Disappointing first communion experience for whole family

[Batfink]

Yes, this was poorly done. That was a HUGE group of First Communicants, and honestly, I think it would have been much better to break it up into at least 2 groups, at 2 separate Masses.

I agree. If you do go to speak to someone about this, that would be one of my principle points. Whether the families sit with the children or the children are altogether is more negotiable, I’ve seen both and there are reasons for both. The reason this seems to have gone so badly wrong is because there were so many other people there so even if family had been seated in a different place there was no way to see them.

In our parish, we have a similar number of first communicants every year (90-110) but we separate them out into three groups who have their First Communion Mass on consecutive Sundays, so 30-40 each Sunday. Then on Corpus Christi they all get together in their outfits again and join in the procession. If your parish has 100 children for First Communion each year, they really need to re-think the logistics of packing them all into one Mass - I can imagine it would be hard for the priests and catechists in a situation like that to avoid a production line mentality.

 

[Joe_5859]

Does the parish have a DRE? I would approach that person rather than the pastor. In most parishes these days, especially a large one like you describe, the priest isn’t likely to be very involved in the minute details of First Communion seating, etc.

And actually, rather than speaking to them in person, I would put your suggestions for future years in an email to both the priest and the DRE so that it’s maybe harder to forget and also easy to pass on to any others who might be involved in future First Communions. I would strongly suggest that they give parents in the future a detailed description of the seating arrangements, etc, and you could also suggest reserved pews for families in the future.

Incidentally, our parish also seats the children separate from their parents, and I actually like it better that way. It’s too chaotic to have the kids tripping over their parents to get out of the pew, then tripping back over them to get back in, then the parents and the rest of the family tripping back over the kids when they go up to Communion.

I think that’s a good idea to write things down. I think it is good to talk to them, too. Although it is true that many pastors have delegated the logistical planning to others, since the liturgy is still ultimately their responsibility, I think talking to them could still be useful. If nothing else, getting them to see the problem makes it that mush more likely that the DRE would do something with regards to the OP’s suggestions.

 

[anruari]

I would agree with those people recommending a formal complaint to the Parish and the organisers of the event if they were different from the parish priest.

I would include in the complaint the fact that the Vatican has explicitly stated that this is a totally unacceptable use of what I assume you are refereing to as “Eucharistic Ministers”

A Eucharistic Minister is a priest or bishop Only.
The correct title is Ordinary Minister of the Eucharist.
They can say mass - thereby confecting the Eucharist.

They are also Ordinary Ministers of Holy Communion. - i.e. they distribute the Holy Eucharist so we may all receive it “In Communion”. The other “Ordinary Minister” of Holy Communion is the Deacon.

Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion is the correct - and only permissible title for other people who have been deputised to distribute Holy Communion to the Faithfull.
The key to the role is in the work “Extra-Ordinary” - from the Latin meaning “Out of the Ordinary” - or Unusual.
The use of these people at an ordinary Sunday mass is prohibited unless not having them would “cause significant undue delay”.

There’s a couple of documents to refere to but the key one is Redemptionis Sacramentum especially paras 154 - 160. and the GIRM

I would consider it perverse for first communicants to receive their first Holy Communion from the hands on an unordained person. - even if Extraordinary Ministers are then used to distribute the Holy Communion to a portion of the congregation.

 

[nietz]

All of the answers were right on. I hope you got some satisfaction and peace from them, and can reassure your daughter. You will be ready for child # 2 when the time comes! And # 1 will be a seasoned receiver of the Holy Eucharist! You came to the the right place for answers and reassurance. God Bless you, and all those who felt compelled to state their opinions.

 

[SwizzleStick]

Our oldest made her first communion a couple months ago and she (and I) are still upset over it. I’m not sure if I should bring it up to someone or not? …
…It was such a special once in a lifetime event for her and she spent it stressed over being alone and her family didn’t get to see any of it. Cousins, aunts, and friends had close seats and were able to see everything while parents like me missed out while sitting in the back.

:hug1::console::hug3:

I am so sorry that your daughter and your family had such a negative experience during her First Communion Mass. It sounds like so many elements came together (the large number of First Communicants, the seat saving and seating of others, the fact that your husband was away and you alone were responsible for your little ones, others blocking your view, you were unable to attend the practice, apparently no information or not enough information was sent home about the event, etc.) in such a way that that the unfortunate outcome occurred, that you couldn’t see your daughter and she couldn’t see you. I am so sorry for that.

