Disappointed by a party given by Catholics

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I was invited to a party at a house of a lady I know from my bible group. A lot of people there are part of the group and or go to church regularly. I am happy to finally have friends that are believers.

Some of the men had a few beers but nothing excessive. However, the women decided to watch videos on you tube and screaming at the good looking singers. Most of these women are well over 35 and their husbands were at the party. Is it me or would a husband not feel hurt deep down by that? Then, one man (married) got up to dance and pretended he was going to take his shirt off. All the woman cheered him on. All I could think was ‘is the joke not a bit old?’

Then one woman decided to play a video (not sure who it was) where a scantily clad lady was in a cage moving in a very provacative way. The women all though it was funny. I was humilitated and found it degrading. Expecially since that was the first time I watched a music video in over 15 years I didn’t realize how bad they got.

But the worst is the kids (aged 5 to 9) and there was at least six of them walked into the room and no one batted an eye lash. These woman were screaming and enjoying the video and clapping in front of their children. One woman’s son was tired and resting his head on her lap and she was clapping and singing. Is it me or would most boys deep down not be embarrased to see their mom carry on like that?

Then one man asked me where my husband was to which I responded ‘I don’t have a husband’ Then he said to me ‘Oh you are divorced’ I said ‘no I have never been married’ So then he asked me if I was ‘pure’. I gave him a funny look. Instead of realizing I was offended, he asked again so I said ‘Yes I am’ and he said ‘I don’t believe you’. All night long he kept flirting with me and all night long I kept telling him I had no interested. Everyone though it was funny. The crueller my rejection, the more people laughed.

I finally am happy to be with people who are good to me but… I want to please God more. How do people think if next time I see the hostess of the party I tell her that I really appreciated her friendliness but provacative videos do offend me? My main fear is she won’t realize I am serious and think I am joking.

Any words of wisdom?

Thanks
 
They sound pretty creepy. The guy hitting on you sounds like he’s a couple clowns shy of a circus.
 
I’d thank her for the invitation to the party, concentrate on the good things like the food etc. and not say anything else. Next time, don’t go. Or accept with the stipulation you have to leave early because you have another party. I do understand what you are saying and I don’t get women hooting at male strippers either. It isn’t something I’d do with or without children present.
 
I am not a prude by any means. However, if you are a single Catholic woman participating in your parish community, there is nothing wrong with standing up for what is right. There is also nothing wrong with “not attending” other events where others ridicule your adherance to your faith. I would express your concerns to the hostess, and if she spreads gossip about your faith, it will be her problem not yours.

Stick to your guns and proclaim the word, even when it’s not popular. You may find you get the others “thinking” about living the Word instead of just repeating it in Bible class.
 
I would have felt as uncomfortable as you were at that party. I probably would not have stayed there very long after the videos began rolling along for that matter.

I think that you may need to rethink the possibility that these people may be people that you go to bible study with, but they are not necessarily friends, nor people that have the same interests as you.

Certainly, the children appearing and the party continuing on as it did was a bit disturbing. The guy asking you about your purity was the cue to leave. The correct answer to him would have been none of your business.

Unfortunately, there are many people that are one way in church and another way at home. They seem to think that they are two different things and not one continuous way of living. And sometimes, it is better to NOT know them outside of church. Of course, I personally would have a hard time after seeing them at the bible study in the light of their party mode, but that’s just me…

I would agree with aicrit, don’t go next time. The hostess sounds a bit dense if everyone was laughing at your expense and she did nothing. Certainly no way for a friend to act.

May God bless you and guide you, cmscms.
 
It is so sad to hear how spiritually immature those people at the party were. It seems that the party revealed to you what they are really like.

Hopefully you can find friends who are like-minded, and can lift up one another in the faith. There are such people.
 
Irishmom2 said:
The hostess sounds a bit dense if everyone was laughing at your expense and she did nothing. Certainly no way for a friend to act.

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I just want to say in the hostests defense, I don’t think she heard the comments.

Also, (and I know it could be over analysing) but the men did not start to be crude until after the woman decided to watch the videos and scream at the good looking men. I wonder if deep down it was not a retaliation because they were hurt by their wives.

Also, I feel a bit guilty because maybe at first my behaviour was not the best. I have a friend who is a priest and he is 93. He is the sweetest man I have ever met. I was telling them about him and saying that everytime I see him I say ‘Father get a dispensation I want to marry you.’ I have always said that in an innocent way and it has been a joke between us for over 5years. Perhaps they did not see it in the same innocent way as I do.

Also, I was one of the few people at the party whose first language is not Spanish. And we always talk about the differences in language and the funny misunderstandings. In Spanish when you love someone you say ‘Te quiero’. Which in English is ‘I want you’ In Spanish a child can say that to a mom and it is innocent. But to someone who does not understand the language it can be tooken the wrong way. I was telling them in front of the men that when I lived in Mexico, my boyfriend said that to me and I did not understand so I slapped his face. To me, it is now a funny joke about learning a language. Is it possible that my openess to tell that story in mixed company gave the wrong message?

