Disappointing first communion experience for whole family

[EasterJoy]

Oh I believe you. I believe you have your reasons. I am just saying it sounds like the information was out there.

I taught high school at one time and one of the kids ended up with a “C” for the quarter. She was a great student, worked hard, but became a little too involved in extra curriculars. Her mother came in to argue the grade. I said I thought she performed poorly because she missed too many classes. Her mother said all the absences were excused. She was right, they were, but she still was not there for the classes, and that is why she did poorly.

I agree with above poster - maybe you should look into homeschooling. It seems like it might actually be easier than trying to follow the schedule of the school!

Getting a “C” because you missed a large number of classes is not the same as an early gradeschooler being kept inside for a group art project because her mom couldn’t make an unscheduled trip to the grocery store on one day’s notice.

My kids are in our parish school. The school described in this thread is over the top. It doesn’t cost $200 per person to do safety education and screening. It doesn’t cost $900 to provide childcare for a few hours. That is either highway robbery or draconian punishment. I vote for the latter–$900??? That penalty should not have gotten to the point where it needed to be reviewed. Somebody has their head where there isn’t enough light to think.

The OP might be driven to home school, but that will have been the fault of the school. That is a pity.

 

[HouseArrest]

Getting a “C” because you missed a large number of classes is not the same as an early gradeschooler being kept inside for a group art project because her mom couldn’t make an unscheduled trip to the grocery store on one day’s notice.

My kids are in our parish school. The school described in this thread is over the top. It doesn’t cost $200 per person to do safety education and screening. It doesn’t cost $900 to provide childcare for a few hours. That is either highway robbery or draconian punishment. I vote for the latter–$900??? That penalty should not have gotten to the point where it needed to be reviewed. Somebody has their head where there isn’t enough light to think.

The OP might be driven to home school, but that will have been the fault of the school. That is a pity.

I am not comparing the “C” to the art project. My analogy was with the situation at the FHC. The OP was surprised numerous times that day. Had she been at one of the many workshops that were offered she may have been more informed. Like I said, she did have a valid reason for missing but that does not mean the school did not provide the information.

As far as the OP being driven to homeschool, well, we all have to deal with what is, don’t we? Many people homeschool because a school is too expensive or does not meet our needs, we live too far from an acceptable school, or our kids don’t do well in that setting. What’s different about this situation?

 

[jmcrae]

Our oldest made her first communion a couple months ago and she (and I) are still upset over it. I’m not sure if I should bring it up to someone or not?

We live in the rural south so it’s the only Catholic church around.

The church is really big and they had the kids sit in the center area, separate from their families. I assumed pews would be assigned or immediate family would be able to sit close enough to see but that was not the case. I had no idea that families arrived hours early to claim the close pews for cousins, aunts, family friends, etc. We ended just about as far away as possible. My husband is away and I have five little kids to care for so I wouldn’t of had the luxury of claiming a pew at the crack of dawn anyway.

I missed it all. I couldn’t leave the other kids in the far corner of the church to walk up and take pictures like other parents did. The other parents taking pictures in the aisles blocked my view completely. The only option I would have had to get a picture would have been to preorder a $100+ professional picture package, I would have had I known I would miss everything. I’ve asked around for pictures and I’m hoping to get one with her in it.

After all the kids went up and I realized I must have missed her I stood up to try and find her in the crowd of seated kids. I saw her, sobbing. I brought all the other kids over to comfort her. She was upset because she didn’t even know we were there and the whole thing was scary for her when she felt so alone. I was ready to cry right along with her.

I missed her walking in, receiving her first communion, and walking out. She said after that she wanted to sit with me. Every other first communion I’ve been to (including my own) the children have sat at the end of the pew where their family is sitting. There were enough pews in the church to do that, why were the children separated from their families?

It was such a special once in a lifetime event for her and she spent it stressed over being alone and her family didn’t get to see any of it. Cousins, aunts, and friends had close seats and were able to see everything while parents like me missed out while sitting in the back.

Unfortunately it seems as if in big parishes this seems to happen to at least one family every time.