I agree with the comments of other posters that you should communicate in writing with the DRE (and/or priest, depending on what you deem is appropriate) at your Church and share details of what happened to your family on your daughter’s First Communion day. Then I would outline a list of suggestions for change so that nothing similar happens for your family or other families in the future.

As far as not having a picture, I suggest you contact the professional photographer who took pictures of the children, explain your situation, and ask to buy a picture of your daughter receiving her First Holy Communion. One or two pictures should not be too expensive. In my experience, the photographers keep proofs for a year after the event, so perhaps you can still view them online or otherwise and buy one or two as keepsakes and to share with Daddy. Call and ask. That can’t hurt and it may even help.

I am going to share information on how our Church does things. It may help you write your letter or e-mail to the DRE and/or priest.

At my Church, we too have about 100 First Communicants. Due to that number, we have a morning Mass (10:00 a.m.) and an afternoon Mass (1:00 p.m.). Both are packed to standing room only. The DRE divides the day school children and PSR children by alphabet and assigns the Mass times that way. If the time is not convenient for the family, they notify the DRE to make a switch to the other Mass, but the switch is made weeks in advance (programs are printed listing the names of the First Communicants at that particular Mass). The two groups end up generally with about the same number of children once the switches are made. Maybe your church is large enough to accommodate everyone in one Mass. It sounds like that might be the case since you were actually in the Church, though far away. Still, that sounds less than ideal and I would suggest two or maybe three Masses. I guess seating is the next issue.

The First Communicants have assigned seating in the pews in the front of the Church. The parents have reserved pews right behind the children. The parent pews are reserved on a first come, first seated basis, BUT they are for parents only. We fill out a form indicating how many parents will be attending to allow for the proper number of reserved parent pews. Obviously, exceptions are made for parents with infants and toddlers to allow seating them with parents. When my youngest child made his First Communion, he had his seat in front; hubby and I sat behind him in the parent pews. Our older children found seats behind us in the Church. Other relatives were there, so my older children sat with them. If other relatives are not present so that young children cannot sit with them rather than Mom and/or Dad, I would suggest arrangements be made to allow young children to sit in the pew with Mom and Dad. Make the DRE aware ahead of time that special circumstances apply (a young mother who would enjoy actually seeing her child while caring for her younger children alone because her husband is not able to be there) so that a section of pew is reserved specifically for the John Doe family within the parent section of seating. More seating is required and allowed for blended families that have stepparents too, so I would think accommodations and considerations could also be made if other needs are made known in advance. Communication in advance is key.

As far as general seating, no seat saving of entire pews or large sections of pews is allowed. Exceptions to that are saving seats for family members who are elderly or handicapped and cannot sit long. I think some parishes reserve a handicapped section for folks with special needs during special Masses, though my parish does not. Ushers should be present at Mass to aid with general seating issues.

Before Mass, an announcement is made asking that pictures not be taken during Mass except by the professional photographers. Also, that reminder is published early and often so that parents and relatives do generally abide by it so view and aisles are not obstructed since folks tend to stay in pews then since they are not getting up to take pictures. We are also reminded that Mass should remain reverent and holy, so taking pictures is not really appropriate anyway. There are exceptions, of course, because some people are just going to do what they are going to do, but the reminders do help. Pictures may be taken otherwise, before and after Mass, just not during Mass.

A few group shots of the children are taken by the professional photographer after Mass on the steps in front of church, weather permitting. At the end of Mass, the priest asks that nobody leave through the back doors to allow the kids to get set up and the pictures taken. Parents and relatives are free to use the side doors to exit and take their own pictures of the group and be mindful not to impede the photographer. If weather is inclement, the group picture is taken downstairs before Mass. Parents are free to take pictures then too.

Communication is important. Information should come home so everyone knows what will happen, when and how. Parents should attend meetings and practices so they can be as informed as possible. If that is not possible, the DRE should be available by phone and e-mail to field questions and share information and parents should avail themselves of that information.

I’m sure others can add info and share their own experiences to help you communicate with your DRE/priest and have a better experience and go more smoothly with future First Holy Communion days in your family. Again, I am so sorry about the way things went for your daughter.

