Disruptive little ones at Mass

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Lindner said:
I don’t think it’s cruel to not like distractions during Mass. If you go into any Catholic school, the children will not be allowed to misbehave, or talk loudly when adults are speaking, or any of the bad behaviors some of you are defending.
If it’s not ok during school, then why is it acceptable during mass?

We are not he bad guys for asking you to keep your children quiet for one hour.
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This year, I could barely hear the liturgy of the Vigil Mass because of a constantly-shrieking child in back of me. She was cute as a button, but I thought we were supposed to be feeling reverence and worship.

It’s tough when there are so many distractions.

What really bugs me is kids old enough to take Communion messing with their video games and iphones all during the service.
 
I agree, its harder to concentrate when their are distractions at Mass.

Why are the parents of the kids bringing electronics allowing them to be used at Mass anyways? Even I shut off my cell/mobile phone for 1 hour, and I am an adult.

In front of me at Easter Sunday Mass, there was a kid about 3 or 4, and he kept trying to throw his toys or snacks, and make noise, and tried to crawl under the pews. The parents and the grandparent that was with him, didn’t do very good to keep him quiet.
Sailor_Kenshin said:
This year, I could barely hear the liturgy of the Vigil Mass because of a constantly-shrieking child in back of me. She was cute as a button, but I thought we were supposed to be feeling reverence and worship.

It’s tough when there are so many distractions.

What really bugs me is kids old enough to take Communion messing with their video games and iphones all during the service.
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This whole thread makes me so grateful to the priest at the church we visited this Easter.

One of the first things he said before Mass began was that he saw many children in attendance, and that they should not be taken out unless there was an emergency, because they were children of God and belonged with the rest of us.

This was one of the first Masses that I have spent in a long time without being in an abject state of fear that everyone around me might be judging my parenting skills- because I was actually free to parent my children and help them to learn to be quiet in the Mass.

When children learn that tantrums mean they will be taken out to run around in the cry room, they will not learn to sit still. They will also learn that making noise and throwing a tantrum is the way to get their way. Believe it or not, the Mass I just went to with lots of children remaining was actually quieter than the one I go to where it is customary to take them out.

I made sure to thank that priest on my way out 🙂
 
Well, I suffer with my depression and my anxiety so I need a quiet mass. I need to listen to the mass. It irks me that children who aren’t even paying attention or even comprehending the mass are throwing tantrums and nobody does anything about it. My mother would have smacked me back in the days. And I would have goten stink eye from everyone.

I went to Easter mass this Sunday and all the people who rarely come to church came. The visiting priest gave a wonderful mass that I couldn’t hear because somebody’s precious was screaming the entire mass. I don’t go to the movies anymore for this reason. Now it makes me feel like I’d be better off reading the mass off the bishops website instead and staying home.
 
MissRose73 said:
I agree, its harder to concentrate when their are distractions at Mass.

Why are the parents of the kids bringing electronics allowing them to be used at Mass anyways? Even I shut off my cell/mobile phone for 1 hour, and I am an adult.

In front of me at Easter Sunday Mass, there was a kid about 3 or 4, and he kept trying to throw his toys or snacks, and make noise, and tried to crawl under the pews. The parents and the grandparent that was with him, didn’t do very good to keep him quiet.
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I see parents bringing their kids to Mass with snacks and wonder when THAT became acceptable?
 
Amazing that people worry so much about the noisy children and are fine with the drivel that passes for music and the blather that passes for a homily. At least the kids have an excuse.
 
I like kids at mass, noisy or not… I like being at mass.
Its all about being in a community worshiping God together. It really doesn’t matter about the music, which is not there to amuse me, but rather to praise God. I sing along, and that doesn’t help it either, I’m sure.
It doesn’t matter about the homily because the priest is there for more than that…sometimes at morning mass there isn’t even a homily, and that seems to work too.
If I feel the need to study the days readings, there are lots of reading materials available online and in books.
 
I am a complete newbie but this issue is a hot button one with me because I am one of those apparently “unpleasant” people who, while really liking kids and little children, also would like to be able to have a worshipful experience when I attend Mass.

My problem, as others have posted, is with parents who will not attend to a child who has gone completely overboard either with bad behavior or simply crying or screaming. I give as my example the recent Chrism Mass at our cathedral here in our diocese. It is not a big cathedral, but it is a beautiful gothic one…that unfortunately has horrible acoustics. It is hard to hear anyone speak, no matter how good the microphones are or how loud their voice.