Thanks

CM
 
CM,

You had no intent to give a wrong message, you did no wrong.

The behaviour displayed at the party had to do with them, and it came from their spiritual immaturity (their choice to act that way.)

Also, if one claims they are a Catholic and acts in that manner, something is very wrong.
 
Yeah…I’m going to have to play Devils’ advocate here and possibly take the side of your party-harty new found Bible study friends.

First of all, you went to a party, and by the sounds of it, it was a pretty tame party - well compared to the ones I’ve been to. What were you expecting by going to this party? Sitting around with a erudite people, sipping cognac and discussing Proust!?! This isn’t the Victorian era…

You’re comparing your female friends having a hoot at male singers on YouTube as comparable to male strippers, which smells to me like an over-exaggeration. I would say they were having a general a swoon at good looks or voice, not a wish to replace their dear husbands. The guy who got up to dance pretending to take his shirt off, sounds like he was playing off the girls reactions - giving everyone a laugh you know. As for the children…well all parents are embarrassing. :rolleyes:

As for the guy hitting on you, well some guys are just jerks. Just don’t take it so seriously, it’s the reaction they are trying to get. The tool was probably trying to make a compliment that he can’t believe you aren’t taken (as in betrothed).

Btw, just because people are in their 30’s doesn’t mean they can’t have a good time. Since when was Gen-X old?
 
cmscms said:
Any words of wisdom?

Thanks
Click to expand...
Yes - my advice is to ffind plenty of new friends.
Some folks seem to forget they are actually Catholics - at the drop of a hat.

If the actions of “new” friends make you feel uncomfortable, find more new friends.
As for the ‘man’ who mocked you, I’d sure let the hostess know about that, in detail.
 
If you don’t tell them immediately, why do you expect people to know how you “feel”, how you interpret their actions? Giving someone a “funny look” could be interpreted in a number of ways. Why didn’t you give a more direct answer along the line of “That is none of your business and it will never be any of your business!” and then turn around and walk away.
Telling someone later that you were offended by them watching the videos is too little too late and is all about you. If you don’t like the video then you can chose not to watch it. You don’t have to stop being yourself for them - they don’t have to stop being themselves for you. You should try to find the common ground between you if you are still interested in them as friends.

A woman doesn’t stop noticing other good looking men once she is married. What she does do is understand there is a major difference between watching a good-looking entertainer and loving her husband. And her husband understands this also and is strengthened by this love.

Go with Love Go with God
 
Shadark said:
Yeah…I’m going to have to play Devils’ advocate here and possibly take the side of your party-harty new found Bible study friends.

First of all, you went to a party, and by the sounds of it, it was a pretty tame party - well compared to the ones I’ve been to. What were you expecting by going to this party? Sitting around with a erudite people, sipping cognac and discussing Proust!?! This isn’t the Victorian era…

You’re comparing your female friends having a hoot at male singers on YouTube as comparable to male strippers, which smells to me like an over-exaggeration. I would say they were having a general a swoon at good looks or voice, not a wish to replace their dear husbands. The guy who got up to dance pretending to take his shirt off, sounds like he was playing off the girls reactions - giving everyone a laugh you know. As for the children…well all parents are embarrassing. :rolleyes:

As for the guy hitting on you, well some guys are just jerks. Just don’t take it so seriously, it’s the reaction they are trying to get. The tool was probably trying to make a compliment that he can’t believe you aren’t taken (as in betrothed).

Btw, just because people are in their 30’s doesn’t mean they can’t have a good time. Since when was Gen-X old?
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I couldn’t disagree more! I have never been to a party like the OP describes, either married or as a single. That’s not my idea of a party and I am certainly not a prude but I do know how to have a good time with my friends without being so crude and rude. I would be having second, even third thoughts about associating with these so called friends in the future. There is nothing appropriate about their kind of behavior.
 
cmscms said:
Then one woman decided to play a video (not sure who it was) where a scantily clad lady was in a cage moving in a very provacative way. The women all though it was funny. I was humilitated and found it degrading. Expecially since that was the first time I watched a music video in over 15 years I didn’t realize how bad they got.
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Most music videos nowadays aren’t THAT bad, except for the intentionally provocative ones. Were they watching a Shakira video or something???
cmscms said:
Also, I feel a bit guilty because maybe at first my behaviour was not the best. I have a friend who is a priest and he is 93. He is the sweetest man I have ever met. I was telling them about him and saying that everytime I see him I say ‘Father get a dispensation I want to marry you.’ I have always said that in an innocent way and it has been a joke between us for over 5years. Perhaps they did not see it in the same innocent way as I do.
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If the priest is 93, then everyone will see this in an innocent way. Do not worry about this.
cmscms said:
To me, it is now a funny joke about learning a language. Is it possible that my openess to tell that story in mixed company gave the wrong message?
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No, the story did not give a wrong message. Do not worry about this either.