I hope you can be comforted by the thought that even though you didn’t see it, your not seeing the actual event really didn’t change your daughter’s receipt of the Sacrament, her receipt of Jesus. She did it! It was an experience between her and Christ, her Lord! She received the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for the very first time that day, a holy and profound and personal experience, and it was AWESOME for her and her Faith no matter what. Hope that thought helps bring you comfort.:hug1:

 

[Wackotrad]

We sat with our child. I am not sure what you mean by everyone tripping over everyone else. Our child went up for Communion at the same time we did. So there wasn’t any chaos.

airforcefamily, I would certainly contact the DRE or whomever was in charge of the children for Mass. Let them know that in the future, when your other children make their 1st Communion, you will be showing up to practice, other children in tow. I would let them know that, for you and your child, not knowing what was going up caused too much distress.

Our priest–rightfully so, I think–doesn’t have the children go up with their parents, because he thinks it takes the focus away from the fact that this is a monumental occasion for the child.

Unless a church has very short pews or no one else sits in the same pews as the parents and First Communicants, logistically people are going to have to climb over others to get in and out of the pew when it’s their turn to take Communion. That includes siblings, who presumably wouldn’t be going up with their parents for the First Communion.

 

[EasterJoy]

This is an extremely unfortunate situation. I wouldn’t go the route of making a formal complaint about this just yet, but do describe everything that happened to you and your family to your pastor. Decide what to do next after having a chance to talk to him.

There is nothing that says that all the children in a parish must make their First Holy Communion together. In view of what you went through with your first child, you may want to explore arranging to have your next child make his or her First Holy Communion quietly, at a different Mass from the other children. As long as you do not want a lot of fanfare for your child, this should be something your pastor ought to be willing to do for you. Certainly this is what has to happen if a child gets sick on his or her originally-scheduled day. That is an idea that might be thrown out if changing the entire system doesn’t seem to be on the table.

Write down who you talked to on what day and what was said as you go through this. You’ll want to think back, write that down, and have that specific information with you in case the pastor asks you questions to that effect. Once you’ve talked to your pastor, update your diary concerning when you talked to him and what was said. Then you will be able to say, for instance, “Father, you assured me you would talk to the DRE, but that was six weeks ago, and the DRE says you have said nothing to her about what we discussed.”

If there is no useful movement made to ensure that you won’t have a repeat for Child #2 and thereafter, you will probably need to go to the diocese and relate what you’ve tried up to that point. Again, having written down specifically what was done and said by whom, where and when, will be useful in clearing up what happened and how it can be kept from happening again, to you or to anyone else.

 

[maryjk]

Our priest–rightfully so, I think–doesn’t have the children go up with their parents, because he thinks it takes the focus away from the fact that this is a monumental occasion for the child.

I disagree.

It was wonderful to sit with my child and all of the family. I am glad our parish did pull the kids away from their parents and family.

 

[MissRose73]

Reading the OP’s post made me glad to think back to my First Communion Day where we had a small class (no more than 20 total in my 2nd grade class), and the day I had mine, I also shared the day with a classmate. Apparently, parents were allowed to pick the Mass day and time they wanted when I had my First Communion within a certain time frame.

With classes so large, they should have had someone designated even if a volunteer to snap pictures of each child receiving for the first time then give the picture digital file via email and a few printouts for the family to avoid issues with people getting up and in the way. Same thing for group pictures and pictures of the child with the priest, with the family in the picture with the first Communicant too. If there were so many kids to receive, perhaps they should have been divided into groups to be as even as possible among the Saturday & Sunday Masses even if it takes several weekends.

Even when I had my First Communion, my mother took a picture of me and my sister before going to church. Then my mother got a few posed ones with the priest and me after, with one with my parents. If I recall right, also one after I received Communion as well. I even remember sitting with my own family for the Mass in a reserved section. My classmate sat with his family also. I cannot remember if our catechist sat nearby or not.

OP - I hope someday your daughter will remember that receiving Jesus for the first time is very special even if you were not sitting close by to her. God’s blessings to her.

 

[airforcefamily]

Thank you all for the thoughtful replies, it means a lot to have our disappointment validated.

