Disqualified From Finding a Wife?

[I-Need-Hope_2020]

I’ve received the “find yourself a girlfriend” advice before. The thing is, I’ve been trying to find a girlfriend for about 15 + years. I just can’t do it. I just can’t seem to find someone that I’m attracted to, who also has a personality that meshes well with me, along with other qualities, such as being a practicing catholic. And in the rare occasions I have, either the girl is taken, or I somehow screw it up by not having the guts to ask her out. There was a girl I met a few years ago that was really sweet, I found beautiful, and I think she liked me. But I really blew it. I feel like I get an opportunity like that once every 5 years, and if I blow it, I have to wait quite a while for another opportunity to present itself. And, I really don’t have many friends, so I rarely get the opportunity to be out and meet someone by chance. So I just wind up getting depressed, or feeling lonely, or something happens that triggers an anxiety attack, all of which send me right back into a binge, which I’m currently in the middle of, again, as I write I write this. I really am pathetic and weak. God continues to extend an olive branch after each fall, and I keep snapping it. My fear is that god may have some things planned for me to come in life, but I need to be able to change to be able to receive them, and I’ll never become capable of making those changes. So, due to my own fault, I’m just going to stay positioned in the current waste of a life state that I find myself in, and never step in to what could have been. Only a direct intervention into my life from god himself can save me, but I fear I’ve been so bad, that I’ve ruined any chance of such an intervention. Anyone that wishes to offer prayers on my behalf, I certainly won’t object to it. Thanks.

 

[AdamP88]

So, due to my own fault, I’m just going to stay positioned in the current waste of a life state that I find myself in, and never step in to what could have been. Only a direct intervention into my life from god himself can save me

With all due respect, this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you sincerely believe that this is the case then it’s going to come true for you. You’ll never meet someone if you constantly put yourself in this box. And if you do, you’ll never take the bull by the horns and actually do what’s necessary. You need to take control of your life before you expect someone else to want to share it.

 

[Anicette]

I agree with (name removed by moderator). If you are under the “care” of a professional you may have better chances to be more in peace, have a better self esteen and more likely to size the opportunities that opened up for you.

Maybe another idea is to find a way to take care of the basic needs of others people, through charitables acts or charity association… To distract you of your basd feelings and replace them by the feelings you make some good to others people.

But when you met a woman you would have been able to completely control your desires to do wrongs things. You will have to be 100% faithfull if you don’t want to hurt her and spoil your relationship or even worst marriage and family. The best to to take control now than to wait that hypothetically marriage would cure you from your “addictions”. I don’t think that marriage is commonly a way to cure an “addiction” to pornography or others sinful acts. In the contrary your marriage may suffer because you may feel skimpy in your “sexual” expression if you constantly dream of more liberty that what marriage include.

 

[MarkoB0726]

I can certainly relate to where you’re coming from - I’m still single and turning 40 in a couple months. I haven’t had much luck in the romance department for years now either, and I’m wondering if I’ll ever find a good wife. Plus I’ve struggled with the all-too-familiar sin of porn, too, which just makes things worse in the long run.

But I’m trying to say the rosary daily, as well as get to confession when things start heading south (the priest at my parish is doing them by appt and social distances). And as boring as this lockdown is, I’m using the extra time to workout more and get myself in better shape.

Also, have you thought about joining a dating site like OKCupid or Catholicmatch.com? I’ve started to browse through it and I’m AMAZED by the number of single Catholic women who are also looking for a significant other. I’m probably gonna sign up shortly and take the plunge there.

In short, ya gotta start working on bettering yourself. Start by saying the rosary every day if you can. Try to exercise daily also, even if it’s just walking for 20-30 minutes. Keep the drinking to a minimum (this is the one I have to watch). Look at how you can improve your diet so that you’re eating healthy. Maybe cut back on Netflix and Internet time (though this may be less of a priority given the current situation we’re in) and look for other hobbies to do, or skills to learn.

Things won’t change over night, but if you keep.at them, you’ll notice you’ll start to feel better about yourself. Plus you’ll be less inclined to look at porn 'cause you’re too busy, etc.

Anyways, just my 2 cents. I-ll keep you in my prayers tonight.

 

[Mrchatsworth]

I think you definitely have free will to think that way about yourself. None of us can stop you. It isn’t how I would deal with the situation and my soul though.