Disruptive little ones at Mass

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Dymphna82 said:
Silently judging them? No, I will be silently turning around in my pew and looking at them like what is wrong with them. That is what I do and will continue to do. How dare you or anyone sit there an entire mass with your kid screaming as if it’s not an issue. Just because you think your kid is perfect doesn’t mean we’re there to see a show. We’re there to listen to mass. When you decided to have a child, you decided to take on the responsibilities that come with that decision. The rest of us didn’t agree to deal with it.

I’m not going to read this thread anymore. You’re right. This thread is awful. The complete sense of entitlement has me outraged.
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Actually, I was in the cry room when this happened. And remember, some churches don’t even have cry rooms.

This post was really hurtful to me. I felt like a lot of assumptions were made- in anger.

What I was trying to say is that I don’t think my kids are perfect. In fact, I worry a lot that they might be disturbing others. However, I cannot tell you what it does to me psychologically worrying that even when we are doing our best, my kids are somehow disturbing others at Mass. Like I have to choose between others’ desire to have perfect silence and my children’s spiritual need to be raised as Catholics and attend Mass.

Yes, when I had children, I agreed to take on the responsibilities. However, when we became Christians we agreed to act in charity- to turn the other cheek. If we cannot do this we have missed the point.

I will pray for you. Please try to find some warmth in your heart for those who are trying- it is not for us to determine who is doing a good enough job and who isn’t.
 
sharmin said:
I see a sense of entitlement in this post as well. Entitled to be at mass with perfection all around isn’t realistic when children are also part of the flock. They have just as much of a right to be in church as you do to receive God’s graces.
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Yes. And they also have the right to discipline. I don’t see why people equate that with child abuse.

When kids grow up, they will have to face a world in which they are expected to act a certain way. Eight-year olds are not too old to understand they are in God’s house and are not to play video games.

Even a kid of five should be able to understand the church is not a playground.

This is what we take issue with, not the fact that babies cry and toddlers sometimes babble.
 
DCNBILL said:
I was assisting one Sunday at Mass with a “retired” elderly priest who was known to be quite stern at times. During the Consecration a toddler got away from her parents and came down the center isle twirling and spinning around, I saw the priest start to shake and I was worried that he would stop the Mass but he went on. Later during the sign of peace I saw that he had tears in his eyes and he said to me, “Did you see that little girl dancing for Jesus?”
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Thanks for the story DcnBill, I would say Jesus was touched as well!!!
 
phoooiee said:
Actually, I was in the cry room when this happened. And remember, some churches don’t even have cry rooms.

This post was really hurtful to me. I felt like a lot of assumptions were made- in anger.

What I was trying to say is that I don’t think my kids are perfect. In fact, I worry a lot that they might be disturbing others. However, I cannot tell you what it does to me psychologically worrying that even when we are doing our best, my kids are somehow disturbing others at Mass. Like I have to choose between others’ desire to have perfect silence and my children’s spiritual need to be raised as Catholics and attend Mass.

Yes, when I had children, I agreed to take on the responsibilities. However, when we became Christians we agreed to act in charity- to turn the other cheek. If we cannot do this we have missed the point.

I will pray for you. Please try to find some warmth in your heart for those who are trying- it is not for us to determine who is doing a good enough job and who isn’t.
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I empathize with you. I’m a worry wart, too. But I’ve gotten better. It was enough trying to handle some of my children in church. No need to waist my time and sanity worrying about other people may think. If adults around you are impatient and judgemental of you - let their conscience deal with them. You’ve got enough to deal with. My children are all grown now. But I have seen lots of children in church and heard lots of crying babies. But it has been a rare occassion when I was ever annoyed with it.
 
I’m glad that you brought this up. Although we do not have signs posted, people have been reminded in the past to turn off their cell phones. Our present pastor does not require an announcement be made, I guess he believes it is common sense to turn these things off. I have seen him give a glaring stare when a “ring” goes off and the person is*** so*** *** slow*** to turn it off. As far as the complaint about children using iphones or whatever, I’ve seen more annoying cases of guilty adults with these items.
 
This thread has good points from all sides, but two things really dismay and confuse me. Please don’t flame me for asking these questions, I ask them because I’m seeing some things that just go against the basic values of respect and discipline I have always been taught.
  1. Since when does commenting or complaining about badly behaving children make you a child-hater? If I posted a complaint about an adult who jabbered throughout Mass or a teen who giggled with friends during Mass, does that mean I hate all adults or teens? No, it means I had a problem with this specific conduct, not a universal group of people.
  2. Why do so many parents take it so personally when people, parents and non-parents alike, simply ask that they try their best to train and discipline their children to behave appropriately in public? Nobody, that I can see, is asking for all babies and kids to never be at Mass, or or them to be muzzled and silenced and repressed. Babies and children belong at Mass, just like everybody else. However, screaming babies and children throwing things, running up and down, and being so noisy they completely disrupt their surroundings are a different story. No, that doesn’t belong at Mass, just as inappropriate conduct by anybody else doesn’t belong at Mass. I don’t see anybody asking that no children be at Mass. I do see people asking for, like I did in my post, a little respect and the opportunity to worship in as sacred an atmosphere as possible. Why is that so wrong?
I’m not that old, but it seems that the attitude toward discipline has changed radically in just a few decades. Why is there an overwhelming feeling these days that kids should be able to do whatever they want whereever they are, that it’s “mean” to ask “overburdened” parents to simply act like parents and mete out some discipline, and wrong for anybody to criticize a child or a parent for anything? When I was on an airplane trip with several years ago, a child was violently kicking my seat and when I simply asked him to stop, the mom gave me a tongue-lashing and asked me why I hated kids. Just because she had her kid on the flight, why did that negate my right to fly for three hours witout having my seat violently kicked? And in the example I gave in my earlier post, why did the fact a woman brought her unhappy baby to Mass negate the rights of everybody else to hear and enjoy our bishop’s homily?