Don’t blame the organizers; they are doing the very best they can. You can tell people and tell people, “immediate family only” and they still bring every cousin and half-cousin, and grab up all the family seating at. as you say, the crack of dawn - and I, too, get very annoyed with the people jumping up and down with their cameras, as if their child were meeting Mickey Mouse instead of Jesus.

I like the idea of the parish hiring a professional photographer, and then families could pitch in some part of the cost in exchange for a professional photo of their child receiving First Holy Communion. That would at least reduce the number of holiday snapshots being taken at Mass.

 

[Wackotrad]

Actually it sounds like the school is trying to force the parents to become involved in their children’s lives and some people just aren’t up to it.

Wow. Really? I for one have never mistaken mandatory fundraising fees and usurious pickup penalties with love and nurturing.

 

[SwizzleStick]

With the additional information you provided with additional postings, airforcefamily, I agree to a degree with the following. Information was available and if you could not have gotten it the way other parents did, additional effort to get it another way was in order. At least trying another way was in order. Maybe you did and they were as cooperative with you as they had been in the past

I really don’t think you can put the entire blame on the parish when they had weekend workshops and you did not attend any of them. I realize you had a reason, but the fact remains that there was information given out you just did not receive it. Did you make arrangements to get the information another way?

I think if you complain to the DRE you should admit you did not attend the workshops and mention the reason as I am sure there were many (especially with that many communicants!) with little ones at home. Maybe letting them know your problem would help another person in the long run. …

HOWEVER, with that being said, I also agree with the following too because the school and their rules sound like a complete nightmare to deal with. Considering how unreasonable the fees and rules are, it appears that additional effort to get information may have been completely futile.

…This sounds like a batch of issues to raise with the pastor and parish school board, and after that with the bishop’s superintendent of Catholic schools, not to mention the bishop, if some redress is not offered. The school is run as if none of the students could possibly have newborn or infant siblings, let alone two parents who do not have flexibility in their work schedules. That is not acceptable.

 

[SamH]

Oh, so if you can’t volunteer in a classroom because you have two young ones at home, you’re not “up to” being “involved in your child’s life”? This, even though the school is not “up to” making accomodations for parents who can’t negotiate their inability to communicate expectations in a timely fashion, let alone make accomodations for parents whose schedules are inflexible through no fault of their own? What a bunch of garbage that is.

Wow, being asked to be involved in your child’s education is garbage?

 

[SamH]

Don’t blame the organizers; they are doing the very best they can. You can tell people and tell people, “immediate family only” and they still bring every cousin and half-cousin, and grab up all the family seating at. as you say, the crack of dawn - and I, too, get very annoyed with the people jumping up and down with their cameras, as if their child were meeting Mickey Mouse instead of Jesus.

I like the idea of the parish hiring a professional photographer, and then families could pitch in some part of the cost in exchange for a professional photo of their child receiving First Holy Communion. That would at least reduce the number of holiday snapshots being taken at Mass.

Agreed.

I was a bit taken back by the talk about cameras - I know our priest would never allow that to happen during mass.

I can guarentee most of the people organizing First Communion is a volunteer giving hours and in some cases days of their time to make it happen. Unless the OP is willing to do the same it would be nice if their efforts were recognized instead of offering up nothing but complaints.

 

[maryjk]

With the additional information you provided with additional postings, airforcefamily, I agree to a degree with the following. Information was available and if you could not have gotten it the way other parents did, additional effort to get it another way was in order. At least trying another way was in order. Maybe you did and they were as cooperative with you as they had been in the past

I can’t help but think that the OP had 9 chances to go in and get the information or to send another adult in for it. NINE times??? For over two months, she couldn’t find a friend to walk the child into class and ask for information???

I have taught a 1st Communion class. I can’t begin to calculate how many hours I spent preparing for the class and for the 1st Communion Mass. Yet, the OP couldn’t figure out how to get someone in to the classroom to get the information?

As a volunteer that blows my mind.

 

[SamH]

I can’t help but think that the OP had 9 chances to go in and get the information or to send another adult in for it. NINE times??? For over two months, she couldn’t find a friend to walk the child into class and ask for information???

I have taught a 1st Communion class. I can’t begin to calculate how many hours I spent preparing for the class and for the 1st Communion Mass. Yet, the OP couldn’t figure out how to get someone in to the classroom to get the information?