After talking my husband and I have decided that if we’re still living in the same area when our younger children receive their first communion we will either request for it to be at a different mass, perhaps a weekday mass so it’s less crowded and is shorter so others hopefully will not mind an extra minute so they may go up alone first, or have them go to the chapel on base where there are far fewer children.

In hindsight I’m not sure why I assumed there would be fewer kids. I guess I thought it would be just the kids in the class from the school, 22 in all, although a few are not Catholic and would not be participating.

Very little information was sent home aside from guidelines as to what they were supposed to wear :roll eyes:

Maybe more information was given out during the weekend workshops. These workshops were every Saturday for a couple months but, of course, a parent was required to attend and in no circumstances were other children allowed to attend (not even our newborn who was three weeks old at the time of the first workshop whom I couldn’t possibly have left with a babysitter even if we could afford to hire one).

I’ve sent an email to her teacher to see if she can send out a group email to other parents in case one has a picture or two they’re willing to share. Hopefully something will come of it.

 

[airforcefamily]

Yes, this was poorly done. That was a HUGE group of First Communicants, and honestly, I think it would have been much better to break it up into at least 2 groups, at 2 separate Masses. I would definitely make an appointment to speak with your pastor about it, to let him know that you were completely shut out of sitting with your daughter or even nearby. That is just not right! The pews for the family should be limited to the IMMEDIATE family and everyone else should need to sit with the congregation. The photography should be ONLY one by a professional. Our older son had ONE photo of his receiving. Our younger son did his First Communion all by himself so there was no photographer present (he has celiac disease so we didn’t want him to receive along with his HUGE group b/c of the risk of confusion/contamination, as he can only receive from the chalice).

The issue is being in control of that situation and enforcing the rules. It’s not easy with such a huge number of communicants, but it can be done. I’m so sorry your daughter had this experience! I hope you can explain to her that people didn’t mean to ruin her day, only that sometimes things get out of hand and no one knows what to do to fix it in the moment.

:grouphug:

I, too, am unable to tolerate gluten (although I do not have celiac disease). If it is the ‘main’ chalice the priest used then it will have a small bit of the host in it and can cause symptoms.

If he is able to tolerate very, very small amounts of gluten you can order ‘low gluten’ hosts from the Benedictine Sister of Perpetual Adoration in Clyde, Missouri. Their website states that each one contains 1/270th of the daily amount of gluten considered dangerous for those with celiac disease. Some people do react to them but most are able to tolerate them.

You can bring it yourself in a pyx that has never held a gluten containing host and leave it on the alter to be blessed. You can ask that someone who has been touching gluten containing hosts not touch it.

They approved by the Holy See since unlike other gluten free communion wafers they are made with wheat starch (the part of wheat that doesn’t contain gluten).

They’re pricy at $5 and change per 20 plus a couple dollars for shipping but for Sundays and holy days it wouldn’t be too much per year. They have sample packs you can get by filling out a form online.

Here’s the link:

altarbreadsbspa.com/lowgluten.php

 

[Chorister1980]

It’s very different where we are.

There are numerous Catholic schools in our area and they are affiliated with the churches closest to them. Within a 10 mile radius we have 3 Catholic churches and the same number of Catholic primary schools. There are also the same number (if not more) of non denominational primary schools.

If you are Catholic then you send your child to the school in your catchment. When they reach the appropriate ages for the sacraments the school really does the majority of the preparation work, the children rehearse at the church during school hours, they have workbooks about the sacrament and these are used in class and at home.

When it comes to their First Holy Communion the children sit with their classmates, there are reserved pews behind them, the first few for the parents involved in the liturgy (readers, offertory procession etc) and the rest for the families. The church is large and there is easily one pew in the centre isles for each family with plenty of space in the side isles for the extended family.

There are 50 children in my sons year, the two classes will have their own Communion days.

I know parents have turned up early to ensure they have the best of the reserved seats. I sing in the choir (not that my name gives it away!!) and have sung at the Commuinions for the past 20 years (I was 11 when I joined the choir). I am the cantor, so will sing the psalm at my sons Commuinion which will be next May, so I will be lucky enough to have a reserved seat near the children, I know if I didn’t it would add a lot of stress to the day.

I love the idea of the photos, getting her back in her dress and taking photos around the church or with the priest is a lovely idea.