During the Chrism Mass, our bishop got up to deliver the homily and a woman’s baby behind us started to SCREAM. Not cry, mind you but SCREAM, the kind of screaming you get when a baby is feeling bad, or in pain, or just really really uncomfortable. The woman sat there and let the baby SCREAM through the entire homily. No one in our section of the cathedral could hear what was being said. People turned around to look, but the woman refused to move and sat there, letting the baby scream not only through the homily but through most of the rest of Mass.

I attend the chrism mass regularly but there were several people near me who had driven from a few hours away to see the Mass because they had never experienced one, and were severely disappointed they were not able to hear most of the bishop’s Homily (he’s an excellent speaker, not that loud a voice) and had to deal with that sound throughout a large part of the Mass.

This is the type of thing that upsets me. Certainly this woman and her baby had every right to be at Mass, but at some point shouldn’t she have realized not only that her child was uncomfortable but certainly others were being affected by the screaming? No one said anything to her because I guess they were as uncomfortable as many of us seem to be about addressing the situation. Should an usher or someone have said something?

I guess my question is, while parents and children have every right to be at Mass, and need to be at Mass together, don’t other worshipers also have some right to enjoy a worshipful experience and at least be able to hear what is being said? Shouldn’t those people who drove a long way to experience a Chrism Mass have had the right to hear the bishop’s homily without screaming in their ears (and please don’t tell me they could have moved…there was NO WHERE else to go in the Cathedral.)

It’s this kind of situation that confuses me, especially because when I was a child, I can remember from the earliest age being instructed to be quiet or as quiet as possible during Mass. If you caused a distraction, woe be unto you if mom or dad or grandpa or grandma had to take you outside…

I would never be disrespectful or rude to a parent with a badly behaving child. I have moved pews when possible during Mass, and adjusted my schedule so I attend the Mass at our parish that usually has the best atmosphere and least crying kids. Others might not have that leeway. I just believe that we all have a responsibility to be respectful to each other. I am of course supposed to respect parents and children as they are my fellow Catholics. Shouldn’t I also be accorded a little respect as a fellow Catholic to be able to have a prayerful experience at Mass? Respect goes both ways here.

Just my thoughts.

God bless…
 
I’m with you on this. Wanting to actually HEAR the Mass isn’t the same as hating children. Some say that it is, but they’re wrong.

And the poor baby—what was wrong with her? Why aren’t her needs being seen to?

If you hand your 8-year-old an iphone and let him play games all during Mass, aren’t you short-changing him and his education?
 
I have little ones. Grant the parents alot of slack. They did awesome for bringing their kids to church and truly the children is where the church will continue because they will grow up to become good Catholics. 😃 If my children misbehave during mass I bring them outside and talk to them and then return.
 
joclucsylv said:
I have little ones. Grant the parents alot of slack. They did awesome for bringing their kids to church and truly the children is where the church will continue because they will grow up to become good Catholics. 😃 If my children misbehave during mass I bring them outside and talk to them and then return.
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I agree. I wonder how many parents on the fence about the Catholic Church might be dissuaded by reading on this thread how many Catholics will be silently judging them if they don’t live up to an unwritten code concerning their parenting skills and their children’s behavior.

I know that I personally walked out of Mass once because I got so anxious about what people might think when my kids were misbehaving, specifically after reading this thread.
 
As a parent of two lively boys; one who is autistic, I have said ‘Thanks be to God’ at the end of the Mass in a very heartfelt way! I like to hear the homily, be absorbed in the Mass and I don’t like being distracted. I don’t let my kids bring noisy toys and I remind them to be quiet because we are in God’s house. I feel uncomfortable and that people are judging me if my kids mess around and chitter. It should be obvious if parents are trying to manage their children at Mass or not. If they are trying, leave them alone. If they are not trying and don’t appear to be concerned about noise, chitter, snacks, it is probably a waste of time saying something to them or their children. In this case, sit back, pray, and choose your seat carefully the following week.

It amazes me how teachers in good Catholic schools manage children as young as 6 during Mass. After having said that, as a student teacher I find I can often manage other people’s children better than my own in these situations. Not uncommon, as a glare from a teacher often has greater effect than a glare from mother! If a stranger was to put their finger on their lips and say ‘Ssshhhh’ to my children in a nice way, with a smile at me and them and a kind comment; such as, ‘it’s hard for them to understand and it’s great that you bring them,’ I wouldn’t mind. Children may also respond to that. However, did it in a disapproving way while glaring, I would probably glare back and make a comment like, ‘it must be great to be perfect.’