It’s all about mutual respect, and I just don’t see respect being a two-way street here. Just my two cents …

God bless.
 
phoooiee said:
I agree. I wonder how many parents on the fence about the Catholic Church might be dissuaded by reading on this thread how many Catholics will be silently judging them if they don’t live up to an unwritten code concerning their parenting skills and their children’s behavior.

I know that I personally walked out of Mass once because I got so anxious about what people might think when my kids were misbehaving, specifically after reading this thread.
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As long as you did somthing about their misbehavior, you have nothing to be anxious about.
 
In our parish, the cantor often reminds people before mass beingsto turn off their phones.

The best solution to this I once saw in a union-hall (IBEW in Albuquerque): they had a sign that said if your cell phone went off during the meeting, you would be fined $25.

Perhaps the ushers could suggest people drop an extra $25 in the collection plate if their cell phone riungs?
 
heathernoel said:
I sit up front with my children because they tend to be less distracted that way. Our 8 month old is FANTASTIC (thank you God…my 5 year old was a terror as a toddler). at Mass. That being said, if she fusses more than a few seconds, I’m outta there with her because I do get irked when parents have screaming kids and won’t take them out. It’s just courtesy.
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Exactly…and thank you. 👍
 
SouthernCelt said:
This thread has good points from all sides, but two things really dismay and confuse me. Please don’t flame me for asking these questions, I ask them because I’m seeing some things that just go against the basic values of respect and discipline I have always been taught.
  1. Since when does commenting or complaining about badly behaving children make you a child-hater? If I posted a complaint about an adult who jabbered throughout Mass or a teen who giggled with friends during Mass, does that mean I hate all adults or teens? No, it means I had a problem with this specific conduct, not a universal group of people.
  2. Why do so many parents take it so personally when people, parents and non-parents alike, simply ask that they try their best to train and discipline their children to behave appropriately in public? Nobody, that I can see, is asking for all babies and kids to never be at Mass, or or them to be muzzled and silenced and repressed. Babies and children belong at Mass, just like everybody else. However, screaming babies and children throwing things, running up and down, and being so noisy they completely disrupt their surroundings are a different story. No, that doesn’t belong at Mass, just as inappropriate conduct by anybody else doesn’t belong at Mass. I don’t see anybody asking that no children be at Mass. I do see people asking for, like I did in my post, a little respect and the opportunity to worship in as sacred an atmosphere as possible. Why is that so wrong?
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I think the problem is that some people are taking this personally because they are of the belief that kids will be kids and don’t go out of their way to discipline theirs. If they did, there’d be no one complaining.
 
SouthernCelt said:
This thread has good points from all sides, but two things really dismay and confuse me. Please don’t flame me for asking these questions, I ask them because I’m seeing some things that just go against the basic values of respect and discipline I have always been taught.
  1. Since when does commenting or complaining about badly behaving children make you a child-hater? If I posted a complaint about an adult who jabbered throughout Mass or a teen who giggled with friends during Mass, does that mean I hate all adults or teens? No, it means I had a problem with this specific conduct, not a universal group of people.
  2. Why do so many parents take it so personally when people, parents and non-parents alike, simply ask that they try their best to train and discipline their children to behave appropriately in public? Nobody, that I can see, is asking for all babies and kids to never be at Mass, or or them to be muzzled and silenced and repressed. Babies and children belong at Mass, just like everybody else. However, screaming babies and children throwing things, running up and down, and being so noisy they completely disrupt their surroundings are a different story. No, that doesn’t belong at Mass, just as inappropriate conduct by anybody else doesn’t belong at Mass. I don’t see anybody asking that no children be at Mass. I do see people asking for, like I did in my post, a little respect and the opportunity to worship in as sacred an atmosphere as possible. Why is that so wrong?
I’m not that old, but it seems that the attitude toward discipline has changed radically in just a few decades. Why is there an overwhelming feeling these days that kids should be able to do whatever they want whereever they are, that it’s “mean” to ask “overburdened” parents to simply act like parents and mete out some discipline, and wrong for anybody to criticize a child or a parent for anything? When I was on an airplane trip with several years ago, a child was violently kicking my seat and when I simply asked him to stop, the mom gave me a tongue-lashing and asked me why I hated kids. Just because she had her kid on the flight, why did that negate my right to fly for three hours witout having my seat violently kicked? And in the example I gave in my earlier post, why did the fact a woman brought her unhappy baby to Mass negate the rights of everybody else to hear and enjoy our bishop’s homily?