 

[HouseArrest]

Thank you all for the thoughtful replies, it means a lot to have our disappointment validated.

After talking my husband and I have decided that if we’re still living in the same area when our younger children receive their first communion we will either request for it to be at a different mass, perhaps a weekday mass so it’s less crowded and is shorter so others hopefully will not mind an extra minute so they may go up alone first, or have them go to the chapel on base where there are far fewer children.

In hindsight I’m not sure why I assumed there would be fewer kids. I guess I thought it would be just the kids in the class from the school, 22 in all, although a few are not Catholic and would not be participating.

Very little information was sent home aside from guidelines as to what they were supposed to wear :roll eyes:

Maybe more information was given out during the weekend workshops. These workshops were every Saturday for a couple months but, of course, a parent was required to attend and in no circumstances were other children allowed to attend (not even our newborn who was three weeks old at the time of the first workshop whom I couldn’t possibly have left with a babysitter even if we could afford to hire one).

I’ve sent an email to her teacher to see if she can send out a group email to other parents in case one has a picture or two they’re willing to share. Hopefully something will come of it.

I really don’t think you can put the entire blame on the parish when they had weekend workshops and you did not attend any of them. I realize you had a reason, but the fact remains that there was information given out you just did not receive it. Did you make arrangements to get the information another way?

I think if you complain to the DRE you should admit you did not attend the workshops and mention the reason as I am sure there were many (especially with that many communicants!) with little ones at home. Maybe letting them know your problem would help another person in the long run.

They may have wondered where you were…

 

[airforcefamily]

I really don’t think you can put the entire blame on the parish when they had weekend workshops and you did not attend any of them. I realize you had a reason, but the fact remains that there was information given out you just did not receive it. Did you make arrangements to get the information another way?

I think if you complain to the DRE you should admit you did not attend the workshops and mention the reason as I am sure there were many (especially with that many communicants!) with little ones at home. Maybe letting them know your problem would help another person in the long run.

They may have wondered where you were…

I understand what you’re saying but they knew we wanted to attend and said no. Babysitters are difficult to come by on military bases and are therefore expensive. I wouldn’t have been able to leave a nursing newborn for that length of time anyway. Eight four hour workshops plus an additional hour for driving back and fourth at $5 per hour per child (the minimum going rate around here), assuming they would have let me bring the baby (they wouldn’t) would have added up to $600, not something we could afford. Her teacher and the coordinator of the weekend workshop program knew the reason why she didn’t attend.

They never offered to give me any information beyond what I was given through the school and I assumed (wrongly, as it turns out) that important things would be sent around as a note or an email.

The school/parish, from what I’ve experienced, runs on the premise that families are small with 1-3 children each, both parents are available any day and time, and parents will always be able to find and be able to afford childcare. The school is not only significantly more expensive than any other Catholic school we’ve lived near but they charge tons of extra fees and have mandatory fundraising quotas. You’re required to join the pta and have to pay for the privilege. Every other Friday school lets out an hour and a half early and parents who work are either expected to leave work or find someone to pick up their kids (there are no busses). If you arrive after the pickup window for whatever reason you’re charged $5 per minute per child. The second week of school I arrived at the correct time only to find out school had let out early and we owed $900 to be paid by Monday in order for our children to return to classes the following week. They waived it after I proved to the principle that nowhere in the dozens of pages of printed information we received when we registered them did it say anything about early dismissal. They indicated that most every parent volunteers in the classrooms. Not only are no other children are allowed to accompany the parent (which is understandable since it would be a distraction) but parents have to take a full day (no nursing babies allowed) $200 child safety course before they’re allowed to volunteer. They assume that by the time your kids are in school you will either no longer have younger ones at home or your younger children will be in daycare while you take time off work to volunteer. We weren’t able to fulfill our mandatory 15 hours per parent and were not able to do the hours we were assigned at the fall festival since I had terrible morning (all day) sickness. We had a $400 fine for not volunteering added to our account. The older two kids had to miss out on baseball and soccer, activiites they had been promised, because of the fine. We did send in a bunch of cakes and other desserts to be sold at bake sales, sent in extra classroom supplies, and helped clean the school on a ‘service day’ when no kids were in the building so the safety class wasn’t required only to find out after those hours didn’t count. One day a note came home that each child in K-3rd was required to bring in five lemons the next day for the school’s spring lemonade stand at a local festival. I sent a note saying I didn’t see the message until 8:30 and the kids were already in bed and with having to leave the house at 7am with five little kids the next morning (school starts at 7:40am) I wouldn’t be able to get them in the morning. The kids came out at dismissal upset with me for not getting lemons for them since the kids who didn’t bring them in had to stay inside while the other kids got to out and help paint the signs for the stand. It wasn’t the kid’s fault I wasn’t able to drop everything and go to the store for lemons! The first day of school we went together to drop the kids off. We went in to find parents were expected to stay the entire day (it was a half day, 3.5 hours). I was sent away because I had our, at that time, two younger children and my husband had to stay for several informational and fundraising ‘classes’.