As a volunteer that blows my mind.

Oh come now, I’m sure you’ve seen this before. And I’m sure you are familiar with this little verse:

This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.

Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done

 

[HouseArrest]

I can’t help but think that the OP had 9 chances to go in and get the information or to send another adult in for it. NINE times??? For over two months, she couldn’t find a friend to walk the child into class and ask for information???

I have taught a 1st Communion class. I can’t begin to calculate how many hours I spent preparing for the class and for the 1st Communion Mass. Yet, the OP couldn’t figure out how to get someone in to the classroom to get the information?

As a volunteer that blows my mind.

I agree with you. I spend a lot of time volunteering at my kids’ school. I think people who don’t volunteer don’t realize the workload that others are doing. Even a little bit of help from each family would greatly lighten the load for the main volunteers, yet they resist stating they are so busy, they can’t get time off, etc., etc. I don’t know why they assume I am not busy as well.

That is how the insane rules are born. No institution wants to start mandating anything, especially fundraising, if it isn’t necessary. The main reason is because when it is made mandatory, somebody then has to do more work and enforce the rule! It’s quite maddening!

My guess is that the people at your school at some point were so overworked and taken advantage of, that they had to start charging for “day care” for late pick ups and start with some of the other policies. Maybe you didn’t take advantage of the teachers in that way, but somebody did, I can almost guarantee it.

 

[maryjk]

I agree with you. I spend a lot of time volunteering at my kids’ school. I think people who don’t volunteer don’t realize the workload that others are doing. Even a little bit of help from each family would greatly lighten the load for the main volunteers, yet they resist stating they are so busy, they can’t get time off, etc., etc. I don’t know why they assume I am not busy as well.

That is how the insane rules are born. No institution wants to start mandating anything, especially fundraising, if it isn’t necessary. The main reason is because when it is made mandatory, somebody then has to do more work and enforce the rule! It’s quite maddening!

My guess is that the people at your school at some point were so overworked and taken advantage of, that they had to start charging for “day care” for late pick ups and start with some of the other policies. Maybe you didn’t take advantage of the teachers in that way, but somebody did, I can almost guarantee it.

I taught preschool (many, many years ago) and there was a parent that never seemed to be able to make it on time to pick up her child. After a month of late pick ups, we informed her that we would start charging. And yes, it was $5 a minute. And yes, that adds up pretty quickly. But if I am supposed to be able to leave at noon, but I don’t get out until 12:30, I need to be compensated for my time. And if a parent regularly picks up 30 minutes late, I should be OVER compensated. The money was paid directly to me.

I am sorry that the 1st Communion Mass didn’t work out the way the OP thought it should. I am really sorry that the child was upset. But, again, if the OP had 9 possible chances to get the information but somehow couldn’t make it into the classroom, that isn’t the teacher’s fault.

 

[SamH]

I taught preschool (many, many years ago) and there was a parent that never seemed to be able to make it on time to pick up her child. After a month of late pick ups, we informed her that we would start charging. And yes, it was $5 a minute. And yes, that adds up pretty quickly. But if I am supposed to be able to leave at noon, but I don’t get out until 12:30, I need to be compensated for my time. And if a parent regularly picks up 30 minutes late, I should be OVER compensated. The money was paid directly to me.

Because you probably had your own child to pick up after you left work and you had your day care provider that charged you more for being late.

My wife is a music teacher and occassionaly she takes children to events on Saturday mornings. It is amazing how the same people can’t pick up their children on time after every event. Due to insurance requirements she can’t drive them home and is stuck babysitting on Saturday afternoon at school when she’d rather be home. If I’m working we are paying a sitter to watch our children while the parent is getting free babysitting by simply not showing up.

 

[airforcefamily]

I can’t help but think that the OP had 9 chances to go in and get the information or to send another adult in for it. NINE times??? For over two months, she couldn’t find a friend to walk the child into class and ask for information???

I have taught a 1st Communion class. I can’t begin to calculate how many hours I spent preparing for the class and for the 1st Communion Mass. Yet, the OP couldn’t figure out how to get someone in to the classroom to get the information?

As a volunteer that blows my mind.