It’s all about mutual respect, and I just don’t see respect being a two-way street here. Just my two cents …

God bless.
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:clapping:

Again, nobody hates children. We want them at Mass; where else are we going to develop their faith?

BUT.

Failure to train and discipline results in surly, unhappy children, angry teenagers, and failing adults.

What decent parent wants that?

I’m not equating children with dogs, but if you don’t train your dog, he is a misery to himself and a threat to all around him.
 
I think there are two different reasons a child could be acting up, and we don’t always know which one it is. As some posters mentioned, a child with autism or ADD may appear to be badly behaved, but no amount of punishment will totally stop their behavior. Then there are the parents who pull the “kids will be kids” attitude and don’t bother to say anything to their children, thinking the behavior is cute. They are usually the same one’s that bring non-religious toys and a ton of snacks to Mass.

Personally, my parents used to sit on each and of the pew, with my sibilings and me in the middle. If one of us was acting out, my mom or dad would pull us outside until we calmed down (didn’t happen too often because my parents were fairly strict on behavior all the time). We weren’t allowed normal toys. My mom did buy a small book with pictures that explained the Mass for a young child to follow along with for my younger brother who always had a much harder time sitting still.

This same brother got away from us during the Eucharist in Mass once. My brother was already in grade school, so my parents were holding his hand at this point. When we went up to receive/be blessed, my brother ran up onto the altar and started talking into the mic while my dad was receiving. We got him down inside of 5 sec. (small church), but my parents were mortified and appologized to the priest without him needing to say anything about the behavior. My brother was definitely punished after Mass that day. My point is, even the best disciplined children will have behavior issues sometimes, so it’s important not to get too angry 😉
 
Faith1960 said:
I think the problem is that some people are taking this personally because they are of the belief that kids will be kids and don’t go out of their way to discipline theirs. If they did, there’d be no one complaining.
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We have no way of knowing what they think or what they are struggling with when their children are misbehaving.
 
I wonder what parents of posters on this thread could tell us?

There’s plenty of things I wouldn’t want my parents posting on this thread! 😊
 
My Mom didn’t take me to church. Because she and Dad had their own bad experiences with religion, they’d agreed it would be up to us to decide our faiths. So I’ve learned how to do this on my own.

I have four children. My first is AWESOME at church. The second has had her moments, but since she turned 6 has been SO Much better! The 5 year old is finally settling down, but I thought we’d never get to this point (seriously…crawling under the pew. WHAT KID FITS OVER THE KNEELER???). Hannah, the baby, is doing awesome. She is entranced with our priests, so from our vantage point, she’s busy staring and drooling at Father.

I am fairly certain, knowing my parents, that had I misbehaved in church, they’d have done what they did with me wherever we were and I misbehaved…I’d have been snatched baldheaded and punished. Guess what? It worked. LOL
:rolleyes:
 
Faith1960 said:
As long as you did somthing about their misbehavior, you have nothing to be anxious about.
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Yes, I do. I am anxious that, if the Mass is not a place where people can suspend their judgment of others and concentrate on their own souls rather than on being critical of others, perhaps there is no such place.

Like I said, I am so grateful to all those who have been kind to me when my children have misbehaved- those who have encouraged me for trying and told me that it was great that I took my kids to church.

I am particularly grateful to the priest at my grandmother’s church, who specifically said that noise from children has to be tolerated because they are also children of God and they deserve to be there. He forbids parents to remove a noisy child unless it is an emergency. This made it much easier for me to manage my kids’ behavior during church. I was able to think about my kids’ needs rather than trying to please people who might be disturbed by any noise they made.
 
I admit I was no angel at times growing up but at the same time my mother did not tolerate bad behavior during Mass.

Most parents can ensure that kids that do not have disorders like autism and related can behave themselves. Seeing the bags of snacks at church, and stuff like that for kids that are over toddler age is ridiculous.

I know that Jesus had no issues with kids, and I am sure the kids’ parents made sure that they behaved themselves (or made good attempts) when they were was near Him. At least in Bible times, there were no Goldfish crackers, video games etc for distractions.
 
Haven’t read all the posts, my experiences have been amazing, one mother thought it was reading time for her kids and sat through Mass with a book reading to them, others eating, talking laughing, give me a break. I go to Mass with my family to hear the word of God, we all have busy lives but the highlight of our week, the one time I can almost gurantee we are together as a family (my kids are older teenages) is at Sunday Mass. With 2 boys and a girl all under the age of three at one time we went to Mass, sat at the back where we could be least disruptive to all the other people who took the trouble to attend Mass. Please take your children to Mass, there is nothing more beautiful to see then a family at Church but as parents we have an obligation to the larger family around us to allow them to hear the word of God as far as is humanly possible.I don’t feel that too much to ask.
 
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