Sorry that turned into a big rant about the school but the way things are done there makes me want to pull my hair out! The parents who are just coming in always seem to complain but those who have been there for years seem ok with it, it’s what they’re used to.

My dad said it well: “they have a captive market and they know it”. They’re the only church and Catholic school within reasonable driving distance with the exception of the chapel on the base so they can do what they please and people will put up with it. The other options are terrible public schools or southern baptist schools. Some of those in the religious education program who were also making their first communion that day drove in from over an hour away. I do plan on writing a letter to the parish so hopefully parents in future years will be better informed.

 

[Irishmom2]

Wow, airforcefamily. That school sounds like a nightmare. Would you ever consider home schooling? In your case, it would probably be easier for you than dealing with that school. My kids have been in 4 different Catholic schools over the years and none were like yours! Their requirements and “fees” are really over the top.

 

[EasterJoy]

I understand what you’re saying but they knew we wanted to attend and said no. Babysitters are difficult to come by on military bases and are therefore expensive. I wouldn’t have been able to leave a nursing newborn for that length of time anyway. Eight four hour workshops plus an additional hour for driving back and fourth at $5 per hour per child (the minimum going rate around here), assuming they would have let me bring the baby (they wouldn’t) would have added up to $600, not something we could afford. Her teacher and the coordinator of the weekend workshop program knew the reason why she didn’t attend.

They never offered to give me any information beyond what I was given through the school and I assumed (wrongly, as it turns out) that important things would be sent around as a note or an email.

The school/parish, from what I’ve experienced, runs on the premise that families are small with 1-3 children each, both parents are available any day and time, and parents will always be able to find and be able to afford childcare. The school is not only significantly more expensive than any other Catholic school we’ve lived near but they charge tons of extra fees and have mandatory fundraising quotas. You’re required to join the pta and have to pay for the privilege. Every other Friday school lets out an hour and a half early and parents who work are either expected to leave work or find someone to pick up their kids (there are no busses). If you arrive after the pickup window for whatever reason you’re charged $5 per minute per child. The second week of school I arrived at the correct time only to find out school had let out early and we owed $900 to be paid by Monday in order for our children to return to classes the following week. They waived it after I proved to the principle that nowhere in the dozens of pages of printed information we received when we registered them did it say anything about early dismissal. They indicated that most every parent volunteers in the classrooms. Not only are no other children are allowed to accompany the parent (which is understandable since it would be a distraction) but parents have to take a full day (no nursing babies allowed) $200 child safety course before they’re allowed to volunteer. They assume that by the time your kids are in school you will either no longer have younger ones at home or your younger children will be in daycare while you take time off work to volunteer. We weren’t able to fulfill our mandatory 15 hours per parent and were not able to do the hours we were assigned at the fall festival since I had terrible morning (all day) sickness. We had a $400 fine for not volunteering added to our account. The older two kids had to miss out on baseball and soccer, activiites they had been promised, because of the fine. We did send in a bunch of cakes and other desserts to be sold at bake sales, sent in extra classroom supplies, and helped clean the school on a ‘service day’ when no kids were in the building so the safety class wasn’t required only to find out after those hours didn’t count. One day a note came home that each child in K-3rd was required to bring in five lemons the next day for the school’s spring lemonade stand at a local festival. I sent a note saying I didn’t see the message until 8:30 and the kids were already in bed and with having to leave the house at 7am with five little kids the next morning (school starts at 7:40am) I wouldn’t be able to get them in the morning. The kids came out at dismissal upset with me for not getting lemons for them since the kids who didn’t bring them in had to stay inside while the other kids got to out and help paint the signs for the stand. It wasn’t the kid’s fault I wasn’t able to drop everything and go to the store for lemons! The first day of school we went together to drop the kids off. We went in to find parents were expected to stay the entire day (it was a half day, 3.5 hours). I was sent away because I had our, at that time, two younger children and my husband had to stay for several informational and fundraising ‘classes’.

