again… so we don’t have to look for it.

Novena to Saint Rita,

O holy patroness of those in need, St. Rita, whose pleadings before thy Divine Lord are almost irresistible, who for thy lavishness in granting favours hast been called the Advocate of the hopeless and even of the impossible; St. Rita, so humble, so pure, so mortified, so patient and of such compassionate love for thy Crucified Jesus that thou couldst obtain from Him whatsoever thou askest, on account of which all confidently have recourse to thee expecting, if not always relief, at least comfort; be propitious to our petition, showing thy power with God on behalf of thy suppliant; be lavish to us, as thou hast been in so many wonderful cases, for the greater glory of God, for the spreading of thine own devotion, and for the consolation of those who trust in thee.
We promise, if our petition is granted, to glorify thee
by making known thy favour, to bless and sing thy
praises forever. Relying then upon thy merits and
power before the Sacred Heart of Jesus, we pray
thee grant that…

That God may heal and bless all the marriages of these CAF members and that our wills may be perfectly in line with God’s will in our lives and in the life of our spouse

(anyone can add more if they wish)

as soon as God deems fit. Amen.

 

[kmc404]

Hello all
Said the novena twice today and I met with my husband at first it did not go well, but a little while into it he did open up watched the football game together as a family and it did seem alot better. I continue to pray that my husband will allow me to get close to him again. Thank you all for your continued prayers and I pray for you all as well. Having faith is never easy but nothing good ever is. God bless you all.
Kristen

 

[Cagrl]

I am glad things are a little better. It is not easy walking on eggshells all the time, not knowing what to say or do. If he says its you, then can you get him to elaborate or explain what it is?
It is very hard to be blamed for something when you are not going out of your way to upset him intentionally. Sometimes these are trials that God allows us to go through to increase our patience.
Keep praying!

Thank you, Jules11. It is definitely not easy walking on eggshells. What he means is that he gets very impatient with me when he tries to explain something and I don’t get or understand what he means. And he then gets a big attitude with me because of it and so then I make the mistake of getting mad/hurt at him for getting mad/impatient with me. And then he blames me for getting attitude because I don’t think he realizes at the time how impatient he’s acting. When in reality it was he that started with the attitude or impatience. So basically what I’m thinking I have to do is what you suggested. Just don’t say much and wait til he calms down or is in a better mood and let him know how he reacted. But that is the hard part for me because I am the type that can’t keep my mouth shut. But that is my challenge is to be patient with him right now and just keep my mouth shut. The good thing is he isn’t like this very often. He must be under a lot of stress right now because we are in the middle of buying a home, and I think he has a lot on his shoulders. Hopefully this will soon all pass.

Thanks for being there for me again.

Blessings.

 

[sandraladeda]

Are you going to start the Holy Spirit one today also? Is that the one you’re referring to? If so, I will start it with you. Let me know that way we can encourage each other along the way.

God Bless

Hi, I decided to start the St. Rita one only, was not sure if i should do 2 simultaneously
Alos, I thought it would keep my prayer life “fresh” to move into a new novena after this one.

A couple weeks ago, I finished my 54 day Novena for my husband’s faith - you can check out the “St. Monica pray for us” sticky at the top of this Family Life forum.

sure, let’s stick together and pray for our marriages!!

 

[jules11]

Thank you, Jules11. It is definitely not easy walking on eggshells. What he means is that he gets very impatient with me when he tries to explain something and I don’t get or understand what he means. And he then gets a big attitude with me because of it and so then I make the mistake of getting mad/hurt at him for getting mad/impatient with me. And then he blames me for getting attitude because I don’t think he realizes at the time how impatient he’s acting. When in reality it was he that started with the attitude or impatience. So basically what I’m thinking I have to do is what you suggested. Just don’t say much and wait til he calms down or is in a better mood and let him know how he reacted. But that is the hard part for me because I am the type that can’t keep my mouth shut. But that is my challenge is to be patient with him right now and just keep my mouth shut. The good thing is he isn’t like this very often. He must be under a lot of stress right now because we are in the middle of buying a home, and I think he has a lot on his shoulders. Hopefully this will soon all pass.

Thanks for being there for me again.

Blessings.

I know this dynamic all too well and I too am someone that finds it very difficult to keep my mouth shut, so I know exactly what you mean.
I still am not good at it. I always want to justify my actions especially when I feel I am being accused of something I am not guilty of.
So you’re not alone there. We need to keep praying for peace in our marriages and the grace to be humble and charitable.
God bless

 

[Cagrl]

Hi, I decided to start the St. Rita one only, was not sure if i should do 2 simultaneously
Alos, I thought it would keep my prayer life “fresh” to move into a new novena after this one.

A couple weeks ago, I finished my 54 day Novena for my husband’s faith - you can check out the “St. Monica pray for us” sticky at the top of this Family Life forum.

sure, let’s stick together and pray for our marriages!!

Actually, I think that sounds good. I didn’t start the Holy Spirit one either. We can start that one when we’re done with the Saint Rita Novena. It’s nice to know that we have others praying along with us. It keeps the motivation going.

I’ve been on the St. Monica thread too. I have not done the 54 day Novena yet. But I am thinking about it too. Thanks.

 

[Cagrl]

Day 5 of Saint Rita Novena.

How is everyone else doing?

 

[jules11]

Still praying!

 

[Cagrl]

Just completed day 6 of the Saint Rita Novena.