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RoseMary131
Guest
So do you thinking buying coffee and then buying dinner = bought a kiss?
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DateAnalysis
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No, of course not. How did you get from my post to thinking that?
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Warandpeace
Guest
That’s what it sounds like to a lot of females. We tend to think differently about these things.
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Razanir
Guest
Yeah… You’ll see discussion on everything from dating advice (which, by the way, OP, second dates really are insanely early to expect a kiss), to the annual Halloween debate, to creative ways to make Christian-themed D&D characters. (I seriously want to play as a half-orc paladin some time)Catholics date.
You’re new here. You will find out that pretty much everything is discussed here. lol.
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KendraDZ1902
Guest
Did you just say Halloween? It’s about that time of year! Give it about a week or so and those will be super popular! lol.
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Razanir
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It is getting close to that time of year, isn’t it? Suppose it’s fitting, seeing as I already have two ideas for Halloween costumes.
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DateAnalysis
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Well, I was referring to the fact that I thought the date went well, and we talked until the restaurant closed.
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EmeraldOne
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If you don’t mind advice from another single dude, I say savor it, man. “It” being the current state of your relationship, like the previous posters have mentioned, the faster you push things the farther you’re going to want to go. It’s not a race, so just enjoy your time with your lady and when your eyes meet at that special moment you’ll feel it.
Also: In terms of confidence, even for nerds (like myself, I freely admit), is important. There is no unwritten law that says you if like Star Trek and Lord of the Rings and that you can’t be confident and sociable. It reminds me of an ex-girlfriend of many years, she was apparently one of the more forward types because it was I think perhaps our first date when on our way to our respective vehicles I went in for a hug and she planted one on me lightning quick before running away. I was left stunned. Haha.
Also: In terms of confidence, even for nerds (like myself, I freely admit), is important. There is no unwritten law that says you if like Star Trek and Lord of the Rings and that you can’t be confident and sociable. It reminds me of an ex-girlfriend of many years, she was apparently one of the more forward types because it was I think perhaps our first date when on our way to our respective vehicles I went in for a hug and she planted one on me lightning quick before running away. I was left stunned. Haha.
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on_the_hill
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Because you don’t like Catholic dating advice or potential kisses on the second date?
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fin
Guest
Is she already your girlfriend? Or are you at the stage where you’re wooing her? If the latter, then it’s just normal to not expect a kiss, because you’re not yet going steady, right? 
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RoseMary131
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I got the idea that you might be thinking buying coffee on date number 1 and buying dinner on date number 2 equals a kiss because that sounds like what I read from you.
Even worse than it sounding as if you thought buying coffee and dinner equals a kiss, is "I guess she’s making me work for that first kiss."
“Work for a kiss”… wow… if she was my daughter and I heard you say this, I would say, “Run from this guy, do not look back.”
Kisses are not bought by two dates or talking for a long time. Kisses are not “worked for.”
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peace2all24
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I don’t know what kind of a kiss you were expecting, but a hug means something, right? I’m a girl, & if I were her I wouldn’t be doing anything more than that. Honestly, I think you’re going a bit too fast. First get to know her and let her get to know you
Also I think you should read this article: youngandcatholic.net/2013/04/ It states that *Unmarried persons simply don’t have the right to kiss for the sake of sensual pleasure. *I have no idea what your motives are for trying to get a kiss, so please don’t get offended. I just thought that you might like to read it since you want dating advice from a Catholic perspective.
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Xantippe
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A kiss means “I really, really, really like you.” No, you probably haven’t earned it yet, and you shouldn’t try to initiate it unless that’s what you really mean.
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Luvz2travel
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Why not he’s just looking for good advice what better place?My question is…why are people talking about dating on the Catholic Forum.
I would wait till you feel the moment is right. Ask her what she thinks most ladies wouldn’t mind giving you a causual kiss (on the cheak or mouth) after a few dates. She may be waiting for you to ask. I know guys have to be careful these days so start out slow with an informal kiss and slowly move on from their as you guys go out. Keeping it from getting to serious though make out sessions can lead down a dangerous road that’s best avoided. It all really depends on how good your control is over such things.
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Lorelei12
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My husband and I dated for a few months before we made it “official”. We did not kiss until after then- he very respectfully waited until we were an actual couple before initiating it. Your date might feel the same way- how does she know you’re not kissing anyone else? (And, I wouldn’t expect her to initiate it anyway.) I think expecting a kiss after two dates is a little presumptuous- maybe not by society’s standards, but at least for someone seriously interested in finding a spouse.
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Ridgerunner
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I think it all just depends.
I recall one woman I dated. She didn’t seem to be giving me any signals. I was pretty experienced in that department, and she just wasn’t giving any of the usual signals.