Sorry that turned into a big rant about the school but the way things are done there makes me want to pull my hair out! The parents who are just coming in always seem to complain but those who have been there for years seem ok with it, it’s what they’re used to.

My dad said it well: “they have a captive market and they know it”. They’re the only church and Catholic school within reasonable driving distance with the exception of the chapel on the base so they can do what they please and people will put up with it. The other options are terrible public schools or southern baptist schools. Some of those in the religious education program who were also making their first communion that day drove in from over an hour away. I do plan on writing a letter to the parish so hopefully parents in future years will be better informed.

Captive market? That is not pastoral care, and it is a grave miscalculation, if that is really what they think. If the bishop wants the Catholic children in his diocese to get their education at private schools run by the Baptists, this is the way to do it. The Church does not have a captive audience, and I’m sure the bishop must be all too aware of that.

This sounds like a batch of issues to raise with the pastor and parish school board, and after that with the bishop’s superintendent of Catholic schools, not to mention the bishop, if some redress is not offered. The school is run as if none of the students could possibly have newborn or infant siblings, let alone two parents who do not have flexibility in their work schedules. That is not acceptable.

 

[SamH]

Actually it sounds like the school is trying to force the parents to become involved in their children’s lives and some people just aren’t up to it.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I, too, am unable to tolerate gluten (although I do not have celiac disease). If it is the ‘main’ chalice the priest used then it will have a small bit of the host in it and can cause symptoms.

If he is able to tolerate very, very small amounts of gluten you can order ‘low gluten’ hosts from the Benedictine Sister of Perpetual Adoration in Clyde, Missouri. Their website states that each one contains 1/270th of the daily amount of gluten considered dangerous for those with celiac disease. Some people do react to them but most are able to tolerate them.

You can bring it yourself in a pyx that has never held a gluten containing host and leave it on the alter to be blessed. You can ask that someone who has been touching gluten containing hosts not touch it.

They approved by the Holy See since unlike other gluten free communion wafers they are made with wheat starch (the part of wheat that doesn’t contain gluten).

They’re pricy at $5 and change per 20 plus a couple dollars for shipping but for Sundays and holy days it wouldn’t be too much per year. They have sample packs you can get by filling out a form online.

Here’s the link:

altarbreadsbspa.com/lowgluten.php

Thank you. My son is now 18. I was his designated EMHC for several years, before the Sisters got their low-gluten host perfected and approved for consecration. He had his own little chalice that we took back and forth to and from church. He and his gluten-intolerant but not diagnosed older brother receive from the regular chalice (not the priest’s, though!) and have not used the hosts I bought a couple of years ago. They don’t want to stand out from the crowd or go and arrange something with the priest. That I leave up to them. I have a pyx in case either of them wants to start receiving the host.

Of course, there are times like Good Friday when the wine is not consecrated, that they cannot receive. And some churches don’t offer the Precious Blood at all, or at some Masses, there aren’t enough ministers. But they never get an attitude about it, they just “offer it up.”

 

[HouseArrest]

I understand what you’re saying but they knew we wanted to attend and said no. Babysitters are difficult to come by on military bases and are therefore expensive. I wouldn’t have been able to leave a nursing newborn for that length of time anyway. Eight four hour workshops plus an additional hour for driving back and fourth at $5 per hour per child (the minimum going rate around here), assuming they would have let me bring the baby (they wouldn’t) would have added up to $600, not something we could afford. Her teacher and the coordinator of the weekend workshop program knew the reason why she didn’t attend.

They never offered to give me any information beyond what I was given through the school and I assumed (wrongly, as it turns out) that important things would be sent around as a note or an email.