On the point of cry chapels, I would like to ask why elderly people insist on sitting in them; meaning people with young kids and babies can’t. Not only that, but wanting to keep the door open. When my kids were very young, an elderly lady in my parish used to do this all the time. She asked me one week if I would mind if she wedged the door open because she didn’t like it closed and needed the air. You can imagine what I felt like saying but I very nicely said it’s hard for very young children to stay quiet for long and other people might be distracted by the noise if the door was left open. She closed the door but moaned about the heat.
 
I don’t understand how people equate discipline with hatred of children and personal condemnation.

No one is talking about normal kid restlessness. No one is talking about normal toddler behavior and babies who coo and gurgle and occasionally shriek.

Have you not read any of the other replies? When a baby is screaming loud and long for an hour, then it might be in pain and it needs HELP.

If you train kids old enough to take Communion that it’s fine to sit there and play games on their iphone what are you robbing them of?

If you allow your kids to run up and down the aisles in church during Mass, what are you teaching them?
 
3DOCTORS said:
Not to sidetrack the thread, but just be advised that some people don’t object to the angry spankings for mere “PC” reasons. Some were traumatized as children by raging parents and it’s a trigger for them. I once had a panic attack in church witnessing a situation like this. So it would be an act of charity to refrain from making others witness these unpleasant episodes.

I don’t know that if I had a kid I’d never spank them, but it wouldn’t be severe and painful if I did, it would be more like “Hey!” to get the attention than to “beat the devil out of them.” I’d try to be proactive and guide their behavior, nipping potential problems in the bud with verbal and eye contact and redirecting, so that the question of spanking or not would rarely arise.

cowers, waiting for the fight to break out:ouch:
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I don’t want to sidetrack the thread either, but I am anti-spank. I’ve never spanked my kids and I’ve never lifted my hand to a child in a school. That does not mean I don’t believe in discipline. I just don’t see the need to spank in order to discipline children which is what I think is the issue here rather than noisy kids.
 
I was assisting one Sunday at Mass with a “retired” elderly priest who was known to be quite stern at times. During the Consecration a toddler got away from her parents and came down the center isle twirling and spinning around, I saw the priest start to shake and I was worried that he would stop the Mass but he went on. Later during the sign of peace I saw that he had tears in his eyes and he said to me, “Did you see that little girl dancing for Jesus?”
 
i like the sound of babies in Church because they’re the purest souls there and i just imagine Jesus loving the sound of them;it’s actually part of their innocence that makes them unaware of the disturbance,so even though i really do understand how it can be interfering, and hard to hear the sermon, i think it’s more important what Jesus hears. sorry if this has already been said in previous posts, i havent read them all.
 
phoooiee said:
I agree. I wonder how many parents on the fence about the Catholic Church might be dissuaded by reading on this thread how many Catholics will be silently judging them if they don’t live up to an unwritten code concerning their parenting skills and their children’s behavior.

I know that I personally walked out of Mass once because I got so anxious about what people might think when my kids were misbehaving, specifically after reading this thread.
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Silently judging them? No, I will be silently turning around in my pew and looking at them like what is wrong with them. That is what I do and will continue to do. How dare you or anyone sit there an entire mass with your kid screaming as if it’s not an issue. Just because you think your kid is perfect doesn’t mean we’re there to see a show. We’re there to listen to mass. When you decided to have a child, you decided to take on the responsibilities that come with that decision. The rest of us didn’t agree to deal with it.

I’m not going to read this thread anymore. You’re right. This thread is awful. The complete sense of entitlement has me outraged.
 
Dymphna82 said:
Silently judging them? No, I will be silently turning around in my pew and looking at them like what is wrong with them. That is what I do and will continue to do. How dare you or anyone sit there an entire mass with your kid screaming as if it’s not an issue. Just because you think your kid is perfect doesn’t mean we’re there to see a show. We’re there to listen to mass. When you decided to have a child, you decided to take on the responsibilities that come with that decision. The rest of us didn’t agree to deal with it.

I’m not going to read this thread anymore. You’re right. This thread is awful. The complete sense of entitlement has me outraged.
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I see a sense of entitlement in this post as well. Entitled to be at mass with perfection all around isn’t realistic when children are also part of the flock. They have just as much of a right to be in church as you do to receive God’s graces.
 
I sit up front with my children because they tend to be less distracted that way. Our 8 month old is FANTASTIC (thank you God…my 5 year old was a terror as a toddler). at Mass. That being said, if she fusses more than a few seconds, I’m outta there with her because I do get irked when parents have screaming kids and won’t take them out. It’s just courtesy.
 
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