Please understand that our family has moved seven times in eight years. That’s a huge favor to ask of someone we’ve known for all of 10 months. There are only a few ladies I can think of that I would feel comfortable even asking but they’re not Catholic, they’re husbands were away, and they have their own babies to care for. It’s easy for someone who lives near family or long time friends to say I should have just come up with somebody to go in my stead but that’s not life for a military family. If you ask a favor like that it’s only if there is a true emergency.

They likely gave out more information during the workshop but they didn’t tell me there was anything else of importance when I told the coordinator we wouldn’t be able to attend due to the strict rules on other children tagging along.

When you’re preparing for the classes you put on please take into consideration that some parents might not be able to “find a friend” to stay with their child during the class and make sure they have the information they might need. Everyone has different circumstances and what might “blow your mind” could be a daily reality for someone else.

 

[maryjk]

Please understand that our family has moved seven times in eight years. That’s a huge favor to ask of someone we’ve known for all of 10 months. There are only a few ladies I can think of that I would feel comfortable even asking but they’re not Catholic, they’re husbands were away, and they have their own babies to care for. It’s easy for someone who lives near family or long time friends to say I should have just come up with somebody to go in my stead but that’s not life for a military family. If you ask a favor like that it’s only if there is a true emergency.

You are preaching to the choir. I grew up in a military home. Air Force at that. Dad served for 23 years. I know what it is like.

I know there were many times my mom watched someone’s kids so their mom could go to the school to talk to a teacher. And I know we were pawned off on other moms when my mom needed to go in.

True emergency? My mom and the ladies on the same flight swapped favors like kids swap toys. If it didn’t happen every day, it certainly happened every week. But of course you have to ask.

They likely gave out more information during the workshop but they didn’t tell me there was anything else of importance when I told the coordinator we wouldn’t be able to attend due to the strict rules on other children tagging along.

Here is the deal. You had ample opportunity to get the information. There were at least 9 times that you could have gone in and spoke to them about it. But instead you figured it was their responsibility to get the information to you.

When you’re preparing for the classes you put on please take into consideration that some parents might not be able to “find a friend” to stay with their child during the class and make sure they have the information they might need. Everyone has different circumstances and what might “blow your mind” could be a daily reality for someone else.

Honestly, it is parents like you that caused me to stop volunteering. No matter how much time I gave, they always wanted more. Sorry, if you couldn’t find someone to walk your child into class any time during the 2 months that they were preparing for her 1st Communion Mass, I would not worry about getting the information to you. I would figure I had done my part.

 

[rebeccajohns]

Sorry to hear about all the confusion and disappointment going around on your daughter’s special occasion. At my church, we were informed that there were not assigned seatings so it was on a 1st come 1st basis. They emphasized to us that we must be there early enough if we wanted to be seated close to the children. Although some of us got there early enough and were up and close some of us were farther but we still manage to see the kids going up and the entire morning was beautiful and special. I think the church tries to accomodate, but it doesn’t always work that way. This is why they tell ppl to get there as early as possible. You stated you live in a town that this is the closest Catholic church around perhaps they do not have all the funds to get daycare or even volunteers. I wouldn’t be too disappointed. You still have many other special moments w/ your daughter and your other children to come. I think the church tries as best they can. Don’t blame the church, these things are sometimes out of their control too. They did mention to get there as early as you can. The church really has no control as to who can make it and who cannot, but they do there best to make sure they tell ppl to get there early.

 

[EasterJoy]

I am not comparing the “C” to the art project. My analogy was with the situation at the FHC. The OP was surprised numerous times that day. Had she been at one of the many workshops that were offered she may have been more informed. Like I said, she did have a valid reason for missing but that does not mean the school did not provide the information.

As far as the OP being driven to homeschool, well, we all have to deal with what is, don’t we? Many people homeschool because a school is too expensive or does not meet our needs, we live too far from an acceptable school, or our kids don’t do well in that setting. What’s different about this situation?