The party sounds pretty ridiculous. None of my Catholic friends (of any ethnicity) would ever behave like this as a party. There are plenty of Catholics who do not approve of this behavior, so I would not attend any more of these parties, and I would try to meet more people from the parish, in the hope of finding Catholic friends who behave appropriately.

At your parish, have you noticed that certain parishioners are particularly friendly with the priests? Are there certain parishioners that the priests seem to trust more than others? If you don’t know where to go to find better friends, sometimes that’s a good sign that those parishioners behave appropriately, both inside and outside the church.
 
I don’t tbink that one of the commandments was; thou shall be boring. 🙂 That sounds like the parties that I attended in college.
Unlike the women in my bible study, I like to go out. Most of the times I’ll go with my new friends to a gay club (so we don’t get harassed by men looking for sex). Personally, get out of the house on Saturday night! I went out, even with a bad cold. 🙂 Did I dance on tables and do body shots? Nope, I danced with my friends and a bunch of gay men (I didn’t even drink, because I’m on a diet).
Would I ogle men in front of my boyfriend/husband? Would I want him to be checking out women in front of me. No on both counts.

Catholic shouldn’t equal boring. But that is just my opinion.

And the reason I don’t have very many Catholic friends? The Northwest isn’t known for being very Catholic, and the women my age in my parish are BORING! I mean, Wii bowling is too “immoral” for the young adult group. 🙂 I would rather watch paint dry than spend Saturday night with them. So my friends are mostly not Catholic.
 
A gay bar is not a good place to hangout for any reason (aside from undercover police work).
 
PatriceA said:
I couldn’t disagree more! I have never been to a party like the OP describes, either married or as a single. That’s not my idea of a party and I am certainly not a prude but I do know how to have a good time with my friends without being so crude and rude. I would be having second, even third thoughts about associating with these so called friends in the future. There is nothing appropriate about their kind of behavior.
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I think the same way as you, Patrice. I have lots of family and friends, and when we get together there is much laughter, and the conversations and focus is nothing at all like the group that the OP described.
And, we don’t discuss Proust either! 🙂 There is just a lot of family fun and conversation, and nothing is said that would give bad example to the children present.
 
CountrySinger said:
Most of the times I’ll go with my new friends to a gay club (so we don’t get harassed by men looking for sex).
Click to expand...
I never thought of that one! 👍 Might have to give it a try myself!

I cover my head, so when I go out to bars or nightclubs, I usually wear a more “hijab” style to scare men off. I went to a club last night in support of a friend of mine who was playing in the band, and even wearing a headscarf the guy sitting next to me struck up a conversation–he asked where I was from! When I told him what city I live in, he asked me if I was originally from the US. (I have fair skin, grey eyes, and a Southern accent.) :rolleyes:

Miz
 
gh4 said:
Were you the only single person there?
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Well, apart from the kids, I would have to say I think I was the only traditional single. The guy who was hitting on me is divorced, so was another lady and a single mom were there.

To respond to other posts, I don’t expect people to be boring and some people danced in an OK way. I just think that by overly screaming at a good looking singer it is in a way being immature. Also, for the women to watch scantility cald women on TV in front of men in my opinion is undervaluing themselves

CM
 
cmscms said:
I was invited to a party at a house of a lady I know from my bible group. A lot of people there are part of the group and or go to church regularly. I am happy to finally have friends that are believers.
Some of the men had a few beers but nothing excessive. However, the women decided to watch videos on you tube and screaming at the good looking singers. Most of these women are well over 35 and their husbands were at the party. Is it me or would a husband not feel hurt deep down by that? Then, one man (married) got up to dance and pretended he was going to take his shirt off. All the woman cheered him on. All I could think was ‘is the joke not a bit old?’
Then one woman decided to play a video (not sure who it was) where a scantily clad lady was in a cage moving in a very provacative way. The women all though it was funny. I was humilitated and found it degrading. Expecially since that was the first time I watched a music video in over 15 years I didn’t realize how bad they got.
But the worst is the kids (aged 5 to 9) and there was at least six of them walked into the room and no one batted an eye lash. These woman were screaming and enjoying the video and clapping in front of their children. One woman’s son was tired and resting his head on her lap and she was clapping and singing. Is it me or would most boys deep down not be embarrased to see their mom carry on like that?
Then one man asked me where my husband was to which I responded ‘I don’t have a husband’ Then he said to me ‘Oh you are divorced’ I said ‘no I have never been married’ So then he asked me if I was ‘pure’. I gave him a funny look. Instead of realizing I was offended, he asked again so I said ‘Yes I am’ and he said ‘I don’t believe you’. All night long he kept flirting with me and all night long I kept telling him I had no interested. Everyone though it was funny. The crueller my rejection, the more people laughed.
I finally am happy to be with people who are good to me but… I want to please God more. How do people think if next time I see the hostess of the party I tell her that I really appreciated her friendliness but provacative videos do offend me? My main fear is she won’t realize I am serious and think I am joking.
Any words of wisdom?
Thanks
Click to expand...
Well, the next time you are invited to a ‘swingers’ party, remember that they are not talking about ‘dancing’ . . . . . . . .
 
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