Then, at a rather loud party, where one practically had to shout into the other’s ear, I said whatever it was I wanted to say, right next to her ear, then kissed her on the cheek briefly and then went on about the party as if I had never done it at all. After that, there was no lack of signals from her whatever.
Actually, there were problems with that whole relationship as it developed, and undue (and asymmetrical) amorousness on her part became one of them. In time, I wished I hadn’t kissed her at all.
I don’t know how long it was before I kissed the lady who is now my wife. But it was quite awhile. In truth, I think we both knew we loved each other profoundly before we ever kissed.
It was more an acknowledgment of a virtually inescapable reality than it was an introductory “because people do” sort of thing.
I can’t help but recommend the latter course.
I recall one woman I dated. She didn’t seem to be giving me any signals. I was pretty experienced in that department, and she just wasn’t giving any of the usual signals.
Then, at a rather loud party, where one practically had to shout into the other’s ear, I said whatever it was I wanted to say, right next to her ear, then kissed her on the cheek briefly and then went on about the party as if I had never done it at all. After that, there was no lack of signals from her whatever.
Actually, there were problems with that whole relationship as it developed, and undue (and asymmetrical) amorousness on her part became one of them. In time, I wished I hadn’t kissed her at all.
I don’t know how long it was before I kissed the lady who is now my wife. But it was quite awhile. In truth, I think we both knew we loved each other profoundly before we ever kissed.
It was more an acknowledgment of a virtually inescapable reality than it was an introductory “because people do” sort of thing.
I can’t help but recommend the latter course.
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DateAnalysis
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I think there’s some miscommunication there. As I explained in an earlier post, I asked the question because I thought the date went well, and we talked until the restaurant closed. But I didn’t get a good-night kiss at the end of the night, so I was wondering if the date really went as well as I thought it did. Under no circumstances did I imply that I was “buying” the kiss. I was really surprised that that’s what some posters read into it.
As for working for a kiss, I don’t personally see anything wrong with that statement. To me, that simply means that I need to work harder to impress her. Not quite sure how that would elicit that reaction from you.
Anyways, happy to discuss further if you’d like, but I hope that clarified a few things.
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dshix
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The key here is that just because the evening “went well” doesn’t mean good night kiss. I’m not sure how you reached the conclusion that kisses come on the second date. That’s not how it usually happens, at least not with good girls.
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Xantippe
Guest
That’s better!
DateAnalysis said:
“To me, that simply means that I need to work harder to impress her.”
We don’t amorously kiss people we’re impressed by. We kiss people we love, passionately. Two dates in, do you love her passionately? Does she love you passionately? If not, it’s a little too early for a kiss.
I think Ridgerunner has some good points. I would add that you need to make sure that your physical expressions of affection are running parallel with the emotional development of your relationship, neither running ahead nor running behind. That’s a tricky thing to monitor, but the idea is that physical affection should be an accurate expression of your emotional intimacy. Obviously, a faithful Catholic has a somewhat limited range of physical expressions of intimacy available to choose from during dating, but the trick is to convey the warmth of your affection accurately through the gestures legitimately available to you. You don’t want to “say” something with physical affection that you don’t mean yet, even if it’s “just” a kiss.
Best wishes!
DateAnalysis said:
“To me, that simply means that I need to work harder to impress her.”
We don’t amorously kiss people we’re impressed by. We kiss people we love, passionately. Two dates in, do you love her passionately? Does she love you passionately? If not, it’s a little too early for a kiss.
I think Ridgerunner has some good points. I would add that you need to make sure that your physical expressions of affection are running parallel with the emotional development of your relationship, neither running ahead nor running behind. That’s a tricky thing to monitor, but the idea is that physical affection should be an accurate expression of your emotional intimacy. Obviously, a faithful Catholic has a somewhat limited range of physical expressions of intimacy available to choose from during dating, but the trick is to convey the warmth of your affection accurately through the gestures legitimately available to you. You don’t want to “say” something with physical affection that you don’t mean yet, even if it’s “just” a kiss.
Best wishes!
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RoseMary131
Guest
Thinking you need to work harder to impress someone - people often do not like the idea of someone “working hard to impress them”. People are “impressed” by a person’s true nature - not something they work hard in order to impress.
Some woman value their kiss to be something more than, “I enjoyed talking to you and you impressed me.” so here’s a kiss.
What I read is… you took her on two dates, you talked a long time… you think that she would have kissed you… you were disappointed that it was “just” a hug… you think she’s going to make you work hard for the kiss… make you work to “impress” her… then you get your reward… a kiss.
Doesn’t sound impressive or respectful in my opinion. (I wonder if she reads CAF.)
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