The school/parish, from what I’ve experienced, runs on the premise that families are small with 1-3 children each, both parents are available any day and time, and parents will always be able to find and be able to afford childcare. The school is not only significantly more expensive than any other Catholic school we’ve lived near but they charge tons of extra fees and have mandatory fundraising quotas. You’re required to join the pta and have to pay for the privilege. Every other Friday school lets out an hour and a half early and parents who work are either expected to leave work or find someone to pick up their kids (there are no busses). If you arrive after the pickup window for whatever reason you’re charged $5 per minute per child. The second week of school I arrived at the correct time only to find out school had let out early and we owed $900 to be paid by Monday in order for our children to return to classes the following week. They waived it after I proved to the principle that nowhere in the dozens of pages of printed information we received when we registered them did it say anything about early dismissal. They indicated that most every parent volunteers in the classrooms. Not only are no other children are allowed to accompany the parent (which is understandable since it would be a distraction) but parents have to take a full day (no nursing babies allowed) $200 child safety course before they’re allowed to volunteer. They assume that by the time your kids are in school you will either no longer have younger ones at home or your younger children will be in daycare while you take time off work to volunteer. We weren’t able to fulfill our mandatory 15 hours per parent and were not able to do the hours we were assigned at the fall festival since I had terrible morning (all day) sickness. We had a $400 fine for not volunteering added to our account. The older two kids had to miss out on baseball and soccer, activiites they had been promised, because of the fine. We did send in a bunch of cakes and other desserts to be sold at bake sales, sent in extra classroom supplies, and helped clean the school on a ‘service day’ when no kids were in the building so the safety class wasn’t required only to find out after those hours didn’t count. One day a note came home that each child in K-3rd was required to bring in five lemons the next day for the school’s spring lemonade stand at a local festival. I sent a note saying I didn’t see the message until 8:30 and the kids were already in bed and with having to leave the house at 7am with five little kids the next morning (school starts at 7:40am) I wouldn’t be able to get them in the morning. The kids came out at dismissal upset with me for not getting lemons for them since the kids who didn’t bring them in had to stay inside while the other kids got to out and help paint the signs for the stand. It wasn’t the kid’s fault I wasn’t able to drop everything and go to the store for lemons! The first day of school we went together to drop the kids off. We went in to find parents were expected to stay the entire day (it was a half day, 3.5 hours). I was sent away because I had our, at that time, two younger children and my husband had to stay for several informational and fundraising ‘classes’.

Sorry that turned into a big rant about the school but the way things are done there makes me want to pull my hair out! The parents who are just coming in always seem to complain but those who have been there for years seem ok with it, it’s what they’re used to.

My dad said it well: “they have a captive market and they know it”. They’re the only church and Catholic school within reasonable driving distance with the exception of the chapel on the base so they can do what they please and people will put up with it. The other options are terrible public schools or southern baptist schools. Some of those in the religious education program who were also making their first communion that day drove in from over an hour away. I do plan on writing a letter to the parish so hopefully parents in future years will be better informed.

Oh I believe you. I believe you have your reasons. I am just saying it sounds like the information was out there.

I taught high school at one time and one of the kids ended up with a “C” for the quarter. She was a great student, worked hard, but became a little too involved in extra curriculars. Her mother came in to argue the grade. I said I thought she performed poorly because she missed too many classes. Her mother said all the absences were excused. She was right, they were, but she still was not there for the classes, and that is why she did poorly.

I agree with above poster - maybe you should look into homeschooling. It seems like it might actually be easier than trying to follow the schedule of the school!

 

[EasterJoy]

Actually it sounds like the school is trying to force the parents to become involved in their children’s lives and some people just aren’t up to it.

Oh, so if you can’t volunteer in a classroom because you have two young ones at home, you’re not “up to” being “involved in your child’s life”? This, even though the school is not “up to” making accomodations for parents who can’t negotiate their inability to communicate expectations in a timely fashion, let alone make accomodations for parents whose schedules are inflexible through no fault of their own? What a bunch of garbage that is.

I can see having fees that reflect that a family is not meeting a minimum amount of fundraising that the school needs to meet in order to make the tuition accessible to someone without deep pockets, but the $900 fee(?!?!) for mistakenly showing up at the normal time on an early dismissal day is over the top, not to mention disallowing hours the parents could contribute, spent in real service to the school, when counting service hours. Why don’t they just print “Not Your Imaginations: We’d Rather Your Child Be at the Baptist School!” on the school letterhead?