How do the organizers set up a First Holy Communion in a way that allows any chance whatsoever that the child’s parents and siblings will have to camp out in order to see her, that she will be alone and not able to see her family at a big personal event for possibly for the first time in her life on the day of her First Holy Communion? They can rope off 1/3 of the church for the family at a funeral, but for some reason the ropes don’t work on First Holy Communion Sunday? There is something in canon law that says every child making their First Holy Communion in a given year must be at the same Mass? Gosh, no, there isn’t. Someone is making up some “ideal” event that doesn’t include the realistic needs of the first communicant’s familes.

I don’t see an excuse for that. That you have more extended family that doesn’t get to sit as close as they’d like, OK, but if you can’t accomodate the immediate families up front, you have a group that is too large.

 

[EasterJoy]

I taught preschool (many, many years ago) and there was a parent that never seemed to be able to make it on time to pick up her child. After a month of late pick ups, we informed her that we would start charging. And yes, it was $5 a minute. And yes, that adds up pretty quickly. But if I am supposed to be able to leave at noon, but I don’t get out until 12:30, I need to be compensated for my time. And if a parent regularly picks up 30 minutes late, I should be OVER compensated. The money was paid directly to me.

You’re saying that there was ever a parent, not a repeat offender but one who mistook a day with an unusual early pick-up time for the regular pick-up time, from whom you felt justified to have made $900 for your trouble, payable the following Monday, and that you thought it right that someone (anyone) told the parents that their child was not allowed back in school until they coughed up the money? They don’t even get a payment plan? Yes, I’d say that OVER compensated is a fair depiction of your compensation that day.

A penalty, yes, fine. A draconian penalty payable the following Monday…people must have taken leave of their senses.

 

[HouseArrest]

How do the organizers set up a First Holy Communion in a way that allows any chance whatsoever that the child’s parents and siblings will have to camp out in order to see her, that she will be alone and not able to see her family at a big personal event for possibly for the first time in her life on the day of her First Holy Communion? They can rope off 1/3 of the church for the family at a funeral, but for some reason the ropes don’t work on First Holy Communion Sunday? There is something in canon law that says every child making their First Holy Communion in a given year must be at the same Mass? Gosh, no, there isn’t. Someone is making up some “ideal” event that doesn’t include the realistic needs of the first communicant’s familes.

I don’t see an excuse for that. That you have more extended family that doesn’t get to sit as close as they’d like, OK, but if you can’t accomodate the immediate families up front, you have a group that is too large.

My post had nothing to do with specific plans made by the organizers.

What I don’t think there is any excuse for is to attend a FHC or any other event having missed every single workshop and being upset that it didn’t go well.

I agree with you that the event seemed like it could have been thought out better. If the OP would have been at a workshop or two, she could have asked some questions and possibly avoided the problems. From what it sounds, all the planners knew was that she couldn’t be present for anything they were doing. They could have possibly thought that she wasn’t even coming to the Mass. They would have been wrong of course, but look what they had to go on. There was too little communication here.

Like I mentioned above, I think the OP should have a talk with the organizers. I think she should explain how the day went for her. I also think she should start by letting them know she did not attend any of the meetings.

 

[HouseArrest]

You’re saying that there was ever a parent, not a repeat offender but one who mistook a day with an unusual early pick-up time for the regular pick-up time, from whom you felt justified to have made $900 for your trouble, payable the following Monday, and that you thought it right that someone (anyone) told the parents that their child was not allowed back in school until they coughed up the money? They don’t even get a payment plan? Yes, I’d say that OVER compensated is a fair depiction of your compensation that day.

A penalty, yes, fine. A draconian penalty payable the following Monday…people must have taken leave of their senses.

A lot of times, this is what happens. A policy is put into place to ward off the users and abusers and an innocent first timer gets stuck.

The only way to avoid getting caught in this situation is to become familiar with the policies. The best way is to get involved at the institution.

I know it is difficult. It is a true sacrifice for me and everyone else to get involved at my kids’ school. But I believe the days of sending your kids off to school at 8 and welcoming them home at 3 with questions about how the day went are over, especially at a Catholic school. It’s going to take all of us to keep these schools open.

 

[SamH]

How do the organizers set up a First Holy Communion in a way that allows any chance whatsoever that the child’s parents and siblings will have to camp out in order to see her, that she will be alone and not able to see her family at a big personal event for possibly for the first time in her life on the day of her First Holy Communion?

How many First Communions have you organized?